Lemma Soft Forums

Well, I guess that's the kind of thread that won't make my day any better xD But anyway, there are things I need to improve about myself, so here they are :

- My inability to make contacts : I can have friends, good friends, but not a whole circle of work relations like people usually have. That will be a big problem in the coming months...

- My awkwardness : people won't take me seriously. I always get stomped by people that are more self-confident.

- The fact I didn't work on a lot of game projects : it could seem stupid for many people, but as a professional it really is a pain. I'm a student game artist, which means that I won't get hired if I don't release games of my own.

- I can't speak correctly. I have trouble with pronunciation, even in my own language.

That's pretty much it... I think.

I don't hate anything about myself. Does it seem weird?

I don't hate my lack of self-confidence, me procrastinating, occasionally being dumb and stupid, and being harsh to the people close to me. I don't hate them at all and I'm not being sarcastic. The me right now already made a lot of mistakes but I learned from them. In fact, I'm so much better than before where I don't go outside of my room anymore, don't talk to anyone anymore, lying on my bed just waiting for me to die (literally). So, I really like the me right now and I'm still changing and getting better. ღ˘⌣˘ღ

I have a bad habit of acting before thinking. Usually when I'm cross or grumpy.

Rarely finishing a project/losing steam on it to the point it just becomes a burden.
Hoping to finally kick that habit in the summer seeing as I'll be done with the education system entirely and finally an adult.jpeg

Wah.... There is so many thing I hate about myself I don't think I can even list them all hahaha. But roughly- I would say:

- Just like anyone else, I procrastinate too much, like A LOT. I always wait until the last day to finish my work. A good example would be my essay, I always wait until the last day to sit down and write it. Sometimes it's not that bad, seeing like I have a clear deadline right in front of me, it helps me progress a lot. But that is a bad habit that I definitely should fix.

- Second would be my mood swing. My mood swings so fast, even faster than a pendulum! Five minute before I might feel motivated for writing, five minute later I just sit there and stare blankly into the air doing nothing.

But the thing that I hate most about myself is that I easily take interest in thing, but also extremely quick to get bored of it OTL the biggest problem for why I hardly finish any of my VN.

My shyness - so often I know what I want to do or say but just can't bring myself too.

I think every one every where has to be a procrastinator one way or the other.
I sorta don't mind being like that but at the same time I think I should worry a bit more.

I don't like how I tend to act differently depending on who I'm hanging out with. It's like I can't be totally honest with myself or them. Another thing I don't like is how when I work on things I tend to jump around a lot. Like I'll be working on an idea and then I'll write a scene from the middle of the story and draw a character completely unrelated. Also I tend to forget to eat and sleep when I get really focused on things. Not good for my health... And finally everything I've ever drawn or written I end up hating and destroy the evidence. Need more self confidence...

For me, it's the conflict between logic and emotions. I'm a hardass rational methodical borderline-controlling kind of person who plans for every contingency and expects reason to sort out all interpersonal conflicts and careful judgement to make my life as good as possible.

But I'm also a highly emotional being (and sufferer of type one bipolar disorder), and I get overcome by big stupid feelings way too often. No matter how well I know (or think I know) the right thing to do, I get roadblocked by neuroses, depression, social anxiety and the like all the time.

So I hate myself most when I can't stop crying about something asinine, which is way too often for me. I know emotions play an important role in our ability to make value judgements and thus make logical decisions at all, but it doesn't keep me from resenting how irrational I get.

Lets see... The thing I hate about myself is not being able to love myself sooner in life. High school would have been a hell of a lot more fun that way.

Hmm.. I think my biggest flaws are all tied up in social short-comings.

I literally don't know how to connect with people on deep, emotional levels. I have many surface-level relationships, like acquaintances, people who are familiar with me from church and school, but I've never had a best friend, a boyfriend.. even a close friend or confident (and I'm turning 21 in June... yikes.) I just don't know how to function socially, I guess. The only people I'm actually close with are my parents; I had a few 'friends' at university, but I was never really a part of the group.. you know, like they would talk to me and stuff, and invite me over, but I wasn't anyones choice of a housemate.

