The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship] Demo-updated

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SwallowtailedTrinket
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The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship] Demo-updated

#1 Post by SwallowtailedTrinket » Wed Nov 02, 2016 2:58 pm

Image


Progress
Updated as of 6/8/18
Plot outline: 100%
Rough draft of script: 100%
Editing: --
Sprite sets: 100%
Backgrounds: 100%
CGs: 95%
Programming: 80%

Demo clean-up: Finished


~Preface~

"There is a legend among our people--That if one were to swim through the deepest, blackest, most crushing depths of the sea, on the other side of all that darkness...there is light."


Long ago, the goddess of the sea drowned the world in her tears, but took pity upon the mortals that walked its surface. The four faces of the goddess became four separate peoples, but from that day they have scarcely met, each knowing the other races exist only from legend.

Far in the north live the Nenet, the representation of the sea's storms and unfathomable wrath and power.

In the shallow kelp beds live the Mu'etti, the representation of the bounty of life to be found in the ocean.

Deep deep below the water's surface are the Loremna'tat, the representation of the sea's mysteries and how no mere mortal can ever hope to comprehend it.

And among the warm tropical islands live the nomadic Ame'sol, the representation of the winds of change and that only those attuned to the winds may ever even get an inkling of what the sea might do next.


But for as different and spread apart as these peoples may be, they all share a common foe: the Pena--creatures that have been corrupted by the essence of fear itself. In these dark times, four runaways find themselves thrown together. Each has a personal reason for wanting to see the Pena menace done away with for good, and fueled by the belief that they were divinely chosen to end these monsters once and for all, they head out into the deep unknown to save the Four Peoples from the shadows that haunt them.

But before these four strangers can ever hope to defeat a monster, they'll have to figure out how to just get along with one another first. Though they all speak the same language, there seems to be an awful lot lost in translation going on around here.

The winds of change are upon us. Let the hunt begin.
----------------------------------
The Cast!


Our lovely Protagonist!

Image
Makani Layn
"I don't want to take the easy way out of this curse. If anything is going to save me it’s going to be me.”
Race: Ame’sol
Height: 5’11” Length to tail: 6’5”
The bearer of a family curse, Makani has always wished to solve her problems by herself rather than rely on others. She loves helping others, she just would rather never see the other side of the coin. Unfortunately she’s more than a little out of her depth out here in the middle of the sea, and learning that it’s okay to be saved from time to time, especially from herself, is something she will have to accept.


And her three jerks boon companions!

Image
Groriu
"There’s not much to do at the bottom of the ocean but debate philosophy and murder the ever loving lights out of others. I happen to be very skilled at both so either way this conversation goes is fine by me!"
Race: Loremna’tat
Length: 21 ft.
Groriu is a large and powerful Loremna'tat of the deep, who's definition of 'polite' doesn't seem to match up with everyone else's. He is perceptive, condescending, and unafraid of speaking his mind-particularly when he deems the actions of others to be foolish. Though not easily rattled, he doesn’t act particularly brave either, so it’s unclear why he’s sticking with the group if he’s already so convinced they will fail. Has the kind of smirk that makes people want to punch him in the face.

Image
Kameckt
"It means the Voiceless Goddess has chosen ME to be her champion! Haha! YES! Retribution is at hand!!”
Race: Nenet
Length: 8’6”
A warrior of great esteem of the Nenet People, Kameckt is never lacking in confidence, especially in the belief that he is the bearer of some great destiny. He fancies himself the leader of this assembly. A never ceasing fount of optimism, he tries to flip the faults he sees in his allies into something positive. Perhaps that is why he has so much trouble seeing his own shortcomings, or is he just very good at ignoring them?

