redeyesblackpanda's character/story writing training thread

[redeyesblackpanda]

Alright... so I've decided to make this a monthly thing, with ONE slot a month, because I'm pretty busy.

This Month's Slot: DarkSpartan

I've decided to give this a try. To help me improve and test my writing skills, please post a character image. I'll make up a short bio/description. I'm also willing to write up a super short scene if you want me to. If you want, you can request specific details or styles ("make him a love interest in an otome," "make him a nerd," "tragedy," "second person," and "comedic" are examples of what I mean) and I'll try to do it (key word, try).

I'm going to ask that you don't submit too many, because I do have VNs that I'm working on writing too, and I don't think I can do this if someone spams 50 images! I will accept a group of pictures if you want them to be characters in the same world though.

I'd also be willing to tell a story about a scene (you could post a picture of a bunch of people at a party, for example).

I know that I'm opening myself up for painful shots, but I will accept critique. I might not be able to respond to it if it hurts too much though.

I don't think this needs saying, but I won't write stuff that's nsfw nor will I write for an image that's nsfw.

Here's an example using my avatar:
(The scene is probably a bit on the long end of what I'll write. Odds are, I won't write something this long for your image.)


Johnny the Red Eyed Black Panda
Johnny is a shy panda. He has lived as an outcast his entire life. The other pandas fear him because he looks different. He was taken in by a kind old man after he was found bloody and battered at the bottom of a cliff. Ironically, he has a fear of pandas. His favorite food is rice and beans (bamboo frightens him).

Quote: "I like eating beans 'cuz they make me make funny sounds!"

It wasn't the nicest of days for little Johnny. He had been hiking with grandpa when he noticed they had entered a forest. "Grandpa, this place scares me..."
Johnny had a good look at the bamboo surrounding him and realized that the sight of them filled him with a terror that he did not understand. The old man turned to him, "Little Johnny... this is where I found you all those years ago. Do you remember?"
"I... I don't remember..."
"That's alright, you were very young back then. It's reasonable that you wouldn't remember..."
"I see..."
"Johnny... I've taken you here because you are a grown panda now."
"W-what do you mean?!"
"Look, Johnny... There comes a time when a child must leave his parents." The old man frowned, "I've take care of you for six years now, but you've been grown for a while."
Johnny began to realize what was happening, and it scared him. "Grandpa... are you abandoning me?"
The old man sighed, "Johnny... I love you. You're the child I was never able to have. I would keep you forever, but the truth is, I'm getting old. I don't think I will be alive much longer."
"But you can't die, Grandpa!"
The old man laughed, "Johnny, I will never die if you remember me."
With that, the old man began to walk the path back to his house. Johnny was too shocked to follow. The old man began to disappear down the path and Johnny though he heard him say something. It sounded like he was saying, "Johnny, I don't want you to see me die. I'm sorry I have to leave, but I will love you forever..."
That was the last time Johnny would see that old man, but it was not the last time he thought of him. He remembered the old man forever and so the old man never died.

^ Truth is, I prefer writing comedy (especially farce). Of course, that's all the more reason for me to write that... ^

Oh, also, I'd prefer if the picture wasn't on photobucket or other photo sharing websites as they are blocked on one of the networks that I commonly use. If you're putting up your own picture, I'd like it if you attached it to your post. That being said, I'm still cool with random pics from the internet.

[HigurashiKira]

My interests are piqued, how's about something on him:

Something funny perhaps?

[redeyesblackpanda]

Here it is... I noticed the name "Sean" on the sprite, so I thought I would honor it. Made up the last name though. Reading it now, I'm not too satisfied with how it turned out. I think I could have gone with something else to make it funnier. After writing and reading only VNs for so long, I'm starting to have trouble writing regularly, so the dialogue might be a bit strange...
Maybe I'll just write in VN format... I might have been able to make this funnier if I had written it that way...
I liked the character I came up with, but I think the story portion was poorly executed...

