Kokorogawari [GxB Drama] [CHAP 1+2 DEMO] [STEAM GREENLIGHT]

A place for game announcements, and for people to discuss games being made.
Forum rules
Please read the sticky before creating a new topic. Linking to Kickstarter/Crowdfunded games requires a demo. Updates to Patreon-backed games may be posted once every 2 months. Adult content should not be posted in this forum.
Message
Author
User avatar
Laramie Castiel
Newbie
Posts: 18
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2016 8:01 am
Projects: Kokorogawari
Location: Australia
Contact:

Kokorogawari [GxB Drama] [CHAP 1+2 DEMO] [STEAM GREENLIGHT]

#1 Post by Laramie Castiel »

Image
Thank you all so much for helping us take Kokorogawari to even greater heights! =)
We hope to receive your support and spread Kokorogawari to a wider audience!


Hello, everyone!

My name is Laramie Castiel, and I'm a member of Precatio. Precatio is the name of the indie visual novel development team that was formed in late 2015 by our glorious lord and master, Jyuuguchi. I'm here to promote announce our maiden (and sadly, non-free) project to the visual novel community for Windows, Mac and Linux users!

Kokorogawari is an otome [GxB romance] human drama (with some slice of life elements) visual novel set in a grounded and realistic portrayal of modern-day Japan. It focuses on art, family, the depth of emotions and interpersonal relationships.
PLEASE NOTE: To conserve space, I've made most images into thumbnails that you can click on to enlarge!
The Story: What Is Kokorogawari About?
Image
"Kokorogawari" is Japanese for "Change of Heart".

An otome visual novel set in modern-day Japan, its story is told through the eyes of cynical 22-year-old Matsubayashi Asami, our protagonist of the game. Asami is a tertiary student attending (the fictional) Touzaka University. Between her time undertaking the final year of her literature degree and participating in the university's art club, Asami also interns at Edo Publishing in its editorial department. Naturally, this is a critical period of her life and she wants to graduate without any hassles- all in the name of getting a good job to support her hard-working single mother, Matsubayashi Ryouko.

However, through her interactions with the three love interests of the game- classmate and art clubmate Koga Shinichi, fellow Edo Publishing intern Takahara Yuuya and the Touzaka University Art Club's temporary teacher-advisor Guillam Matisse- she is forced to confront many of her long-standing, highly cynical and negative views on love and forgiveness. Given how the three men come from vastly different walks of life, each of them will find their own way of scaling the walls that surround Asami's heart.

But when he inevitably reaches the other side, what will the wounded Asami do?
Will she fight him off for self-preservation?
Or has she finally found the right person and will allow him to stay?

As the title implies, the main "theme" of Kokorogawari is the changes our minds and souls undergo as we progress through life- touched and shaped by the people we meet, the sights we see and the challenges we face. More specifically, you'll be watching the changes and decision-making our main characters undergo as they all navigate their way through important stages of their lives.


Meet the Main Characters!
Image Image Image Image
...And the Supporting Characters, Too!
Image Image Image

Gameplay and Screenshots
Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image
As development continues, more screenshots will be added! The optimal resolution of the game is 1024 x 768 pixels.
Image
Kokorogawari has a simplistic "choose your own adventure" gameplay style, as our focus is to deliver its compelling story. Our current estimate of the game's length is now 24~28 hours (depending on individual reading speeds), which makes Kokorogawari a medium length visual novel according to the Visual Novel Database. However, this approximation may change again after further checks as development progresses.
Image Image
Kokorogawari will also have an "Extras" section. In it, there's a CG Gallery, Music Room, Dictionary, Ending List, a way to check Game Completion and assorted post-playthrough bonuses to look forward to! Aim for 100% completion!

~Routes and Endings~
Image
As you can see in the "extremely high-tech" flow chart above, Kokorogawari follows the time-tested "Common route โ†’ Individual route โ†’ Ending" story progression. The currently planned amount of endings are six- two per character; one good and bad ending each. The individual route you enter will depend upon the choices you make in the common route stage of the game and the endings are significantly determined by your choice-making in the individual routes.

