Story idea from a beginner.

[C204]

I surely don't know what timezone it is others so I'll just stay with mine.
Good morning, I am posting at 5:21am to present my very first story idea.
I happened to think of this due to my past being involved in obsession of solving a legendary crime.
Don't blame me, I was much younger and back then still dreamt of a career within the police.XD

I don't expect much praise, however I do wish for critique.

Basically this is my story which I called "Delicate dealings with death".

The story starts off in the middle of the night, in a certain yard within London in 1888 where a unlucky salesman and two other man encounter a terrible find, that being the dead body of woman.
From a distance a person is watching the scene rather agitated, grinding their teeth.
It is then that Louis said the killers name:
Jack the Ripper.

The story skips into the 21st century where a young college boy is being majorly bullied in school as well as having family problems at home and being socially inactive, yet craving to find friends.
One day his mind gives out and he decides to escape what he sees as a living nightmare and hangs himself in his room.
However that was for naught as he finds himself in a dim-lit room resembling a lounge where he encounters a gorgeous but rather stoic girl, who reveals that she was waiting for him a long time and promises him a second chance at life filled with happiness.Yet there is a catch.
She calls herself a contractor, a demon who arranges deals with dead humans acting as their proxy in the live world.
Her offer:
A life filled with happiness, yet for the requirement of a weekly human life.
Though hesitant at first the boy accepts the offer upon the revealment that the first life is the one guy that bulliest him the most.With the Contract being official the boy vanishes back to the living but nor before the girl reveals her name.
That being Jill DeRippa.
For the boy an emotional conflict between his own good and that for others as he unknowingly resurrects the legend of the one demon that haunted Whitechapel/London in 1888.

Story Notes:
Basically the story is in two:
- As can be seen the story will play a lot about the Serial Killer that scared all of Whitechapel in 1888, Jack the Ripper, however in this story we have Jill DeRippa who is derived from one of the suspects in the real case.
It was also thought that Jack the Ripper could be a woman thus leading the police to also refer to the killer as "Jill the Ripper".
There will be 2 stories in one.
One will tell use of Jill DeRippa and her past.
The other of the current events.
However the two are connected.
- Jill isn't the only contractor in the story and few more will be revealed, with the MC becoming a target himself.
- Contractors work in an abstract way of a Company thus there are demons who stand above Jill, one especially has an interest in her.
- Those at the top of the Company govern over reality thus capable to change nigh everything in the live world to their likes which is how they change peoples lives.
- Jill will eventually join in the same class as the MC to assist him if needed where she has a fateful encounter with Cecilia, the daughter of the District Chief of Police who develops a crush on her.Their encounter will cause a massive misunderstanding leading to a dramatic conclusion and change Jill forever.
- The MC will be put under major emotional distress at a later point due to his actions vs his conscience vs his new life.
- After every life taken, according to Jill noone will suspect a thing that it was him due to her superiors.However still someone seems immune to that and begins their own investigation.
- The events of 1888 will be explained of what truly happened and how Jill is involved, yet herself seems to have little memory of it left, that being witnessing Louis finding Strides body in the yard.
- The MC's new life will be the absolute opposite of what it used to be.
- The ones who supposed to get killed are decided by the one at the very top of the company, namely Lucy who despite her constant gentle and calm composure radiates a constant killing intent that puts fear even into Jill's heart.
Always by her side is a young appearing cloaked man who radiates no presence.
Later in the story he is revealed as Death who works in co-op with Lucy.
Lucy orders the deaths.
Death itself decides them and manipulates everything and everyone in the Live World so that they can occur.
- Despite the difference of race and personalities the MC and Jill will form a strong bond and mutual trust.


As last note:
I only wrote MC because I haven't fully decide for a name yet.
I thought of Cecil first.Though then I found it rather boring.=/

Anyway criticise away.It's my first real go and I wanna learn.

[wakagana]

I like the idea of this...

You could add alot of creative stuff that had to do with the two intertwined realities, one for the MC's old past human life and then to this new said life in this 'demon' world.

I've always been entertained by the prospect of worlds being aligned with one another, and the only thing keeping people from not seeing one another or the other world is the lack of vision they have. Kind of like how some can see ghosts or something and how others cant see them.

