Why Do People Make Fun Of You?

[sciencewarrior]

I'm not a nerd. Not one bit.

The meaning of Nerd the essay defines isn't what you are thinking, so I assume you haven't read it. Anyway, if you really can't find a friendly adult, then a mix of self-deprecating humor and quick comebacks may help. Those guys are so predictable you can think of good retorts in advance.

And even bad principals pay attention when people get physically hurt. If one of those guys goes after you, go immediately to the administration. You want them to hear your version first.

[Cybeat]

@vatina: That might work, but their victory is going to be big. I'll have to really embarrass myself. I'm kind of competitive. I don't want them to win. If I let them win, then I leave back to Japan with no revenge, my mind is going to be stuck with those guys for a long time. It happened before. A guy bullied me for years a while ago, and I said I was going to beat him up. When the day for moving came, I didn't lay a finger on him. I still regret it now. At least that guy is having a hard time in Kansas right now.

Hm. The more I think about it, the more I feel like I need to stand up for once. I've been hiding too long. I hope this doesn't sound like an excuse.

@N0UGHTS: I hope this doesn't sound like an excuse either, but I'm always nice. When people see I'm smart, they don't ask me. They don't be friendly to me. Instead, they use me (with threats). I'm always the good guy, but I never get that same respect I give. I guess some movies are right. Good guys never win.


Thanks for all the information, guys. I appreciate you guys taking your time to read my nonsense. I really had nobody to tell this to. I'll post here again tomorrow and let you know what happened.

[N0UGHTS]

They use you. As in, they've actually taken advantage of your intellectual capabilities before. Have you told any faculty members about these threats? It doesn't have to be a counselor, maybe just the teacher of the class they want to ace.

...Don't let them use you. Really. That's all I've got left.

[papillon]

...I wasn't really serious about that suggestion.

I know you probably didn't mean it, but I'm, shall we say, speaking from experience here. Being known as crazy and dangerous will scare one person off. Then that one person will go and get backup. In fact, if you're known as crazy and dangerous, then the bully can go get people who aren't even normally bullies to join in on attacking you, because after all, you're so dangerous, it's for everyone's good!

No, not really. I just said gay because I hate them. If they were gay, I'd have all kinds of offensive things to say to them.

Careful - This sort of thing makes you every bit as bad as them. It's forgivable, because as I said, all teenagers are evil. But still. If you throw around insults just because you can, you are yourself a bully.

You want to know why they pick on you? Because they can, and because they don't like you.

So the guys who bother me in school are weak?

That's not what I said - I said that they don't want to be weak. Putting you down makes them feel stronger.

I guess some movies are right. Good guys never win.

DO NOT say things like that. For one thing, it's negative reinforcement. If you walk around muttering things like 'nice guys always lose', you will talk yourself out of making changes in your life when they are needed, because you'll feel like there's no point anyway. Constantly telling yourself negative things can not only stop you from trying, it can lead you to reject anyone trying to help you.

For another, be careful about classing yourself as a 'good guy'. This is not meant to be an attack on you at all, so please read all of this before you get upset. A lot of men get very nasty towards women in particular, with the whole "nice guys always lose" thing. Some guys get it into their heads that if they do some particular thing and are therefore "Nice", they DESERVE to get whatever it is they want (usually "Sex"), and that if they are not "properly rewarded" for their behavior, then, well, women are all bitches and nice guys always lose. (Hopefully you'll see that anyone thinking such a thing is automatically not a nice guy!)

Anyway, the point is that this sort of feeling tends to breed resentment and leads people to lash out in vicious ways. If you tell yourself what a good guy you are and how much they suck for not appreciating it, you build yourself up into not thinking of them as real people, and into thinking of yourself as betrayed and let down by the world. That's a dangerous mental state to get into.

[Mikan]

From what I've observed, the more you react, the more fun it is for them, and the more they'll provoke you. So I dunno, bite your tongue and ignore them.

[papillon]

From what I've observed, the more you react, the more fun it is for them, and the more they'll provoke you. So I dunno, bite your tongue and ignore them.

... And write stories that they'll never read featuring them as bad-guys. Then you'll feel better and be better able to ignore it because you have your revenge, without actually provoking them.

[Cybeat]

From what I've observed, the more you react, the more fun it is for them, and the more they'll provoke you. So I dunno, bite your tongue and ignore them.

... And write stories that they'll never read featuring them as bad-guys. Then you'll feel better and be better able to ignore it because you have your revenge, without actually provoking them.

@Mikan: I think they do it to get reaction from their friends. I never show reaction. What makes them really entertained is when their friends say "say it again!".

@papillon: Lol. I've done lots of things like that before. I play games and pretend those little bad guys are the bullies. It kinda does help after a while.

And the "good guys never win" thing I said, I didn't really mean it. Sometimes I just talk, which is a bad habit.

[musical74]

Well, I can't really relate to people making fun of me because of my size <6'4" 275 lbs> but think I can come up with an idea on why people make fun of ya.

1) They <the bullies> are themselves very insecure and they *feel macho* when they tease and taunt others.....never mind most others don't think they are being macho when they taunt someone....

2) It gives them a sense of *belonging* to others who feel the same way <a gang if ya will>

3) Teenagers are evil

As far as striking back.....here's another idea. Write down the guy <or guys> name on a piece of paper, write what they do on it....then tear the paper up. Shred it. Tear it to millions of pieces...you'll feel SO much better.

[N0UGHTS]

1) They <the bullies> are themselves very insecure and they *feel macho* when they tease and taunt others.....never mind most others don't think they are being macho when they taunt someone....