~The Choices~
Image
While we are aiming to make you think about the choices you make, we're also working hard to make sure they will not become cryptic. We think choices should matter and would like you to think over them! However, we also think it's important to acknowledge the players that just want to read the story and are not interested in spending much time with choice-making.

To settle this, we've come up with an affection point status screen called "Love Stats". Under Love Stats, players will be able to check on their relationship progress with each character. However, the Love Stats function is completely optional and unintrusive- using it at any stage is entirely up to you. So if you prefer to go in blind... You didn't see anything here...

~In-game Dictionary~
Image
Many of our team members have experienced varying aspects of what Japan has to offer- living, working, travelling, experiencing the culture and speaking its language there.

This is why we're doing our best to deliver a realistic portrayal of life in Japan. The "downside" of this resulted in certain Japanese words- like food or location names- being kept in order to avoid awkward translations... So we've decided to implement a dictionary system! Any coloured Japanese word in-game can be clicked on to quickly check what it means. You can revisit the definition of any word at any time by clicking on the "Dictionary" in the game's menu.

ImageTrial Kokorogawari!
Image
We have decided to create two demos of our game- one containing both chapters and another containing just Chapter 2 for those who have already read Chapter 1. Both chapters cover the first two chapters of the game's common route.

Here's what you can expect:
๐Ÿฆ An introduction to two of the three love interests, Koga Shinichi, Guillam Matisse (briefly in Chapter 1, more extensively in Chapter 2) and Takahara Yuuya (Chapter 2).
๐Ÿฆ An insight into our protagonist's (Matsubayashi Asami) feelings towards love and relationships in general. It'll also explore how she shows a different side to different people.
๐Ÿฆ A golden opportunity to get a feel for the interface, as well as seeing our Dictionary function in action!

PLEASE NOTE: Due to the trial files now exceeding 100mb (they're now approximately 200mb depending on the operating system they're built for), we're no longer able to host any of them here on Lemma Soft. Apologies in advance for any inconvenience caused!

Useful Links: Stay in Touch with Us and the Game!
Follow the development progress on our Blog at https://www.precatio.wordpress.com/
...And our Twitter at https://www.twitter.com/Precatio_VN
...Or our Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/Kokorogawari-523813674491846/
Feel free to contact us here or through the above sites if you have any comments or questions!

~Read More About Kokorogawari!~

Here, you're free to check out the growing collection of sites Kokorogawari has been featured on. They're ordered from newest to oldest, top to bottom.
Team Precatio
The team is mainly composed of otome game fans that have come together in a desire to create an otome game that anybody can enjoy. Even if you may not fit the description of the target demographic of an otome game, we sincerely hope that everyone can enjoy what Kokorogawari has to offer! Some of us haven't worked on a visual novel before, so we've been finding this experience challenging, but fun and rewarding. We hope our hard work pays off and Kokorogawari becomes a proud addition to your visual novel collection!
Director and Main Writer: Jyuuguchi
Editor and Co-writer: Laramie Castiel
Character and CG Artwork: Shirou Yuki
Background and Interface Artwork: Sechiru
BGM Composition: Array and Ryan Camus
OP Music & Lyrics: Jyuuguchi
Programmers: Haru & Rin

Thank you for reading! Please feel free to leave feedback or ask us any questions you may have! =)
Last edited by Laramie Castiel on Fri Apr 14, 2017 7:27 am, edited 12 times in total.

asakura9
Newbie
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon May 13, 2013 10:48 am
Projects: Still secret.
Location: France
Contact:

Re: Kokorogawari [GxB] [Otome] [Drama] [Romance]

#2 Post by asakura9 »

Hello,

I know this project by its development blog and I'm happy to see it here ! :D
I like the art and the setting seems interesting so I'm looking forward it !
Sorry for my bad english.

