Finding A Murderer

[Wright1000]

By the way, if my future releases contain any virus, will you delete them for me?

[lilyalex]

Cute and sweet

But I am sure that

it was Marcella who killed Ivy, because she loves Carrington too

[fleet]

It took me a several times playing to reach the best ending; I had to open the script file to see the point system.

[Wright1000]

What?

You cheated?

Cheating is bad.

[EternalDream]

Um... It's been a while since I downloaded any VNs because of lack of time, but I downloaded this one for 2 reasons. First is that seeing as you made it in 3 days, I assumed it would be short, so since I had the spare time today, I just thought why not. Second reason, which you might not like the reasoning is because your other VNs received some interesting feedback, I guess you could say. Take it anyway you want, but because of that I played your game 8D I'll just write my comments below.

Story - I'm not too good with writing and don't really know how to critique writings so I'm not going to say if it was good or bad because I honestly don't know sometimes. :/ In my opinion, it was kind of meh. It didn't really make me feel anything emotional, but then again most of the time, I don't really care or am bothered about that, since I'm more picky about art than story nowadays anyways. It's just that some of your sentences had repetitive meanings, and there were a few that sounded... off.

ex. "I do not own a car, so I go to office by bus."

I think sentences like that should be changed to something along the lines of: "I don't (or "do not" if you like writing formally) own a car, so I go to work by bus."

Art + Music - Especially for art, I actually recognized where all of those came from, and I honestly think you should credit everything and I mean EVERYTHING that's not yours. Don't forget about it just because it's a "long list". I am a lazy person so I get how you don't want to go back to everything just to get a link or a name or whatever, but stuff like this... you can't be lazy about it. :/ At least, if you don't want to enter some kind of legal boundaries I mean...

Characters - The main character, AKA the person the user plays as, is... clingy. I'm a girl, and I found the guy in the story... very whiny and clingy, wanting to be with the girl he loves every second. And plus, there were no taxis or buses so he skipped work? All I can say to that is where is his sense of responsibility. <.< He acted like how I would to my mom when she left for work... when I was 5 years old. Other than him, the others were okay I guess. Well at least Ivy. I didn't play through everything so I don't know much characters, but at least

Others - I just had to add this because... the thing that irked me the most was how the game started full screen. It scared the heck out of me since I was sleepy and expected a window sized screen.

What I think you should do to improve is actually show more of the main character and Ivy together so when Ivy dies, I will feel more emotional about it instead of just being like: "Oh. Thought so."

All that aside, for you to complete game after game so quickly is O_O... Yeah. I know for me, it's impossible...

For your next project, I think you should focus on one game for at least a month before releasing because I'm pretty sure lots of people here will prefer quanlity over quantity.

Uh, I didn't post in a long time so I ended up writing a super long thing, and in the end, I don't even know if you want it. D; But I just wrote this to let you know I've played it. Sadly, it ended up being this long. ;A;

[Blue Lemma]

(Threads merged by Blue Lemma) Only one thread per completed game, please

[azureXtwilight]

First off, congratulations for completing a game in such a short time, but I think you should take time to make the story more interesting. It seems to me like it was... Some kind of report, in which I don't feel associated or empathy at all. When Ivy dies, I don't feel empathy at all, which I usually feel when I'm playing any VNs

Second, it's better to credit who made the music and picture so you won't get trouble in the future~

And third, well... Keep trying. Even though this doesn't appeal at all, maybe if you gladly receive people's feedback and keep practicing then someday your works appeal to many people in this forum !

[Wright1000]

I already wrote that in the beginning Carrington was a very emotional boy.
I am completely the opposite of him.
So, I thought of making a protagonist who is weak and emotional.

[Wright1000]

Um... It's been a while since I downloaded any VNs because of lack of time, but I downloaded this one for 2 reasons. First is that seeing as you made it in 3 days, I assumed it would be short, so since I had the spare time today, I just thought why not. Second reason, which you might not like the reasoning is because your other VNs received some interesting feedback, I guess you could say. Take it anyway you want, but because of that I played your game 8D I'll just write my comments below.

Story - I'm not too good with writing and don't really know how to critique writings so I'm not going to say if it was good or bad because I honestly don't know sometimes. :/ In my opinion, it was kind of meh. It didn't really make me feel anything emotional, but then again most of the time, I don't really care or am bothered about that, since I'm more picky about art than story nowadays anyways. It's just that some of your sentences had repetitive meanings, and there were a few that sounded... off.

ex. "I do not own a car, so I go to office by bus."

I think sentences like that should be changed to something along the lines of: "I don't (or "do not" if you like writing formally) own a car, so I go to work by bus."

Art + Music - Especially for art, I actually recognized where all of those came from, and I honestly think you should credit everything and I mean EVERYTHING that's not yours. Don't forget about it just because it's a "long list". I am a lazy person so I get how you don't want to go back to everything just to get a link or a name or whatever, but stuff like this... you can't be lazy about it. :/ At least, if you don't want to enter some kind of legal boundaries I mean...

Characters - The main character, AKA the person the user plays as, is... clingy. I'm a girl, and I found the guy in the story... very whiny and clingy, wanting to be with the girl he loves every second. And plus, there were no taxis or buses so he skipped work? All I can say to that is where is his sense of responsibility. <.< He acted like how I would to my mom when she left for work... when I was 5 years old. Other than him, the others were okay I guess. Well at least Ivy. I didn't play through everything so I don't know much characters, but at least

Others - I just had to add this because... the thing that irked me the most was how the game started full screen. It scared the heck out of me since I was sleepy and expected a window sized screen.

What I think you should do to improve is actually show more of the main character and Ivy together so when Ivy dies, I will feel more emotional about it instead of just being like: "Oh. Thought so."

All that aside, for you to complete game after game so quickly is O_O... Yeah. I know for me, it's impossible...

For your next project, I think you should focus on one game for at least a month before releasing because I'm pretty sure lots of people here will prefer quanlity over quantity.

Uh, I didn't post in a long time so I ended up writing a super long thing, and in the end, I don't even know if you want it. D; But I just wrote this to let you know I've played it. Sadly, it ended up being this long. ;A;

Your spelling of "quality" is wrong. And what is the meaning of meh?

[Auro-Cyanide]

Meh is that sound you make when you shrug your shoulders and tip your head. It kind of means a feeling of nothing, or that you don't care enough to feel anything. It is an apathetic reaction.

[EternalDream]

Oh, my bad, a typo. I don't really read over what I write so yeah.
And I get it if you want to make a character opposite of you, who is weak and emotional. (Which is okay) It was just kind of my personal opinion on the character...

EDIT: Sorry if I seemed cold in the post above, I'm just too scared to add emotes...

[Snowflower]

@Wright1000

I think it's great that EternalDream was kind enough to write you a review of the game. There were probably a lot of stuff you can learn from in your next project. AuCN is right about the sound. It made it seem like you just shrugged it off like no big deal.

[Wright1000]

Sound? What sound are you talking about? I do not understand anything.

[Taleweaver]

Sound? What sound are you talking about? I do not understand anything.

Snowflower meant that AuCN described the sound "meh" correctly.