Need help with a character!

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The Wombologists
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Need help with a character!

#1 Post by The Wombologists » Fri Jun 26, 2015 1:32 am

So im writing about a delinquent who isnt good at conveying emotions (mostly due to over-thinking about how best to approach someone when they approach them) but is an honest and easily flustered person (but not naive) . I dont want this to end up being a tsundere type character but it feels like its going there with the description....

At first it was:

She appears to be cold and not very talkative, but in reality she isnt comfortable with talking to people who doesn't know, but isn't good at physically communicating that. She likes children and gets along with them better than with people her own age. If she is riled up enough she will become very vocal about her emotions and opinions.

But then i wrote it like:

She appears to be the cold and silent type, but in reality she has self-confidence issues and as a result has difficulties meeting new people. She likes children and gets along with them better than with people her own age. If she is riled up enough she will become very vocal about her emotions and opinions.


Also another character who...well i dont want him to fall into the common pitfalls of his character type. Heres the description unedited:

A short and bubbly teenage boy who is childhood friends with Haruki. Despite his stature he is a strong mixed martial artists, gaining him the nickname "Little Bear" (Sho Gumuza) by his dojo mates. He is often sweet, energetic and a bit childish but when things get serious he becomes cocky and irritable. He has a bad habit of threatening and intimidating people after things have gotten that far. Believes anyone can stand on their own two feet, but is protective of those closest to him.

Im not sure if im nearing stock-character hell or if im doing it right? idk...

Advice is appreciated! :D :D :D

[I dont want to end up with a super-cliched character, i know im using cliches already but i want it to be delivered in a fresh and believable way- with humor of course!]
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Re: Need help with a character!

#2 Post by DrewDrewstar » Fri Jun 26, 2015 11:21 am

These characters sound vague at best for me, I want to know more about them, like why do they act this way? What are their specific interests? How do they affect the story? How does the story affect them? With a bit more info, I could probably do some more analysis of sorts on em

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Re: Need help with a character!

#3 Post by The Wombologists » Fri Jun 26, 2015 1:03 pm

DrewDrewstar wrote:These characters sound vague at best for me, I want to know more about them, like why do they act this way? What are their specific interests? How do they affect the story? How does the story affect them? With a bit more info, I could probably do some more analysis of sorts on em
Well.... here is the full character profile i have for both of them so far:


Taji Hanzou (18)

likes: wrestling, snow cones, sparring, the beach, bread, dogs

dislikes: waking up early, stupid people, haircuts, his loved ones in danger

A short and bubbly teenage boy who is childhood friends with Haruki. Despite his stature he is a strong mixed martial artists, gaining him the nickname "Little Bear" (Sho Gumuza) by his dojo mates. He is often sweet, energetic and a bit childish but when things get serious he becomes cocky and irritable. He has a bad habit of threatening and intimidating people after things have gotten that far. Believes anyone can stand on their own two feet, but is protective of those closest to him.
---------------------------
Haruki Ohba (18)

likes: motorcycles, children, the ocean, rain, anime

dislikes: the cold, being teased, feeling uncomfortable, hard candy

She is an intimidating delinquent who is the leader of a motorcycle gang called the She Devils (Kanojo wa Akuma). She is nicknamed "Miss Oni" (Demon) by other rival gangs for her reputation of being a cruel and staunch fighter.

She appears to be cold and not very talkative, but in reality she isnt comfortable with talking to people who doesn't know, but isnt good at physically communicating that. She likes children and gets along with them better than with people her own age. If she is riled up enough she will become very vocal about her emotions and opinions.

###Edit:She appears to be the cold and silent type, but in reality she has self-confidence issues and as a result has difficulties meeting new people. She likes children and gets along with them better than with people her own age. If she is riled up enough she will become very vocal about her emotions and opinions.


They are both the main characters in a romcom VN, like short and sweet+tall and scary type of thing.
I wanted there to be some sort of conflict or event that caused them to move away from each other when they were kids, something believable. I haven't quite put a dart on what just yet, but I did want them to be childhood friends. And then i would clean up the conflict somehow.

Sorry if im not too clear about my direction im at the point where I want to add depth to my characters before I actually write the story but I do know where I want my story to go with them, I just dont want to describe them to be one way and write them out to be another.
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Re: Need help with a character!

#4 Post by DrewDrewstar » Fri Jun 26, 2015 6:49 pm

They sound pretty good right now! The whole gang leader thing and Hanzou being overprotective makes me think that he got really worried about Haruki and they just couldnt agree on things after that? Haruki said "F*** off, I do what I want" with her being the emotional wreck she is and Hanzou being like "But Haruki you are gong to hurt yourself!"
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Re: Need help with a character!

#5 Post by The Wombologists » Fri Jun 26, 2015 8:31 pm

DrewDrewstar wrote:They sound pretty good right now! The whole gang leader thing and Hanzou being overprotective makes me think that he got really worried about Haruki and they just couldnt agree on things after that? Haruki said "F*** off, I do what I want" with her being the emotional wreck she is and Hanzou being like "But Haruki you are gong to hurt yourself!"
yeah that what I was kinda going for. I know its been done before but I just wanna do it with my own flare, which I think will work well! Thanks!
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Re: Need help with a character!

#6 Post by Kikaharu » Mon Jul 06, 2015 5:38 am

When you talked about the guy, I slightly thought of Honey from Ouran Highschool Host Club. Because of his stature and personality, he is also a martial arts champion. I would also be careful with the name Haruki. In Ouran Highschool Host Club there is a main character named Haruhi Fujioka. Yes, it's Haruhi not Haruki but the names are really similar. And the personalities with the guy and Honey seem quite similar to me.

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Re: Need help with a character!

#7 Post by The Wombologists » Mon Jul 13, 2015 2:12 pm

Kikaharu wrote:When you talked about the guy, I slightly thought of Honey from Ouran Highschool Host Club. Because of his stature and personality, he is also a martial arts champion. I would also be careful with the name Haruki. In Ouran Highschool Host Club there is a main character named Haruhi Fujioka. Yes, it's Haruhi not Haruki but the names are really similar. And the personalities with the guy and Honey seem quite similar to me.
oh my :oops: i didnt even think about that...I havent really seen much of ouran lately so the parralells never crossed my mid, but the personality is like honey though.... I meant for him to be more like a cross between Issei Tsubaki from full metal panic and gintoki from gintama. But i guess hes sweet like honey when hes around her...choices choices :arrow: :arrow:
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