User avatar
Laramie Castiel
Newbie
Posts: 18
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2016 8:01 am
Projects: Kokorogawari
Location: Australia
Contact:

Re: Kokorogawari [GxB] [Otome] [Drama] [Romance]

#3 Post by Laramie Castiel »

asakura9 wrote:Hello,

I know this project by its development blog and I'm happy to see it here ! :D
I like the art and the setting seems interesting so I'm looking forward it !
Thank you so much for your kind words!
We really hope you'll enjoy the game when it comes out.

It was so fortunate for us to be able to get such a talented artist on board! My Great and Wise leader knows where to look. As for the plot and setting, the writing team wanted to go for something more realistic (but not overly so)- there's been a lot of interest in including fantastical/supernatural elements in otome games recently, so a straight slice-of-life in a much more realistic and modern setting hasn't been as common.

Hopefully, some more updates can be posted here soon for you and everyone else to enjoy. =)

asakura9
Newbie
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon May 13, 2013 10:48 am
Projects: Still secret.
Location: France
Contact:

Re: Kokorogawari [GxB] [Otome] [Drama] [Romance]

#4 Post by asakura9 »

It was so fortunate for us to be able to get such a talented artist on board! My Great and Wise leader knows where to look. As for the plot and setting, the writing team wanted to go for something more realistic (but not overly so)- there's been a lot of interest in including fantastical/supernatural elements in otome games recently, so a straight slice-of-life in a much more realistic and modern setting hasn't been as common.
This is true that we can find fantastical elements in many otome games -and I appreciate it in some case- but most of the slice-of-life ones takes place in high school. I think it's great to have one more otome game in an university ! :)

Also for now all the male characters get my interest ! Especially Shinichi and Yuuya, a little less Guillam because generally I am not a fan of flirty guy but it will depend of his route. It arrives at first I do not like a character and in the end he's one of my favorite :lol: ! So I am waiting for their stories, good luck for you and all the team !
Sorry for my bad english.

User avatar
Zelan
Lemma-Class Veteran
Posts: 2436
Joined: Tue Mar 01, 2016 7:23 pm
Completed: The Dark
Projects: Cosplay Couple
Tumblr: evns
itch: Zelan
Discord: ltnkitsuragi#7082
Contact:

Re: Kokorogawari [GxB] [Otome] [Drama] [Romance]

#5 Post by Zelan »

I had to skim the synopsis because I don't have an awful lot of time on the computer today, but this looks interesting! I'm curious, are you guys planning to make this available on Steam at some point in the future? Steam is more accessible than itch.io, so you'd probably get a wider audience if it was made available there.

User avatar
Laramie Castiel
Newbie
Posts: 18
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2016 8:01 am
Projects: Kokorogawari
Location: Australia
Contact:

Re: Kokorogawari [GxB] [Otome] [Drama] [Romance]

#6 Post by Laramie Castiel »

asakura9 wrote:This is true that we can find fantastical elements in many otome games -and I appreciate it in some case- but most of the slice-of-life ones takes place in high school. I think it's great to have one more otome game in an university ! :)

Also for now all the male characters get my interest ! Especially Shinichi and Yuuya, a little less Guillam because generally I am not a fan of flirty guy but it will depend of his route. It arrives at first I do not like a character and in the end he's one of my favorite :lol: ! So I am waiting for their stories, good luck for you and all the team !
I've definitely enjoyed my fair share of fantastical otome games, but I really wish there are more realistic slice-of-life ones with older characters. I agree with you about how there are a ton of high school settings and I'm happy you like the university idea- I like it too, at the risk of sounding like I'm shamelessly tooting my own horn!

I totally know where you're coming from in regards to the love interests. The funny thing about Guillam is that I don't really like the "flirty guy" stereotype myself, but somehow, that's how my Lord and Master and I ended up crafting him as (though we're careful not to make him "over-the-top"). I wish I could discuss more, but sadly, you'll have to wait and see how it all pans out in the game or the updates. We hope you end up loving everyone!

