The Rest of Our Lives [GxB][Romance][18+][Kinetic][NOW AVAILABLE ON STEAM]

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UncleArtie
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The Rest of Our Lives [GxB][Romance][18+][Kinetic][NOW AVAILABLE ON STEAM]

#1 Post by UncleArtie » Fri Sep 20, 2019 8:13 pm

What is it?
A Kinetic Novel fanfic of Pride and Prejudice with an adult twist essentially.

The Story:
With the arrival of the wealthy Chuck Bing, the city is on fire as the most eligible bachelor has just hit the market. This is good news for Mrs. Bonnet who is looking to get her daughter Liz married off.

During their first meeting however, Liz meets Chuck's friend, Mr. Derby, and the two are immediately at each other's throats. Their fates are interwoven in this sexy tale of drama and romance.

Links:
Newgrounds: https://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/ ... 1569024096
Itch.io: https://uncleartie.itch.io/the-rest-of-our-lives
Steam: https://store.steampowered.com/app/1169 ... Our_Lives/

Screenshots:

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Last edited by UncleArtie on Tue Nov 05, 2019 7:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: The Rest of Our Lives [GxB][Romance][18+][Kinetic]

#2 Post by nerupuff » Sat Sep 21, 2019 12:49 am

Ah, the art is so charming. I love myself a good re-telling. It's also fantastic that I can play directly via browser on itch. Thanks for this! Gonna try it out.
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Re: The Rest of Our Lives [GxB][Romance][18+][Kinetic]

#3 Post by UncleArtie » Sat Sep 21, 2019 7:54 am

Thank you very much! I hope you enjoy!

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Re: The Rest of Our Lives [GxB][Romance][18+][Kinetic]

#4 Post by UncleArtie » Tue Nov 05, 2019 7:18 am

The Rest of Our Lives has just been released on Steam:

https://store.steampowered.com/app/1169 ... Our_Lives/

Thank you to everyone that has played it on itch and Newgrounds and showed their support. I really appreciate it!

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Re: The Rest of Our Lives [GxB][Romance][18+][Kinetic][NOW AVAILABLE ON STEAM]

#5 Post by chiharuchi » Wed Nov 13, 2019 7:00 am

Umm.. I've played the game for bit.. :/

Okay first things first. This is my opinion and the experience I personally went through.

The writing, I kinda like it. The style, the way it was written was digestible. But the changes in the way the characters speak.. Sometimes they speak like millennials. Sometimes they try to speak like their century which I'm guessing is Victorian era? It's very odd and uncomfortable to me. Especially when
Linda said something like "We f***ed."
It does not fit the era they are in and it's just very very uncomfortable for me. There are better ways to word it. It's not elegant.

Also I don't understand why
Linda had to be a homewrecker? Very toxic, cringy, sounds like she need a therapist. Big time. At least, at the very least if she is that kind of person, at least make her seductive self actually attractive, elegantly attractive instead of sounding like a 15 year old in heat.
But that's just my opinion.

The drama:
Boy oh boy..
Why? I don't understand the need. It sounds like you're trying hard to make the story as twisted as possible. Like a soap drama from tv. You can make the plot that way for sure and be good but the idea wasn't translated well.. It feels forced.. Like the story didn't run it's chaotic course by itself smoothly but instead the drama was put there just for the sake of being different or interesting? It's just.. Not good. To me it's just annoying like it was plastered there instead of the drama building up, and actually feel legits. It doesn't.
George:
..what? There was no indication he was this type of person since the beginning at all. At least not that I know of. He could work but I thinm the writing didn't do the idea justice. Also I thinm Liz would be ae to sniff his lies from a miles away. I surely did when he tried ro apologize to her.
Liz:
Oh boy.. Another "iM nOt LiKe tHe oThEr gIrLs" type.
She's not entirely unlikeable. Her character was consistent I think and that's good. You should always be consistent with the characters, don't make them act out of character just for the plot. Although her having that snappy, sassy, butchy attitude transition into the softer? Smart, strong girl was a bit wonky. This character could work tbh.
Bill:
Bill or derby guy.. Seems to have lost his initial character. Completely. What happened to "everything bores me but this girl who's bitchy for no reason interests me." Completely lost and forgotten. His character is hella different now. That's not good. Inconsistent characters.
Edit:
that's not to say his current character is unlikeable but I think he needed a better transition from an ass to mister nice guy. Because the initial character set a really different tone.
Dude.. Did I miss a week or something? They all just suddenly fall for other people all of a sudden. If they actually had chemistry within their few encounters, I can accept it but there's literally nothing much to make them suddenly fall for each other.
Edit:
the more I read the story.. The more I feel like "sigh I'm so tired of this" I think the premise wasn't placed well.

