Promise You PlayTest<CLOSED>

[MioSegami]

Okay So I've gotten in some point in here where I think it's okay to put out an play test. I need some input on the characters. What could I do to make it more interesting? I'll love some serious feedback And a rate from 1-10 from being good? and please do pm me any bugs out there! Right now Jedit is not working for me, so I'm a bit bummed :T
If you're interested please do download. For information of the game-----> http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... 43&t=18190

[ofdawnandtwilight]

Hey there, I've given a quick go on your demo so I'll be giving some critiques and feedback on it though they might not be useful nor detailed enough so forgive me if I'm not helping ^^;;

First off, congrats on releasing a demo. Though short it gave some exposure on the characters and how the story's set up. There are some bits that I find unsatisfying but we'll go to that later on. The title confuses me though, which is the main title? 'Promise You' or 'Maiden or Princess'? I mostly take that 'Promise You' is some kind of a catch phrase, a slogan to 'Maiden or Princess'. If so, I think 'Maiden or Princess ~ Promise You' is a more fitting title for the game instead of putting in brackets before the main title.

-The story is a little bit fast-paced. I think that Chihiro should be more uncomfortable both due to the fact that her own parents literally sold her for a job and how she had to move into a new place. You did put in that she thinks too much, no? Perhaps you could insert more of her stating how she feels awkward or something similar in her monologues and maybe making her resent more when her mother gave out the news. Put a little emo moment for her, just a tad bit sadness being expressed about how rough the situation is. I think just a short scene of her in pressure while packing her bags to move out or something might do just fine.
And when she went to go clean the house, maybe changing 'door 1' to 'Room 1'? Haruka did say that she had to clean her sons' bedrooms and using door is like she doesn't know what kind of room awaits her. This one is really a tiny opinion, no need to take it so seriously Also, try to show that she actually leaves the room after having cleaned them (if she did, depending on the choices). Haruka popping out of no where kinda surprised me ^^;;
I don't think there are any major problems when Chihiro was at school except the fact that the demo abruptly ended when she meets Itoe during lunch and it also ended when that rude boy entered the class. Is it me or the friendly 'demo ends here' message only appears when Chihiro faints? You should probably put that for every endings in the demo, it doesn't make it feel like being slapped with a cut off story (uh, no, I'm not offending you, that's the best I could do to describe it).
And then the supermarket scene, (really sorry I'm pointing out things out of order, I'm not thoroughly referring to the game) I don't get why choosing oranges would suddenly lower the amount of money she had when she bought the apples which were much more pricey if I'm not mistaken ^^;; Instead of making choices between buying food, how about making the choice to whether buy or not buy at all? That makes more sense to me.
Last thing, don't the siblings have dinner together? Why did it feel as if Chihiro and Haruka were the only ones eating for a meal that time?

-The art... I like it especially your colouring. They're so shiiny :3 The sprites though look a little bit messy because of the lineart. I'm sure that cleaner lineart would appeal better. You stated that you're redoing them so I'll be looking forward for the new ones. I admire you for trying to make your own backgrounds, so I take it that those drawn ones were just placeholders? Mochiku's CG was adorable btw <3
Did you put up all the sprites and CGs in the demo or is it just my pc acting up? My computer is really old with crappy systems and stuffs so I think there were some images that I couldn't see including that CG you posted in the WIP where Chihiro was pinned to the wall. Did you put really them in because the whole playthrough felt empty with missing sprites.

-There are a lot of typos/spelling errors. I suggest you find a proofreader and also an editor so that the story wouldn't be too rushed like it is now. I find it irritating that the load button is not available on the preferences menu. It kind of killed me to load something by having to go to the main menu all the time. I think that this is mostly me being an arrogant idiot, but I dislike the font too. It's sort of an eyesore for me to read since I prefer simpler and neat styles. Also, I don't think that it's completely legal to use that BGM for the main menu, unless you got it from jamendo? Correct me if I'm wrong though. And the gallery doesn't work so I guess you're still testing it.

Hmm, I think that's it. Forgive me if I offended you in some way, I mean no harm. Sorry too for some really long ranting, I describe things too much ^^;; Thumbs up for being able to do all this on your own, I enjoyed it Itoe's my favourite character so far, being the only one with a sprite I've seen but I've always liked the one who's not really involved in the big circle. I like Shou too but I'm a bit wary here. How old are these siblings? I thought Mochiku looked like a small child- A shota is he? Anyway, I'll be checking for updates. Looking forward to the full game, you have my support

[MioSegami]

Ah! Thank you! I will take notes on your critism! I do agree it was a little fast paced >.<! So i'll change that! And yes they're some sprites I'm still trying to finish >.< so it isn't your computer's fault XD Promise you, and maiden or Princess, I was still deciding which one should be the title? But I guess Promise you, sounds better DD! And the boys, I've listed which one is the youngest, and which one is the oldest. Mochiku however is the second youngest I will make big chnages! So thank you very much! I'll go change it up, and contact my proofreader that I recently hired... :]! Yeah they were my crappy background sketches... :O and the sprites! Woot almost finished so there will be new sprites and hopefully a better new demo! Ack >.< I need to double check, and thanks I'll put it up the demo on every route, I'll take a second look to make sure I did... o.o The pics button is working right now, I'm still working on that XD AND the load button....///SLAP// YOU'RE A LIFE SAVER! LOL! NO WONDER I felt like I was missing something lol!!! The dinner however will keep continuing! Thank you for putting such descriptive feedback! Thank you sooo much for your support, and feedback! Things like this makes me keep continuing! So thank you again!