Thanks again for your well-wishes! =)
Zelan wrote:I had to skim the synopsis because I don't have an awful lot of time on the computer today, but this looks interesting! I'm curious, are you guys planning to make this available on Steam at some point in the future? Steam is more accessible than itch.io, so you'd probably get a wider audience if it was made available there.
Thanks very much! I hope you'll get some time to take a longer peek at the plot summary when things calm down for you.

We have been discussing Steam, though no final decisions have been made as of yet. I completely agree with you, though- Steam would be great for expanding our audience. If we do eventually release Kokorogawari on Steam, we'd definitely want to make sure we have most (or all) aspects of the game prepared and finalised beforehand. We'd want our first Greenlight to go as smoothly as possible!

It's great to hear from one of Iris Dream's team members. I'm looking forward to the full game as it looks and sounds great. Good luck! =)

User avatar
Laramie Castiel
Newbie
Posts: 18
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2016 8:01 am
Projects: Kokorogawari
Location: Australia
Contact:

Re: Kokorogawari [GxB] [Otome] [Drama] [Romance] [Commercial

#7 Post by Laramie Castiel »

Just wanted to update that the trial of this game is coming on 5th August, 2016 and will be available via the game's itchi.io page. =)

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support!

User avatar
otometea
Regular
Posts: 39
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2016 5:54 pm
Projects: Heart of Thorns
Tumblr: littleteahouse
Skype: otometeatime
Location: in your heart.
Contact:

Re: Kokorogawari [GxB] [Otome] [Drama] [Romance] [Commercial

#8 Post by otometea »


I will just put down and answer the common questions that come up in discussion about visual novels on this site. Hopefully, you don't mind that.


- Does the premise interest you thus far?

I have a hunch that this will be quite a heart warming story. I am one to pursue the "good" end first, as I am actually a very emotional person, and cry easily at the littlest of things. I like the general theme of the story as well; it's very straightforward, simple and yet very powerful. I hope this turns to be an inspiring story.


- Who is your favorite character?

Unfortunately, none of the bachelors / romanceable characters suit my interests in regards to personality, but if I were to choose one that intrigues me the most, I would go with Koga Shinichi. His name reminds me of Voltage's After School Affairs as well. However, in terms of appearance, all characters are very appealing.


- Do you like the art style?

Yes, I do. It's very colorful and vibrant. Also, I am heavily biased towards anime-styled art, so the art style has really been eye-catching to me. The character designs are beautiful; the bachelors are very handsome, I must admit.


- Are you going to play the game?

No, for multiple reasons. (1) I do not have that much money, and (2) even if I did have enough money, I would still be hesitant when I have read that some of you have never written and published a visual novel before. I do, however, offer full-game reviews for games like this, but unfortunately, that does require a free version of the entire game (purely for reviewing purposes) if you would like me to do that. That is the only way I will play your game, though.


- Do you have any other comments or criticisms?

Not now, but I may have some criticism later (in a full-game review). Other than that, I wish you good success on the game's release.
Image

User avatar
Laramie Castiel
Newbie
Posts: 18
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2016 8:01 am
Projects: Kokorogawari
Location: Australia
Contact:

Re: Kokorogawari [GxB] [Otome] [Drama] [Romance] [Commercial

#9 Post by Laramie Castiel »

otometea wrote:
I will just put down and answer the common questions that come up in discussion about visual novels on this site. Hopefully, you don't mind that.
Hello, otometea!

I don't mind your feedback format at all. Thank you for organising it so neatly. =)
otometea wrote:- Does the premise interest you thus far?

