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Please read the sticky before creating a new topic. Linking to Kickstarter/Crowdfunded games requires a demo. Updates to Patreon-backed games may be posted once every 2 months. Adult content should not be posted in this forum.
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Sekai sora
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#1
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by Sekai sora » Wed Apr 24, 2013 9:00 am
Last edited by
Sekai sora on Sun Apr 28, 2013 2:27 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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Anomandaris
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#2
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by Anomandaris » Wed Apr 24, 2013 1:51 pm
The art is very cute! I like the smiley faces on the boys' shirts and the two-tone hair colors at the tips. Some more details about the plot might be helpful in this synopsis - how are the three boys connected to her grandfather? Is there some sort of mystery plot (some strange events happening in/around her grandfather's house? Facts about the accident?), or is it a slice-of-life/school sort of story?
There's no need to apologize for your English! However, definitely make sure to have this proofread well before releasing. I wouldn't mind helping, if you're looking for a proofreader at any point!
Edit: sorry, just scrolled up and saw "Comedy/normal life" at the top. Some more details about the plot would still be helpful, though!
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eingelle
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#3
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by eingelle » Wed Apr 24, 2013 2:50 pm
This looks super cute! Your art style is very bubbly and bright. I can't wait for more updates! ^o^
I also agree with Anomandaris. I hope you add more info into the synopsis so that it can help us connect the male characters to the story.
I like Sai by the way. ...Ehehe.
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VocaloidsRCool
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#4
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by VocaloidsRCool » Thu Apr 25, 2013 2:01 pm
This is so cute! I can't wait to play it.
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Sekai sora
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#5
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by Sekai sora » Sat Apr 27, 2013 2:52 am
Anomandaris wrote:The art is very cute! I like the smiley faces on the boys' shirts and the two-tone hair colors at the tips. Some more details about the plot might be helpful in this synopsis - how are the three boys connected to her grandfather? Is there some sort of mystery plot (some strange events happening in/around her grandfather's house? Facts about the accident?), or is it a slice-of-life/school sort of story?
There's no need to apologize for your English! However, definitely make sure to have this proofread well before releasing. I wouldn't mind helping, if you're looking for a proofreader at any point!
Edit: sorry, just scrolled up and saw "Comedy/normal life" at the top. Some more details about the plot would still be helpful, though!
origrooo!! 
anomandaris!!
^o^ no the three boys has no connected with her grand father
there is not mystery just slice of life ..-___-'
my plot baka!! 
^_^ I will fix it thanks!
origtoo for you reading my post
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Sekai sora
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#6
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by Sekai sora » Sat Apr 27, 2013 2:59 am
eingelle wrote:This looks super cute! Your art style is very bubbly and bright. I can't wait for more updates! ^o^
I also agree with Anomandaris. I hope you add more info into the synopsis so that it can help us connect the male characters to the story.
I like Sai by the way. ...Ehehe.
origtooo!! eingelle ^_^
>\\\<
I will do that and thanks!!
sai~~........!
nice choice ^W^
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Sekai sora
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#7
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by Sekai sora » Sat Apr 27, 2013 3:04 am
VocaloidsRCool wrote:This is so cute! I can't wait to play it.
origtooo!!
VocaloidsRCool
I will do my best to finish it!! ^__^
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TheOneTwo
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#8
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by TheOneTwo » Sat Apr 27, 2013 3:43 am
Sho cute~ Can't wait for you to finish this. I hope you'll find people who could help you about the language but still, this is really kawaii~!
Good Luck! 
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Sekai sora
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Sekai sora
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#10
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by Sekai sora » Sun Apr 28, 2013 11:40 am
some snapshot from my game
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100puro
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#13
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by 100puro » Sun Apr 28, 2013 1:57 pm
The art is cute, though has a bit of anatomical problems.. but for me I don't think it would stop me from playing this game. Though I think you should probably get a proofreader because looking at the demo pictures there seem to be some mistakes. However, it seems to be a fun, light-hearted game that I'll be looking forward too!
Btw you may want to change the tags to "otome" since I was somewhat confused when I saw "otoma".
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TheOneTwo
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#14
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by TheOneTwo » Mon Apr 29, 2013 10:32 am
I agree with 100puro. A proofreader would definitely make this project more awesome.
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Blutkristall
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#15
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by Blutkristall » Sun May 19, 2013 1:32 pm
You really should cut the side-images. They're wholly unnecessary and distract from the game itself.
Trust me on this.
Gonna chime in with the two posters above and say that you need to both hire a proofreader -- you yourself said in your opening post that your English leaves something to be desired, and I think that's true -- and work on your anatomy especially the heads including eyes and hair.
I don't know how to feel about the plot, but that's not the main pull of most otome anyways so I guess it's not really worth wasting much thought on.
What I would like would be more in-depth descriptions of the characters. I know they're in that head of yours, so why not get them out in the open?
PS: Why don't you make a VN in your OWN language? English hurdles can be overcome, but it seems wiser to play into your strengths and not into your weaknesses.
PPS: Did you draw those in Paint or GIMP?
SAI might be worth looking into.
Everyone has their favorite blind spot.
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