Sean Samuelson

Sean is the owner of a gaming store. He loves comics, TCGs, Warhammer, D&D, and all things gamer. He runs tournaments, campaigns, and cosplay contests at his store. Seems like a typical guy running a typical gaming store, right? Wrong. His store is named The Garden of Comics and has a customer base almost entirely composed of Gal Gamers. If that's not strange enough, all of them seem to be attracted to him...

Scene - The Tournament
The Garden of Comics had been experiencing a fairly calm day. Sean looked around his shop. There was a pair of girls playing Magic the Gathering and a girl leaving through the comic book collection. Other than that, the store was pretty much empty. Sean glanced at the clock, "5:50... It's pretty calm right now."
He sat at the counter, enjoying the peace and quiet, "Ah... this is good... nice and calm..."
"Excuse me," the girl thumbing through comic books had come to the register, interrupting Sean's thoughts, "Could I purchase this?"
Sean looked to see what she was talking about. She was holding the latest issue of Invincible Iron Man. "Yeah, sure. That will be 6 dollars."
"Alright..." thumbing through her purse, the girl looked for her money, "Business has been slow today, hasn't it?"
"Yeah, but it's not going to last..." Sean frowned.
"Huh? Why not?"
Sean explained, "It's a Friday and there's a Magic tournament tonight. This place is going to be packed."
"Oh, that card game? A couple of my friends play it."
"Yeah, it's pretty popular."
The girl's eyes swept over the rack of comic books, "This is a nice store. You've got a lot of selection..."
Sean smiled, "Thanks. I like comics a lot, so having this sort of place makes me really happy."
The girl's eyes seemed to glint, "I like this place a lot. I'll definitely come back here..."
"Oh, what days do you work here anyway?" it had just occurred to her to ask Sean.
This was not something Sean was unfamiliar with. He sighed internally but kept a normal face, "I pretty much work here every day. I own the place, after all."
Hearing this, the girl grinned, "Well, I guess I'll be seeing you a lot then."
With a wink, she left the store.
Shaking his head, Sean sat at the counter, "Why does this always happen?"
One of the girls playing Magic shouted a reply across the room, "It's because you're hot, Sean."
Annoyed, Sean shot back a reply, "Just keep playing Magic!"
The girl gave him a skeptical look and continued her game.
Some time passed and it was soon six. Girls started flooding into the shop, just as Sean had predicted. Looking at the crowd, Sean muttered under his breath, "Sheesh, this is more that I thought there would be..."
The shop was too full, so Sean went to the back of the store and grabbed some tables, which he set up outside. As he was doing so, he felt someone poking his back. He turned to see a girl. Much to his dismay, she was heavily clad in card deck boxes and dice and he recognized her immediately, "Hello, Liz..."
Liz gave him an aggressive smile and asked him a question, "Hey, are you going to announce the price payouts?"
"Yeah." With that, Sean walked to the front of the store, where the players had gathered. Clearing his throat, he announced the prize structure, "With seventy people, the payout will be a booster boxes for first place and half a box for second. The top 50% will also get a pack."
Liz stepped in front of him, "A box is nice and all, but there's a prize that I think we all want more than that. How about first place gets to kiss you?"
The crowd of girls rumbled in approval and Sean understood that he had no real choice, "Sigh, if that's what you want. I'll be participating in this tournament too then."
"Hey, don't you have to stay as a judge? You can't play," she retorted.
Shaking his head, Sean replied, "No, this is a casual tournament. I can guarantee you that I'll be objective."
Liz and the other girls clearly seemed to be dissatisfied with his answer, but they couldn't come up with an effective response.
The tournament proceeded and shouts like, "I'm going to cream you so that I can kiss Sean!" were heard across the room. Eventually, there were only two participants remaining, Sean, and not of much surprise to him, Liz.
With an aggressive grin, Liz declared, "I'm going to pound you into the ground and claim my prize, Sean!"
Sean, genuinely fearing for his life replied, "Oh God, I hope you don't."
With that, they shuffled their decks and started playing. Liz got off to an aggressive start and quickly whittled Sean's life total down to 1. She was ranked second in the city, so this wasn't much of a surprise. Even so, Sean wasn't breaking a sweat. During his next turn, he played a card saying, "I'm going to sweep the board."
Liz was upset when she realized that she was about to lose all the cards she had played. She shrugged, saying, "Sean, you're at 1 life. Why don't you just concede?"
With a thin smile, Sean replied, "You know what's coming next, though..."
He played out the rest of his cards, setting off a combo that drove Liz's full life total to 0. Liz may have been ranked second in the city, but Sean was ranked first in the state. He wasn't prepared to lose, especially with so much at stake.
Liz was upset, and she shouted, "AH! I was going to beat you too! I really wanted to get that kiss!"
Feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders, Sean replied with a grin, "Come on, you're getting half a box!"
Sean grabbed a box from the counter an split it, handing Liz the packs. As he did, Liz grabbed his hand and pulled him in, kissing him.
Sean was completely stunned, "D-damn it! What the hell do you think you're doing?!"
Leaving the packs at the counter, Liz began to leave the store. As she exited, she spoke, "I'm just claiming my prize. As the store owner and judge, you're not allowed to participate in this tournament, so I win by default."
Wiping off his lips, Sean shouted after her, "You know that's not true!"
Turning back to the shop, Liz replied, "Yeah, you're right. See you next week."
Having said that, she got into her car and left. Sean turned back to the store to see a bunch of angry glares. One of the girls walked up to him and menacingly said, "Where's my kiss?"
Before things got any worse, Sean ran to his car and drove away. He wasn't worried about the store getting robbed. Much to his dismay, this was a common enough of an occurrence, and he had already learned that those remaining wouldn't let anything get stolen. "Those girls... they're creepy but honest," he said as he tried to determine how long it would take for things to cool down and for him to be able to return.

