Lemma Soft Forums

Greetings.
Honestly, this is first time I'm trying to attend Nanoreno--- well, whatever, any game jam.
I'm not much of an artist (usually I work in lifeless 3D, building starships), not a writer at all, and to make things even more complicated, I'm not even a native English speaker.
(Making a Visual Novel: Hardmode)
But oh well, we all have to start somewhere, right? So - this is it.

'Five in Frills' is a story of a young girl named Minami Ishikawa working as a maid in an old mansion. Locals say that mansion is a rotten place and [spoliers]

Day Three update: tactical bump and character introduction.

Asako Shintaro. Evil Chaotic in maid's shape. Harsh, cynical, borderline rational/irrational, agressive girl with alternative mishaped logic.
She has her reasons. If I can handle the development, her reasons will be in the novel, otherwise...

And yeah, development. As I stated before, I'm not a native speaker, so writing turned out to be much harder than I expected. I guess I'll try it this way: try to do as much as possible before, like, March 10th, then try to recruit a writer. Shame on me, but I must try all the possibilities before I fail.

I feel your pain man. Creative writing is challenging enough as it is. Hell, even just figuring out a good structure for the story you're trying to tell can be enough to keep your mind totally occupied. When you add the problems that come with formulating things in a language that you don't have a 100% intuitive understanding of to the challenges of storytelling it can get pretty overwhelming. There are a few writers who have written in their second language and done a pretty damn good job of it though, so if you want to write this story you shouldn't let that kind of thing stop you from doing it. The endresult might not be what you hope for this time, but as long as you keep trying to get better at something you will improve.

Don't give up. Nanoreno is for trying and failing and trying again. You can do it. It's hard, but it's posible.
I think you are trying to do too much, tho. Like, if you are by yourself, 4 characters, multiple routes and endings sounds like way too much work.

As for the story and characters: I just finished my degree in videogame developement, and I'm really good at finding loopholes in story, character and design, and also providing solutions. I'm like a beta tester but for design instead of mechanics, haha.
If you need any review or feedback with the script, lore or whatever, be sure to message me because I'd love to help you with this project.

Don't worry! It's still the 1st week of March! It's a fresh start for you.

Ooh, I love that first sprite! The concept of this story is cool as well.

If you need anyone to proofread I would be willing to help out with that! ^_^

Lodratio and MimirollCookie - thanks for support

Hi.In.Ni, well, the amount of work I must handle is less than that. VN is planned to be pretty linear, with some weird branching, but still linear, probably even single-ending. And four characters - I'm done with them!

Hi.In.Ni and Zelan, speaking about proofreading, your suggestions are noted and thanks for your help. I'll message you when the text is more complete. Just keep in mind that it may be more than just proofreading - fixing broken grammar logic and in worst you may end with rewriting massive amount of text since I may fail to handle it. Oh well.

Now.
Day Seven progress report:
Sprites: bases are done, expressions and emotions to be done when I'm finishing the text in script, no use in creating them too early.
Plot: getting finalized!
Text: prologue is getting finished in the range of 2000 words, rest is being filled in random fashion.
Backgrounds: not even started
CGs: to hell with them, I may be never able to handle them.
Music: being written, probably, but I have no access to situation currently.
UI: if I don't have enough time, I'll have to use native Ren'Py UI, which is still good.

Oh, and one more thing. Character introduction.
You know Asako now, now to other maids here.
Black-haired is Fuse-sama, the senior maid. Strict and non-compromising unshakeable leader amongst them, she knows when to support and when to threaten, when to push and when let go in order to get maximum efficiency from her subordinates.

The maid in glasses is Chikuma Taketomo. Nice girl, though very delicate and easily scared, usually prefers to stay alone if all possible.

Catgirl is Izumi Iseya. Well, she's not much of a catgirl - the ears are not her own - but she wishes that oh so much.
Same as Asako, she bears the Mark of Chaos, it's just she's some friendly, lively and cheerful form of Chaos. Expect her to be your good friend until very end.

I just have to hope I still have enough time for all my needs; and thanks for following the development.
Cheers!

The sprites are lovely! c: I like your art style a lot, it is simple but cute. And I am okay with rewriting if you need it ^_^ Good luck!

I think the sprites are looking fine.

Zelan and Lesleigh63, thanks!

And a test screenshot from development builds, just to see how it looks together. Oh well.

Just saying, I'm not a native English speaker either but that doesn't stop me from writing :'d I mean, it starts out a bit harder, but I believe you can do it! Don't focus too much on getting things right the first time through-- just get down the important bits that you need to convey before redoing it later. It's easier to fix something that already exists.

Things are looking good, by the way! Good luck, too!

Pfft, Iseya's room is better than mine. cx People who step into my room are in danger of getting lost for all eternity. I think that her messy room goes really well with her character, though! Nice work with that background.

Zelan, a photo please? xD
I could use it as some kind of reference, since this room must really be Chaos, undescribeable and unspeakable.
(just kidding)

And yes, her messy room should be an exact reflection of her chaotic nature.

I'm not sure if this is finished yet, but if you need help with proofreading/beta reading/editing, I'm a native English speaker and I like to think that grammar is my specialty. If you want another set of eyes to look over your script, just let me know and I'll do what I can to help. I would be best at finding grammar mistakes, typos, etc., but not so much on the overall plot/story (plot holes) unless it really "pops out" at me. If you're interested, please let me know.

Other than that, I wanted to ask if you have an idea of when the game will be finished/released?

AKABoy, the game's already finished. ^_^ Link