Competition for Satisfaction[BxB][Romance, Friendship]

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tamacitas
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Competition for Satisfaction[BxB][Romance, Friendship]

#1 Post by tamacitas »

COMPETITION
for
SATISFACTION


Oh. My. God.
Thank you for nice feedback around the forum!
And now I'm charged to finish this VN once more!

Jo was late for school due to his medication. Luckily, his best friend, Andrew, was also late.
As an exchange of minus point, they would join a competition attended by a famous school in the city, which will held 1 month and a week after. Logically, they will get ten times their minus point, so, this opportunity shouldn't be a waste.
During 5 weeks, would they be prepared for the competition with so many obstacles facing them?

Oh, wait a minute. Prepared? Do they really have time for that?


WARNING: This game will contain
SWEARS, RAPE, SUICIDE, MURDER, FOREIGN (SWEAR) LANGUAGES, MILD VIOLENCE, AND SHOTACON.Discretion strongly advised.


And let me present to you...

CHARACTERS

Image
(old concept)

Joshua Geraldyn Geovanni
Main POV - Dec 16 - Male

I present, a typical international student which is American-Japanese! For some reason he doesn't attend school in either America or Japan, but in Indonesia! However, he's not a part of clichés in Japanese characters, where he will say<insert Japanese phrase here>!
This student who prefers to be called 'Jo' instead of 'Josh' suffers from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, where someone feels abnormal fatigue and problems more than normal people. During his schooltime, he was strictly protected and supervised under his brother, Lloyd. Although physically weak, he's mentally strong, provided from his environment. He is the best friend of Sammy and Andrew, under their own name 'SJA'. He is the nicest and physically weakest from them three.
In this VN, he may or may not be Andrew's 'one step forward'. That, if you know what I mean.

Image

Andrew Hartanto Lim
Nov 4 - Male

One hell of a nerd! The one who always got A+s in class. He prefers spending his time in library than wasting his time doing sports. When it comes to read, just. You won't want to disturb his thing. A Chinese Indonesian. He looks really cold and cruel outside, but he's actually a sweet pie inside. A tsundere towards Sammy and really caring in front of Jo.
In this VN, he may or may not be Jo's 'one step forward', depending on the player.

Image
(He looks like a man in here for some reason- might be uploading another concept later)

Sammy Tjiu
Oct 12 - Male

The thug in the VN.
You will either hate him or love him once you see him. He's an Indonesian who has a collection of swear words in his mind. He is one kind of a pervert, yet feeling that he's 'fabulous', 'awesome', and all those stuffs while he always got the lowest grade and rank at school. However, when it comes to stamina, no one could beat him, especially when it comes to basketball and sprint. He has a dark backstory, thus making him today. He's a bisexual, and attracted to both Jo and Andrew despite being his best friends.
(And no, only some Indonesian people have a bad attitude like him. That's what I know so far.)
Though having minor role... you'll find out the secret why I mark him as a main character as well~

Lloyd Geovanni
May 31 - Male

NPC which has no sprites. Runs Fisherkron Company, a big multilateral company working on the management and infrastructure of building. He's Jo's father-like brother. Despite being the eldest, he can't spend his time too much on his siblings, but still works his best to do whatever he can in order to help his only brother. He also has big asset, thus making him able to hire butlers and maids for his own family.

FEATURES
(which is still planned, of course)
  • This VN. IS FREEEEEE!!!
  • Your choice really matters for the future of your ending.
  • Mature Filter.
    Because, why did I warn about RAPE and shotacon in the first place?
  • Free Indonesian language study by Andrew!
  • Free swear language study by Sammy!
  • Gallery Room!
  • Music Room!
  • Free Mode, where player will be involved in random events after getting the endings.
  • Exclusive otome with SJA! You can choose which boy to play with!
...and many more!