I have a hunch that this will be quite a heart warming story. I am one to pursue the "good" end first, as I am actually a very emotional person, and cry easily at the littlest of things. I like the general theme of the story as well; it's very straightforward, simple and yet very powerful. I hope this turns to be an inspiring story.
We definitely are working hard to deliver on the "drama" aspect, yes- but at the same time, not being over-the-top about it. We really want to leave a lasting impression on our readers. I am very happy with our decision of going with a more simple premise, as the aim is to be relatable (and perhaps, more realistic). So it makes me happy that you like it, too!
otometea wrote:- Who is your favorite character?

Unfortunately, none of the bachelors / romanceable characters suit my interests in regards to personality, but if I were to choose one that intrigues me the most, I would go with Koga Shinichi. His name reminds me of Voltage's After School Affairs as well. However, in terms of appearance, all characters are very appealing.
Thank you for your honesty! I know where you're coming from, though. I often have this issue with the romance VNs I have played recently (not because they're bad, mind you). I find that I end up liking one character a lot more than I thought I would, so hopefully the same can be said for our readers by the time they finish the story.
otometea wrote:- Do you like the art style?

Yes, I do. It's very colorful and vibrant. Also, I am heavily biased towards anime-styled art, so the art style has really been eye-catching to me. The character designs are beautiful; the bachelors are very handsome, I must admit.
Our artists will be thrilled to hear this! Thank you for your encouragement.
otometea wrote:- Are you going to play the game?

No, for multiple reasons. (1) I do not have that much money, and (2) even if I did have enough money, I would still be hesitant when I have read that some of you have never written and published a visual novel before. I do, however, offer full-game reviews for games like this, but unfortunately, that does require a free version of the entire game (purely for reviewing purposes) if you would like me to do that. That is the only way I will play your game, though.
Again, thank you very much for being so honest. I can definitely empathise with where you're coming from and I'm certain you're not the only one who feels this way. All I wish to say is that we're working very hard to make a quality product and as fans of the genre, we don't want to do it injustice. However, we're definitely not the first developers with this stance, so the proof will understandably be in the pudding; the final product. Regarding review copies, I've been told that as of now, we don't have plans for distributing any. If this changes, I will do my best to remember to let you know. =)
otometea wrote:- Do you have any other comments or criticisms?

Not now, but I may have some criticism later (in a full-game review). Other than that, I wish you good success on the game's release.
I'm sounding like a broken record now, but truly- thank you for the well wishes and for your honesty throughout. I really hope you do decide to play our game in the future and I'll very much be looking forward to your feedback then, just like now.

User avatar
Laramie Castiel
Newbie
Posts: 18
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2016 8:01 am
Projects: Kokorogawari
Location: Australia
Contact:

Re: Kokorogawari [TRIAL UPLOADED] [GxB] [Drama, Romance] [Co

#10 Post by Laramie Castiel »

Hello, everyone!
We're pleased to inform you all that...
๐ŸŽŠ Our first trial has been launched! ๐ŸŽŠ
It is available for download here on Lemma Soft (Windows and Mac) OR Kokorogawari's itch.io page.
(NOTE: The Linux version narrowly exceeded the 100mb limit, so Linux users, please download the trial via our itch.io page at this time. We're very sorry for any inconvenience caused!)

In addition, we've also uploaded extra screenshots. The "Image" icon marks the recently added content.
Thank you all for your continued support and encouragement. We hope you enjoy the latest updates!

User avatar
Zelan
Lemma-Class Veteran
Posts: 2436
Joined: Tue Mar 01, 2016 7:23 pm
Completed: The Dark
Projects: Cosplay Couple
Tumblr: evns
itch: Zelan
Discord: ltnkitsuragi#7082
Contact:

Re: Kokorogawari [TRIAL UPLOADED] [GxB] [Drama, Romance] [Co

#11 Post by Zelan »

Awesome!! ^_^ I'll download it so that I can give it a play when I have time. I read through the first post again and everything looks so polished! I love the little chibis for the Love Stats screen. c:

User avatar
gamerbum
Regular
Posts: 128
Joined: Fri Sep 18, 2015 4:40 pm
Projects: Our Lovely Escape, Mizari Loves Company
Organization: Reine Works
Tumblr: reineworks
Location: Canada
Contact:

Re: Kokorogawari [TRIAL UPLOADED] [GxB] [Drama, Romance] [Co

#12 Post by gamerbum »

Okay, so I started playing the demo... but to be honest, I only lasted just under ten minutes. I really hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I didn't enjoy it at all. I am kind of sad, because I was actually looking forward to this one.

