sayuri wrote:The CG where Casandra shoots the young girl is a bit fuzzy at first, but I like the zoom out effect. Nice touch.
Like all the CGs, it's just a place-holder for now. The act of creating the zoom effect made it painfully obvious that the final version will need to be insanely huge in both resolution and file size. We're still debating how best to pull it off and not end up with the fuzziness of the place-holder.
sayuri wrote:The transition from the desert to normal time is a bit abrupt. Maybe a different transition or the new location on a black background.
I agree. I want to do more with the transition. But it's going to require a bit more effort to pull off, as far as coding goes. It didn't make the cut for this version.
sayuri wrote:I agree that Lira cussing is a bit off. It clashes with her personality and the time period. I’m sure girls in the 1940s were more ladylike than today. Also Priscilla’s overuse of the word prey was a bit distracting. ‘Unsuspecting victim’ or ‘target’ are some replacements. Also, during that conversation Lira’s clothes randomly changed color twice.
It's easy enough to remove. As for overuse of words, it's not surprising. That scene is just a first draft, while most of the others are second or third. And as for the clothes changing - yeah. We were experimenting with different color schemes. Each expression had a different color scheme, and that's all we had on-hand for this version.
sayuri wrote:The option to rewind text would be a nice feature for people like me that are easily distracted
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I agree. Actually, I find myself trying to scroll back through text myself.
sayuri wrote:Priscilla’s says “hotties” “erotic comics” and Mom (I think she could be called Mother, by the way) talks about “hang around”. These kinds of phrases are really out of place for the time period. It’s a little distracting to me personally.
I can understand that. However, rather than being a true "period piece", I'm leaning towards making it a bit more...up-to-date? Perhaps think of it in terms of the Kevin Sorbo version of Hercules. A TV show based on Greek mythology, but with modern-day (Californian) English.
The two examples of animes that I can think of that used period language, Chrono Crusade and Baccano! annoyed me because of that very issue. I felt like every time period slang was used, the writers were beating me over the head with it, shouting, "See? See? This is the 20's!".
I can see how the opposite could be just as jarring. I think perhaps I'll try to steer the dialog towards a more neutral approach.
sayuri wrote:“And” really isn’t necessary when beginning a sentence and looks a bit clumsy. Same with “but”.
I know. It's just a bad habit. And it's an easy trap to fall into.
sayuri wrote:That's pretty much it. On the earlier version people were complaing that the mundane parts were too boring but I enjoyed the slow bits too. Maybe you just cleaned up a lot of the descriptions?
I completely chopped out over 40Kb of text between the end of the desert scene and Lira arriving at the docks and replaced it with a little less than 10Kb of text. Plus, most of the remaining descriptions were paired down as well.