It sucks because on one hand, it's like there's this huge loneliness and longing for intimacy, but on the other hand, I'm so very, painfully anti-social. I feel like people always misunderstand me; I probably come off as distant and cold, unapproachable, which is the worst, because it's not my heart at all. I actually like people, and like learning about them... I'm a really great listener, I just don't know how to communicate that well (unless it's from a keyboard, apparently!)

Forever alone?

Mine are fairly simple and common, and can be corrected by simple willpower. I'm fat. I don't wanna be fat. I do work out, taking long walks on an almost daily basis as well as practice martial arts (yes, fat people can do that too). But chips and soda are tasty, and there's a cheap restaurant just across the street, so my middle name should be Unhealthy Eating. Which I have tried to prevent myself from doing, but when I buy groceries, for example, I forget about them because I get stuck in coding, anime, gaming or what-not and when I remember I have them, they've expired by a month or so -.-;;

As I mention, solving it is easy. Drop the chips and soda (as it stands now I eat two bags of chips a week and consume almost a litre of soda per day) and start to actually make (somewhat) healthy food on your own. Remove the fat-inducing factors and the workout I already do should make me drop to a more healthy body-shape. . . . I'm just to lazy to make food on my own (cooking is actually something I really love doing, but doing it for yourself alone is depressing) and too weakminded to drop the trash where it belongs T_T

I'm constantly trying to solve this though, so hopefully I might be able to post a before/after pic sometime in the distant future.

Eiliya wrote:Mine are fairly simple and common, and can be corrected by simple willpower. I'm fat. I don't wanna be fat. I do work out, taking long walks on an almost daily basis as well as practice martial arts (yes, fat people can do that too). But chips and soda are tasty, and there's a cheap restaurant just across the street, so my middle name should be Unhealthy Eating. Which I have tried to prevent myself from doing, but when I buy groceries, for example, I forget about them because I get stuck in coding, anime, gaming or what-not and when I remember I have them, they've expired by a month or so -.-;;

As I mention, solving it is easy. Drop the chips and soda (as it stands now I eat two bags of chips a week and consume almost a litre of soda per day) and start to actually make (somewhat) healthy food on your own. Remove the fat-inducing factors and the workout I already do should make me drop to a more healthy body-shape. . . . I'm just to lazy to make food on my own (cooking is actually something I really love doing, but doing it for yourself alone is depressing) and too weakminded to drop the trash where it belongs T_T

I'm constantly trying to solve this though, so hopefully I might be able to post a before/after pic sometime in the distant future.

Your chips and soda is my ice cream. For some unexplainable reason, dropping it is easier said than done.

While there are things I should be grateful about myself (such as my family and my friends, and how my father works so hard so he can accommodate our needs), I exactly know which part of me I should erase from time to time. It's like a bad habit that dies hard. Or maybe it is a bad habit.

I like to set goals in everything, while most of them I only keep in my mind, I often write them too, including the plans. But you know, usually a day after you feel that your plan is perfect and you just have to follow it so that you'll get what you want, you get really, really lazy. And you procrastinate like nothing happened and you completely forget the goal and the plan you just made. I don't know, it keeps happening to me ;_; I realize I must know my priority and should do it first above all leisuring and lazing around. I just need to focus.

But just like what people said, saying is easy, doing is not.

Well... I what I hate about myself is I'm overly talkative which makes my teachers mad Every. Single. Time. And sometimes I brag and lie about things I don't really have.

I hate how I act when I'm mad. I'm an extremely patient person and am generally calm and happy, but if pushed to the point of anger I tend to lose my head and can act like a monster.

I need to figure out how to control myself better when pushed past that point.