[x] story first demo

[mirelle]

To rise motivation for the staff which were lagging and are mostly fooling around, we decided to round up whatever whole materials we have and compile a demo of some sorts.

it's still very unpolished (especially on the GUI side) though. And it's also very short (1.000 words)
Please have fun with it anyway \(^o^)/

^click on the screenshot to download... (windows, will add other systems by request)

advices on writing and such would be greatly appreciated!

[Delta m.m]

Good day to you mirelle

nice work you and your team did there
The main menu had a nice background, and I liked the menu's options, "Submit to your fate", and "run away?"
but when you open the preferences menu or the load menu and go back to the main menu you get a black screen, well I suppose I shouldn't talk about this, since its a very early demo.
Pear reeeeally surprised me when she said:
"enter and investigate" really player?, reeeeally...?
and when the narrator replied to her saying"am I that much of a coward" with "apparently the player made you to be one"
and "if you're not going to take it what are you going to do then", take it

now of course every story has it's own style, and every reader has his own taste, but maybe you might want to consider not reacting to the player and talking to them if you want your game to be a mystery game, and since your game is in 3-ed person and not 1-st person, because that can get the player a bit out of the atmosphere of the game world. of course doing so can be funny, but you don't want your player laughing 4 or 5 times in the first 10 minuets, and there are many ways of making jokes inside of the game world between the characters without detaching the player from the game world.

Of course I said if you want your game to be a mystery game, but maybe it's a mix of mystery and comedy.

I think the beginning of a game is what brings a player to continuing it or not, and I think you're doing a good job in getting the reader's interest, I really wanted to continue reading.
by the way an intro scene that shows something happening out of the sight of the in game characters and that leaves the player guessing can add a lot to the mysterious feeling, but beware not to reveal too much if you decided to include such a thing, because it's supposed to catch the interest of the player not spoil the story.

On the "visual" art's side, the characters where beautifully done, the clothes have "hard angles" which I found nice.
the game's name and the main menu give the game a very mysterious approach.
I suggest adding a screenshot of the main menu on this post.
Anyway the game looks very promising and exiting, keep up the good work, and don't let the amount of work prevent you from doing it.

we're waiting to see the rest of it :)

note1: my preceding comment is just my thought's and are based on the idea of the game being from the mysterious genre, and it's just an opinion, I'm not a professional and I think there's no right and wrong, your game is your own and it should reflect your own style.
note2: English isn't my first language, so excuse me if wasn't clear enough ;)

Delta m.m

[Delta m.m]

Sorry to post again but...
I've found this??

I don't know how dangerous can that be, so I made a post about it here:
http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... =4&t=20138

Sorry again

[mirelle]

Thank you, delta m.m !

but when you open the preferences menu or the load menu and go back to the main menu you get a black screen, well I suppose I shouldn't talk about this, since its a very early demo.

This. Still working on resolving this matter. it has also been bugging me.

Pear reeeeally surprised me when she said:
"enter and investigate" really player?, reeeeally...?
and when the narrator replied to her saying"am I that much of a coward" with "apparently the player made you to be one"
and "if you're not going to take it what are you going to do then", take it

now of course every story has it's own style, and every reader has his own taste, but maybe you might want to consider not reacting to the player and talking to them if you want your game to be a mystery game, and since your game is in 3-ed person and not 1-st person, because that can get the player a bit out of the atmosphere of the game world. of course doing so can be funny, but you don't want your player laughing 4 or 5 times in the first 10 minuets, and there are many ways of making jokes inside of the game world between the characters without detaching the player from the game world.

Of course I said if you want your game to be a mystery game, but maybe it's a mix of mystery and comedy.

Hmm, a good point. maybe i'll just shove the jokes for post-completion...?

I suggest adding a screenshot of the main menu on this post.
Anyway the game looks very promising and exiting, keep up the good work, and don't let the amount of work prevent you from doing it.

we're waiting to see the rest of it

Thank you very much! I'll be doing that pronto then~

And about the .py file... that is indeed worrisome.