"Everlasting Hope" [Mystery/Romance] Critique Welcome!!

[camry81722]

Hello to all who take their to read this. I have recently been tossing around an idea for a VN and was wondering what everyone think.

~The Plot~

A deadly fire when you were 3 years old landed you in "Everlasting Hope Orphanage" where you spent the next 9 years of your life. Being that the orphanage treated you so well you now volunteer your extra time on the weekends working with your life long best friend Angelo; who now works at Everlasting Hope as a councilor for the children who are having a hard time ajusting. A few years before our story takes place, Angelo introduced you to a young girl who went through a similar experience as you did when you were sent to eternal hope. The two of you formed an instant bond and you began treating her just like she was your own child. One weekend events take a turn and Eliziveta goes missing; after a few days of waiting for the police to do their job you take matters into your own hands to figure out what happened. Who took this innocent child? Will you find her in time? Will all of you have a happy ending? The choice is yours at Everlasting Hope where anything is possible.

~The Main Character(s)~

I have a main character made up however I am thinking of changing it so that you can choose between the male and female version of them to appeal to a wider audiance. I will post her original Bio though. Any questions outside of what I list feel free to ask ^_^ So our male protagonist is a full fledged character now!

Echo Hensley (you will be able to change this!)
Gender:Female
Age: 23
Physical Description: Short, delicate build; wide sparkling emerald green eyes; small button nose; long curled eyelashes; plump heart shaped lips; porceline skin; long pink ringlet hair
History: Lost birth parents at age 3 to a fire and was sent to Everlasting Hope Orphanage. Adopted by Anneth Brodrick at age 12.
Job: Proffessional ballet dancer
Dress Style: Punk/Girly
Personallity: Compassionate; Reserved; Shy

Narcissus Hensley
Gender: Male
Age:23
Physical Description: Short, lilthe build; Big emerald green eyes; small botton nose; long curly eyelashes; full lips; porceline skin; short curly bright red hair on one side of his head shaved on the other
History:Lost birth parents at age 3 to a fire and was sent to Everlasting Hope Orphanage. Adopted by Anneth Brodrick at age 12.
Job: Professional Contemporary Dancer
Dress Style: Punk
Personallity: Compassionate; Reserved; Shy

~Love Interests~

I plan to have four some are still under work but I'll post what I have

Nova Rokesmith
Gender: Female
Age: 25
Physical Description: Tall, lean, and graceful build; big violet eyes; full plump lips; fair skin with freckles acrossed the nose; long pinstraight bright red hair
History: Lost birth parents to train wreck at age 12 and was taken in by her paternal aunt Phoebe Rokesmith. Served 3 years in the army sent home after being rendered deaf in one ear from being to close to an explosion.
Job: Missing persons investigator
Dress Style: Casual country girl with a touch of rocker thrown in
Personallity: Strong willed; Insecure; Hot Headed

Jeremia Azarov the 5th
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Physical Description: Medium Height; lean build; thick brown hair with light stuble; big carmel eyes; bronze skin; attractive russian accent
History: Raised by wealthy parents Stella and Jeremia Azarov the 4th. Was a very troublesom child till age 16 when a dare gone wrong put him into a 3 year coma.
Job: Missing persons investigator
Dress Style: Debonair look
Personallity: Charming; Self Centered; Stubborn

~Other Characters~

These are just the main focal two more might be needed to make the story work but they wont have big parts

Angelo Ross
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Physical Description: Tall with a broad chest; cloudy gray eyes; rounded jaw; small nose; pale with lots of freckles; spikey black hair with goatee
History: Abandoned at birth and sent to Everlasting Hope Orphanage. Adopted at age 14 by Oscar and Christine Ross. Adoptive twin sisters Jessica and Klara age 18. Married to Roselia Tabora with a baby on the way. Best friend of main character
Job: Counsilor at Eternal Hope Orphanage
Dress Style: Casual and Respectable
Personallity: Gentle; Focused; Compassionate

Elizaveta (Liz) Di Renzo
Gender: Female
Age:11
Physical Description: Tall lanky build; golden hazel eyes; thick eyelashes; freckles acrossed nose; Long strawberry blonde hair worn in a crown braid; Light olive skin tone
History: Unknown
Dressstyle: Bohemian Flower Child
Personallity: Sensitive; Mature; Distant

Credits
Writing, Team Leader: Cammy
Writer, Ideabouncer, and Editor: Chief
Writer and Ideabouncer: Adam
Writer and GUI Designer: Fey
Sprites and Character Sketches Made By: Michelle
Logo Designed and Created By: Ds-Sans

Well thats all I have to show everyone I am open to critisim please feel free to leave your honest opinions!! Thank you for your time!!


Just wanted to add that if anyone would want to help out on this project we are still looking for team members in all positions. If you would be interested go ahead and send me a message on Skype @cammy43551

[Yukionnal]

You have a great start theres not many like this and I was wondering if you were going to make it into a kind of romance mixed in there.

[camry81722]

You have a great start theres not many like this and I was wondering if you were going to make it into a kind of romance mixed in there.

Thank you very much! I do plan on there being romance involved I am currently trying to make up two more possible choices since both investigators are going to be options.

[camry81722]

Update added!

[camry81722]

Updates Added!!