fleet wrote:Argh! I got another one of 'those' telephone calls today. The caller identifies himself as a representative of "Windows Technical Support" and that he is calling about my computer. Instead of just hanging up I said I don't own a computer.
I've gotten plenty of those calls too. Told one of them off pretty badly once, made him cry.
On my personal note, I've been out of commission from a nasty cold. Hopefully I'll get over it soon,
"Perfection goal that always changes. Can pursue, cannot obtain."
Projects: Mark's Story(BxB(Reach for the Stars(GxG), Mermaid Sonata(GxG,NaNo16), Black Dale-Curse of the Scarlet Witch(Semi Hiatus), A Few Secret Games
The only reason I've been able to make any games or get any assets is because of my mom and I know I have to pay those back. I just don't when and I feel a bit bad about it. She's put a lot of faith in me...
Lets see.
1. woke up, was told off instantly.
2. Car broke down, in the middle of a duel-carriageway
3. People were mean to me while I was waiting for my Uncle and Dad to rescue me
4. Was super late for my blood test
5. Had a blood test
6. Was late for placement
I've had a shit day. Thank god Ashley Mardell is on youtube, she's awesome and always cheers me up.
I've been kinda inactive lately, probably will be so still for a while. I'm sad because I'd hoped I'd be able to make a super short first VN before Christmas, but it's been a weird couple of months. Anyway, what's most on my mind right now is something else. I recently started attended a drawing night school that takes place once a week. It's like 1,5-2 hours away from where I live, but it's pretty nice, and it's held at a super beautiful museum filled with statues, that we're supposed to practice drawing. Well, it'll be over in like 2 more weeks and then it's planned to start up again after New Year's.
However, the thing is it seems like once a week isn't doing much for me, so my mom (who paid it for me, 'cause it was pretty cheap) suggested that I should give the day school a try, which is held 4 times a week, and said she wouldn't mind paying. Even though I do kind of want to, I'm not sure if it'll be too much for me, and if I do decide to go I'll probably have to stop going to choir once a week as well. I'm worried it'll end up being too much for me and I'll become stressed and even more depressed than now. After all, that would mean like 4 hours of transport 4 times a week. Even though I do enjoy long trips on a train, I mostly like it because I can spend my time drawing. But if I'm going to a drawing class it might not be a good idea to strain my arm/hand like that. And I'd probably get tired of drawing too quickly by doing that.
And part of the reason why I liked the night classes was because then I wouldn't have to get up early, which I have a lot of trouble doing generally, but very much so lately. And the day school starts at 11 AM, which means I'd have to leave my house before 9 AM, and I'd have to get up like 2 hours before that, to make sure my OCD doesn't end up dragging out time and making me late by washing my hands for too long or something like that. So it would take up like 11 hours of my day every day there's class. And because of my issues, such as OCD and minor depression, I'm worried it'll end up wearing me out. Because even though it's a drawing school and I like drawing, as well as the teacher being very nice and understanding, I think it's possible it might stress me too much and I won't end up learning that much anyway, or end up having to take some days off every now and then. It's in the middle of the school year, so I might not get as much of of it, and there may or may not even be a spot available. The teacher didn't indicate it should be a problem though, and it's only running until April, so it's technically only a few months. And if I don't do it, it doesn't start up again until October next year. So, even though I can't say for sure, it's still possible I won't get much out of it.
Which would make me feel bad, since my mom would be paying for both the classes as well as transportation. Don't get me wrong, it's pretty cheap, considering the other options for drawing classes around, but it's still a somewhat significant amount. She said it's ok if I can't go every day, but it'll feel like I'm wasting her money. But I'm also just tired of sitting at home doing nothing and not having motivation to do anything beyond eating, watching videos and sleeping. I'm basically operating on the very minimum level, just enough to keep me alive. I don't even hang out that much with the people around me, since pretty much all the people I'm in contact with atm who were single have just entered a relationship at the same time. So now they're pretty pre-occupied.
And my best friend, whom I hung out with A LOT, just entered a relationship as well and recently traveled to The Netherlands from here (Denmark) indefinitely. So I've seen her like, what, 2 times since October. To put it simply, I'm horribly lonely at the moment. Most days I don't interact with ANYONE other than what's necessary with my mom. It's starting to feel like I'm beginning to step into a solitary life. At least unless my BFF comes home soon and starts engaging with me a bit more again. I'm also becoming a bit more depressed lately about not having had a boyfriend yet at this point in my life. It feels strange to be 22 and barely having been on the brink of a relationship. Unless you count 3rd grade relationships or a friendship where you both liked each other and were beginning to grow into gf/bf until you backed out. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever experience being in a relationship, or at the very least how old I'll be before it happens.
