EDIT: I realized that I didn't put up a summary, so people probably have no clue what the VN is about and probably wouldn't be able to help me. Anyways, here it is:
Summary: Enia was going to rule Fraus, the Eight Circle of Hell. She was going to make her family proud and bring honor to their name. She was going to usher in a new era of peace for the demonkind. Instead, she is on the run from her cousin Drayden, who, in a coup d’état, stole her throne using a champion wielding the Sword of Michael. Stuck in the human world with her half human brother, Enia discovers more about her family than she bargained for and is forced to come terms with herself. Who said being human was easy?
Prologue: Abandonment
-Scrolling BG of the kingdom of Fraus-
Narrator: Once, there was a demon who ruled over Fraus, a kingdom in the Underworld, more commonly known as the Eight Circle of Hell. Living through three wars, Gyron had conquered much in his time, and had a distinct taste for battle. His wife, Avadain, had been killed in one of the Great Wars after their child, Enia, was born. Grief-stricken, he sent Enia to be raised by her half-brother, a hybrid by the name of Henry, stating a woman would never inherit his throne. Now though, he calls Enia on his deathbed…
-CG of Gyron in his deathbed, gray and shaking-
Enia: -To herself- Father called me one night, saying that he wanted to speak to me. I never know how to handle one of his talks; he always seems so imposing and strong. Now he is weak and half mad from whatever ails him, and it’s depressing to see such a difference in him.
Gyron: Enia, are you there?
Enia: Yes.
Gyron: How you manage to sound so insubordinate even when you follow orders, I will never know. You must’ve gotten it from your mother…
Enia: -Suspicious; to herself- He never talks about her, despite being the only wife he took. -To him- What do you want … Father?
Gyron: I’d rather you wouldn't be so insolent, but it’s the price I had to pay to keep you alive when I had to abandon you to your brother. He never could teach you any manners, could he? -Coughing-
Enia: You abandoned me because I was a girl, not because you cared.
Gyron: -Shouting- To a child it seems the same, but to a father it is not! -Coughing and calming down- I had to do it to protect you.
Enia: That doesn't explain why you dropped me off with Henry! We had nothing while you were up here spending your time in luxury. We had to fight to survive every damn second. We barely lived!
Gyron: At least you survived! If I kept you they would’ve killed you just like they killed your mother!
Enia: W-what? Who would've killed me? Who’s they? Who’s they, Father?!
Gyron: -Coughing- They were a sect of nobles in the kingdom. They never did like me, those bastards. Probably poisoned me. Heh, but I got them back in the end. Because you survived, and now you will be king.
Enia: King?
Gyron: Don’t look so surprised. You came back to me; you joined the army and proved to everyone that you didn't need to be the daughter of a king to be a good leader; you already where. –Reaching out towards Enia with a hand; speaking softly- Take care of my kingdom Enia. I know you will do well. –His hand falls limply to his side-
-CG of Enia with a few tears sliding down her cheeks-
Enia: -Shakily- F-father? –Gyron doesn't react; to herself- I don’t know how to handle this. I was always told I would never inherit the throne; that I was useless. That’s why I had to prove them wrong by entering the army and rise in ranks. But now that it’s here, I feel sick. I guess a part of me never actually believed I would make it, and that Father wouldn't have to die for it to happen. I felt hot pinpricks of tears before swiping them away angrily. A king does not cry, and I will not be the first one to break that rule. –To Gyron- Goodbye Father.
-Enia leaves the room and enters the hallway. Henry is already there, waiting for her-
Enia: -To herself- Henry is waiting for me outside in the hall. He resented Father bitterly for leaving him with the humans and for abandoning me. I wonder how he will react when I tell him the truth, that Father ignored us to save us. He probably wouldn’t believe it. Hell, I hardly believe it.
Henry: -Stoically, though a bit worried- How did it go?
Enia: -Swallowing thickly before shakily replying- Father is dead and I am to be king.
Henry: -Shocked, but then sighing and giving her a pained smile- So you ended up getting your wish after all. Your coronation will be soon I suppose.
Enia: -Sighing as well- There’s much to do, and little time to do it. Fraus can’t stay without a leader for very long before one of the other Circles decides to attack.
-Screen fades and BG of the lands scrolling across the screen enter-
Narrator: Word spread quickly of Enia’s coronation, soon reaching to the ears of the other rulers of Hell Circles. One of the first was the ruler of Irae: Drayden.
-CG of Drayden on his throne; a servant is whispering in his ear. It then shifts to a CG of a close up of Drayden’s face. He is grinning maliciously-
Drayden: It seems like my little cousin will be the new ruler of Fraus. I think it’s time to pay her a visit. What do you think, eh Mikailas?
-Shift to CG of Mikailas, who smiles gently, eyes closed-
Mikailas: It’d be an honor to serve you in battle.
So what do you think? Anything I should change/format differently. Is it weak? Does Enia seem fleshed out enough or does she seem to flat and static? I always feel like she's too static and just sorta reacts to things versus making things react, but at the same time I don't want to overdo it as she tends to be a bit reserved sometimes.
Thanks in advance for any help you might give me.
