[CANCELLED] Amartia Seven [ gxb ][ fantasy ]

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[CANCELLED] Amartia Seven [ gxb ][ fantasy ]

#1 Post by Emilily » Mon Dec 19, 2016 6:34 pm

Image
One day, in a tranquil wintery town, lived a young yet poor doll maker.
Consisted of many intricately sewn dolls for young girls and boys, the
shop had rapidly gained fame. However, there is one special line of
exactly seven dolls, all with a dark secret, and an eternal grudge towards
the young and poor doll maker. They are harshly labelled as “amartia seven”.
Time ticked by slowly for these dolls known as Amartia Seven. That is though,
until a mysterious girl named Aria freed them of their wretched curse by the
doll maker, who has - for some reason - disappeared completely from human
sight. Now that they were free, they will go through anything to quench their
vengeance. Even if it means torturing; even if it means taking a life. Their
vengeance is just too strong to be true; only the brightest of lights can heal
their deepest lacerations. However, what can Aria do when she is completely
lost on her own identity? Will she be able to help these twisted and spiteful dolls?
“Look at what is inside of you, not at what is outside of you, and soon you will realize
that only your brightest Heaven could heal their darkest Hell.” -A certain doll maker.
Amartia Seven is a dark and haunting, medium-length fantasy visual novel that is loosely based on the Cardinal Sins (or the Seven Deadly Sins) where surprising secrets and plot twists will unfold. Although heavily plot-driven, it is mixed in with a dark, twisted and rather dangerously lustful romance most likely in the bad ending more so than the good/normal, but there will be no 18+ or mature scenery nor CGs, probably. Due to this, this game is rated 16+ for mild sexual content and profanity. This may change over time if needed.
  • 1. Aria Serenada: The mysterious girl who - by accident - breaks the curse of the Amartia Seven, turning them into (doll-sized) humans. Aria does not remember anything besides her name and her birthday, and so she wanders around through valleys, rivers, cliffs, towns and cities to bring her memories back. She is a “lost soul”, as she claims herself to be.

    2. Hayden: Other than gaining revenge on the doll maker, he is not interested in anything else. He is able to sleep with his eyes open, which frightens Aria. He has an apathetic personality, not caring what happens to Aria. If anything, she could die in a black hole for all he cares. In simple terms, he will only do things that interest him, and he couldn’t care less about anything else.

    3. Julian: He looks down on Aria, and he likes to order her around. If Aria is rebellious, he would do anything and everything to keep her mouth shut. He believes he is superior over everybody else and tries to make people do what he wants them to do. If things couldn’t get any more worse, he could and would go so far as to threaten others to get what he wants done.

    4. Selvin: Although characterized and depicted as the quiet person in Amartia Seven, he can - as Aria realized sooner than later - be extremely dangerous in his own way. He is observant to a fault. Most of the time, his presence is latent, so he always wants attention; in fact, he never gets enough of it. Especially from Aria, who seems to always be the first to notice him in the group: he wouldn’t let anybody else have her.

    5. Ray: He is the kind, elderly-brother person. It surprises Aria to know that he is a part of the group who carries a deep-cut hatred towards the doll maker. Aria soon finds out another side to him though; a completely different person in the same body, basically. This other side is violent, short-tempered, and wishes for constant vengeance and bloodlust. Aria was probably wrong to trust him, after all.

    6. Destin: Strict and dangerously meticulous, Aria is afraid to turn down orders from him. Out of all of Amartia Seven, Destin seems to be the one who despises the doll maker the most. He wants nothing more than getting the blood of that wretched woman onto his hands. He wants more and more of it; just thinking about it can make him eager… in a very, very twisted fashion.

    7. Rui: A very simple description of him would be this: a sexual sadist. He loves noting how Aria is still a virgin; how about he breaks her innocence? He tends to have rather dirty thoughts, which causes Aria to try and stay away from him, but he manages to catch her every time. He is seductive and dominant to women, and Aria is his favorite target.

    8. Allen: Aria worries about him, as he seems very ghastly, but Allen brushes her away coldly. Other than that, though, he is actually rather open, and he interacts with Aria in a somewhat carefree manner. Aria notices that at the dinner table, he never actually eats, and that worries her the most. When she tries to make him eat something - anything, really, he snaps at her, and sometimes even gets a bit violent.

    9. Doll Maker: Amartia Seven seem to hate the Doll Maker down to the very core, but she seems very calm nonetheless. She seems to know unusually a lot about Aria… just who is she?
features
- Approximately 287 000 words total. 7 000 words would probably make up the demo.
- 7 pursuable characters; each are based on the Cardinal Sins.
- 14 endings; two per character.
- 29-30 CGs to enjoy!
- Completely free-to-play as of now.

