Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] Kickstarter, Early Access!

A place for game announcements, and for people to discuss games being made.
Forum rules
Please read the sticky before creating a new topic. Linking to Kickstarter/Crowdfunded games requires a demo.
Post Reply
Message
Author
User avatar
ktalkimist
Veteran
Posts: 216
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 10:28 pm
Contact:

Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED

#91 Post by ktalkimist » Thu Feb 20, 2014 10:03 pm

Sent you a PM. I think you're stuck trying to find an item I feared people would have trouble finding (reminded me of that item behind the curtained mirror in the intro of 999, which kind of frustrated me too... haha.)

User avatar
Mad Harlequin
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1068
Joined: Sun Jul 14, 2013 12:55 am
Projects: Emma: A Lady's Maid (editor)
IRC Nick: MadHarlequin
Location: Gotham City
Contact:

Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED

#92 Post by Mad Harlequin » Fri Feb 21, 2014 8:01 pm

I think I'm also stuck . . . I solved the diary puzzle and retrieved some items, but I don't know what to do with them. I've looked at the cipher, too. No luck there. A gentle nudge in the right direction would be most appreciated!
I'm an aspiring writer and voice talent with a passion for literature and an unhealthy attachment to video games. I am also a seasoned typo-sniper. Inquiries are encouraged. Friendly chats are welcome.
"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."
— Mark Twain

User avatar
ktalkimist
Veteran
Posts: 216
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 10:28 pm
Contact:

Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED

#93 Post by ktalkimist » Sat Feb 22, 2014 3:43 am

Sent you a PM. I think it's the same item you're missing. :P

User avatar
Duskylli
Regular
Posts: 175
Joined: Wed Mar 27, 2013 12:48 pm
Completed: The Mishka Effect, Fairly Dangerous.
Projects: Palette Swap
Contact:

Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED

#94 Post by Duskylli » Sat Feb 22, 2014 5:20 am

@ ktalkimist- Has anyone figured out the meaning behind the first room puzzle yet?

User avatar
Mad Harlequin
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1068
Joined: Sun Jul 14, 2013 12:55 am
Projects: Emma: A Lady's Maid (editor)
IRC Nick: MadHarlequin
Location: Gotham City
Contact:

Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED

#95 Post by Mad Harlequin » Sat Feb 22, 2014 8:32 pm

You mean the one related to the diary? I can help you, provided it's okay with ktalkimist.
I'm an aspiring writer and voice talent with a passion for literature and an unhealthy attachment to video games. I am also a seasoned typo-sniper. Inquiries are encouraged. Friendly chats are welcome.
"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."
— Mark Twain

User avatar
ktalkimist
Veteran
Posts: 216
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 10:28 pm
Contact:

Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED

#96 Post by ktalkimist » Sun Feb 23, 2014 3:47 am

I think Duskylli is referring to the nature of that room itself, and how Yu is acting in there which some people find strange. It would be interesting to read a discussion about it. :)

User avatar
Jason
Regular
Posts: 148
Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 3:04 am
Completed: Sierra Ops Episode 1, Rising Angels: Reborn (Some CGs)
Projects: Sierra Ops
Organization: Innomen Team
Location: Republic of the Philippines
Contact:

Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED

#97 Post by Jason » Sun Feb 23, 2014 6:30 am

I finished the room and the opening, but I got an error afterwards D;

Code: Select all

I'm sorry, but an uncaught exception occurred.

While running game code:
  File "game/ngt1.rpy", line 41, in script
  File "renpy/common/000statements.rpy", line 543, in python
  File "game/scr1.rpy", line 3, in python
  File "game/item.rpy", line 174, in python
IndexError: list index out of range

