Broken Dawn: Thermopylae - Game Development Thread

Message

monele · #31 Post by **monele** » Thu Aug 10, 2006 8:37 am

Eheh, I'm glad this is having a good feedback ^^. Sci-fi games are definitely not out of the way

.

I'll reply to the pm tonight ^^

ciel · #32 Post by **ciel** » Thu Aug 10, 2006 6:21 pm

Well if i could choose rori, i probably would've chosen her too...

SHe's too popular now i think you should make her available.. (secret ending like u said?)

well so far I chose cordelia instead because it just seemed more entertaining. XD i like characters that hate each other at first or something like that...

DANG the demo ended too fast. XP i'll be looking forward to it...

PS so far my favorite character is actually the main character ...LOL. that's most likely because i'm a girl though~ XD I wanna see what he looks like! dang it he's such a player tsk

Watercolorheart · #33 Post by **Watercolorheart** » Thu Aug 17, 2006 8:30 am

Well, given that I downloaded this and never played it, I finally booted the demo using the new Ren'Py 5.4 stuff and started running it.

The first thing I thought of was Ender's Game .... have you ever read it? If not, I'd recommend reading it just because it reminded me of this. ^^;; http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/081255 ... 67?ie=UTF8

Not to mention, it's got the best twist ending ever.

The writing is rather funny, the narrator is so deliciously sarcastic that he reminds me of Kyon, but less wordy.

Um, I'm gonna go finish playing it now, I was just posting my first impressions.

Nafai · #34 Post by **Nafai** » Thu Aug 17, 2006 12:33 pm

*laughs* Oh yes, I'm a big Ender fan... Not so much the Bean saga, but the original quartet, especially the first three - some really great stuff ^_^

The most direct influence for me choosing a sci fi story though would be Lois McMaster Bujold's Vorkosigan Saga - excellent, excellent stuff. Those familiar with that series will know where Vor-smith comes from

And you know, while I didn't start out with him in mind, somewhere down the middle I too began to see Kyon's pervasive influence

Hes just an interesting narrator, and I wanted to have one to, although nowhere near Kyon's level

Let me know how you find the rest of it BCS... thanks for booting it up ^_^

Watercolorheart · #35 Post by **Watercolorheart** » Thu Aug 17, 2006 1:00 pm

Well, I felt that I had a strange obligation to play this, seeing as how my demo was the only other sci-fi demo at the moment ... and mine was sort of inspired by Schismatrix Plus, along with my old ideas for that project.

Watercolorheart · #36 Post by **Watercolorheart** » Sat Aug 19, 2006 6:15 am

More review ...

I catalogued the parts that made me smile or laugh for some reason or another.

Ah, I did it for the author, so don't expect it to make sense if you've not played it through ...

LOL! at the part where the screen flashes different colors like in the Ren'Py demo for a wave of dizziness.

The part where the "past comes down like a hammer" off the top of the screen with a little shake is kind of funny too. It would make more sense, to me, if it were a picture of Cal, though.

I smiled when Sephie said "suitable material" heh.

Iria's deadpan delivery of the next line didn't really get me, but his reaction to it, that "it was kind of unnerving that she'd look at me, and all she saw was a collection of tissues" was funny.

I dunno, it crossed my mind that Iria is probably one of those girls who is only able to interact with machines and robots.

Hehe ... Elll .... (my expression grew pained) ... ijah.

What am I, a can opener? XD

There is one part where I fell out of the game, where the player finds out that

his commander has been killed

and he says "They'll pay for this ..." and that's it. It just sounded so hollow.

I was expecting something more, like

"We all respected the commander. I remember how he had given us a speech when I first joined, and it had really impressed me. Instead of just spouting nonsense, he told stories of his youth and experiences. To imagine him gone, the glue that held my company together ...

I just couldn't believe what I was hearing, and when I finally did, hot anger filled me. I'll make them PAY for this."

or, even, on a different track ... "A sad resolution filled me. Death was unavoidable, but imagining the commander gone ... Yes, I'll make them pay for this, and everyone else.

Some kind of detail.

Just ... more ... feeling from the protagonist, I suppose. I didn't feel like he meant it at all. I mean, I know it's a light-hearted game, but it's a serious situation ...

On the other hand, a nice little use of cliffhanger with Captain Starr saying

there might be a spy or saboteur among us.

I look forward to playing more.

Good luck.

Nafai · #37 Post by **Nafai** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 1:42 am

Thanks for the helpful comments BCS ^_^ Will send you a pm re: the more specific issues but in general:

* I'm glad the parts of the dialogue which I intendesd to be humorous actually were

And I'm just as glad that I didn't have you laughing at any parts I'd intended to be serious, except for maybe one

* As to your critique - its the first time its been raised but you make a very good point. I'm working on adjusting the script now and I'll definately expand on that portion. It's not meant to be *that* lighthearted anyway

* Glad you liked the cliffhanger as well ^_^ I hope the culprit/s isn't too obvious @_@

Thanks again ^_^

Watercolorheart · #38 Post by **Watercolorheart** » Sat Sep 23, 2006 11:39 am

I have no idea who the culprit is ... (laugh) I'm generally quite clueless about these things.

Wait, it must be his ex-girlfriend, right!? LOL.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I eagerly await any updates to this ... I look forward to Broken Dawn: Thermopylae more than any other demo so far, because I enjoyed the simple but lively characters and story. It also doesn't fall prey to bad cliches ...