* * *
Right now, I am looking for interested/passionate people who may be willing to help out with this project. It is not a small project, but it is something that I would like to get done as well, and I will have to ask for your help in order to do so. I have already posted a recruitment post here on Lemma. I am currently looking for artists right now. If you are interested and would like to apply, click here for more information. I hope to be able to work with you soon!

For those who are wondering, I am not working on Stellar Cause at the same time. I am still putting that as an idea, and will work on this and publish this first. This is because people have told me that Stellar Cause was an ambitious approach (with around 500 000 planned word count) for a first project, and I agreed, so I stated that I was going to make a shorter project based on the 7 deadly sins, and thus this project was born. This is about half the length of Stellar Cause.

the team
  • ◦ Emily Flairing { director, lead writer }
    ◦ HarukaNami { co writer, editor, programmer }
    ◦ Ishida Kiara { co writer, editor }
    ◦ Lewis former{ co writer, editor }
    ◦ Garod former { sprite artist } { concept artist }
    ◦ folie { sprite / cg artist }
    ◦ tarunarei { chibi artist }
    ◦ projectotome (former) { logo artist }
    ◦ Alice Malice { logo artist }
    ◦ Valhalla { GUI artist }
    ◦ clevercat15 { background artist }
    ◦ Josou { composer }
    ◦ Paladin Ultra { composer }
    ◦ Remidis {programmer assistant }
    ◦ Samantha Young Chan { voice acting consultant/manager }
questions. . .for you!
I. How do you feel about the story? Do you like the dark elements placed into the storyline and/or the Doll Maker?
II. Most questions will be answered as you read through the game. However, there will also be some questions left unanswered as well; one of the most prominent is the identity of the Doll Maker. Are you curious to know who she is? I could make a separate route for her to answer that question more in-depth.
III. Are you biased or leaning towards any character right now? Who would you pursue first and last, and why?
IV. Do you think the element of R18 is appropriate for this game? It would not be a very fluffy R18 if it did turn out this way (it would be more like molestation kind of R18?), but I am wondering if you think having R18 would enhance the story.
V. I intentionally made characters supposedly obvious to which sin they corresponded to. Are you able to tell which sin they bear as well? If not, then I will try to tweak their personality.
VI. Any other questions, comments or concerns? If you do, I will be keen on answering them, as long as they do not go into spoilers.
Last edited by Emilily on Sat Mar 30, 2019 3:48 pm, edited 12 times in total.

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Re: Amartia Seven [ gxb ][ fantasy ]

#2 Post by Zelan » Mon Dec 19, 2016 9:07 pm

I. How do you feel about the story? Do you like the dark elements placed into the storyline and/or the Doll Maker?
I feel that it's less a story with dark elements but more a dark story in general. I don't necessarily dislike dark things, but... this seems so dark that I'm struggling to understand how you could possibly come out with 'good' ends in this game.

II. Most questions will be answered as you read through the game. However, there will also be some questions left unanswered as well; one of the most prominent is the identity of the Doll Maker. Are you curious to know who she is? I could make a separate route for her to answer that question more in-depth.
If the fact that her identity remains shrouded is important to the story, leave it that way.

III. Are you biased or leaning towards any character right now? Who would you pursue first and last, and why?
I'm partial towards Allen since he seems the most normal. Everyone else is meh, but I'm generally not into really twisted characters (not as dateable characters, anyway).

IV. Do you think the element of R18 is appropriate for this game? It would not be a very fluffy R18 if it did turn out this way (it would be more like molestation kind of R18?), but I am wondering if you think having R18 would enhance the story.
Seeing how dark it is, it would probably make sense, especially in Rui's route, but you would have to be careful that it didn't seem overly dramatic or you'd likely be accused of using rape for the sake of rape.

V. I intentionally made characters supposedly obvious to which sin they corresponded to. Are you able to tell which sin they bear as well? If not, then I will try to tweak their personality.
Let me see if I have these right:
Hayden: Sloth
Julian: Pride
Selvin: Greed
Ray: Envy?
Alan: Wrath
Rui: Lust
Allen: Gluttony?

VI. Any other questions, comments or concerns? If you do, I will be keen on answering them, as long as they do not go into spoilers.
Alan and Allen have very similar names. This could confuse your readers.

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Re: Amartia Seven [ gxb ][ fantasy ]

#3 Post by Emilily » Mon Dec 19, 2016 9:36 pm

Zelan wrote:I. How do you feel about the story? Do you like the dark elements placed into the storyline and/or the Doll Maker?
I feel that it's less a story with dark elements but more a dark story in general. I don't necessarily dislike dark things, but... this seems so dark that I'm struggling to understand how you could possibly come out with 'good' ends in this game.

