Ren'Ault?

[JQuartz]

Haha, from car ads to relationship talk. Just how a conversation can change.

Well, relationship talk seem more interesting to me anyway...

For people who don't realise this, companions are just passing delights which you toss away for another one when you get bored of them... Durr, just can't understand that kind of attitude. As if people were disposable. It's sad.

From my talk with one of these people, the person seem to be aiming higher than what she had gotten. She just became somebody's girlfriend because her target is still not found. She feels that having a boyfriend gives her some sort of benefits so even if the guy isn't up to her standard, she'll still accept him. So as long as no target is found then she'll stay with him but the moment she have a target(popular guy becomes single again, meet someone great, etc), it's sayonara to the boyfriend. I don't know if this is applicable to these people in general but it seems believable to me.

(The above isn't an example of what is considered a testing period, it's just something someone told me about)
However, I don't think there's anything wrong with keep changing companions if both persons in the relationship knows that they are still in a "testing" period. During testing period, it's important that neither one person becomes a parasite of the other because it makes breaking up harder since the host feels the parasite owes him/her too much to ask for a breakup. If neither one becomes a parasite then neither one ends up feeling the relationship was a mistake and both ends up being happy that they are a bit more experienced already.

Urm...in case somebody is annoyed that I went off-topic, I apologize in advance. Please just ignore this message if you want to talk about cars.

[Hime]

Well then again, this is the Ren'Ault thread... So it's more like half-topic than offtopic, haha.

However, I don't think there's anything wrong with keep changing companions if both persons in the relationship knows that they are still in a "testing" period.

I kind of understand this in a way, but what bugs me is that relationship is what you should enter after the testing period. Isn't that what relationship is after all, commitment and companionship? Testing someone out in a relationship just seems paradoxical to me, though I can imagine how some might see it...

[JQuartz]

relationship is what you should enter after the testing period.

Perhaps I didn't explain properly but the testing period is just another form of a relationship. While they are in the testing period, neither one can have another girlfriend or boyfriend without breaking up with the other. They can hold hands and go out on a date. In some books they call this kind of relationship, first base. The final base is marriage. On each base the things that can be done and the level of commitment towards each other is different.

Isn't that what relationship is after all, commitment and companionship?

Well the books also had another one, getting to know the person better. Sure we can know the person as a friend but sometimes their character changes(for better or for worse) when they are with their significant other.

Testing someone out in a relationship just seems paradoxical to me, though I can imagine how some might see it...

Well in real life, it's just a bit unrealistic if we just commit ourselves to whoever we fall in love with. It's not like in VN or shoujo manga, where the guy you end up falling in love with is suitable for you. In real life, we should approach a relationship with the mentality that we want to know the person better instead of I'm going to marry her/him. If approaching someone with the former mentality and realizing that he/she is not suitable for you, then breaking up is a good option and if you really did approach another person with the former mentality, you wouldn't be overly committed and sacrifice too much for the relationship to make the break up sour your relationship.

[DaFool]

For people who don't realise this, companions are just passing delights which you toss away for another one when you get bored of them... Durr, just can't understand that kind of attitude. As if people were disposable. It's sad.

From my talk with one of these people, the person seem to be aiming higher than what she had gotten. She just became somebody's girlfriend because her target is still not found. She feels that having a boyfriend gives her some sort of benefits so even if the guy isn't up to her standard, she'll still accept him. So as long as no target is found then she'll stay with him but the moment she have a target(popular guy becomes single again, meet someone great, etc), it's sayonara to the boyfriend. I don't know if this is applicable to these people in general but it seems believable to me.

Hmmm... sounds like someone I know whose career is about to expand yet her boyfriend is someone who didn't even finish college. Thing is, I would have been interested in her, but she's like so afraid of being alone that she keeps around what I term her "space-filler" which isn't fair to her and especially the guy. Well maybe the guy is just opportunistic as well, who knows. But as long as he's around, I'm not making my move.

[Jake]

I think I missed the part where we stopped talking about love and started talking about economics.

it makes breaking up harder since the host feels the parasite owes him/her too much to ask for a breakup

I mean... if someone isn't happy with their relationship, they're not happy with their relationship - staying together because they feel like the other person owes them something is... pretty stupid. They're just going to make themselves and then their partner unhappy.

Hmmm... sounds like someone I know whose career is about to expand yet her boyfriend is someone who didn't even finish college.

And really, I don't see why career or education status is relevant at all. Maybe they love each other? It happens sometimes, I've heard! Maybe they don't, you know the people in question, but it seems like that would have been a more relevant thing to mention than career paths...

[Hime]

Well in real life, it's just a bit unrealistic if we just commit ourselves to whoever we fall in love with. It's not like in VN or shoujo manga, where the guy you end up falling in love with is suitable for you.

Well then again, I don't think you can find a single person who is completely suitable when you start your relationship. But being in a relationship, people grow and learn new things, which can, if done right, end up in that person being what you call suitable. We all some from different kinds of families, environments and all, and there's no way you're 100% compatible with anyone in the beginning. But if both persons have the will to devote themselves to the relationship and understand the other person, they can kind of... meld together, as persons.
Just my view on this, of course, based on what I've experienced and seen, which can't very much taking my age and all to account. ^^; But just wanted to share it nonetheless.

[Adorya]

Life is not a VN but it can inspire it, the person "aiming at higher ground"...you need to get lot of point to reach that area

[JQuartz]

They're just going to make themselves and then their partner unhappy.

Some people are like this. They seem to follow the motto: "I better for both of us to be unhappy than just me alone being unhappy." What did they call this characteristic, I think it was scornful. I don't support this kind of attitude, by the way.

But being in a relationship, people grow and learn new things, which can, if done right, end up in that person being what you call suitable.

Yeah this is a good point but not everyone is willing to change. So sometimes it is better to have selected someone who already meets our minimum requirement so that even if the other person aren't willing to change, at least we still are willing to keep the relationship alive. Sometimes guys complain that their girlfriends keeps nagging them to change. I read before that boyfriends wouldn't want their girlfriends to change but they do, while girlfriends want their boyfriend to change but they wouldn't. I wonder if it's true?

I don't see why career or education status is relevant at all.

I read before that people of similar highest completed education status is more likely to understand each other than people who are different. However people of same educational stream are less likely to admire each other thus rockier relationship. I guess this is what the words mean: It's the similarities that hold us together but our differences that attract us to each other"