PROGRESS
To summarize:
PLOT : 85%~90%
ART :
- CG -> 2/?? (concept), 0/?? (complete)
- BG -> 2/?? (concept), 0/?? (complete)
- GUI -> 0/??
SCRIPT : ~15%

QUESTIONS
1. What do you think about the plot?
2. Which character appeals to you the most? And why?
3. Which pairing do you feel fit the most? And why? It's not just limited to canon pairing (which is Jo x Andrew/Andrew x Jo)!
4. I am approaching a different level of activating the mature filter and triggering an unchangeable ending by asking some questions at the beginning of the VN. Still, the mature filter adjustment will be available. Do you think it's okay?
5. I would like to hear more comments, feedback, and critiques from you!
UPDATE
Dec 26,2015 --------------------------------------------- character's concepts uploaded
Dec 25,2015 --------------------------------------------- update of Andrew's character description
Dec 22,2015 --------------------------------------------- massive plot change, set deadline, new questions, thread unlocked
Dec 08, 2015 --------------------------------------------- thread first created?
Last edited by tamacitas on Mon Dec 28, 2015 3:27 am, edited 6 times in total.

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Re: Sleepover[BxB][Romance, Friendship]

#2 Post by Ollie »

Warning: Long as hell so pls sit tight & enjoy ur flight fam (soz had to rhyme)

1. I'm still confused on which illness will Jo adopt. Any suggestion? Short detail, he will get weaker and weaker in impulse and movement. He will also get even more easier to faint.Someone said that he is better to get a worsened heart disease, which I also considered for his illness. But let me know your opinion about this.

Pardon my blatant gall, however, Jo's disease, I would assume (from the plot description), plays a major part in the game. IMO, while planning, this should have been one of the first things to have gotten over with. Albeit, that's quite alright, it can still be sorted out, but still. (That's just me.) How about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? I don't know if it makes you faint, but if an individual who has CFS overexerts themself, I'd think that they'd faint from the utter exhaustion. I am not cognisant of CFS being permanent, but I believe it is not:-).

2. What do you think about the plot?

First of all: FUCK YEAH GAY SHIT IS MY SHIT.
To answer your actual question, it's kind of perplexing? I don't understand it well. I feel like it's kind of absurd that Jo would have to participate in a science fair project, due to him being late. Taking into account that this was because of his medication, I find it hard to believe that a principal would allow a sickly student to work for two months on a project (and a science project, out of all punishments). In general, though, it's silly that he'd even get punished in this scenario. And, because I am unaware of why Andrew was late, I cannot say that he shouldn't be punished, but a student that has NEVER broken a rule before? I'd not punish them. This is just me, personally.
"I can taste mayonnaise in his"... what? How did that escalate so quickly, if what I'm thinking is what's going on. I don't even know what's going on. Was that an excerpt from the game? What? Also, they're getting closer to each other?? I thought they were best friends? Although, I mean - I have a best friend and we do get closer every day, so I can understand that much. She also developed feelings for me too, so I can also understand that whole 'best-friend-likes-you-oops' thing:-). I really like it, actually! Ahahha. To be honest, putting aside my petty critiques, I like the plot. I really wanna know what Jo is hiding! I hope it's not about his illness though, because that would be rather anticlimactic:-(. Also, gonna be real witchu fam, I really get annoyed with this whole 'I'm making an English visual novel, but my character(s) will be Japanese', like wha-??? Does that even really benefit the plot? Also, if Jo is American-Japanese, that means that either one of his parents are Japanese, or both are (and he's born in America). How come his surname isn't Japanese? Okay, so, going by the logic that his dad's not Japanese, his mum is, then? Well, why doesn't he have a Japanese middle name? My mum was Hispanic and she gave my sister a Hispanic middle name. You get my flow? But, yeah.