[ofdawnandtwilight]

Yeah, Promise You does sound better Maiden or Princess is a bit too cliche IMO. I'm glad that I managed to help you some way! I'd like to see your game finished so the least I could do was share my thoughts. You did list about their positions in the family, but what I meant was what year and what branch of school they're in? I'm not sure about Chihiro's too. Is she a 1st or a 2nd year in high school? Really sorry if I missed this somewhere, I tend to get lost in places ^^;; Oh, so it wasn't my computer then? Damn, now I don't have any excuses to buy a new one xD

Anyway, I'll be looking forward to those big changes C:
I'd like to help so don't hesitate to ask me a hand
(Btw, I really like people who responds to every single parts of a feedback and I'd love to give you a big hug for it but the computer screen can't take my big size lol) And so, good luck for your game

[MioSegami]

Oops my bad XD Chihiro is on her 3rd year in highschool the oldest is his 4th year, the two middle son are in the their 3rd year, and the youngest is the 1rst year XD! Hope this cleared things up! Maiden or Princess does sound too cliche lol AND corny o.o So I was hesitant about the title until I got deeper into the story ! XD Alright ") I'll jsut pm you if I have anymore questions Thanks for the offer! And I try to respond to details in feedbacks since I asked for one D! LOL XD ( cyber hugs lol!) Sadly my screen can't either! >.<! Once again thank you!

[ofdawnandtwilight]

There's a 4th year of high school in Japan?! o_O I'm sure there're only 3 years, the 3rd being the senior year. Am I mistaken somehow? (I swear I did a research on wikipedia.)
Sure, I'll try to answer your questions if there are any. Lol cyber hug will do xD

[MioSegami]

Derp You're right there is only a third year! I researched it! Thanks for the correction though !

[Juuno*]

Before I start, Congratulations on your game! I really do hope you release the full version of this game soon. ><
Okay... In regards to the game, I think:
- I agree with nero279; the game was indeed a little bit fast paced. The scenes could have been more enjoyable if they were given a bit more time to be played or something, such as like eating dinner and stuff, or the cleaning part.
- I like how you put suspense to the characters by not posting the guys' sprites, which makes me excited to see how they look like. >w< Though it would also be nice to show them after seeing them for like two times or so.
- The BGs were great, as well as the characters. Though the outlines were a bit "sketchy" in form, it was still good artwork. With a little bit of more retouching, it'll turn out more awesome than what you have now.
- The storyline is interesting, just like the plots in some shoujo mangas. I think it's nice to explore plots like these and bring them to otome gaming. So... thumbs up to that one. ^______^
- I love the into song; it makes me want to know the title. ><
- Regarding the text and stuff... Uhm, I guess you should like edit some texts that look a bit informal. Just like instead of -sigh-, you could put it into *sigh*. But I don't pinpoint it as a problem, alright? >< You could also proofread a bit for some typos and stuff.
- Regarding the options button while in-game, I'd suggest that you also add the "Load" button in there... There's QSave, QLoad, and Save, but when I want to load a different saved game, QLoad doesn't pretty much answer my need. Soo yeah.

Soooo there... Those are my opinions regarding the game, no hard feelings 'mmkay? ><
But I should say, I was impressed at your game. It's not like everyday could I find a game as interesting as this. I really do hope you'll release the full version of it *prays*. I'm really looking forward to play it. >w<
All in all, I would give your game a 7/10 for now. Please do keep up the good work, and I hope you take into consideration my opinions about the game hihi. >w<
Sorry for the long post ><

Good Job, MioSegami! ^__________________________^

[MioSegami]

Thank you for playing this short demo! I'm glad that you enjoyed! I'll take your opinion in consideration I made it more longer now, and have fixed some parts so it'll be more time enjoyable! I recently hired an proofreader DD! So yipee! And thank you again ! I'll work hard to finish this game! Hopefully I can have more spare time to do so T^T! I'm also redrawing the art! So new sprites will come onto the screen ! Glad you enjoyed it, and for your support! -bows-!

[Juuno*]

Thank you for playing this short demo! I'm glad that you enjoyed! I'll take your opinion in consideration I made it more longer now, and have fixed some parts so it'll be more time enjoyable! I recently hired an proofreader DD! So yipee! And thank you again ! I'll work hard to finish this game! Hopefully I can have more spare time to do so T^T! I'm also redrawing the art! So new sprites will come onto the screen ! Glad you enjoyed it, and for your support! -bows-!

Thank you as well. Yay! I'm really looking forward to playing this one. >w< Fufufu so excited~ *u* Good luck with the game! I'll play it immediately as soon as it'll be released. ♥ ^___________^
Happy New Year btw!