Little Boy Blue - Looking for Comment/Critique on concept

[SkyfireDragoon]

Little Boy Blue Not necessarily the final title

Aaron Wheeler was pulled from public schools at a young age after being diagnosed with crippling bouts of social phobia. After years of homeschooling, things are changing in his family life. In light of those changes his doctor is recommending immediate 'immersion therapy' and offers a school with a new music program, appealing to the enjoyment Aaron displayed while learning the trumpet. He always wanted something along the lines of a normal school life, and joining the band sounded almost fun, but how could he manage either when he can barely say hello?

Main characters

Aaron Wheeler:

The protagonist is a young man stricken from a young age with a severe case of Social Phobia. The mere thought of what people might be thinking of him stops him dead in his tracks. Every person who passes him by is laughing, judging, shaming him. His therapy taught him ways of coping with these intrusive thoughts, but does he have enough of a grasp of them to make this work? If not, how would he ever make it through the year?

Jennifer Carpenter

Jenny is an energetic young woman in the same grade as Aaron. She rocks out on the electric guitar and always seems to have a smile on her face. She has a tendency to babble on if nobody stops her train of thought. In class it always looks like she's staring right out the window, completely distracted. At home, her parents are always working, and she sees them very little. Up until this last year, she at least had her older brother, but he's moved out of the home, leaving it feeling empty.

Akemi Akiyama

A freshman at the school, at first glance she's your standard genius. Good grades, honor roll, and now joining a burgeoning band. She plays the Saxophone for the band, but her more classical learning ends up conflicting with the direction that the band takes. She spends a lot of time at the school's library, and the librarian is the only person that knows of her deep seated love of manga. She keeps her love of anime and manga at home, too embarrassed to reveal it to people at school.

Joshua Freid

The only other young man in the band him and his sister are both freshman to the school, and he's very aloof about just about everything. He plays the piano handed down to the band when the chorus got their new one. His twin sister is the one that brought them to this school for its athletics program, where he would have chosen a more artistically inclined school. His parents always doted on his sister, even though they were the same age.

Mia Turner

A sleepy-eyed junior, she always looks like she's right on the edge of sleep, even when she's wide awake. She's very laid back, and her speech has adopted a surfer's drawl from her father. She plays the base guitar. Her father was a surfing champion back in his younger days, and even after moving as far away from the ocean as he did he loved to regale his daughter with thrilling stories from his time on the waves. It's something Mia has always wanted to try, but her father has always told her if he ever took her out there, he wouldn't be able to bring himself home.

Alexis Rivera

Alexis looks young for her age, but she's actually a senior. She plays the drumset for the band. She's easily distracted, frequently playing well after everyone else has stopped. When her mind starts to wander in class, her hands move in a pantomime of familiar rhythms. She wants only to experience new things, but school is the same old same old day in and day out. She joined the newly formed band in the hopes of seeing something new.

---

Side Characters:

Mr. Shaun Frederick:

The band director and music theory teacher at the school. He's a bit of an eccentric, not minding in the slightest at the small size of his band. With a smile and a wave of his arm he declared them to be a Jazz ensemble for the time being. Encouraging and attentive, when he's not in the middle of a lesson, he can often be seen listening to the woes of one or more of his few students.

Dr. Abraham Newton

Aaron's psychiatrist of the last couple of years, he's suggested immersion therapy in a normal school while continuing their weekly appointments, and tries his best to help him acclimate to his new situation. He has an old acquaintance of Shaun Frederick.

---

So, that's the basic premise buzzing around my head right now, so I thought I would write it up for my own benefit, to guage interest in something like this, and also look for comments, critiques, and advice on how writing for a VN might differ from writing for, say, a short story.

[CarrotyCat]

Heya SkyfireDragoon! Thank you for sharing this with us, and it does look like a pretty unique story! What kind of comments/critique are you seeking?

Writing for a VN is a tad different from a short story as you'll need to think about it in the form of scenes. It should also take into account the production (how many scenes can you fit in) and also your audience demographics.

Hope this helps!

[gekiganwing]

... and also look for comments, critiques, and advice on how writing for a VN might differ from writing for, say, a short story.

You may benefit by reading the TVTropes article So You Want to Make a Visual Novel. Think about it, and take notes. A few other things that I would recommend...

* Consider how many endings you want your story to have.
* Estimate how long it will take a person to read one path of your story. In other words, the time from starting the story to reading one of its endings. The length of a path can be anywhere between a few minutes and many hours.
* Think about how you will rate your story in terms of content. What rating might the MPAA give it? How about the ESRB?
* Visual novels can include choices. Most of the time, they trigger event flags, and then lead the reader towards one of several endings. If you will use choices and multiple endings, then think about how to implement them in your story.

[SkyfireDragoon]

You may benefit by reading the TVTropes article So You Want to Make a Visual Novel. Think about it, and take notes. A few other things that I would recommend...

Thank you for the article and your advice, it's definitely going to be something I keep in mind moving forward.

Heya SkyfireDragoon! Thank you for sharing this with us, and it does look like a pretty unique story! What kind of comments/critique are you seeking?

Writing for a VN is a tad different from a short story as you'll need to think about it in the form of scenes. It should also take into account the production (how many scenes can you fit in) and also your audience demographics.

Hope this helps!

Well, for comments, you pretty much hit the nail on the head, 'This is an interesting concept' 'x,y are already a bit overdone, try to avoid z', stuff like that. Thank you for your advice as well.