Image
Vane
“No place is safe. The Pena can be anywhere. And where there aren’t monsters, there are people, and those are just as bad.”
Race: Mu’etti
Height: 5'9”
A timid youth of the typically peaceful and highly sheltered Mu’etti, Vane is convinced that just about everything in the ocean is out to kill him. Easily spooked and a little paranoid, he takes a lot of patience to talk to until one earns his scarcely given trust. In stressful situations he can sometimes keep himself calm by breaking people and creatures down into sets of biological parts and behavioral patterns. This has garnered him a vast knowledge of sea life and how it all relates to one another-knowledge that could greatly help the cause if he feels comfortable enough to share it.
----------------------------------
~Features planned for the full game ~
-It'll be free! And you get a bonus internet hug from me for taking the time to play it!
-Very simple stat system for relationships and survival skill points
-7 Bonus scenes complete with CGs for maxing these stats.
-Completely optional romantic 'love confession' scenes that can be added onto any 'good' ending should the player opt for it--Because why not? Or everyone can just stay friends and there will be a scene and CG for that too! 
-No 'one right way' to get the best ending, there are lots of combinations to get you there, every person will have a different experience playing through.
-Should be ridiculously easy to 'win'--This is my first game, I don't want to give myself a headache so I won't give you one either.
-Nine chapters long, the first two chapters are what comprise the demo.
----------------------------------

"Well that's all great, but who are you exactly?"


You can call me ST-Trinket, but I've got a lot of unrelated random internet handles honestly :P I've posted announcements of this project in some capacity to most of them by now. But I haven't been around here because I feel like I have to prove I can do something before I can even talk about doing it. So though I've been working on this for about two months now, this is the first time I've posted anything about it to these forums. It's nice to meet you all!

I'm not a terrific artist, nor a great writer, but I love both of these things and visual novels seemed like a good way to pull the two together. I hope that despite the flaws people can enjoy my work anyway. And yes, I know, I don't make pretty forum posts. Sorry about that...
----------------------------------
But enough about me!
->-> Onto the Demo! <-<-

After playing this demo, I'd love to pick your brains some!
For best results, please write down your initial thoughts before you look at/answer my questions below. 


Done? Okay!
--Anything unclear that you wish had been better explained or would expect to be explained as the story goes along?
--What expectations do you have based on the premise, description, and demo?
--Do you like Makani? Is she a protagonist you're willing to root for?
--Got a favorite character?
--Would you want to play through the rest of the story?
--Anything that just needs fixing?


Thank you for your time! And let me know if you have any questions!
Last edited by SwallowtailedTrinket on Fri Jun 08, 2018 1:39 pm, edited 10 times in total.

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship w/optional romance]

#2 Post by Kikaharu » Thu Nov 03, 2016 6:58 am

RE-UPDATED

This seems interesting so I am going to play the demo. Just by the descriptions my favorite so far is Groriu.

Update: I download the game and I have tried multiple times and multiple different settings and yet the game won't open. I have Windows 8. Is it set for a specific windows? Would love to play but it isn't working even troubleshooting it and also trying to run it as administrator it's still not working.

Second Update: I opened the zip on my desktop instead of in a folder. Which then it worked and then I moved the folder on my desktop into the folder where I usually keep my games and tried opening up the game again. It worked again so if having trouble opening in a folder maybe move it to the desktop first.

Thoughts:

I love all characters. Groriu is still my favorite but I tend to favorite some jerks so haha. Thought the others are great too and it will be interesting to see what all happens. I'm curious to see if the recipe she learns from the shaman will be in use later on. haha. There are a lot of little mistakes in writing. Double words, missing punctuation marks, a few misspelled words. Though it is a demo and I do think you'll get those fixed up by the time you finish the game. They weren't that bad that it took away from the demo so that's good.

Onto your questions. Maybe an explanation on how the Pena came around. Also about the Voiceless Goddess does she ever show herself to them? Or maybe talk to them in their minds like how the island (the one that was talking to her when she was fighting the Pena) did. I also am curious about if the island will be a focal point later on.

