The Unknowns Chronicles demo [mystery,fantasy,slice of life]

[firecat]

(i cant believe i fit all those words in the subject)



Hello everyone and welcome to 'The Unknowns Chronicles demo' thread. i know that the demo is like very small (like 15min reading ) but i wanted to see how well its gotten and needed feedback as well. the idea for this game is to help build the back story for 'the Unknowns Saga' characters, even more important its a way to not mess up the main story. this is what you expect to happen:

5 very small stories (host included)

host asking for your (any name)

website link to support the game

i will update it each week until its launch on february 1, 2015. feedback or a way to improve it is greatly welcome.

http://gamejolt.com/games/other/the-unk ... emo/44046/

[firecat]

New stuff to test and new stories.

things added:

343 story, max and alex story, new story on endurance of life, Host new speech.

feedback is still welcome

[Saltome]

Ok, my friend, listen. You need to stop what you are doing with that story, go back, and rewrite everything.
There is practically no punctuation. It's so bad in the end I wasn't writing suggestions, it was faster just redacting each line. I've reached the limit of my patience. Fix all the punctuation and capitalization, then I'll go trough it again, to catch the actual mistakes.

[firecat]

Ok, my friend, listen. You need to stop what you are doing with that story, go back, and rewrite everything.
There is practically no punctuation. It's so bad in the end I wasn't writing suggestions, it was faster just redacting each line. I've reached the limit of my patience. Fix all the punctuation and capitalization, then I'll go trough it again, to catch the actual mistakes.

thanks for the feedback i didnt see some of the missing words, also i like to point out that i cant write in perfect english thats not my main and i know many non-english VN developers feel that way as well. theres no way i cant make my english better (i could but this is o.k for now) but thats how it goes i guess and besides this way my novel is 100% protected from copy-cats .

[Saltome]

Eh, the sooner you learn the better.
But yeah... if you wanna get anywhere with this go back and fix the mistakes before the sheer volume becomes too large to manage effectively. You don't have to be perfect, as I said. Start by using the capital letters in the beginning of the sentence, and the period at the end. That's not even "english" knowledge, it's essential writing principles in every language I know.