The art, music, and GUI were great, but I found the writing to be really boring, among other things.

I don't want to force unwanted criticism on anyone, so I'll spoiler the issues I had with it, and you can choose whether or not to read it for yourselves.
Forewarning that this is probably going to come off as pretty harsh.

- The mother and Asami have the exact same "voice". The mother's speech doesn't match her looks or the personality the writer was clearly trying to get across. Rather than having the mother speak in fully written out sentences, she was written in the same slang-y way Asami was, which is really confusing. I had to check the name box a few times to see who was speaking.
- Some dialogue is super awkward and reads like it was translated from another language without being edited, even though it's supposedly written in English first.
- There are a couple grammar mistakes in the first few minutes. As the demo went on, they popped up in a higher frequency, and I believe there were also a couple of typos.
- Awkward breaks in sentences sometimes. Example: "One day, you will feel different towards a particular person. And you will swallow your words."
- The MC comes off as ridiculously edgy. THIS is the reason I stopped playing - I closed it down real fast when she started ranting about how awful love is in the middle of the street, and this was right after ranting at her mother about it only moments beforehand. During said rant, she said things out of nowhere that, quite frankly, seem made up and a little ridiculous: "In the first place, love is an emotion that doesn't require thinking. It just happens. Which is why abandoned children, aborted babies and divorce happen." ... Wait, what?! Where'd that come from?! That doesn't even make sense... Those things happen for plenty of reasons. Bottom line, I hate the MC. She really just seems like an angsty teenager who speaks without thinking.
- The... joke, I'm guessing it was supposed to be, about Asami's sexuality came off as pretty insensitive and uncalled for, rather than funny.
Anyway... good luck with the project! Though it's definitely not my cup of tea, I'm sure there'll be plenty of people who do like it.

Jyuuguchi
Newbie
Posts: 21
Joined: Sun Nov 08, 2015 9:01 am
Contact:

Re: Kokorogawari [TRIAL UPLOADED] [GxB] [Drama, Romance] [Co

#13 Post by Jyuuguchi »

Hi gamerbum, thank you for the feedback.

Kokorogawari is a human drama game that aims to expose the darker side of emotions and to match with that, we created a heroine who is at first negative towards relationships, and through interacting with the other characters, changes. (Hence the game title) There are a few lighter episodes later into the trial so we wished you would have played on! Nevertheless, thank you very much for the feedback.

Perhaps just to address one of your points about the MC: Asami realises that there are many problems with people's relationships because she sees that they don't take their relationships seriously. About the 'abandoned children, aborted babies and divorce' line, Asami links it to a lack of responsibility of people who engage in acts of love without considering the consequences. She is harsh on people who act without thinking especially when she had seen her mother get hurt in the marriage. Things like that have caused her to pass harsh judgement on relationships, and a large part of the game is watching Asami's growth through her relationship with the love interests. Also as you may already realise, Asami is a very cautious person and thinker, so her thoughts are often more harsh than what she actually speaks out.

Thank you again for taking time to give us feedback!
gamerbum wrote:Okay, so I started playing the demo... but to be honest, I only lasted just under ten minutes. I really hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I didn't enjoy it at all. I am kind of sad, because I was actually looking forward to this one.

The art, music, and GUI were great, but I found the writing to be really boring, among other things.

I don't want to force unwanted criticism on anyone, so I'll spoiler the issues I had with it, and you can choose whether or not to read it for yourselves.
Forewarning that this is probably going to come off as pretty harsh.