-- Full Traceback ------------------------------------------------------------

Full traceback:
  File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\bootstrap.py", line 265, in bootstrap
    renpy.main.main()
  File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\main.py", line 332, in main
    run(restart)
  File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\main.py", line 90, in run
    renpy.execution.run_context(True)
  File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\execution.py", line 509, in run_context
    context.run()
  File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\execution.py", line 288, in run
    node.execute()
  File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\ast.py", line 1531, in execute
    self.call("execute")
  File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\ast.py", line 1544, in call
    renpy.statements.call(method, parsed, *args, **kwargs)
  File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\statements.py", line 100, in call
    return method(parsed, *args, **kwargs)
  File "renpy/common/000statements.rpy", line 543, in execute_call_screen
    store._return = renpy.call_screen(name, *args, **kwargs)
  File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\exports.py", line 1616, in call_screen
    show_screen(_screen_name, _transient=True, *args, **kwargs)
  File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\display\screen.py", line 487, in show_screen
    renpy.exports.show(name, tag=_tag, what=d, layer=_layer, zorder=d.zorder, transient=_transient, munge_name=False)
  File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\exports.py", line 325, in show
    sls.add(layer, img, key, zorder, behind, at_list=at_list, name=name, atl=atl, default_transform=renpy.config.default_transform, transient=transient)
  File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\display\core.py", line 734, in add
    self.hide_or_replace(layer, remove_index, "replaced")
  File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\display\core.py", line 756, in hide_or_replace
    d = oldsle.displayable._hide(now - st, now - at, prefix)
  File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\display\screen.py", line 189, in _hide
    hid.update()
  File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\display\screen.py", line 266, in update
    self.screen.function(**self.scope)
  File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\screenlang.py", line 1217, in __call__
    renpy.python.py_exec_bytecode(self.code.bytecode, locals=scope)
  File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\python.py", line 1297, in py_exec_bytecode
    exec bytecode in globals, locals
  File "game/scr1.rpy", line 3, in <module>
  File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\display\screen.py", line 595, in use_screen
    screen.function(**scope)
  File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\screenlang.py", line 1217, in __call__
    renpy.python.py_exec_bytecode(self.code.bytecode, locals=scope)
  File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\python.py", line 1297, in py_exec_bytecode
    exec bytecode in globals, locals
  File "game/item.rpy", line 174, in <module>
IndexError: list index out of range

Windows-7-6.1.7601-SP1
Ren'Py 6.15.6.372
Exo-G 0.17 0.17
Innomen Team Presents: Sierra Ops

We're a very small team of developers from all over the world, with most of the founding members in Philippines.

User avatar
ktalkimist
Veteran
Posts: 216
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 10:28 pm
Contact:

Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED

#98 Post by ktalkimist » Sun Feb 23, 2014 11:35 am

Did you happen to be holding a diary page when you left the room? That looks like an inventory problem. >.<

User avatar
Mad Harlequin
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1068
Joined: Sun Jul 14, 2013 12:55 am
Projects: Emma: A Lady's Maid (editor)
IRC Nick: MadHarlequin
Location: Gotham City
Contact:

Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED

#99 Post by Mad Harlequin » Sun Feb 23, 2014 2:27 pm

Well, I finished playing through the demo last night. I took many, many notes.

The setting, plot, and characters seem interesting, though not much has yet been revealed about Durchhalten. I'm looking forward to seeing you plumb their emotional depths. (Eiji is my favorite by far.)

The art and user interface are top-notch---I liked that the backgrounds weren't static. That sign in Eiji's bar made my jaw drop.

You've already heard my suggestion regarding the first puzzle, but I ran into more trouble later that could be easily solved with a quick prompt.
I spent several minutes clicking on the biochip before I figured out what exactly I was meant to click. Please provide some indication of what to do in your puzzles. By the time I reached the radio, however, you seemed to have learned this lesson, because Yu told me when I was clicking on the buttons in the incorrect order.
The writing, unfortunately, simply doesn't measure up overall. It was as if I read work from two distinctly different people---one with a penchant for snappy dialogue and one who needs to rewrite his first draft.

I noticed your garden variety typos, missing words, and grammatical problems, but two things in particular have me worried. The text often switched tenses, as shown here:
"“Yu traversed the dark streets of Akihabara, noticing as he gets closer to the city's center that there are more people walking around in Novus Tokyo now than a few years ago.”
You need to decide whether Yu traversed the streets or traverses them. If you're describing everything Yu experiences in the present tense, stick with the present tense. If you're using the immediate past tense, make sure you don't deviate from it (unless of course you have to use future tense in dialogue, etc.).

The other issue is much larger in scope and is officially my primary concern. Throughout the demo, I encountered spates of over-description and poorly structured sentences. Sometimes I had to take a break from reading in order to figure out was being said or described. There is such a thing as too much detail, or detail poorly implemented. Details and descriptions should enhance the text, not weigh it down until it becomes a bloated, plodding mess. A visual novel is still a novel, and I can tell you that any publishers worth their salt will not publish a book in this state, no matter how pretty the dust jacket is.

