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- Posts: 277
- Joined: Sun Sep 30, 2012 4:24 pm
- Completed: Monster Uses CPU 2, White Fog, Times Like These, bond
- Projects: Secret long term project!
- Soundcloud: The_Storysinger
Finally at version 1.0: White Fog
I make one song every week, all for free download! This weeks song: Synthis- The Mirror(Eliana Remix)[Preview]
You might ask yourself: If I could only save one paragraph of the work I'm writing, which one would I save?
Which one would I let go first?
-from Understanding Rhetoric: A Graphic Guide to Writing by Elizabeth Losh, Johnathan Alexander, Kevin Cannon, and Zander Cannon
- Miko-Class Veteran
- Posts: 560
- Joined: Fri Jul 05, 2013 4:39 am
- Completed: Escaping Sorrow
- Projects: Crisis Beat,Lynarsia-The Broken Song
- Location: California
- Posts: 57
- Joined: Thu Jan 14, 2010 3:45 pm
- Completed: Marriage Contract, Black Nirvana
- Projects: God Vessel Online
While awfully trivial, I actually laughed a bit at Mother Nature being... well, a mother. I know that it's rather straightforward (it's in the very name after all), but I found that funny regardless.
General question, in case you thought about the setting beyond what was told in the story itself: Can seasons actually meet in person? I'd assume Summer and Winter can't meet, and it's logical because they are on the opposite ends of the cycle. But what about Summer meeting Spring/Autumn? Is that possible? Just random curiosity here
- No offense, but the intro felt a bit of a... mess. I had hard time following what was going there. It felt as if the narrative was jumping between third-person and first-person, or rather a third-person pretending to be first person... if that even makes sense. It didn't take long for it to transform into a normal third-person though, and the rest was really good.
- It was a bit off, at least for me, that the title menu and the preferences menu aren't aligned. The menus are designed the same way, but their horizontal location differs. Switching between the menus generates a sense of "jumping", that felt like a dissonance. Just a small note out there, because I personally see "dissonance" as that one thing that anybody can fall prey for, both amateurs and pros, and at the same time it's a thing that equally anybody can fight off and defeat.
- While I understand the love for Japanese material all too well (let's admit it, most of us are here because of it ), stuffing Japanese speech and terms randomly into a story that doesn't actually have a Japanese setting was very off for me. None of the characters is Japanese, and the story isn't set in Japan. In fact, considering the theme of "seasons", I really wanted it to feel "global", because the change of seasons is a thing shared between everybody. These little references really felt out of place to me. There were only two parts like that as far as I caught: Mother saying "Spring-chan", and the end with "Tsundere". The latter was funny though, so hard to complain
- Posts: 226
- Joined: Fri Jan 24, 2014 7:14 am
- Completed: Haruman, DMMd Fan VN, Fetish 1.0, Fetish: ESC, Colors~AU~, Fetish: Wanted, Incolore
- itch: soraille
- Location: Philippines
The intro was jumping between third-person and first-person, or rather a third-person pretending to be first person. I don't think that matters, the creator has put alot of effort into this game.
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- Posts: 559
- Joined: Fri May 31, 2013 7:59 pm
- Completed: House of Dolls; Lads in Distress - Nano'16; Delusion Gallery Nano'18
- Projects: BL VN
- Deviantart: Lesleigh63
Lovely work, hope to see more from you.
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