[HigurashiKira]

I have to say, that was impressive. You somehow managed to pick up on his actual personality, which is something I liked (As well as abusing him a bit with the fangirls).
*gives you a virtual cookie*

[redeyesblackpanda]

Yum! Thanks!

I'm glad I got lucky!

^_^

[wingzofdarkness]

Wow, Panda! You do an amazing job at creating a story with a single picture. It was amazing to read your scripts.
The panda story was really touching and adorable, and Higurashi's story was funny. They were both delightful short reads.

Would you mind trying one for my character, please? =D

He doesn't have a name...so you can make one up. Comedy would be interesting to see, but you may write whatever tone that plays in your mind. It's pretty open-ended.

[redeyesblackpanda]

Comedy was hard and certainly wasn't the first thing that came to mind. It was exactly that reason that I wrote this as one. What came to my head originally was something similar to what "Leon" seems to think is true. If I had written a serious story, it would probably be on that. I experimented this time with writing only dialogue.

Barry McAllister aka. “Leon Dartmouth”

Barry McAllister hates his name. He’s the type that fantasizes about being a hero, but he’s also the type to get things done. As such, he’s created a group of “heroes.” They’re really just his friends, but he thinks he’s their leader. He calls his squad the “Angel Division.” He’s quite the dreamer, and he fantasies about being everybody’s hero. He doesn’t like being contradicted. He doesn’t really need an eye patch and the halo’s fake. The other members of his team are Janet and Jim. Barry thinks he is a brave courageous person that has deep emotional scars and plenty of physical scars. He's wrong.