Edit: near the end, or the time when derby showed the girls around his house is pleasant though. I quite like it.
I think a lot of other things could work if not for the sudden try-hard twists and drama. I'm not saying you can't write drama like soap drama or something, heck I would like to see that but the transition between dramas, between character changes weren't good.

That said, I love the art style, the -ahem- naughty CGs were pretty good. Especially making it to look attractive and errotic. I love how their hair look, soft and natural strokes of their hair. They kinda look chibi-like which I really like. Especially Liz and the blonde dude, Bill was it? Yeah.

I would like to see more from you tho. With improvements of course. Because the wording, how you write is good.
Last edited by chiharuchi on Thu Nov 14, 2019 9:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: The Rest of Our Lives [GxB][Romance][18+][Kinetic][NOW AVAILABLE ON STEAM]

#6 Post by UncleArtie » Thu Nov 14, 2019 5:29 pm

chiharuchi wrote:
Wed Nov 13, 2019 7:00 am
Umm.. I've played the game for bit.. :/

Okay first things first. This is my opinion and the experience I personally went through.
Thank you very much for your very detailed review. I really appreciate you taking the time to write all that out. There are a few things I can address that could help explain a little.

The project was unfortunately cut short. I had some plans to make it longer and even wanted to do a twist that would help address some of the inconsistencies like the way they talk and why it doesn't feel too Victorian era. The soap operay feel was also a part of a bigger idea for my patreon. I was attempting to have the games feel like they were movies with the characters be actors you could interact with through patreon. The idea was as clumsy as it sounds and after the ideas were cut, the feel still remained in the game. It doesn't change anything but it's a bit of useless trivia information if you're interested.

Other than that. As soap operay and sometimes forced as the drama was, I'm glad there were some parts of it that you enjoyed. I don't have much experience in drama as I mostly write lighthearted fantasy and comedy stuff and I appreciate your critique of it. I'm going to keep working on it.

If you haven't had the chance to watch or read Pride and Prejudice, I really recommend it. I couldn't help but take a crack at creating this little fanfic/erotic parody of it after watching.

Thank you again.

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Re: The Rest of Our Lives [GxB][Romance][18+][Kinetic][NOW AVAILABLE ON STEAM]

#7 Post by chiharuchi » Thu Nov 14, 2019 9:26 pm

I see.. That does make sense and I suspect that was the case as well. After all, making a VN takes a lot of time. I have not read or watch Pride and Prejudice perhaps that was why I didn't get it! I don't mind any type of story, heck I do watch some ridiculous drama at times. I think it needed work on the plot, etc.

Thank you for replying to me also. Tbh I thought I was gonna get kicked out of the forum sometimes because of my reviews. Thanks for understanding and such. You didn't need to take my thoughts into consideration but I appreciate it. I'll continue to support you because I think you have potential. The way you write does have a certain elegance to it.

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Re: The Rest of Our Lives [GxB][Romance][18+][Kinetic][NOW AVAILABLE ON STEAM]

#8 Post by UncleArtie » Thu Nov 14, 2019 10:55 pm

chiharuchi wrote:
Thu Nov 14, 2019 9:26 pm
I'll continue to support you because I think you have potential. The way you write does have a certain elegance to it.
You're too kind. Thank you.

When I can get around to my next project, I will be returning to writing in my usual style so it should be interesting.

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