Too wordy? I didn't feel like it. I actually felt like the chapters should of been longer so I hope the other chapters will be a bit longer.

Do I relate to Makani? I don't think I do but she is a character that I love and it will be fun to see how she reacts to certain things.

You know my favorite character. And if I will play the rest of the game? Of Course!! I already bookmarked the game once I looked over the post. And playing the demo just shows how much I can't wait to play the finished game. Though I can wait to have it be awesome. It just sucks the process of waiting. Haha and there are some things I am curious to see if they will be put in the game and if not then maybe its a secret or if I'm still curious I'll just ask you when that time comes haha.
Last edited by Kikaharu on Thu Nov 03, 2016 10:08 am, edited 3 times in total.

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship w/optional romance]

#3 Post by riverbluesbear » Thu Nov 03, 2016 7:26 am

Oh my gosh, Makani is so beautiful <3

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship w/optional romance]

#4 Post by Zelan » Thu Nov 03, 2016 7:48 pm

"I'm not a terrific artist"

Shut up and take my money that I don't have. Your art's stunning. And it takes skill to draw any sort of fantasy-creature - you can't just use one model to study the anatomy of each picture.

Anyway, I would absolutely love to play your demo, but unfortunately I have a Mac. :c It would be awesome if there were a Mac build at some point in time, but of course I completely understand if that's not your primary focus. ^_^ Good luck with this!

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship w/optional romance]

#5 Post by SwallowtailedTrinket » Fri Nov 04, 2016 12:13 am

Kikaharu wrote:RE-UPDATED

This seems interesting so I am going to play the demo. Just by the descriptions my favorite so far is Groriu.

Update: I download the game and I have tried multiple times and multiple different settings and yet the game won't open. I have Windows 8. Is it set for a specific windows? Would love to play but it isn't working even troubleshooting it and also trying to run it as administrator it's still not working.

Second Update: I opened the zip on my desktop instead of in a folder. Which then it worked and then I moved the folder on my desktop into the folder where I usually keep my games and tried opening up the game again. It worked again so if having trouble opening in a folder maybe move it to the desktop first.

Thoughts:

I love all characters. Groriu is still my favorite but I tend to favorite some jerks so haha. Thought the others are great too and it will be interesting to see what all happens. I'm curious to see if the recipe she learns from the shaman will be in use later on. haha. There are a lot of little mistakes in writing. Double words, missing punctuation marks, a few misspelled words. Though it is a demo and I do think you'll get those fixed up by the time you finish the game. They weren't that bad that it took away from the demo so that's good.

Onto your questions. Maybe an explanation on how the Pena came around. Also about the Voiceless Goddess does she ever show herself to them? Or maybe talk to them in their minds like how the island (the one that was talking to her when she was fighting the Pena) did. I also am curious about if the island will be a focal point later on.

Too wordy? I didn't feel like it. I actually felt like the chapters should of been longer so I hope the other chapters will be a bit longer.

Do I relate to Makani? I don't think I do but she is a character that I love and it will be fun to see how she reacts to certain things.

You know my favorite character. And if I will play the rest of the game? Of Course!! I already bookmarked the game once I looked over the post. And playing the demo just shows how much I can't wait to play the finished game. Though I can wait to have it be awesome. It just sucks the process of waiting. Haha and there are some things I am curious to see if they will be put in the game and if not then maybe its a secret or if I'm still curious I'll just ask you when that time comes haha.
Oh thank goodness it worked. I'm sorry for the trouble, I'm aware that my sister had difficulty getting it to start the first time too, but I still don't know why.

Darn writing mistakes! My sister and I tried to catch as many as we could XP I'll have to go over it again with a fine-tooth comb. Thank you for bringing it to my attention though, I will make a renewed effort to keep a look out for such things.

