Tomorrow

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Mr. E · #1 Post by **Mr. E** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 11:16 am

Here's my entry for NaNoRenO... I'm calling it version 0.8 because I still want to add some stuff to it. Anyways, good luck to all the participants of NaNoRenO!

Name: Tomorrow
Genre: Tragedy
Length: About 1-2 hours to see all endings
Synopsis: Aurora, a consumptive woman that has lost all hope of surviving the disease. Alvin, a grief-stricken husband that is helpless over the cruel fate of his wife. Aldous, a calculating, inflexible man with shadowy intentions. These are the actors of this little tale, a tragedy in three acts.

DaFool · #2 Post by **DaFool** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 11:56 am

Congratulations!

I like your literary style -- and what's more you perform your own soundtrack so the music always fits the mood -- I am so going to savor this one.

I'm guessing what you will add are omake (I hope so ^_^)

PrettySammy09 · #3 Post by **PrettySammy09** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 7:59 pm

CONGRATULATIONS!

Sorry for the capslock of doom, but you deserve a big pat on the back. I'm downloading it as we speak! Can't wait to play!

***
Okay! Review time!

I really like this piece. The writing was excellent, the art was expressive, and the story and gameplay were innovative. I loved the fact that I got to see one story - three endings, through three different people.

My favorite scene was Alduous in the number 2 spot. Where he met Aurora for the first time. I <3 it. ^_^

My only complaint is this:

The endings were kind of the same for each person, except told from a different standpoint. I would have preferred three solid different endings then nine ones with just repeats. And in fact, if you got a different ending for a certain character, you had to click through a lot of recycled text you had seen from another ending. However, I realize this is NanoReno and corners must be cut.

Don't know why that would be a spoiler, but just in case...

Anyway, FANTASTIC job! Loved it!

Ignosco · #4 Post by **Ignosco** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 11:04 pm

Congratulations

. The way you've used the backgrounds (particularly the different sizes of them) and character art (which is very well done) on the selection screen works really well. There's not too much more I can add that I haven't mentioned earlier... Congratulations again on completing a NaNoRenO VN

.

Ignosco

One small thing: In the credits, it should be Khachaturian.

Mr. E · #5 Post by **Mr. E** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 9:40 am

DaFool: Well, I owe this entire game to you. Especially since it was your offer to give the Victorian era pictures to anyone intrested that gave me the incentive. I just looked at the characters and created the whole story out of them. Anyway, Thanks for the excellent pictures and I hope the game deserves them.

PrettySammy09: Thanks for the compliments

about the spoilers...

That part was one of my favorites too! I was actually slumped for a bit. I couldn't think of a good answer to what Aldous had said. Then this idea came to me and I laughed like crazy in front of the computer.

Game-making has its good moments...

About the endings... Yeah, I know they were a bit below-standard. The fact is that by the time I started working on them university had already begun and I had very little time to dedicate myself on it. I guess it shows in the repetitions...

Frankly, I wouldn't recomend anyone playing through all the endings. There are nine endings in total, but they are fairly repetitive and are not worth the replay.

Ignosco: Thank you. I actually HAD to use the backgrounds in different sizes. That's when I had the idea of creating that black border effect came to me. Hopefully it will give the game a different feel rather than just a cheap feel...

EDIT: Oh, and about the 0.8 version... I had to go somewhere for the weekend and there would be no way to send the game to the forum from here... I apoligze to everybody. The adition may include Omake and, maybe, voice acting...
Any volunteers?

EDIT 2:
I don't want this post to turn into a huge rant or anything so I'll be brief and vague. Something bad happened, and in fact it's still happening, so I won't be able to update the game anytime soon. I will also be unfit to post in this forum for some time. Goodbye, and thank you, everybody. I really like this forum very much.

Taleweaver · #6 Post by **Taleweaver** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 10:09 am

If you need someone to voice Aldous, I'd be happy to obliege. All I need is a decent mic, which I was planning to buy anyway. I hope you're good at sound engineering...

Hime · #7 Post by **Hime** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 11:25 am

I... I would be very pleased to play some part in the voice acting. If you don't get voices only for the main characters, the maid's role would be fine. Because, you know, I have never really done voice-acting except for training by myself, plus I have kind of a weird-sounding accent... But if it's a little role like the maid's one, if I try my best, I might have some hope. And if you don't voice the less important characters, I guess I can try auditioning for Aurora's role... Yes. Try.

And the game itself - I loved it.

There were some things that could have been better, and there were a few bugs that I noticed (once, Aurora's character picture was on top of Aldous' one, for example) but it didn't bother me much. The story, the script... So dramatic, so tragic, so AMAZING!

NoMoreStars · #8 Post by **NoMoreStars** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 11:41 am

Great script....i really enjoyed the whole feel of this game...i also liked how you included the 'memento mori' theme to the story and art.

Great work....i would love to play the version with voice actors.

mokenju1 · #9 Post by **mokenju1** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 12:17 pm

Congratulations

! This is a beautiful tragic story and I love the greek theather influences.

I would like to help with the voices, but I still have a teenager/baby voice

. It would never suit a "ladylike" character like Aurora (although it would be funny to listen to her speaking with a Spanish accent...