3. What about the character? Which character do you like, and why?

I like Andrew. A LOT. This may or may not be because he's a nerd and gosh adorkable nerds:-). I also like Sammy because he cusses and, fuck, that's hot as hell. I won't pursue Sammy first, though. This is because his grammar isn't the best and, for me, I need a dork with superb grammar; so, hello, Andrew-boo. (Also, Sammy's name reminds me of Sam from Supernatural.)

4. Will mature filter be prompted at the beginning of the game or during the game?
Either or. I don't really mind. I mean- getting it over at the beginning seems smart, though.

5.Last but not least:
Do you have any other comments, suggestions, or critiques towards the overall of the VN?


Critiques and suggestions have been included in my answers for each respective question. I may seem like I'm being impudent but, I promise, I'm not. I'm super sorry if I am:-(. I just wanted to point out some things that don't make complete sense to me, in hopes that you can alter that. The fact that I'm even sitting down here for God knows how many minutes typing this out means that I, excuse the inane cliched words, care about this project. I really hope that it will be completed and I wish you the best of luck. I am looking forward to the artwork!:-)

(And, um, as a random suggestion, maybe you could simply have them just getting paired up in class for a project? It could have the same 2 month duration ;w;)
I may or may not be a full-blown, absolute dork.

Image

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Re: Sleepover[BxB][Romance, Friendship]

#3 Post by Katta »

I wonder if you may want to change the name for your project because there already is a BxB VN Sleepover or is yours somehow connected?

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Re: Sleepover[BxB][Romance, Friendship]

#4 Post by tamacitas »

Katta wrote:I wonder if you may want to change the name for your project because there already is a BxB VN Sleepover or is yours somehow connected?
Hello there! Yes, I'm updating the project's title right now. Thanks for pointing that out!
I'm somehow really surprised that the VN you're pointing me is kinda bara while mine is shotacon lol-

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Re: Competition for Satisfaction[BxB][Romance, Friendship]

#5 Post by tamacitas »

First, Merry Christmas everyone!!! (well, at my place.)

I thought that I need to update about the progress of the game every 3 days or a week. So, the result of the progress from Dec 22~Dec 25 is
The game contains 412 dialogue blocks, containing 2,881 words and 16,165
characters, for an average of 7.0 words and 39 characters per block.

The game contains 16 menus, 0 images, and 12 screens..
DAMN OLD SCRIPT.
I was very surprised when I got 6,942 words, and it turns out that it's combined with the old script. Sorry!

So, I've done Jo (uncolored) and Andrew (uncolored & colored) concepts, and by tomorrow the concepts should already exist!

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Re: Competition for Satisfaction[BxB][Romance, Friendship]

#6 Post by lilliesandcoffee »

Ohhhh I can get a free Indonesian language study from three bishies? Freaking awesome! XD My Indonesian's gotten a little rusty so this is definitely up my alley.
"You're more of a venus flytrap and vodka type of person." - Someone who knows too much

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Re: Competition for Satisfaction[BxB][Romance, Friendship]

#7 Post by tamacitas »

lilliesandcoffee wrote:Ohhhh I can get a free Indonesian language study from three bishies? Freaking awesome! XD My Indonesian's gotten a little rusty so this is definitely up my alley.
There will be some untranslated Indonesian phrases, but I'll try my best to implement this feature :3

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Re: Competition for Satisfaction[BxB][Romance, Friendship]

#8 Post by tamacitas »

Due to some things I have to learn further before attending school (and it's about 5 subjects damnnn-), I decided to focus on those subjects while doing this project.
Update so far, from Dec 25 ~ Dec 28:
Statistics:

The game contains 472 dialogue blocks, containing 3,295 words and 18,476
characters, for an average of 7.0 words and 39 characters per block.

The game contains 17 menus, 0 images, and 12 screens.
So far so good! I'm now entering Week 1 for the script, and I've made some CGs alongside BGs for the game.