*coughLike putting a catgirl in for no apparent reason ...hackchoke*

Nafai · #39 Post by **Nafai** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 11:27 am

*cheers* Thanks BCS ^_^ Its good to hear that you're looking forward to this, and that you liked the characters and story - really toiled on those ^_^ Hopefully I'll have a new 'twist' on the traitor angle that'll be cool ^_^

October will see the project rachet into high-gear. I've taken a long look at the story - and I realized that one of the main problems was that I was trying to squeeze in humor and 'normal' character development in the context of a high-stress life or death situation, and things were coming out a bit uneven and forced.

So I've decided to change the story a bit and have the girls arrive three days before the 'event' in the first demo, to give the player some time to interact with them before things get serious. To this end I'm almost totally rehauling the first part, but as I said October is a more relaxed month for me so progress should be easier -

- especially since the talented Sno-dove has graciously agreed to do the character art. And in color too! [Now I just need to worry about backgrounds]

Attaching one of her pics of Sephie here to whet people's appetites ^_^

Thanks for the encouragement you guys. Will keep the regular updates coming ^_^

Watercolorheart · #40 Post by **Watercolorheart** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 12:38 pm

Nafai wrote:*cheers* Thanks BCS ^_^ Its good to hear that you're looking forward to this, and that you liked the characters and story - really toiled on those ^_^ Hopefully I'll have a new 'twist' on the traitor angle that'll be cool ^_^

October will see the project rachet into high-gear. I've taken a long look at the story - and I realized that one of the main problems was that I was trying to squeeze in humor and 'normal' character development in the context of a high-stress life or death situation, and things were coming out a bit uneven and forced.

So I've decided to change the story a bit and have the girls arrive three days before the 'event' in the first demo, to give the player some time to interact with them before things get serious. To this end I'm almost totally rehauling the first part, but as I said October is a more relaxed month for me so progress should be easier -

- especially since the talented Sno-dove has graciously agreed to do the character art. And in color too! [Now I just need to worry about backgrounds]

Attaching one of her pics of Sephie here to whet people's appetites ^_^

Thanks for the encouragement you guys. Will keep the regular updates coming ^_^

That picture of Sephie is sweet!! Now I know why sno-dove has been on a bit of a hiatus with mine ... he's working on yours too ^^;;

You know, truth be told, I enjoyed the byplay at the very start between our hero and his friend [sorry, I forgot their names already ... ] So, please, do keep that and some of the other moments that made me laugh.

Removing them would sadden me

... also, if you make your story too serious, it won't entertain as much. I actually liked it just the way it is, it's like an anime or something (Full Metal Panic, maybe? Serious but also comedy-oriented at times ... )

Although, it's good to see you pushing forward ...

monele · #41 Post by **monele** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 1:16 pm

I agree that the humor was part of what made it nice ^.^. I'm not sure having lots of it first, then none of it would be good. Of course, it's not easy to entertwine drama and laughs but hm... when it's well done, you get the best thing ^.^.
Also, Sephie looking good

Watercolorheart · #42 Post by **Watercolorheart** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 3:05 pm

Yeah, now to see that little engineer girl I liked

... (sorry, I forgot her name too ... gomen!)

Please leave the story as it is and do your best. Even in the worst of times, we can still find things to laugh about. Just let the story write itself ...

(I find every time I start a chapter, I have one idea in mind, but by the time I'm finished, I've written something else entirely. How does that happen? ... )

Nafai · #43 Post by **Nafai** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 5:56 pm

Oh no, I won't be removing the humor entirely - the protagonist is a naturally snarky fellow. Its just that I found myself wanting to put in certain humorous situations - say the classic inadvertent peeping scene - and then realizing that I couldn't get all the milleage I'd like to out of it simply because, well, if you're in a race against the clock to prevent interplanetary conflict, you don't have a lot of time to really spend chasing a peeping tom around going "LT you pervert!"

So the humor will still be in there, I just won't be so... desperate about it

Also it gives more development to people like the vase Commander, so that anything that happens to them means something. Notably Cal - the male friend you noted BCS - will have a much more fleshed out character here. I just finished typing the 'intro' all the way until the very first girl makes an appearance - and it's basically 20 pages of LT and Cal verbally sparring

I also added a new character, sort of a reporter type, and I want him to play sort of a 'side story' role in the sense that... If any of you played the Sakura Taisen games - sort of like someone you could go to for more info on the girls, or a source of some bonus 'pictures'

Will pass on the compliments to Sno - sorry if I'm taking some of her time BCS @_@ She works very quick when shes in the zone though

And yeah stories do tend to have lives of their own sometimes dont they?

Watercolorheart · #44 Post by **Watercolorheart** » Wed Sep 27, 2006 8:28 am

Wait. Are we talking about the same sno-dove http://sno-dove.deviantart.com?

Because she .... is a he ... *sweat* I've also talked to him on the phone so I know a little bit about him. He's okay ... he does a very good job coloring, I've always found him to be dependable, after being given some time to work.

I think the reporter idea is interesting. Go for it.

And aren't animes like Tenchi Muyo enough proof that people can find time to do anything? >_o;; You could always have Cordelia chase him, and everyone else be like, 'What, are you stupid!? We're being fired at!!'

monele · #45 Post by **monele** » Wed Sep 27, 2006 10:02 am

You could always have Cordelia chase him, and everyone else be like, 'What, are you stupid!? We're being fired at!!'

Agreed

. Sometimes people will have weird priorities... and this makes humor, wai

Lemma Soft Forums

Broken Dawn: Thermopylae - Game Development Thread

Who is online