Butterfly Panic!!! [Romance/Comedy]

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Uta-hime
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Butterfly Panic!!! [Romance/Comedy]

#1 Post by Uta-hime » Sun Jan 12, 2014 12:15 pm

So... I'm considering making my first VN based off of a manga I'm working on... And yeah... Heh... ^^''
Image
Basic plot:
Eiji hates women. There's no way to get around it. He's a player, disrespectful, sexist—well, that's the least you can say about him and still sound "kind". However, Eiji has found himself in a terrible predicament after crossing Rina and Shiori, the two girls who know exactly how to get revenge. How? By summoning a creature of pure spite. This creature—coincidentally named Oizys, after the Greek goddess of Misery—puts a curse on Eiji, turning him into the one thing he hates. A woman.
Eiji can't turn back until he falls in love—which is a difficult task for someone in such a predicament, after all—with one person Oizys deems fit. Could it be possible?

Characters:
Eiji Sugimoto (17/M)
Our doomed main character who can be summed up as a tsundere. As mentioned before, he is sexist, a player, and disrespectful. He goes by "Eiko" once changed.

Oizys (??/F)
A Meep (a race I created—demon fairies who inflict pain on a certain aspect of a person's life based on color) who curses Eiji. The mark that proves she's watching (and, well, she always is) is a neon green butterfly.

Tetsuo Goto (17/M)
Eiji's best friend who is actually a lot nicer than Eiji.
He starts to take a liking to Eiko.
Rina Murakami (16/F)
Shy, timid. Eiji's girlfriend in the beginning of the story.

Shiori Imai (17/F)
Rina's best friend. Loud, bossy, and basically willing to fight anyone.

A couple questions... (sorry if these sound kind of... Well, stupid)
1. Do you think the plot sounds okay? Would it sound better if there were multiple love interests and one true ending?
2. Does the banner look like one a shoujo manga/anime would have? Should it be brighter with a different font?
3. Does this look too... Overwhelming for a first project? (Keep in mind, I'm doing the writing, sprites, and coding myself)
4. Does Oizys's race make sense?

That's all I wanted to know. Thank you! ^^

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Applegate
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Re: Butterfly Panic!!! [Romance/Comedy]

#2 Post by Applegate » Sun Jan 12, 2014 1:46 pm

1. Do you think the plot sounds okay? Would it sound better if there were multiple love interests and one true ending?
The chief thing you need to concern yourself with is, would you read this story as you have it so far? Keep refining the story until your answer is yes. Don't worry about what other people think; There's always going to be people interested in your story, so long as you stand behind it and enjoy it.

3. Does this look too... Overwhelming for a first project? (Keep in mind, I'm doing the writing, sprites, and coding myself)
Depends on how long you take drawing, and how much effort writing is. I think it'll be fine, don't worry about it. You only need 5 different characters, so it should be manageable.

4. Does Oizys's race make sense?
Demon faeries who exist to make others suffer? Wouldn't be surprised to see them exist in some fairytale.

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Uta-hime
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Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Jan 11, 2014 6:35 pm
Projects: Butterfly Panic!!!
Location: The Tragic Kingdom
Contact:

Re: Butterfly Panic!!! [Romance/Comedy]

#3 Post by Uta-hime » Sun Jan 12, 2014 1:56 pm

@Applegate
Thank you for the advice!
I'll keep it in mind while I'm working ^^

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