My Cute Sadist [Slice of life] [Romance] [GxB] [GxG]

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Akai85
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My Cute Sadist [Slice of life] [Romance] [GxB] [GxG]

#1 Post by Akai85 » Thu Dec 04, 2014 4:21 am

Well, really, I came up with a new title already... sigh T-T
Sadism and Company.
I’m a sadist and recently I’ve been struggling with the question, “What exactly is a sadist?”

How far do you have to go to be a sadist? Conversely how little will earn you the label? Will I face the same kind of challenges other sadists face? Or, entirely new ones? And then… there’s the question:

What kind of sadist am I?

This is a game about relationship-building and how you act will make or break those relationships.

You have to be aware of the decisions you make and be conscious of the effects they’ll have on people. Though you see relationships as a convenient way to indulge your inner sadist you might be getting more than you asked for…

(A p-g rated sadistic game with no sex, smut, extreme violence or gore. A story about self-discovery, acceptance and feels.)
Characters:

(1) Aberich:

Has a secret girlfriend or some shit and you want to expose him because you're a sadist.

(2) Asari:

Really wants to be top dog when it comes to Sadism but leaves too many openings of his own.

(3) Gieva:

Aberich's secret girlfriend... actually, his fiancee? She doesn't seem to like Aberich much despite being in a relationship with him.

(4) Hihio:

The guy that dumps you in the prologue. Originally wasn't gonna put him in but someone requested it and then I thought of how fuuny it could be.

(5) Kenta:

Hires you to be his girlfriend.

(6) Lexar:

The son of a member of a sadistic cult-type organization.


Writing Samples (Edit: I'm leaving this here as a record but please scroll down and read the new prologue instead! It's better!)
Prologue:
Edited for being confusing and poorly articulated :mrgreen:
Would love to hear what people think since the topic is a little strange :) This time, I tried to consciously write in a style similiar to the styles found in popular Japanese media. It felt a bit like writing a light novel so it was fun. :D
Last edited by Akai85 on Mon Dec 15, 2014 7:05 am, edited 5 times in total.

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Re: My Cute Sadist [Slice of life] [Romance] [GxB] [GxG]

#2 Post by Siedes » Thu Dec 04, 2014 5:07 am

Pleasant read, having a lot to do with the influence of Japanese media and your simple, honest prose.

One criticsm however is in the early stages of her realizing her attraction to the guy and when his friend approached her, she felt more like a masochist than a sadist.

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Re: My Cute Sadist [Slice of life] [Romance] [GxB] [GxG]

#3 Post by gekiganwing » Thu Dec 04, 2014 6:47 am

A couple thoughts on setting:

1. Your story can take place anywhere, any time. The setting can be portrayed with research-backed clinical detail. It can also be a whimsical place in which no one is surprised when kangaroos walk through cities. No matter what your intentions, think about how your fictional world could operate. Ask yourself what's going on outside of the main character's daily life and point of view. How do other people live and behave?

2. You can create a world that's not serious or realistic. At the same time, think about how to avoid giving the impression that your setting was created through a minimum of research, other than thinking about television portrayals and assumptions. In other words, see if you can avoid the theme park version.

3. Remember, culture changes. I was recently reminded of the card game Ani-Mayhem. It was created in 1996, and referenced a bunch of shows/movies that were relatively well-known in English speaking fandom at the time. Eighteen years have passed since then. A few of those '80s-'90s programs have recent reissues or spinoffs. The others have been almost forgotten. Some tropes that were common at the time have since faded away -- when was the last time you saw a character take a comically large mallet out of nowhere ("Hammerspace")?

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Re: My Cute Sadist [Slice of life] [Romance] [GxB] [GxG]

#4 Post by Akai85 » Thu Dec 04, 2014 10:32 am

Thank you for the kind feedback, Siedes. I know she doesn't always seem purely sadistic - that's because her feelings sometimes head in different directions. That's what the game is about, exploring the nature of casual sadism and the effects it can have on relationships.

Gekiganwing, thanks for your very thorough commentary. I'm just going with a very loose undefined setting, so it's more like I'm taking "props" from Japanese culture and popular media and using them against a more universal backdrop. For example the characters attitudes and personalities are more in line with Western culture and media, the main character likes Western food and everyone still hates Maths. I also think it'll help keep it relatable for people who aren't heavily into Japanese media and avoid the trap of becoming "Weaboo-land." :lol:

For example, I have a scene based on the Japanese new years dream superstitions, but I think even if people don't pick up on the refernce they can still understand and enjoy the scene. It also helps that the setting is a high school because who hasn't gone to high school?