OOoh such good questions that will be a bit complicated to gracefully answer XD But they are worth answering nonetheless! So tempted to write spoilers to explain this out. If you don't mind them, I don't mind explaining as it might help me put the story together better with input (goodness knows there are people on the Nanowrimo forums who have heard a LOT of the world-building and backstory for this story already, so it's not like I've done a terrific job of keeping things under wraps). Either way, this has given me some things to think about regarding the presence of the Voiceless Goddess and the Pena, and I'm swirling some ideas around in my head of better ways to introduce both of them.

Being that this is my first game, I didn't want to make it too long, but I'll consider making some parts longer. Given how much world-building I've done since I began the project though, it may be warrented.


Thank you so much for the feedback! I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed it and that you like the characters! Groriu is such a sassy ball of snot--yet in the small group of people I've been able to test this ideas on, he keeps coming up a favorite XD

riverbluesbear wrote:Oh my gosh, Makani is so beautiful <3
Thank you :D I'm really proud of how her design turned out!
Zelan wrote:"I'm not a terrific artist"

Shut up and take my money that I don't have. Your art's stunning. And it takes skill to draw any sort of fantasy-creature - you can't just use one model to study the anatomy of each picture.

Anyway, I would absolutely love to play your demo, but unfortunately I have a Mac. :c It would be awesome if there were a Mac build at some point in time, but of course I completely understand if that's not your primary focus. ^_^ Good luck with this!
XD Thank you! You're very kind! I'm at least pretty proud of how the sprites turned out--they're easily the best things I've ever drawn ever. But I'm more critical of some of the other stuff.

I did build a Mac version of the game, I'm just hesitant to post it because I don't know anyone personally to test it out for me to make sure it works. And unless I'm sure it works, I don't really want to add it to the public page. But if you're interested in being a guinea pig, I could put it on Google Drive to test out and give you a link? Then if it works I'd feel more comfortable adding it to the main page too.

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship w/optional romance]

#6 Post by Zelan » Fri Nov 04, 2016 5:52 pm

I did build a Mac version of the game, I'm just hesitant to post it because I don't know anyone personally to test it out for me to make sure it works. And unless I'm sure it works, I don't really want to add it to the public page. But if you're interested in being a guinea pig, I could put it on Google Drive to test out and give you a link? Then if it works I'd feel more comfortable adding it to the main page too.
Oh, that would be awesome! ^_^ I'm all for it!

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship w/optional romance]

#7 Post by SwallowtailedTrinket » Fri Nov 04, 2016 6:16 pm

Zelan wrote:
Oh, that would be awesome! ^_^ I'm all for it!
Will do then! I hope it works.

Mac file

UPDATED:

Added a font file to the game file, since not everyone has the correct font on their computer. I hope this solves the problem. Will update the main Windows file before too long as well.

Mac File version 2
Last edited by SwallowtailedTrinket on Mon Nov 07, 2016 11:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship w/optional romance]

#8 Post by Limabaen » Fri Nov 04, 2016 8:09 pm

Played the demo through and I enjoyed it ^^

Question answering time:
--Anything unclear that you wish had been better explained or would expect to be explained as the story goes along?
A lot remains a mystery, but I'm expecting you'll explain or elaborate on some stuff in the full game.
--Am I too wordy? I know this is a problem I've had in the past (look, I'm even rambling now!).
I like your prose, and it wasn't too wordy for me. Sometimes there's a little too much text in one box though. It ends up looking like a massive chunk of text and it's a bit daunting to read so much crammed into such a small space.
--Do you relate to Makani? And even if you don't relate to her, is she at least a protagonist you're willing to root for?
I don't relate to her, but I never expect to be able to "relate" to vn protagonists, especially in non slice of life vns. I do like her personality though, and I like how she's the capable and responsible one.
--Got a favorite character?
Groriu (^▽^)
--Would you want to play through the rest of the story?
Yes, definitely!