I mean, it makes sense that it's not happening now, considering me being at home mostly and all that. But how am I supposed to change that? I'm not mentally capable of going to school or having a job because of my problems and my treatment. So seriously, am I just supposed to be like "Welp, guess I'll wait until I'm healthy or at least better." Like, when the hell is that? When I'm 24? 27? 40? Ever? ... I just entered a whole new topic. I'll try shorting it down.
TL;DR: Currently at night school drawing classes once a week. Want to try day school 4 times a week, but it's kinda expensive and 4 hours of transportation per day. My mom says she'll pay, but I'll feel guilty if I can't handle the long days because of my mental problems, such as OCD and minor depression. I am pretty bored and lonely because of my friends being busy and my BFF being in The Netherlands indefinitely, but I also don't have much motivation to do anything other than eat, watch videos and sleep lately. So I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle going to the school, which would end up taking at least 11 hours out of my day per school day. Also, if I end up going to the school it looks like I'll have to stop going to choir. Not sure what to do. 'Cause I do want to get better at drawing, but I don't want to end up wasting my mom's money if I can't handle going there often enough.
I suggest you try to the daytime drawing classes - you always have the option to pull out if you find it too much.
Plus, you may find you feel better if you do more than stay at home.
I suppose you're right. At any rate my mom did insist I try it, so looks like that's what's gonna happen. But the VN is definitely not somethng I can even think about right now. I'd wanted it to be released before Christmas, because it was supposed to be set during Christmas. But I barely got past a couple of mildly developed concepts before other stuff took priority over it. So I'd rather shelf VN-creation for a short while. But still experiment with ideas, of course.
Ah, the yearly "My work will never be good!" and "What am I doing wrong that others do right?!" slump hit me today. Normally it's something I really hate but I've learned to manage it better, deciding it would be best to keep away from my work today lest I do something I won't take back. The first time it hit me, it was, to put it bluntly, a temper tantrum put up on the web. Now it's just silent rage and hating my talents.
But before anyone really worries, it's usually just a brief thing and goes away after I rest a bit. This weekend has been both busy and exhausting.
"Perfection goal that always changes. Can pursue, cannot obtain."
Oh wow I finally return to a 8-5pm shift. Wee ***** pee. Now I can go back to getting swole, developing my game, and just general living the normal life once more.
A group of people on my college forum are trying to start an anti-trans hate group (like, as an official school club), and it sucks. Making posts, connecting with other trans folk on campus, making appeals to administration, but really wish that this wasn't even a thing we have to deal with.
Especially right before Christmas, as we see a huge uptick in trans suicide during the holiday season. We've already lost three kids this month in the support group I run, and it just all feels like too much.
daikiraikimi wrote:A group of people on my college forum are trying to start an anti-trans hate group (like, as an official school club), and it sucks. Making posts, connecting with other trans folk on campus, making appeals to administration, but really wish that this wasn't even a thing we have to deal with.
Especially right before Christmas, as we see a huge uptick in trans suicide during the holiday season. We've already lost three kids this month in the support group I run, and it just all feels like too much.
That just... sucks. Have you tried contacting the local news? It's hard to imagine the school wouldn't do something with some public pressure.
Either way, make sure to take care of yourself. Sometimes, it's easy to get so focused on helping others that we forget our own needs.
ThisIsNoName wrote:
That just... sucks. Have you tried contacting the local news? It's hard to imagine the school wouldn't do something with some public pressure.
Either way, make sure to take care of yourself. Sometimes, it's easy to get so focused on helping others that we forget our own needs.
I'm not sure it's quite reached news level material (especially since, unfortunately, much of the general public does not see the problem with that kind of group.) I'm keeping an eye on the situation, prolly won't hear much more until the start of the new year due to the holidays. We'll see.
daikiraikimi wrote:A group of people on my college forum are trying to start an anti-trans hate group (like, as an official school club), and it sucks. Making posts, connecting with other trans folk on campus, making appeals to administration, but really wish that this wasn't even a thing we have to deal with.
Especially right before Christmas, as we see a huge uptick in trans suicide during the holiday season. We've already lost three kids this month in the support group I run, and it just all feels like too much.
First, deep condolences for students who commit suicide.
And second, that group must have been stupid. Really, the phrase 'anti-trans group' reminds me of WBC. Lol. Being a trans is being a human. What if being trans is the 'normal' thing and being cis is the contradicting thing? In this world, imo there's no more 'weird'. Trans people are normal. Why do people care about stuffs they have never experienced? Just like WBC. These people who hate trans people with no reason won't know the struggle of trans people. It's even worse if there are many closeted trans in your environment. Not only 'normal' people are stressed; trans are even more stressed.
Well, I have nothing I can do here, and said is easier than done, but those people must have several dumb reasons to not accept trans people. Perhaps supporters of trans such as you or even trans people themselves can discuss about it. So easy to said, but not everything happens without a reason y'know o3o
