Bermuda

[musical74]

TRIED to see what Elpis sounds like...it started DL then I got kicked offline and when I tried again geocites said *nope not gonna happen* YEESH; not blaming geocites, blaming the kicking me offline that caused it

I second monele on the picture. It looks like Elpis is looking at something in the sea through a window, and the purple, while there, doesn't really stand out. Maybe if you highlight the purple so it stands out a little more?

Just wondering something...since Elpis has been in the Bermuda Triangle for who knows how long, maybe have the main character bring along a CD player or something along those lines, something *current and modern* and have Elpis wonder what the heck all this stuff is...granted the game's supposed to be darkish but it would be funny trying to explain to Elpis what a CD player is, what a computer is, etc...maybe when you successfully fend off all the monsters or something? kind of like an omake section? no worries if you don't, just thought it would be funny to see the Main Character try and explain something that's so second nature to him, explain something to someone who's never heard of it before

[Der Tor]

that time difference thingy is a good idea... giving that the Bermuda Triangle is a Dimensional gate Elpis could be from ancient greece or from the starship enterprise or whatever time

[M12]

Thanks for the suggestions. Cool I will try to highlight the purple. Yeah the omake sounds like a great idea. I don't think it can happen in the actual game, but yeah. Musical74, I hope you will like Elpis' voice.

Elpis isn't really from a different time. But she's hasn't seen much from our world.

Anyway, back to working on manga =).

[M12]

Don't want to spoil too much more, but here is Elpis' Mothership. Hope you like it =).

[monele]

Looking nice ^^

[musical74]

Agreed. Looks like some kind of bug...but very well done =)

[M12]

I'm almost done with the Bermuda manga. The title will be "Before Bermuda". This is a short manga outlining Elpis' history. I hope to release the work tomorrow, or the day after. Please look forward to it =).

[M12]

Here is the Bermuda manga. Hope you will like it. Please leave a response here, as I worked hard on this. Thanks =).

[JQuartz]

Please leave a response here, as I worked hard on this. Thanks =).

Can the response be in the form of criticism?
Anyway like monele said, the mothership looks nice.

[M12]

Yeah sure JQuartz. Hopefully you won't kill it >_<.

[chronoluminaire]

That's quite a stylish manga. The colour scheme is evocative, and there are a number of nice touches - the eye-shaped portals are particularly creepy. I wouldn't have made the water coloured so "flat", but the graininess is an interesting stylistic choice that more or less works.

The part on page 5 with two speech bubbles really reads in the wrong order. Since you're writing in English, the expectation is that speech bubbles will read left-to-right, top-to-bottom; the bubbles are the wrong way round no matter which of those you give priority. To fix this, I'd suggest flipping the page left-to-right, and then taking the child's bubble up to the top-left, and moving Elpis's a little downwards so that it's below the horizontal level of the first bubble.

Having read this makes me look forward quite a bit more to the game

Just one request: could you go to the first post in this thread and edit the title to correct the "Burmuda" spelling mistake? That keeps bugging me >.<

[DaFool]

Nice... downloading now...

I think... with multi-format projects like this (game, manga, e-book, etc.), how exactly to we bring attention that their are nice downloadable goodies in them? It's not as if you can place them in the Completed section (that's only for games).

[Vatina]

Oooh a manga too? *downloads*
Looking forward to reading it ^^ I'll post my opinions later!


You know.... not to hijack the thread or anything, but I have noticed there are some people here on the forum that look really good at proofreading scripts and so on. And now they hint at being good at critiquing comic pages too. If it is not too selfish, could there maybe be someone who would like to help me out with something like that?

*Hides away again*

[monele]

Awww, le sad . But it's nice ^^. And boy, full pictures for each ... huge panel... that's quite something .

I second chronoluminaire on bubble placement. My suggestion would be to just make the boy's bubble higher than Elpis's... that's it . Oh and yes, fix that Burmuda thing XD

[M12]

Thanks people. Yeah, DaFool, I'm not sure where we can upload these goods. Cool, I'll try and fix the Bubble Trouble (^_^;). Oh, is it possible to change the topic name? I don't know how =O.
Thanks.