...Not all bullies are like that. It's crazy if there's no bullies out there who suffer from at least a mild form of Narcissistic personality disorder. According to the DSM-IV, people with NPD actually have an inflated ego.

That doesn't mean that the jerks messing with you all suffer from NPD, though... I'm just saying not all bullies have low self-esteem.

There are also psychopaths, antisocial people, dissocial people, plain misanthropists... Uh, I probably haven't listed all of them, but those are the biggies that can be bullies and not have low self-esteem.

You know, sometimes you can just use plain logic against them. But then again you're "not a nerd," so... :p

P.S.
Nerds advance humanity.

[Wintermoon]

There are really only two ways of dealing with bullies:
1. Ignore them.
2. Strike back at them so hard that further retaliation is impossible. Preferably anonymously, without leaving a trail of evidence.

So far I've has success with option 1. Talk to no-one, not even people trying to befriend you. Stay out of areas where there are people. Sometimes the presence of an adult can keep bullies in check, but (generally speaking) adults are not your friends. Do not acknowledge the presence of bullies. Do not make eye contact. And if all else fails, there's always option 2.

This is how I made it through high school. It worked for me. YMMV.

[PyTom]

P.S.
Nerds advance humanity.

Throughout history, poverty is the normal condition of man. Advances which permit this norm to be exceeded- here and there, now and then- are the work of an extremely small minority, frequently despised, often condemned, and almost always opposed by all right-thinking people. Whenever this tiny minority is kept from creating, or (as sometimes happens) is driven out of a society, the people then slip back into abject poverty. This is known as "bad luck."

- Robert A. Heinlein

[Nebi]

Watching Batman Begins or Spiderman should have already shown you that exacting revenge is not the way to go. More importantly, they also tell you that people change and have the capacity to change.

Movies aside, my only suggestion is for you to pick a hobby or two - or three - that will keep your mind occupied and allow you to better cope with the bullying. When they bug you, just start thinking about one of your hobbies and let all other thoughts fade away.

If they get physical though, that's a whole different story. At this point there are few notes to keep in mind:

1) Whether you want to become like the very people you despise.
2) If you believe in a set of morals and values, stick to them.
3) You are responsible for your actions.
4) Others (such as family) may have to deal with potential consequences.
5) Whether anyone has ever told you to treat others as you yourself would want to be treated.

Someone else brought up a good point, too. If you focus on improving yourself, you will inevitably be drawn to others who are keen on becoming better, more productive people. Find a foundation to support your self-esteem and hopefully as a result maturity will set in with time.

When and if you finally enter the professional workforce all of this will just be a memory. No one said it's easy.

So, do you have what it takes to overcome this obstacle? Only you can decide that. Nobody on this forum is qualified to tell you otherwise.

[Blue123]

... And write stories that they'll never read featuring them as bad-guys. Then you'll feel better and be better able to ignore it because you have your revenge, without actually provoking them.

Ooh yes. That feels good as hell.

Thanks for all the information, guys. I appreciate you guys taking your time to read my nonsense. I really had nobody to tell this to. I'll post here again tomorrow and let you know what happened.

This ain't nonsense at all. Keep going, and I hope your day goes well.

[Jake]

I think they do it to get reaction from their friends. I never show reaction. What makes them really entertained is when their friends say "say it again!".

You sure? Absolutely sure? No muttered dismissals, no noises, not even the slightest change in expression or posture? There's absolutely no way that they could possibly think they're getting a rise out of you? 'Cause I bet there is. One way or another - body language, who you choose to talk to, who you work with in group activities, whatever - they're getting a rise out of you.

Mostly, I'd just say "listen to Papillon", because of all the people saying stuff in this thread her suggestions sound the most sensible to me. But there is one other thing you might try; agree with them.

There was one guy I knew at school who was a master at this, and despite fundamentally being one of the clever kids, it got him out of nearly all of the usual "you're smart therefore you're a target" teasing.

"You're gay, Joel."
"Yep. Every day after school I go home and fuck my boyfriend in the arse."

Not only does this suggest to the people doing the teasing that it doesn't bother you, which means they're less likely to do it - because whether their ultimate motive is to inflate their own egos or impress their friends or whatever, the fundamental currency it relies upon is making you hurt - but also it annoys the hell out of them. Instead of annoying you, they've been shown up in front of their friends because they can't even insult you right.

Now, I expect that if you've spent five years giving them what they want one way or another then something like this wouldn't instantly solve all of your problems, and it might get worse in the short term... but frankly, there is no instant fix anyway. If the only problems you have are things people are saying to you, then I'd give it a go.

[Cybeat]

@Jake: I'm very sure of it. There was this one particular guy in my class that wouldn't shut up for squat, no matter how much I kept quiet and kept working. I walk, he tells his friend "Look how he walks! Haha.", I look over at something, he says "No porn here. Haha", I sit in class and watch our movie, he throws shit at me. He's done this for months, and I showed no reaction, until the day I did show reaction and we ended up at the principal's office (He didn't scold anybody. He just wanted to make sure I wasn't going to kill the twit). He did nothing after that day. It was as if getting up and talking with agressive tone and behavior was the right thing.




My problem is fixed now. I ended up switching class again. Was I running away from bullies again? Is evading right? I can't remember, but someone told me I can't keep running from bad people. I have to stand up and fix some things myself, because they're everywhere. I don't like fighting, though. I lost in 2 fights. One was while I was protecting my sister, and the other was while I was protecting my "older" brother, and later the bully and my brother ended up being friends and I was the "bad guy".