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Re: Sleepover[BxB][Romance, Friendship]

#9 Post by tamacitas »

Ollie wrote:Warning: Long as hell so pls sit tight & enjoy ur flight fam (soz had to rhyme)

1. I'm still confused on which illness will Jo adopt. Any suggestion? Short detail, he will get weaker and weaker in impulse and movement. He will also get even more easier to faint.Someone said that he is better to get a worsened heart disease, which I also considered for his illness. But let me know your opinion about this.

Pardon my blatant gall, however, Jo's disease, I would assume (from the plot description), plays a major part in the game. IMO, while planning, this should have been one of the first things to have gotten over with. Albeit, that's quite alright, it can still be sorted out, but still. (That's just me.) How about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? I don't know if it makes you faint, but if an individual who has CFS overexerts themself, I'd think that they'd faint from the utter exhaustion. I am not cognisant of CFS being permanent, but I believe it is not:-).

2. What do you think about the plot?

First of all: FUCK YEAH GAY SHIT IS MY SHIT.
To answer your actual question, it's kind of perplexing? I don't understand it well. I feel like it's kind of absurd that Jo would have to participate in a science fair project, due to him being late. Taking into account that this was because of his medication, I find it hard to believe that a principal would allow a sickly student to work for two months on a project (and a science project, out of all punishments). In general, though, it's silly that he'd even get punished in this scenario. And, because I am unaware of why Andrew was late, I cannot say that he shouldn't be punished, but a student that has NEVER broken a rule before? I'd not punish them. This is just me, personally.
"I can taste mayonnaise in his"... what? How did that escalate so quickly, if what I'm thinking is what's going on. I don't even know what's going on. Was that an excerpt from the game? What? Also, they're getting closer to each other?? I thought they were best friends? Although, I mean - I have a best friend and we do get closer every day, so I can understand that much. She also developed feelings for me too, so I can also understand that whole 'best-friend-likes-you-oops' thing:-). I really like it, actually! Ahahha. To be honest, putting aside my petty critiques, I like the plot. I really wanna know what Jo is hiding! I hope it's not about his illness though, because that would be rather anticlimactic:-(. Also, gonna be real witchu fam, I really get annoyed with this whole 'I'm making an English visual novel, but my character(s) will be Japanese', like wha-??? Does that even really benefit the plot? Also, if Jo is American-Japanese, that means that either one of his parents are Japanese, or both are (and he's born in America). How come his surname isn't Japanese? Okay, so, going by the logic that his dad's not Japanese, his mum is, then? Well, why doesn't he have a Japanese middle name? My mum was Hispanic and she gave my sister a Hispanic middle name. You get my flow? But, yeah.

3. What about the character? Which character do you like, and why?

I like Andrew. A LOT. This may or may not be because he's a nerd and gosh adorkable nerds:-). I also like Sammy because he cusses and, fuck, that's hot as hell. I won't pursue Sammy first, though. This is because his grammar isn't the best and, for me, I need a dork with superb grammar; so, hello, Andrew-boo. (Also, Sammy's name reminds me of Sam from Supernatural.)

4. Will mature filter be prompted at the beginning of the game or during the game?
Either or. I don't really mind. I mean- getting it over at the beginning seems smart, though.

5.Last but not least:
Do you have any other comments, suggestions, or critiques towards the overall of the VN?


Critiques and suggestions have been included in my answers for each respective question. I may seem like I'm being impudent but, I promise, I'm not. I'm super sorry if I am:-(. I just wanted to point out some things that don't make complete sense to me, in hopes that you can alter that. The fact that I'm even sitting down here for God knows how many minutes typing this out means that I, excuse the inane cliched words, care about this project. I really hope that it will be completed and I wish you the best of luck. I am looking forward to the artwork!:-)

(And, um, as a random suggestion, maybe you could simply have them just getting paired up in class for a project? It could have the same 2 month duration ;w;)
Oh, and I forgot to tell you, everything's updated!

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Re: Competition for Satisfaction[BxB][Romance, Friendship]

#10 Post by Taleweaver »

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