- The mother and Asami have the exact same "voice". The mother's speech doesn't match her looks or the personality the writer was clearly trying to get across. Rather than having the mother speak in fully written out sentences, she was written in the same slang-y way Asami was, which is really confusing. I had to check the name box a few times to see who was speaking.
- Some dialogue is super awkward and reads like it was translated from another language without being edited, even though it's supposedly written in English first.
- There are a couple grammar mistakes in the first few minutes. As the demo went on, they popped up in a higher frequency, and I believe there were also a couple of typos.
- Awkward breaks in sentences sometimes. Example: "One day, you will feel different towards a particular person. And you will swallow your words."
- The MC comes off as ridiculously edgy. THIS is the reason I stopped playing - I closed it down real fast when she started ranting about how awful love is in the middle of the street, and this was right after ranting at her mother about it only moments beforehand. During said rant, she said things out of nowhere that, quite frankly, seem made up and a little ridiculous: "In the first place, love is an emotion that doesn't require thinking. It just happens. Which is why abandoned children, aborted babies and divorce happen." ... Wait, what?! Where'd that come from?! That doesn't even make sense... Those things happen for plenty of reasons. Bottom line, I hate the MC. She really just seems like an angsty teenager who speaks without thinking.
- The... joke, I'm guessing it was supposed to be, about Asami's sexuality came off as pretty insensitive and uncalled for, rather than funny.
Anyway... good luck with the project! Though it's definitely not my cup of tea, I'm sure there'll be plenty of people who do like it.

User avatar
Laramie Castiel
Newbie
Posts: 18
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2016 8:01 am
Projects: Kokorogawari
Location: Australia
Contact:

Re: Kokorogawari [TRIAL UPLOADED] [GxB] [Drama, Romance] [Co

#14 Post by Laramie Castiel »

Zelan wrote:Awesome!! ^_^ I'll download it so that I can give it a play when I have time. I read through the first post again and everything looks so polished! I love the little chibis for the Love Stats screen. c:
Thank you! We hope you enjoy it. =)
gamerbum wrote:Okay, so I started playing the demo... but to be honest, I only lasted just under ten minutes. I really hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I didn't enjoy it at all. I am kind of sad, because I was actually looking forward to this one.
The art, music, and GUI were great, but I found the writing to be really boring, among other things.
Thank you so much for being completely honest with us, gamerbum! We appreciate any kind of feedback, especially constructive criticism as that will improve our game.

Also, I will pass on your positive feedback about our art, music and G.U.I. to the team. They'll be happy to hear it! =)

I'm sorry you didn't enjoy the demo, but very thankful you gave it a chance!
gamerbum wrote:I don't want to force unwanted criticism on anyone, so I'll spoiler the issues I had with it, and you can choose whether or not to read it for yourselves.
Forewarning that this is probably going to come off as pretty harsh.
- The mother and Asami have the exact same "voice". The mother's speech doesn't match her looks or the personality the writer was clearly trying to get across. Rather than having the mother speak in fully written out sentences, she was written in the same slang-y way Asami was, which is really confusing. I had to check the name box a few times to see who was speaking.

- Some dialogue is super awkward and reads like it was translated from another language without being edited, even though it's supposedly written in English first.

- There are a couple grammar mistakes in the first few minutes. As the demo went on, they popped up in a higher frequency, and I believe there were also a couple of typos.

- Awkward breaks in sentences sometimes. Example: "One day, you will feel different towards a particular person. And you will swallow your words."

- The MC comes off as ridiculously edgy. THIS is the reason I stopped playing - I closed it down real fast when she started ranting about how awful love is in the middle of the street, and this was right after ranting at her mother about it only moments beforehand. During said rant, she said things out of nowhere that, quite frankly, seem made up and a little ridiculous: "In the first place, love is an emotion that doesn't require thinking. It just happens. Which is why abandoned children, aborted babies and divorce happen." ... Wait, what?! Where'd that come from?! That doesn't even make sense... Those things happen for plenty of reasons. Bottom line, I hate the MC. She really just seems like an angsty teenager who speaks without thinking.