The scene:
"Man… It isn't even New Years."

"I was really worried about it though. I was really panicking, thinking you'd turn into an eggplant permanently."

"How'd it end?"

"I woke up."

"What percentage of my body was eggplant?"

"Like… 70%?"

"What? Hey, you didn't do a very good job of helping me, did you?!"

"Well, it's fine now since I woke up."

"What if your dream becomes reality? What will you do?"

"I won't break up with you. I'll keep you in a freezer for as long as I can but I won't eat you. And I'll mourn you when you rot."

"…That's really not what I meant."
Also sorry for editing a lot of stuff in my posts but I realised that posting at 4am isn't necessarily the best idea lol. I didn't even sound like myself so I had to fix it up :)

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Re: My Cute Sadist [Slice of life] [Romance] [GxB] [GxG]

#5 Post by Akai85 » Wed Dec 10, 2014 6:18 am

Progress update:

Just finished outlining Kenta's romance route. Jeez what a pain :lol:

A total of one prologue, 5 chapters and an epilogue for about 19 scenes of moderate to long length with stuff inbetween. And then I still have to write the sadism route so every character get's about 38 scenes :shock:

Based on how long my scenes in general are, I estimate this means 38k+ words per character... and I have six characters :cry:

Also ended up putting in extra characters... I must hate myself lol. It's like reading a mini manga or something... Originally I wasn't going to have anyone else but blank characters :cry:

Partially outlined every other route but Lexar's. Gonna start soon but not looking forward to that psychological hellhole :lol:

Also Hihio's route has baseball. So much baseball, you don't even know.
I did nothing. And still I rise.
And still I rise.

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Re: My Cute Sadist [Slice of life] [Romance] [GxB] [GxG]

#6 Post by Akai85 » Thu Dec 11, 2014 6:53 am

Renaming to "Schadenfreude in Love."

Fits better, I think.
I did nothing. And still I rise.
And still I rise.

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Re: My Cute Sadist [Slice of life] [Romance] [GxB] [GxG]

#7 Post by Akai85 » Thu Dec 11, 2014 11:12 am

(Edited - go, bye)
Last edited by Akai85 on Thu Dec 11, 2014 11:43 am, edited 1 time in total.
I did nothing. And still I rise.
And still I rise.

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Re: My Cute Sadist [Slice of life] [Romance] [GxB] [GxG]

#8 Post by Akai85 » Thu Dec 11, 2014 11:42 am

Also changed some names so they're all mostly real Japanese names. New, updated character list (Not featuring anyone else but love interests because I think I now have over 20 characters...):

(1) Asari Kindou

Age: 18
Nickname: Asari
Hobby: Sadism
Likes: Sadism
Dislikes: Carrots
Dream: ???

(2) Megumi Hitokawa (changed from Gieva)

Age: 18
Nickname: Meg-san
Hobby: Calligraphy
Likes: Opera, Graffiti and Calligraphy
Dislikes: Aberich
Dream: ???

(3) Aberich Ueda

Age: 17
Nickname: Abe-sama
Hobby: Attending functions
Likes: High class things
Dislikes: Commoners, low class things
Dream: ???

(4) Hiroto Ogawa (changed from Hihio which might actually be a reel japanese name but idk)

Age: 18
Nickname: Hero-chan
Hobby: Baseball
Likes: Romance, Baseball
Dislikes: You. The Protagonist.
Dream: To become a baseball champion and play in the ---

(5) Kanata Doi (changed from Kenta cause I liked Kanata more)

Age: 17
Nickname: Kan-chan
Hobby: Making jewellery and accessory replicas from anime. Making 3d mini figures.
Likes: Girls
Dislikes: Violence
Dream: To get a girlfriend.

(6) Lexar Tropics

Age: 19
Nickname: Tropical-sama, Tooty Fruity-chan
Hobby: Making people feel inferior
Likes: Talk shows
Dislikes: People who oppose him
Dream: ???

Green for positive or compatible aspects, Red for the reverse.

Also, quote of the day...: The bloodlines of Masada and Takeba will be wiped from the earth - Their parents will become an endangered species, the likes of which are protected on reserves.
I did nothing. And still I rise.
And still I rise.

