What should I do?

[chisa-chan]

My younger brother (a year and two grades below me) has quite trouble at social interaction. He is short-tempered and selfish, but he is also a person who has no courage in facing problems.

He has been like this in recent five years. He rarely smiles and scowls often, and he is very hard to take advice (scowls and his mood becomes bad when someone gives advice). My family gives up on this.

Thinking it is not too late to change his habit, I decided to keep helping him (despite how many times he hits me on arm if I give him advice). Any solution on this?

[lordcloudx]

Are you sure it's really a problem? People look at me that way too, but that's never been a problem for me. I get irritated whenever people try to change or mold me *for my own good* Maybe your brother is just plain moody.

Hitting you in the arm is disrespectful though. You should let him know that violence like that will not be tolerated no matter what kind of hang-ups he has.

The two remaining members of my immediately family have come to accept me as I am. Maybe that's what you're brother really needs. Or... it might just me teh hormones or something hehe.

edit: immediately family? hehe

[DaFool]

Let him be.

I was the more problematic brother when I was younger -- regarded as spoiled, self-centered, obsessive-compulsive, antisocial, and sociopathic.

I'd hate to say it but currently I'm doing much better than my brother who was a straight-A student when he was younger.

So if you brother is 'messed up' after he grows past adolescence and young adulthood, then that's the time to worry.

[monele]

So if you brother is 'messed up' after he grows past adolescence and young adulthood, then that's the time to worry.

Mm... I know it's not *exactly* the topic but I've noticed many "early delinquents" tend to... unsurprisingly... stay on that path. Many of the problematic children of my elementary school are now either drugged or in prison for example >.>...

Now of course, here we're talking about "solitary" people I guess... not the same ... but just wanted to issue a possible warning.

[yummy]

Just don't let him be alone, but give him more freedom

Maybe you've not pinpointed all his problems yet.
It might be something related to his friends, something related with your family who's continually being judging him, something about him unable to tell and share his problems with someone he considers or considered a close friend/ally.

If you plan on helping him, you have to remember that one important thing about being trusted is not to judge someone nor to tell one to do something.
Trust is only a bond you gain after much time, when you're considered someone reliable to this person.
That is, if you're here to understand his viewpoint, what he thinks about the world, how he envisions all of this.
If you think your bro is somehow ungrateful, you're wrong.

I might not know all the case but the most evident thing that comes into my mind is that he wants to decide something by himself without you being behind him at every step.
Sure he might need your help, but that would be only when he directly asks you. You'd just have to say something like: "hey bro, if you need my help, you know my door's always open".
And you might see a change in his attitude.

Well, if he begins to befriend with some nasty guys, you'd just have to voice your opinion and justify it.
But remember you're not his mother, you're only his sister.

[F.I.A]

Pretty much what I was as a tyke.

Others have pretty much pointed out most advices, but if possible, you need to convince your brother that he should consult the family if there is something troubling him.

[anndelise]

Open dialogue not by giving advice but by asking questions, particularly about his interests.

He'll likely not respond initially, though, as it will take time before he comes to believe that you are actually interested and or can be trusted.

Pay attention to the things that he does seem to do, even if they are solitary pursuits. There is nothing wrong with solitary pursuits, nor of not being particularly social. There IS something wrong if there are no personal interests/pursuits, however.

As you pay attention, ask questions about them.
Start out with simple yes/no questions.
Then as trust gets built, sprinkle in with open ended questions.
If he answers these, you'll start recognizing that certain questions he responds better to than others. Some people prefer "Why?" questions, others "How?", "Do you like?", "What would happen if..?", etc. When you find out which questions he responds to better, then you'll know what types of problems he prefers solving. (Chances are that what you and your family see as "no courage in facing problems" is actually him prefering other types of problems to deal with or solve than the one given him.)

Once in a while, do some research on an interest of his and make a passing comment about it, he may respond....particularly if the comment you made is completely wrong!!!

All in all, it may help to look into some of the personality theories such as Meyers-Briggs, though I prefer Keirsey. The Russian Socionics is superior than them both, but more complicated to learn/explain. Any of these will help you, your family, and maybe even your brother become more aware that people may have quite different personalities than you (general you) do. Neither personality type is better/worse than another, but they do each have their benefits and faults. Helping your family, you, or your brother recognize and maybe even utilize those benefits will help his self esteem improve, which may help him in the social arena eventually.

[chisa-chan]

Thanks for the suggestion.