).

Mirielle · #10 Post by **Mirielle** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 10:56 pm

Uh...voice acting...*cough*...

Points to resume/demo reel...

But...I can't seem to download it!

I can never download things from lemmasoft when they are sttachments for some reason.

And I really want to play all the NaNoReno entries...

DaFool · #11 Post by **DaFool** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 11:59 pm

Mirielle wrote: I can never download things from lemmasoft when they are sttachments for some reason.

You might have a popup blocker enabled (disable it if you can), or you might need to rename the file offered to *.zip instead of *.html

EDIT: Played the whole game for all its endings. Wow. The last time I felt that way was with Metropolitan Blues (maybe its because it's black and white...lol.)

I actually like Ending1 the most

It felt least 'tragic' because the house ablaze with a romantic death, everyone on good terms

.

The story's really inspiring. I understand the meta-game structure (it's a very simplified form similar to dizzcity's Wedding Vow's). There are only 3 true sequences, really.

Technical comments: some textboxes get nudged a bit...might want to split up paragraphs rather than adding fourth or fifth lines. But it could be the style, as I notice in other instances. There's also a bit of typo / grammar error in one of the trainstation scenes (forgot which one) which seemed like an accidental copy / paste of the same words. Just to have in mind when planning for 1.0

I know this will not support DrakeNavarone's argument in favor of art, but by golly, this is writing. I am now inspired to refine my skills in depicting people so that one look, and their stories tell themselves.

mikey · #12 Post by **mikey** » Tue Apr 10, 2007 1:21 pm

Permission collector here, can we host your game at the Ren'Ai Archives?

chisa-chan · #13 Post by **chisa-chan** » Thu Apr 12, 2007 2:16 am

Mirielle wrote:I can never download things from lemmasoft when they are sttachments for some reason.

And I really want to play all the NaNoReno entries...

So do I. It is always incomplete whenever I try to download those attachments.

Mr. E · #14 Post by **Mr. E** » Sat Apr 14, 2007 2:18 am

I am terribly sorry for the unexplained absence. As the great philosopher once said: sh-- happens... Anyway. I'm back and Would like to apologize even further, because I'm not going to update the game as promised. I have a few reasons, but the main one is that I was... Displeased with the game. Do not get me wrong, the graphical part was much better than my first game, especially due to DaFool's art. The story, however, didn't live up to what I had planned at the beginning. Insane university workload and other personal problems interfered (and to be quite frank I did not work as hard as I should.) I think I was so concentrated on finishing it at the deadline I lost sight of my true inspiration somewhere on the way. Anyway, I am the only one to blame. I am quite upset over this work, and I don't want to work on it anymore. The story had some (few) good moments, but I would have to completely re-write a big part of the game to make it presentable and I don't have the energy or the motivation to do it. Anyway, now the game is out in the rain...
And I miserably apologize to DaFool, Ignosco and Roy. Their effort deserved far better than this.

Taleweaver- Thanks for the offer. I also apologize for the dealy. Good luck with Foxtail! (I am very curious, but don't rush it! I learnt the hard way what is the price of sending out something that is not perfected.)

Hime- Thank you for your kind words. You probably enjoyed the game a lot more than I did

But ces't la vie...

NoMoreStars- Ah. So you also went to the Wikipedia webpage on Memento Mori? Research for your game pherhaps? (It was called Ars Moriendi before, right? Sounds neat. I really love these Latin phrases

.)

Monkeju- You were my precursor, you showed me the way, and I forgot to thank you for it. I'm sorry, and I'd like to thank you for putting the Victorian Photoes website in the game credits of "The silent maiden".

Mirielle- Sorry about the VA cancelation but don't worry. You're not losing anything much by not playing this game.

DaFool- I'll remember about the stretching boxes in my next game... (I thought the {w} command would solve it...)
And about the writing and DrakeNavarone's argument... I believe that the writing and the art has as much importance as the game creators want it to have. I believe that each creator(s) should decide where they want to put stress. Story, Art, Gameplay, Music... Heck, making a good game is complicated!

mikey- Do whatever you wish with it.

chisa-chan- Don't worry. As I mentioned before, the game's story isn't that good anyway...

Well... That's pretty much it. Now I'm going to brush up my skills and truly prepare myself for the next game. You win some and you lose some, right?

mokenju1 · #15 Post by **mokenju1** » Sat Apr 14, 2007 4:36 am

Hey Mr.E if someone reads your post without playing the game will think that Tomorrow is really bad

. And it isn't. It has a very interesting story with good phylosophical questions. It has good writting and an innovative narrative structure. It has many things that make it a different game and although maybe the difference between what you wanted to do with the story and the final result can be big, the fact is for many players is still a good game. So go ahead and make a better game and of course learn from the lessons Tomorrow has taught you, but don't treat this game like "rubbish" because it would be unfair for you and the game

.

And about showing you the way, if I'm honest I think if I hadn't created a game outside the " usual-anime-ren'ai-style" in the end you would have created something different too, so there's no need to thank me for anything (and I think in a way Pygmalion proves this.)

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