Other thoughts
- I really like the setting! I don't think we get ocean themed vns very often. You seem to have put a lot of thought into the world and mythology.
- Your art is very nice, plus I think the sprites fit the overall tone(?) of the vn.
- I like Makani's relationship with her stepdad.
- I had a hard time telling who was talking when the three kids interacted. I think this could be fixed if you changed the colour of the name text or put a grey overlay over characters who aren't speaking.
- (Curious) How many words would you say this demo was?

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship w/optional romance]

#9 Post by SwallowtailedTrinket » Fri Nov 04, 2016 9:03 pm

Limabaen wrote:Played the demo through and I enjoyed it ^^

Question answering time:
--Anything unclear that you wish had been better explained or would expect to be explained as the story goes along?
A lot remains a mystery, but I'm expecting you'll explain or elaborate on some stuff in the full game.
--Am I too wordy? I know this is a problem I've had in the past (look, I'm even rambling now!).
I like your prose, and it wasn't too wordy for me. Sometimes there's a little too much text in one box though. It ends up looking like a massive chunk of text and it's a bit daunting to read so much crammed into such a small space.
--Do you relate to Makani? And even if you don't relate to her, is she at least a protagonist you're willing to root for?
I don't relate to her, but I never expect to be able to "relate" to vn protagonists, especially in non slice of life vns. I do like her personality though, and I like how she's the capable and responsible one.
--Got a favorite character?
Groriu (^▽^)
--Would you want to play through the rest of the story?
Yes, definitely!

Other thoughts
- I really like the setting! I don't think we get ocean themed vns very often. You seem to have put a lot of thought into the world and mythology.
- Your art is very nice, plus I think the sprites fit the overall tone(?) of the vn.
- I like Makani's relationship with her stepdad.
- I had a hard time telling who was talking when the three kids interacted. I think this could be fixed if you changed the colour of the name text or put a grey overlay over characters who aren't speaking.
- (Curious) How many words would you say this demo was?
Thank you for playing and for the feedback! :D I really appreciate it! And I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

I'll look into some of the bigger text chunks and see how I can break them up (wall of text is one of my pet peeves anyways, I should really pay more attention).

Maybe 'relate' wasn't the word I was going for the more I think about it. Eh, I'll leave it for now though since I don't know what word to put in there instead...

The "evil step-parent" stereotype is one I avidly refuse to use. I like to make step-parent characters that are at the very least decent people that get along with their step-children.

And I'll try to find a way to make it more clear which sibling is which, thank you for bringing that to my attention. I hadn't really thought about that before but it's a good point, especially since Nikan and Noken have similar names.

As for the word count: when I check my documents' default word counters, it's about 25,000 words long, but that's including the little notes I write myself along the way, so probably somewhere around to 22-23,000 overall? That's probably short, I don't really know.

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship w/optional romance]

#10 Post by Zelan » Wed Nov 16, 2016 10:43 pm

SwallowtailedTrinket wrote:
Zelan wrote:
Oh, that would be awesome! ^_^ I'm all for it!
Will do then! I hope it works.

Mac file

UPDATED:

Added a font file to the game file, since not everyone has the correct font on their computer. I hope this solves the problem. Will update the main Windows file before too long as well.

Mac File version 2
Sorry that it took me so long to get to this!

Unfortunately, neither file worked for me. Both of them came up with the error message that the font "sylfaen" was missing. The main menu worked, but nothing beyond that did.

(Good choice of main menu music!)

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship w/optional romance]

#11 Post by SwallowtailedTrinket » Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:48 pm

Zelan wrote:
Sorry that it took me so long to get to this!

Unfortunately, neither file worked for me. Both of them came up with the error message that the font "sylfaen" was missing. The main menu worked, but nothing beyond that did.

(Good choice of main menu music!)
Drat. I hoped putting the font file in the game folder would fix that...


Ummmm hmmmm....
I'm going to try changing the default font this time just to Times New Roman, since that seems like one of the safest bets for something that would be on most computers, and it doesn't look all that different from what I was using.

