The Destruction of Tokawa Miashi [GxG, BxB, Angst, Horror]

[Tsuchikaze]

"You're much better than that. Kill her."

THE DESTRUCTION OF TOKAWA MIASHI

Work-in-Progress | Horror | Angst | Yuri | Yaoi | High-school setting | Romance | Possible supernatural themes
WARNING: There are themes of depression, emotional bullying, mentions of gore and mentions of social anxiety. When the game is released, if you are uncomfortable with such themes, please do not play.

BRIEFINGS

Having been recently elected as the vice-president of the Student Council of Fuwatani High School, Tokawa Miashi enters her second year of high school with a strong start. She seems to have a wonderful outlook for the new school year, but in truth, her will to live is slowly dwindling away to the point where she is afraid of her own self. She keeps being berated by her academic rival, Tsukimino Yasune, who is also the president of the Student Council, over how seemingly clumsy and lazy she is, all with a smile on her face, and really, Miashi thinks that it's all her own silly mistakes. Miashi's childhood friend, Miyagawa Noriaki, does his best to support her, but he also has his own problems in the form of Karuizawa Rinzou, a classmate who seems to get on his nerves a bit too much.

Throughout all this, Miashi is slowly horrified to find that she's starting to think worse of Yasune, interpreting her corrections into mocking statements, and her smiles as sneers. Probably, Yasune didn't mean to tease her about her white hair in a mean way, but it slowly eats away at Miashi's perceptions of the president.

One June evening in school, however, a voice tells her to kill Yasune.

And from Yasune's point of view, the president has fallen in love with her vice-president since the previous year, but her headstrong personality prevents her from showing too much affection. She can never think of loving anyone other than Miashi-chan, but here's the odd part....why doesn't Miashi-chan get the hint? Miashi-chan really is dense, isn't she....!

SCREENSHOTS

CHARACTERS

Tokawa Miashi

The titular character of the game. She is the childhood friend of Miyagawa Noriaki, whom she shares a sibling-like bond with. In addition to that, she is the rival of Tsukimino Yasune in academics and after school activities, and is well-known for her kindness. Despite being rather strong-willed and eager to welcome challenges, her thoughts tend to contrast alarmingly with her actions and words. She is the one who gave Yasune her blue butterfly hairclip the previous year for her birthday.

Tsukimino Yasune

The president of the Student Council of Fuwatani High School, Yasune met Miashi the previous year during their first day of high school and fell in love with her on sight. Being a tsundere, however, prevents her from showing affection too blatantly, thus she regularly teases and pokes fun at Miashi while putting up a front as a formidable rival. In addition to that, while she is sure of her love for Miashi, she can't help but wonder why Miashi just can't notice it. She is straightforward and has high leadership skills, a trait that she had inherited from her father, who is the founder of a private hospital.

Miyagawa Noriaki

Miashi's childhood friend and classmate. Both he and Miashi are regularly mistaken for as a couple, since they tend to be as close as siblings. Due to a funny incident, he takes to calling Miashi 'Asahi', and he is the only person allowed to call her by that nickname. Calm, collected and wise, Noriaki is rather hard to anger, but Rinzou's constant actions drive him up the wall at times.

Karuizawa Rinzou

Rinzou is intelligent, rambunctious and creative, but those skills somehow aren't enough for him to gain the attention of Noriaki, whom he secretly admires. He constantly annoys Noriaki with childish pranks that end up getting the both of them in trouble, but beneath his antics is a perceptive young man who notices more than what lets on. In addition to that, he's incredibly jealous whenever anyone other than Miashi approaches Noriaki, and he would be very vocal about his displeasure.

FEATURES

-non-commercial (free)
-choices, choices, choices!
-two bad ends, one neutral end and one golden ending planned (or more endings hopefully)
-a massive deconstruction of anime/manga genres! comical chair-throwing and immediate recoveries are NOT in this game.
-guaranteed yuri and yaoi pairings, unless you get the bad ends!

CREDITS

-writer & programmer: Tsuchikaze
-sprites: Elzee (from her free sprites thread)
-backgrounds: Uncle Mugen & k-after
-music: amachamusic & misc.

My first attempt on a visual novel! This game is a huge deconstruction of the anime/manga genres, in where it's peppered with a lot of real-life consequences. This means that comically screaming, comically having superhuman strength and the like have consequences in the game.

I would also like to ask a few questions regarding what you would like in this game too, as I welcome any good ideas for it!
1. Do you think the story is alright? Is it too sensitive, and should I tone down the themes a bit?
2. Which character would you like to know about more? Which character is your favourite?
3. Are there any more suggestions for this game? Are there any questions about it?

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this!

[DarkForestCrow]

You did good job describing characters.

To be honest, I am not an expert in visual novels (I do really enjoy text-quests tho), but I'll try to give a short feedback anyway.

The style of your writings is really good. But, in my opinion, there are too much of 'emotional' things in everything you wrote. It's all about senses, emotions and relations but not about some actions. If we talk about descriptions of characters, for me it would be interesting to know what they are actually doing during their lifes, not just 'she/he is/not kind/nice and she/he is funny and has friends/enemies'.

The simplest example: you say 'she got leadership skills'. But you say 'she was a school president' / 'headed a school basketball/math team' - and this not only proves she got leadership skills, but also tells a story about your character.

But it's up to you.

Keep it up.

[Tsuchikaze]

@DarkForestCrow

I agree - there's too many emotions, and I'll try to incorporate more actions in the future! It was actually one of my main concerns: I don't want to make the game a little too dank and overly emotional, so thank you very much for your heads up! I will, however, put a profile page for each character in the game soon, which will highlight most of what they do.

Thank you very much for your kind feedback!

[psy_wombats]

On the one hand, this looks interesting. I like the ways the characters relate to each other and it all seems very messy (that's a positive thing, by the way). While what you've described sounds mostly like the premise, it reads like there's a lot of tension in the initial setup and definitely a spark with the murderous voice. There are a lot of VNs that only develop characters in their relationship to the protagonist and then everything else is secondary, but I think knotted character relationships are really appealing.

On the other hand, I'm really leery of anything describing itself as a 'deconstruction.' As an analysis technique, fine, but for works of fiction I've only ever seen it used to describe stuff from authors who've read too much TVTropes and then make everything weirdly self-aware. I'd be especially cautious because you also mention "both yuri and yaoi pairings" immediately afterwards, plus there's that line "however, as a tsundere" that makes it sound like a congenital condition or something. I'd really worry more about making something interesting than genre meta-commentary.

[Tsuchikaze]

@psy_wombats

You've a really good point there - it does sound extremely self-aware, and I'll do my best to avoid that as much as possible, since it does sound rather skitchy upon another read! There are a lot of obstacles to tackle and I really appreciate your feedback, and I hope to not make it a bit too grim and lanky. Thank you for providing me with a good source of feedback, psy_wombats!