- The... joke, I'm guessing it was supposed to be, about Asami's sexuality came off as pretty insensitive and uncalled for, rather than funny.
I've also responded to your spoiler-tagged critique in spoiler tags as well.
No, they're definitely not as harsh as you think they are, but that is just my view. You were constructive and helpful throughout. I promise I'll discuss these with the team.

- About Ryouko [Asami's mother]'s lack of distinctiveness, that is something we'll need to improve and your suggestions are very helpful. I'll definitely speak to my leader about this. We're also discussing the possibility of assigning colours for each character to add an immediately obvious distinction. We hope by doing these things, it solves this issue!

- Regarding your comments about the dialogue and grammar having errors, this is very concerning to me and we'll most certainly look into it. Especially since it sounds like you spotted more than one or two here or there. I'm aware we had some issues with our initial scripts not saving some edits properly (now resolved, thankfully), so perhaps these errors carried over? Again, we checked and re-checked quite a bit, but it seems like they escaped our attention.

- When it comes to Asami, it appears that our team leader [Jyuuguchi] stepped in to outline certain intents, so I won't repeat them at length here. Our goal was to illustrate that Asami has some... more extreme and immature views (for many reasons) when it comes to love and relationships. Since the theme is "Change of Heart", we aim to write a story where she is forced to confront this and [gradually] change her perspective as her relationship with other characters deepen.

However, I can definitely understand where you're coming from and I'm sure you're not alone in this. If I were a reader without knowing the full story yet, I'd be dismissive of Asami as well. I foresaw that some people will not like nor have the patience with Asami. It's a lot of (as of yet) unexplained and unwarranted negativity and cynicism to take in. I hope I do not sound like I'm arguing back as I really value your honest critique.

- I think you have a very good point in regards to Rika's asexuality comment. It may be in her character to say things like that, but I personally feel it's not worth potentially hurting our readers or coming off as intentionally insensitive. I'll discuss this with the team. I'm sure we can change this to something much better.

EDIT: I was just informed that you were probably referring to Ryouko's comment/joke about questioning if Asami likes boys. Please excuse me! I still will talk this over with the team leader, though. =)
gamerbum wrote:Anyway... good luck with the project! Though it's definitely not my cup of tea, I'm sure there'll be plenty of people who do like it.
Again, I'm really sorry that you had a negative experience. Since I can relate to looking forward to a game and then not enjoying it/not enjoying it as much as I thought I would, I feel all the more sorry!

Thank you so much for your honest feedback and well wishes. I really hope we can implement it in order to improve our game. =)

asakura9
Newbie
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon May 13, 2013 10:48 am
Projects: Still secret.
Location: France
Contact:

Re: Kokorogawari [TRIAL UPLOADED] [GxB] [Drama, Romance] [Co

#15 Post by asakura9 »

I have just finished to play the demo and I'm here to give my thoughts on it.

I found it quite enjoyable and I'm looking forward the next demo ! I want to see how the other characters will be introduced !
But like it was said previously, I agree with the fact that it was hard to distinguish who was speaking between the mother and Asami. I also had to check the name box to be sure...
Maybe the solution can be to print Asami's sprite only when she speaks ? (I see that in some games...)

For the main characters, I am curious to see how Asami will change her point of view. I think that some things she said are not wrong but I think she is not so harsh in the facts. If she really had no interrest in the opposite sex, she could just be indifferent to Koga but it was not the case ! I really found that their interactions are cute ^^

For Koga, he's exactly the character as I thought it will be. I really like him, he's so cute when he blushes xD. I am also curious about why he took an interest in Asami. It's just because she won the contest and not him ?

Just a point, the BGM in the classroom was a bit too noisy...
For the art, music, GUI, I had nothing to said. It was great.

So good luck for the next step ! :)
Sorry for my bad english.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users