Third times the charm!
I forgot to change the file name for this one, so you may have to delete the other demo if you haven't already for it to work.

At least the Main Menu works XD That's promising! And thank you for taking the time to tell me all this. I'm sorry if it's been inconvenient.

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship w/optional romance]

#12 Post by Harliqueen » Fri Nov 18, 2016 6:52 am

What a brilliant game! Really enjoyed the demo and can't wait for the full release :)

--Anything unclear that you wish had been better explained or would expect to be explained as the story goes along?
I think it was explained really well throughout. Obviously there are still mysteries :D But that's the story.

--Am I too wordy? I know this is a problem I've had in the past (look, I'm even rambling now!).
I wouldn't say so. I thought your writing style really suited the world you'd built and the story you're telling.

--Do you relate to Makani? And even if you don't relate to her, is she at least a protagonist you're willing to root for?
I definitely related to the way she has to try and wrangle the three guys and get them all to work together :D I think anyone who has worked in a team will know that feeling!
But I really like her as the protagonist. She's strong and fiesty, without just being nasty or aggressive for no reason, which is brilliant!

--Got a favorite character?
Riu. Definitely :D His snark had me laughing so much!

--Would you want to play through the rest of the story?
Most definitely. I will be keeping a keen eye on progress!

Good luck with it! (And your art is lovely by the way. I thought the expression on the sprites were really well done,
and the CG with Thra Pena was awesome!
)
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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship w/optional romance]

#13 Post by SwallowtailedTrinket » Sat Nov 19, 2016 11:53 pm

Harliqueen wrote:What a brilliant game! Really enjoyed the demo and can't wait for the full release :)

--Anything unclear that you wish had been better explained or would expect to be explained as the story goes along?
I think it was explained really well throughout. Obviously there are still mysteries :D But that's the story.

--Am I too wordy? I know this is a problem I've had in the past (look, I'm even rambling now!).
I wouldn't say so. I thought your writing style really suited the world you'd built and the story you're telling.

--Do you relate to Makani? And even if you don't relate to her, is she at least a protagonist you're willing to root for?
I definitely related to the way she has to try and wrangle the three guys and get them all to work together :D I think anyone who has worked in a team will know that feeling!
But I really like her as the protagonist. She's strong and fiesty, without just being nasty or aggressive for no reason, which is brilliant!

--Got a favorite character?
Riu. Definitely :D His snark had me laughing so much!

--Would you want to play through the rest of the story?
Most definitely. I will be keeping a keen eye on progress!

Good luck with it! (And your art is lovely by the way. I thought the expression on the sprites were really well done,
and the CG with Thra Pena was awesome!
)
Thank you so much for the feedback! :D I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed it!
Riu seems to be the pretty consistent favorite so far XD I hope people still like the others at least a little, I guess it's good that no one has said they outright don't like them though. But I'm always glad to know that people like Makani as well, I've tried to make her a likable and interesting protagonist.

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship w/optional romance]

#14 Post by Zelan » Sun Nov 20, 2016 1:58 pm

Still no luck, unfortunately. :c Now it just says that it can't find the font "times."

Maybe try asking about this issue in the Ren'Py Questions and Announcements section? I'd help out if I could but I know nothing about programming.

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship w/optional romance]

#15 Post by SwallowtailedTrinket » Sun Nov 20, 2016 7:09 pm

Zelan wrote:Still no luck, unfortunately. :c Now it just says that it can't find the font "times."

Maybe try asking about this issue in the Ren'Py Questions and Announcements section? I'd help out if I could but I know nothing about programming.
Noooo D:
I probably should, I just want to try one last thing (unless you're sick of this, which I would totally understand, and I thank you for helping as much as you have even though it's probably been frustrating).

I changed the placement of the font file in the newest version: here

But if that still doesn't work, try finding the font file as shown here in the game files and see if it will let you install that file as a font on your computer to see if that won't solve the problem.

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