Barry “We are the Angel Division.”
Barry “We were created for one purpose. Science made us who we are, outcasts of normal society. Humanity has always reached for the stars and had jealous desires to surpass God. One step was the creation of angels.”
Barry “In this foolish struggle, we came into existence. An accident, really. We were born to suppress revolts and keep dictators in power, but while our creators built us as angels. That was their mistake. As angels, we have turned against our evil masters.”
Barry “To combat the evil side of humanity, to protect the good side of humanity, that is the duty of the Angel Division.”
Janet “Come on, Barry… Again with this “Angel Division” act? Don’t you think that it would be a good idea to grow up?”
Barry “Shut up, Eliza! My name is Leon! LEON! I am Leon Dartmouth, the leader of the Angel Division. Together, we keep the world safe!”
Janet “I’ll be kind of honest… It’s a bit annoying when you call me Eliza. That’s not even close to my real name. If you insist on giving me a nickname, call me Jan…”
Jim “I don’t know why you’re bothering. Barry’s in his own little world. You should know that by now…”
Barry “It’s LEON!”
Janet “I guess you’re right. Barry’s always been such a dreamer. Even so, he’s kind of scaring me… Don’t you think he should see a psychiatrist?”
Barry “IT’S LEON!”
Jim “You know how those shrinks are… They’ll put him on a bunch of meds and he won’t even be the same person. We couldn’t do that to Barry.”
Barry “LEON! LEON DARTMOUTH!”
Janet “I guess you’re right. What kind of friends would we be if we just abandoned him like this? Even so, I’m a bit worried. I mean, look at him! He’s dressed like some sort of a freak!”
Barry “I am not dressed like a freak! This is the result of the genetic experimentation that I suffered… That both of us suffered!”
Jim “Well, Barry’s always been eccentric…”
Barry “Drake, insubordination is not permitted. Don’t insult your leader.”
Jim “Sure, whatever, boss!”
Jim “Look, Janet… let’s just play along for now. He needs some fun in his life, doesn’t he?”
Janet “I guess… Fine. What do you want us to do… Leon?”
Barry “I’m glad you asked, Eliza! Here… This is a police radio that I was able to get a hold of! With it, we should be able to hear of crimes as they happen and sto-“
Jim “Yeah, we’re taking him to a psychiatrist, Janet.”
Janet “Yeah, I hope they drug him up good…”

[wingzofdarkness]

I didn't think comedy would be the first thing that came across your mind because the picture does not give off that tone, which is why I said it would be interesting to see a comedy skit. This was to test your skills, and as it happens, you made it into a good short comedy act.

Barry “I am not dressed like a freak! This is the result of the genetic experimentation that I suffered… That both of us suffered!”

I think this was my favorite line. It as hilarious xD

Barry/Leon's personality was something I did not expect but it was adorable, nonetheless. Thank you for the short read =]

[redeyesblackpanda]

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! ^_^

[Nightydreams]

So we've already seen your skills in writing comedy skits and more humorous descriptions, Now we shall test your skills in melancholy and serious BIZNUS

Give me a scene that contains this

A girl, just come to terms with a great trauma in her life
A guy who helped her come to terms but was actually a ghost. He died as a result of the accident which cause her trauma.

What is going on

The guy has no more regrets and must now leave

The status quo

The girl has fallen in love with the guy
The guy loves the girl but has never told her

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now give me all you have got.

[wingzofdarkness]

@Nightydreams
I think you basically wrote the overall story for him ^.^"

[Nightydreams]

@Nightydreams
I think you basically wrote the overall story for him ^.^"

Thats the basic idea, I don't want him to come up with a story, I want him to write me a scene with this story in mind. ^.-

[wingzofdarkness]

Wow, is he working on it?

That'll be really interesting to read -casually stalking thread now-

[redeyesblackpanda]

Even though I didn't ask for this, I'm definitely going to do it.
It might take a while though, because I'm pretty busy with my module for LemmaTV. I'll probably have something by the end of February ^^; Sorry.

Of course, I can't control my wandering brain, and I have some ideas already...

[Nightydreams]

Even though I didn't ask for this, I'm definitely going to do it.
It might take a while though, because I'm pretty busy with my module for LemmaTV. I'll probably have something by the end of February ^^; Sorry.

Of course, I can't control my wandering brain, and I have some ideas already...

Take your time, We're not going anywhere