Green Eyed Monster [Magical Girl][GxG][NaNoRenO 2015]

[Balian]

I enjoyed seeing those two characters interact very much. In fact, this visual novel is what finally convinced me to make an account here. I just wasn't able to keep my mouth shut any longer.

The art and premise is what caught my attention, the writing is what kept me hooked and the music is what I'll remember the VN by.

Now, with all of this being said, I must confess that the parts I enjoyed the most were related to the Magical Girl aspects of the story. It felt refreshing to see characters react so realistically to such a bizarre situation that fighting otherworldly monsters, is. Even though they were short, I would say that you have a knack for writing fighting scenes. This entire thing felt like a bizarre mix of Fate/stay night, Deadly Premonition, Madoka and a little bit of extra.

Just... keep doing what you do. I'm downloading Basiliska at this very moment. You have a new fan.

[9:19]

@Smudgeed: Thank you for playing GEM! Happy to hear you loved the art and characters, this game was a first for us in various ways and we learned from the experience.

@Carassaurat: That looks wicked, thank you very much! Happy to hear you got something out of it.

@Balian: Glad you enjoyed yourself and welcome to LSF!

[Skarn]

Actual adult characters with complex, realistic and beautifully written relationship problems? Yes please!

Nothing much to add to what was already said. The writing is top notch, the art style pretty original for a VN and contributing a lot to the more mature atmosphere, the complex themes (jealousy, exes, adolescent love...) masterfully handled.

The serious take on the magical girl genre was interesting, but in the long term it turned more as a pretext for their past encounter and present reunion, and, as Cyanide said, I think you could have told the exact same story without monsters and transformations.

As for bad points, I found the game to be quite hard. It's not easy to guess the correlation between a choice and its consequences, some choices are easily lethal (

not answering "Are you?" when asked if you're ready

for example), and I had to resort to the walkthrough to get Ending 3. Also, there is no indication you've got all endings when you indeed have.

[neuropsy]

I certainly didn't such a jaded atmosphere from a Magical Girl game. Color me surprised, and pleasantly so.

I have to say, you've captured the cynicism of a tired, frustrated college student very well. Although I've never actually been in a romantic relationship before, the interactions between Lana and Jory played out (almost unerringly) realistically. I say unerringly because I'm accustomed to characters who swallow their acrimony in favor of spouting righteous, borderline sanctimonious dialogue, but the characters acted, well, human, with all its aspects of jealously, resentment, and bitterness. Furthermore, their backstories detailing how their lives as Magical Girls affected their personal relationships made for an interesting read, especially with the suspicion of abuse.

I pitied the characters more than I wished to coddle them, which indicates the level of depth and realism in their personalities--speaking as a fellow writer, it's difficult to construct characters with real flaws that may lead to negative consequences, without fearing readers would become quickly averse to such traits. It's easy to just want to make a protagonist as endearing as possible, especially within this literary medium.

In summary: realistic reactions, personalities, dialogue, etc. Very well done.

The music did a fine, fine job in conveying the atmosphere of the game; it snugly fit the whole "getting-stuck-in-a-motel-with-my-ex-girlfriend-to-finish-business-we-thought-we'd-completed-ages-ago" ordeal. The art style is definitely different than what I'd normally expect from a Magical Girl game, and it meshed perfectly with the dialogue, music, etc. Really, all the assets of the game complemented each other perfectly. As for your questions...

Was the difficulty just right? I admit I sucked at surviving and only managed to obtain ending 3 by myself, but even if I had to resort to a walkthrough, it was still worth the read.

Did you think the number of choices was appropriate? Yep, plenty of choices without it being overbearing. Multiple choices in a row during scenes with high levels of social pressure seemed fitting for me, especially if you wanted to convey the less-than-copacetic state of Lana's mind.

How would you improve story flow/game structure for this VN? The story flowed smoothly. My only suggestion would to, perhaps, add a bit more reasoning behind each choice to more easily aid in finding the correct path to obtain a certain ending. However, I noticed you discussed how discussed you added hints within the choices themselves, and if you'd rather to include subtlety as a theme for your games, it wouldn't be detrimental to continue with the difficulty as long as the hints are realistically perceivable to the reader.

I do hope to see more of your work in the future, whether you set a game in the same universe or write a completely new story. I am, however, very curious about the universe in which Lana and Jory reside. I'd be enthralled if you were to post something detailing more about the mechanics of magic within their world, whether as a post here or elsewhere.

[Ulalaria]

I played this awhile back but only just now ran into the thread here on Lemma. I don't really have anything to add beyond what people have already said, but I just want to say I really enjoyed GEM. I'm a total sucker for dark and/or "grown-up" takes on the magical girl genre. I'll definitely be keeping an eye out for your other work too. Keep doing what you do!