Inner Beasts [Drama] [Urban fantasy]

[Cochise]

Well, good day.
Today, I returned to Ren'py after a long time of dead projects.
The story is about Pavel, a widower in a Siberian city, who start to experience strange, mystical things.
I want some drama about the wife, some about the religious views and some mysterious deaths happening.
I will write it in a git repository, then, if somebody wants to add content, do a pull request.

Screens






Download
https://github.com/cochise/inner-beasts
If you only want to download, clik at the cloud with the arrow. If you want to fork the VN, use:

Code: Select all

git clone https://github.com/cochise/inner-beasts.git

[Ran08]

Umm... is this still a work in progress? Also... I noticed that well... some of the sentences were barely understandable. Just barely. I don't know... maybe it was the grammar. I think you're gonna need a beta-tester for this. I think.

Nevertheless, the idea is interesting. Will there also be mystery in this?

[TheOneTwo]

Uhm, excuse me?
But, the grammar... Is really, how should I say this. Uhm, it's just wrong. You need to check it..

[Cochise]

Thanks for read guys.
I want to work in this history in a weekly base, then, a new commit today. Still a WIP, and will remain for a long time, but now we we have a plot.

I already expect a bad or, at least, very strange grammar, because one of the reasons to make this game is to improve my English. And I should said this on the announcement, but I forget. Sorry.

To get the update download again or go to the folder with the old code and run:

Code: Select all

git pull

[Nuxill]

Uhm, excuse me?
But, the grammar... Is really, how should I say this. Uhm, it's just wrong. You need to check it..

Hey now, there's no need to be rude. It's pretty obvious English isn't Cochise's first language.

Grammar aside I think the writing is well done. I'm especially fond of the writing during the scene at the lake. With a little bit of editing the writing in this game will really shine in my opinion.

I think it would be good to find/obtain backgrounds that are more consistent with each other. Having some backgrounds in color and some in black and white might confuse the reader. The black and white might make them think the scene is taking place in the past when it's not. Also having one of the backgrounds obviously filtered in photoshop while the others are photographs isn't a good idea unless there is a symbolic reason for it.

Good luck on this!

[TheOneTwo]

Uhm, excuse me?
But, the grammar... Is really, how should I say this. Uhm, it's just wrong. You need to check it..

Hey now, there's no need to be rude. It's pretty obvious English isn't Cochise's first language.

Grammar aside I think the writing is well done. I'm especially fond of the writing during the scene at the lake. With a little bit of editing the writing in this game will really shine in my opinion.

I think it would be good to find/obtain backgrounds that are more consistent with each other. Having some backgrounds in color and some in black and white might confuse the reader. The black and white might make them think the scene is taking place in the past when it's not. Also having one of the backgrounds obviously filtered in photoshop while the others are photographs isn't a good idea unless there is a symbolic reason for it.

Good luck on this!

Excuse me? Uhm, I'm not being rude. I was helping. Criticism is needed to make a work better. It seems that you didn't see my exact point of posting that one.

[Nuxill]

Excuse me? Uhm, I'm not being rude. I was helping. Criticism is needed to make a work better. It seems that you didn't see my exact point of posting that one.

No, you are being rude. It's in the tone of your writing. It comes off as extremely condescending. Saying 'check your grammar' and using a rolling eye emote is different than saying 'The grammar is off and you should work on it.' and MUCH different than giving examples of where the grammar is wrong and explaining why to help a person who obviously hasn't learned all the wacky rules of English grammar yet.
And I know criticism is needed to make a work better. I give and take critique all the time. ...my entire post before was a critique even?

Whatever, arguing isn't worth it. I'm more interested in what kind of ideas Cochise has planned for their project. Do you have a set number of chapters or wordcount that you're aiming for? What kind of music do you have planned for this, if any?

[TheOneTwo]

Excuse me? Uhm, I'm not being rude. I was helping. Criticism is needed to make a work better. It seems that you didn't see my exact point of posting that one.

No, you are being rude. It's in the tone of your writing. It comes off as extremely condescending. Saying 'check your grammar' and using a rolling eye emote is different than saying 'The grammar is off and you should work on it.' and MUCH different than giving examples of where the grammar is wrong and explaining why to help a person who obviously hasn't learned all the wacky rules of English grammar yet.
And I know criticism is needed to make a work better. I give and take critique all the time. ...my entire post before was a critique even?

Whatever, arguing isn't worth it. I'm more interested in what kind of ideas Cochise has planned for their project. Do you have a set number of chapters or wordcount that you're aiming for? What kind of music do you have planned for this, if any?

I'm not. I actually putted that emotee not because I was being rude. For me that emoticon looks like a shy one. The emoticon looks uncomfy that reflects what I felt when I was writing that post. And lastly, I'm not interested in arguing. I was just explaining. Believing me or not depends on you.

[enta]

Haha, guys cool down, I've seen a lot of threads hijacked enough for this day(rather week). So the grammar looks wrong. Whatever happens to the recruitment section? With an interesting plot, I don't think Cochise can't get anyone to do them. But I'll be honest, the proofreader might need to be someone who can understand Portugal. Some phrases are barely understandable while some looks like typos. It would be best to talk it over in the maker's language so that proper translations or proofreading can be done.

Nevertheless, I think it looks interesting and would love to hear more from the maker.
Good luck! :]