Glass Dream (Slice of Life, Kind of)

[paraparadox]

Sorry i'm not good at categorizing tags,

my fist attempt to make a Visual novel, i'm no artist to begin with so all i can do is using captured photo
your feedback is always appreciated

it's supposed to be a part of something called "six fragment of dream" but it's a complete short story
about a man who had lost all of his hope
(well it's supposed not a "man", original manuscript was in Indonesian so i can maintain gender ambiguity but in English i choose "He", )

1178 word, 5-10minutes gameplay
hope it's not a waste of your time

download here
http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?qty4pogpc7t7mdt
36mb zip file, use 7 zip

[Ran08]

Will there be more of this? Like, a longer version? Hahaha, currently downloading btw.

[Ran08]

Hahaha, I forgot to post my opinions about this. XD

Here we go:

First thing I noticed was the story. In the beginning I didn't like it much, especially since you were so quick to lay out the tragedies of his life. But as the rest of the events unfolded, I found it strangely touching. The story is very good. If not for (Ahhh, I actually noticed these first) the typos and grammar mistakes, it would have been a lot better. There were lots of wrong uses of words and incorrect grammar, but I suppose that's because English isn't your native language? It isn't mine too, coz mine's Filipino, so I understand that.

Second, I didn't notice the music first, because they were almost non-existent. However, I was surprised at the song. It's the first time I've ever heard a real song on a visual novel. ^_^ It was a nice addition. Btw, may I ask what the title is? It was very nice and it suit your VN well.

Also... I don't know what an impala is. Hahahaha. I'm so naive. What is it?

Overall, I really liked this. Well, except for all the grammar errors and wrong use of words. But if this was presented in a cleaner and tidier way, it would be so good. The story is very heart-warming and touching.

[paraparadox]

Hahaha, I forgot to post my opinions about this. XD

Here we go:

First thing I noticed was the story. In the beginning I didn't like it much, especially since you were so quick to lay out the tragedies of his life. But as the rest of the events unfolded, I found it strangely touching. The story is very good. If not for (Ahhh, I actually noticed these first) the typos and grammar mistakes, it would have been a lot better. There were lots of wrong uses of words and incorrect grammar, but I suppose that's because English isn't your native language? It isn't mine too, coz mine's Filipino, so I understand that.

Second, I didn't notice the music first, because they were almost non-existent. However, I was surprised at the song. It's the first time I've ever heard a real song on a visual novel. ^_^ It was a nice addition. Btw, may I ask what the title is? It was very nice and it suit your VN well.

Also... I don't know what an impala is. Hahahaha. I'm so naive. What is it?

Overall, I really liked this. Well, except for all the grammar errors and wrong use of words. But if this was presented in a cleaner and tidier way, it would be so good. The story is very heart-warming and touching.

thank you for your comment

impala, kind of deer life at africa, not a zoologist can't answer well
and that grammar thing,

[Ran08]

thank you for your comment

impala, kind of deer life at africa, not a zoologist can't answer well
and that grammar thing,

Hahaha, that's alright. I'm sure you'll get better.
And oooh, new info! You're very much welcome.