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Re: My Cute Sadist [Slice of life] [Romance] [GxB] [GxG]

#9 Post by Akai85 » Thu Dec 11, 2014 10:39 pm

Updated prologue:

* Refined character voice.
* Made some adjustments.
* Still a draft.
* Made friend-kun sound more ditzy.
* Implemented changed names.
* Added some terrible extended metaphors because I decided that's a thing the protagonist does. If you like poetry... you shall cringe.

Alright, I don't mind posting an update here because it's the prologue, there is literally nothing to spoil. (Also, I think it may be longer than the last one...) There were some details in my outline I left out so obviously it needs editing but w/e writing update!
Prologue: The Discovery of Schadenfreude. (Wordcount: about 1.7k)
Edited for bad writing :)
Last edited by Akai85 on Mon Dec 15, 2014 7:02 am, edited 1 time in total.
I did nothing. And still I rise.
And still I rise.

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Re: My Cute Sadist [Slice of life] [Romance] [GxB] [GxG]

#10 Post by Akai85 » Mon Dec 15, 2014 6:42 am

Rewrote prologue again for being too overwrought. Really hammering down on style since I've decided to make this a little more serious and less light than I was originally going to. Actually managed to reduce wordcount by 200 words.

Don't know if it's any good, guess I'll have to reread again in like a few days or something. Nevertheless the draft is done and I'm not going to be changing the actual "events" in it any further! Jesus this is more work than I thought... Every time I look at my old writing I feel irritated haha. So, if you're a visitor please ignore the annoying writing in this thread. i'm not going to post anything else either because hindsight is 20/20. Maybe in a week.

Progress:

Prologue: 1900 words aprrox. 5% of total writing approx.

Edits:

* Friend-kun is no longer called that. Now the crappy nicknames only exist in my head.
* He's less ditzy.
* Worldbuilding.
* Implementation of different framing technique.
* Writing is more serious.
* Differentiated protag's crappy metaphors from the actual prose. Yay.
I did nothing. And still I rise.
And still I rise.

Akai85
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Re: My Cute Sadist [Slice of life] [Romance] [GxB] [GxG]

#11 Post by Akai85 » Mon Dec 15, 2014 8:34 am

I just lost my extensively edited prologue... excuse me while I go and kill something. Fucking auto save. Ugh... I just... am so... fuck you computer, fuck you.

Edit: Rewrote prologue but it will need to be edited again because I'm sleepy and the second half is looking a little short to me. So w/e. At least it's done... *snore*
I did nothing. And still I rise.
And still I rise.

Akai85
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Re: My Cute Sadist [Slice of life] [Romance] [GxB] [GxG]

#12 Post by Akai85 » Thu Dec 18, 2014 11:05 pm

Wooo, update!

Wrote a big scene of Aberich's so that's done. So happy. Of course I completely skipped his prologue and headed right to chapter 2 because I'm a rebel like thaaaaat.
"For the time being... I'll try to find a man willing to overlook your hair."
Aberich is also giving me some trouble with his appearance... I've got everyone else done no problem but what should snooty rich boy wear? And his hair? Sooo still working on that yeeeeah. Anyway since I need some shit in my portfolio for college I was thinking maybe I'll take this as an opportunity and render up a full sprite set for the protag.

Tried writing a Hiroto scene but I had to scrap it because I was having a bad writing foreverrrrr day. I hate those days.I guess at this point the only one I haven't written anything for is Lexar. His route is the most complicated so I shall probably write that last. Also I'm waiting for my alphasmart to arrive so I can write everywhere... arrive... arrive! Damn you :x

Also my beta-reader (who is very bad at beta-ing) was gushing (normally she's like "yeeeeah, whatever,") and liked the change in tone which is great. You have to be a little careful with protagonists like mine so they don't come across as boring or whiny. Still don't have no feedback on the worldbuilding but w/e. I invented a food I want to eat though... it's like a donut crepe thing. I think that's the best idea I've had so far :lol:

Anyway christmas will be here soon and I ordered some food from germany and I'm excited. I'm going to make a christmas tree out of paper and hang it up (there's no space for a real one) and make everyone wrap their presents together and put them under the tree. I'm so excited! It's the first time we'll be celebrating Christmas at our house and even if I'm paying for most of everything I'm really happy we can all get together and celebrate like this.

Weeelll that has nothing to do with my w.i.p. but when no-one's reading your thread you can do what you liiiike :lol:

But seriously alphasmart get off your butt and into my arms. -_-
I did nothing. And still I rise.
And still I rise.

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