You could do alot with this, and all I can say is its a good start, certainly keep thinking :3

[WatchJessieGo]

This sounds like a really awesome and unique idea! I see a lot of potential for some real psychological depth to the story. I'm especially interested in Jill.

[C204]

This sounds like a really awesome and unique idea! I see a lot of potential for some real psychological depth to the story. I'm especially interested in Jill.

First of all:
Thanks a million for the kind words.

This is what I am aiming for to be honest.
I wanna make the Main Character as human as I can.
Look deep inside your soul and answer honestly:
Would you kill in order to gain everything you wish for?
Even if you say no cause there are good people in this world afterall,
how many humans do you think would actually decline such an offer?

And as said:
The MC will have an emotional conflict between his conscience and what he gains by killing.
It's simply human to feel that way after doing so, unless one is majorly cold-blooded or a psychopath.
Little to noone in this world who are right in the head can kill without feeling remorse and guilt.

In contrast to that I used Jack the Ripper to.
Those who heard of him know he was a serial killer.
But those who looked into it even a little bit deeper know that the Ripper was the very furthest thing from a human.
What he's done to his victims (especially Mary Jane Kelly) simply was inhuman, but seemed more like the work of a starving rabid beast.
I went with the Jill theory of the Ripper because I always found it a highly interesting thought that such a beastly killing streak was done by a woman.
However, I have plans to give the entire case thus also Jill a big twist which will also heavily affect the MC.

Then I thought, how do I portray the possibly most gruesome killer ever?
Simple, they're not human but the very opposite of what puts fear into peoples hearts ever since the start of time.

So I wanted to also put a contrast between demons and humans.
Yet I plan some major character developments for Jill and the MC.
Jill will start to become more human after spending time in the live world especially after meeting Cecilia.
Meanwhile the MC after a while begins an internal struggle of his own humanity and his inner demons.
Thus also showing that the border between the two races is still thin.

[WatchJessieGo]

I'm so excited for this! It sounds so amazing.

[C204]

I'm so excited for this! It sounds so amazing.

Once again, thank you very much for the kind words.

[Crocosquirrel]

If you're going for Jack the Ripper, then I strongly recommend that you research it as well as you can, especially the details of the crimes themselves, and the layout of the city at the time. You're going to wind up under the microscope. There were a couple of female suspects, but they never managed to prove anything.

[C204]

If you're going for Jack the Ripper, then I strongly recommend that you research it as well as you can, especially the details of the crimes themselves, and the layout of the city at the time. You're going to wind up under the microscope. There were a couple of female suspects, but they never managed to prove anything.

The story starts off in the middle of the night, in a certain yard within London in 1888 where a unlucky salesman and two other man encounter a terrible find, that being the dead body of woman.
From a distance a person is watching the scene rather agitated, grinding their teeth.
It is then that Louis said the killers name:
Jack the Ripper.

Apart from the underlined this is based upon the discovery of the 3rd Body, Elizabeth Stride.
Found by a jewelry salesman Louis Diemschutz at 1:00 am in Dutsfield Yard on the 30th September 1888.
Due to the darkness he thought it was a fast asleep drunkard at first.
The two other man were Isaac Kozebrodsky and Morris Eagle from the Working Man's Educational Club that was closeby and was entered by Louis to get help in rousing the thought drunkard.
It was then that they noticed it was a dead body.

The body was still warm the his pony continuingly behaved odd thus he believed the Ripper was still closeby.

- Deposition of Louis Diemschutz.


The theory of Jill the Ripper was thought of by Inspector Abberline himself in a conversation with his Mentor Thomas Dutton and was also written in a book by William Stewart as well as backed up by Tom Cullen.
Never proved anything is a rather false thing to say, as the possibly of the Ripper being female was soundly explained by the 4.

[Crocosquirrel]

Looks like you're well on your way. Good luck.

[C204]

Looks like you're well on your way.

Good luck.

I suppose well on my way might be an understatement in regards to having knowledge of the Case.
No arrogance intented though.
Anyway:
I have access of info to pretty much everything relating to it from press reports to the ripper letters to autopsy reports to photographies of the crime scenes untouched.
If wanted I could follow the case near 100% ,though that isn't my intention.

Thank you very much.
I certainly wish to turn this into a real story and making it at least a bit popular or known.
So I could certainly need luck in getting this even recognized.