Him & Me (GxB) WIP NEW DEMO 1/4/13

[Celianna]

Alright, I played the demo! At a glance, it's not bad. There's a few typos here and there (I think at one point you tried to spell acquaintances, but it didn't look anything like it haha), so you might want to run a spellchecker through all of your dialogue.

Since it's still a work in progress, I can't comment much on how both storylines will go, but there is one thing that bugs me endlessly. You are stuck on Deia's storyline if you choose to look for his dog - you don't even get to check out Hyo, which is very disappointing. You should allow the player to experience both the initial events with Deia and Hyo before letting them choose which one they want to pursue (or better yet, make it so you can do both guys at any time so the player feels no pressure).

I am not a fan of stereotypical fangirls which seem to only be present in fiction, and only serve as a plot device to make the guy in question seem way more popular than he really is, and to make the protagonist seem like the only sane girl in the world. I suggest taking them out, or actually using them to create conflict between the protagonist and one of the guys, right now they're just ... there, being annoying.

Other than the occasional typo, and the annoying fangirls, it was a decent demo.

[ririruetoo]

@Celianna
Thank you for your comments! Yeah I know there are spelling errors, but when this demo was released, I was too busy to go back and change them. Next demo they will all be fixed. I know you are sort of stuck with Deia if you choose to look for his dog, but I'll change that right now ( it will be a easy fix). I know fangirls are annoying, but they are sort of meant to be annoying....If that makes any sense. (^_^) Yes they annoy me, but its almost a love hate relationship, I don't like them. Yet I can't see this game without them ( as you can tell it's not meant to be a realisic game) but I suppose I will try and tone them down a little bit. ( Fangirls do exist in real life by the way....Sadly in middle school my friends and I were them...). Anywho, thank you for saying it was decent. Not even I would call it that! When I released the demo, I was sick of working on releasing it ( I was going to make everything perfect and all the sprites were going to be done before I released it....as you can see that didn't happen) so I got fed up and released what I had so far. It isn't great by any means, if its anything I would say a 'Barest of the bare bones demo'. The next demo will be much better......I hope anyways. So I'll be looking forward to more of your comments!

[ririruetoo]

New screenshot! MC in a Yukata! Okay, I know they don't wear yukatas in Korea, but I couldn't resist putting this in my game! Well, it was actually my artist's idea...She's such a good artist!

[HikkiPanda]

That's definitely a good idea XD !!! (and the flower motif is so pretty too X3 !!)

[ririruetoo]

Dao screenshot!

[ririruetoo]

Awwwwwwww~! Dao looks so cute!

[Celestine]

Liked the art.

Bong-Cha something else . Beginning of your game pretty abrupt from being late to school to jumping to after school. You transitioned it too quickly. I didn't even have time to adjust between the conversation with Bong-Cha to jumping to its already after school.
Some of the areas in your demo the story doesn't transition smoothly for the reader to adjust into the next scene. You just jump right into it.

Some spelling errors. Yes I know you mention it before so I pointed out some so you could fix them in your completed game. I hope they help.
Exactly. Pricey. 1st time wasn't separated living room. Proposal. Nonsense. Fetched. Interesting.
guy's heart. Decision. Your forgetting the apostrophe ' in your sentences where you need them. Prestigious. What's. Talkable or Talkative. Shelves. Approach. Decided. Council.
Don't need "was" in - been moved.
" He wants me to come home right away." or " He wants me home right away."
Squealing. Murderously. Where. Apologize. Relax. There's. That's.

I love your purple tree scene. That's really pretty.
The music and sounds fit nicely and smoothly into your story.

I would of played the "don't go" part but I don't know where your skip option is so that'd be too long for me.

Nice story, hope you finish it. Although Novelty a bit of a pain in the but for my computer, it's Windows XP. Hope some of this spelling helps. You should get a proofreader though.

[Azora Tenshi]

I played the demo, it was really good, but like Celestine said there are some errors. Overall, the plot was really good!

[ririruetoo]

Wow...Thank you guys so much! Yes, I know my spelling sucks, and the transitions aren't that great, but all will be fixed in the next demo! The new demo will also include, more: Music, sprites ( yay!), and of course plot. I actually have almost all the scenes written for the demo ( expect for one...I feel so bad for Hyo! I always forget him...) so look forward to that also.

@Celestine *sigh* I hate feeling stupid. Spelling isn't exactly my forte to begin with, and usually when I'm writing I don't want to go back and fix mistakes ( it would ruin my groove) so I just left them be, and well, I was sick of working on the project when I released the demo. So I didn't really care if there were spelling errors or not.

[Celestine]

Yeah I know. It's good getting the plot. I just thought I'd help out a bit with some of the spelling in case you planned to fix it. That's why I put it up there.

[ririruetoo]

@Celestine

Thanks. Yeah, I really should work on my spelling...But your help is always welcome!


GAME INFO~ HOW TO SKIP~ press and hold down the A button

[ririruetoo]

@Celestine

Um, you mentioned the 'purple tree scene' what is that scene? I don't rememeber any purple tree...

[Celestine]

I think it was right before the festival before the end of the demo.

[Tag-]

You know, if you're not very confident in your english or spelling skills, running the script over in word with spell checker is always an option. Another option is to ask someone on the forum to proofread your script. It's not a massive task, so I'm sure many people will be willing to help you


That being said, I like how the game is turning out so far, but I agree with Celestine, the scenes transition a bit too quickly. (Also, Dao is adorable~)

[Himekinori]

*downloading *_______*