Some examples:
“Yu looked at the screen of the homemade device his group used for telecommunication. The caller, unsurprisingly, was the girl Midori who's the only one other than Toshio who always kept in touch with him after the Durchhalten fell apart.”
Possible rewrite: "Yu glanced at his homemade telecommunicator. Midori was calling. Not surprising at all, he thought. After the Durchhalten fell apart, she and Toshio were the only ones who kept in touch with him."
“In a world where survival of the fittest ruled, he could not hold a grudge. He succumbed to the predators and slowly faded away, his last thoughts being that of his sister whom he'll never see again.”
Possible rewrite: "Survival of the fittest, Yu thought ruefully. He would never see Miho again."
“Yu could not shake off the dumbfounding feeling he had as he looked at the girl's peculiar dress.”
Possible rewrite: "Yu was dumbfounded. What was she wearing?"
“The other man just grumbled incomprehensibly as he seemingly conceded, handing over to his drinking buddy the chip and tools needed to modify it.”
Possible rewrite: "Nobu grunted and gave Haru the chip."
“I see a stranger whose arms are covered with scabs---dark crusts of temporary skin indicative of healing wounds.”
Possible rewrite: "I see a stranger whose arms are covered with scabs." (Everyone knows what a scab is!)
“Yu did not say anything, nor did he think Eiji's query warranted a reply. He did have a gut feeling that the event struck Eiji to the core. Could it have been purely an emotional response to a tragedy that kept Eiji mum? Yu kept to himself as he tried to find an answer in his mind.”
Possible rewrite: "Yu was silent. Eiji's question didn't deserve an answer."

The main thing to remember about description is to show, not tell. And less is usually more. I know this post sounds harsh, but I have to speak up, especially since this project is promising in all other respects. If I let the writing stay as it is, I'd hate myself.
I'm an aspiring writer and voice talent with a passion for literature and an unhealthy attachment to video games. I am also a seasoned typo-sniper. Inquiries are encouraged. Friendly chats are welcome.
"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."
— Mark Twain

User avatar
ktalkimist
Veteran
Posts: 216
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 10:28 pm
Contact:

Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED

#100 Post by ktalkimist » Sun Feb 23, 2014 10:54 pm

It's not harsh at all! Definitely gonna show this to our editor. :) We've actually already made some improvements based on feedback, some with a bevy of screenshots and all. :D

User avatar
Duskylli
Regular
Posts: 175
Joined: Wed Mar 27, 2013 12:48 pm
Completed: The Mishka Effect, Fairly Dangerous.
Projects: Palette Swap
Contact:

Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED

#101 Post by Duskylli » Mon Feb 24, 2014 7:13 am

ktalkimist wrote:I think Duskylli is referring to the nature of that room itself, and how Yu is acting in there which some people find strange. It would be interesting to read a discussion about it. :)
Yep thats what I meant- don't you think the whole situation and Yu's comments are weird?
But thanks for the kind offer Mad Harlequin :D

User avatar
Mad Harlequin
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1068
Joined: Sun Jul 14, 2013 12:55 am
Projects: Emma: A Lady's Maid (editor)
IRC Nick: MadHarlequin
Location: Gotham City
Contact:

Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED

#102 Post by Mad Harlequin » Mon Feb 24, 2014 7:24 am

Oh, there's one more thing I forgot to mention! Since Yuudai Hayashi is the player character's name, wouldn't his nickname be written as Yuu and not Yu? You appear to be using the "wapuro romaji" style (which omits macrons) to transliterate his name, so . . . yeah. It's a minor quibble in the grand scheme of things, perhaps, but I still have to ask. :)

Duskylli: It is a rather strange scene. Perhaps we'll find out why later on!
I'm an aspiring writer and voice talent with a passion for literature and an unhealthy attachment to video games. I am also a seasoned typo-sniper. Inquiries are encouraged. Friendly chats are welcome.
"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."
— Mark Twain

User avatar
ktalkimist
Veteran
Posts: 216
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 10:28 pm
Contact:

Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED

#103 Post by ktalkimist » Mon Feb 24, 2014 8:14 am

We've found that "Yuu" gets a lot more "How do you say that?" responses than Yu, so... :P

User avatar
Mad Harlequin
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1068
Joined: Sun Jul 14, 2013 12:55 am
Projects: Emma: A Lady's Maid (editor)
IRC Nick: MadHarlequin
Location: Gotham City
Contact:

Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED

#104 Post by Mad Harlequin » Mon Feb 24, 2014 3:48 pm

Fair point. I'll just have to tell my brain to shut up regarding that discrepancy.
I'm an aspiring writer and voice talent with a passion for literature and an unhealthy attachment to video games. I am also a seasoned typo-sniper. Inquiries are encouraged. Friendly chats are welcome.
"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."
— Mark Twain

User avatar
ktalkimist
Veteran
Posts: 216
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 10:28 pm
Contact:

Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED

#105 Post by ktalkimist » Tue Feb 25, 2014 7:01 am

So the thread's gotten a lot more views since the demo was uploaded. We'd love to hear from those who've tried it before we go for a wider release. :D

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Moon20