II. Most questions will be answered as you read through the game. However, there will also be some questions left unanswered as well; one of the most prominent is the identity of the Doll Maker. Are you curious to know who she is? I could make a separate route for her to answer that question more in-depth.
If the fact that her identity remains shrouded is important to the story, leave it that way.

III. Are you biased or leaning towards any character right now? Who would you pursue first and last, and why?
I'm partial towards Allen since he seems the most normal. Everyone else is meh, but I'm generally not into really twisted characters (not as dateable characters, anyway).

IV. Do you think the element of R18 is appropriate for this game? It would not be a very fluffy R18 if it did turn out this way (it would be more like molestation kind of R18?), but I am wondering if you think having R18 would enhance the story.
Seeing how dark it is, it would probably make sense, especially in Rui's route, but you would have to be careful that it didn't seem overly dramatic or you'd likely be accused of using rape for the sake of rape.

V. I intentionally made characters supposedly obvious to which sin they corresponded to. Are you able to tell which sin they bear as well? If not, then I will try to tweak their personality.
Let me see if I have these right:
Hayden: Sloth
Julian: Pride
Selvin: Greed
Ray: Envy?
Alan: Wrath
Rui: Lust
Allen: Gluttony?

VI. Any other questions, comments or concerns? If you do, I will be keen on answering them, as long as they do not go into spoilers.
Alan and Allen have very similar names. This could confuse your readers.
Hi there! Thank you for the feedback; I'll just reply through you by numbering off as well. I hope what I say makes sense to some extent!

I. You are right, but the thing is that the good end is more of the characters redeeming themselves to some extent. Yes, there will be romance, but it will probably mostly be romantic interaction through words instead of actions. Maybe a kiss from a few, but otherwise the romance is extremely mild (which is why I didn't tag it as romance in the topic title). So, all in all, the good ends may not be the best ends in this game. If anything, it's more of a 'normal' ending than a 'good' one.

II. I think knowing about her identity would leave a neutral effect on the actual story; I am just wondering if you are curious, so I can see whether it is worth writing a route for her. So, I would like some input on this aspect, seeing that she is the "mastermind" and all.

III. They're twisted for a reason, more personal. Like I said, all characters will redeem themselves to a certain extent, which will essentially be the good end. A dangerous and lustful romance would in all likelihood appear in the bad ending, if anything, really.

IV. Don't worry, the R18 scenes will not be overly dramatic, but there would be those types of scenes nonetheless. However, this aspect may not be enforced in the game. But, if enough people want it, then I'll listen and decide if it comes to it.

V. 5/7. I'll see what I can do about that.

VI. Actually, I was planning to change one of their names, but I am still looking up different name references to see what different names mean. I want to create meaningful names for these characters, in case the name may (or may not) come in handy in the story development.

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Re: Amartia Seven [ gxb ][ fantasy ]

#4 Post by Zelan » Tue Dec 20, 2016 7:39 pm

Emilily wrote:I. You are right, but the thing is that the good end is more of the characters redeeming themselves to some extent. Yes, there will be romance, but it will probably mostly be romantic interaction through words instead of actions. Maybe a kiss from a few, but otherwise the romance is extremely mild (which is why I didn't tag it as romance in the topic title). So, all in all, the good ends may not be the best ends in this game. If anything, it's more of a 'normal' ending than a 'good' one.
Ah, makes sense. Sorry, it was rather silly of me to assume that your project would have traditional "good ends" in the first place. c: On that note, you could probably label this "dark fantasy" instead of just "fantasy."
Emilily wrote:II. I think knowing about her identity would leave a neutral effect on the actual story; I am just wondering if you are curious, so I can see whether it is worth writing a route for her. So, I would like some input on this aspect, seeing that she is the "mastermind" and all.
In that case, this would be hard for me to answer without knowing more about her in the first place. If she shows up often in the story, I'll most likely be more interested in her background and identity, but if she doesn't show up as much, I'll probably be content to leave her alone. (For example, the character of the toymaker in Locked Heart is meant to be mysterious, so her identity is never revealed and I was never really curious about it in the first place.)
Emilily wrote:V. 5/7. I'll see what I can do about that.
Dang. Which ones did I get wrong?

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Re: Amartia Seven [ gxb ][ fantasy ]

#5 Post by Emilily » Wed Dec 21, 2016 5:28 pm

Zelan wrote:Ah, makes sense. Sorry, it was rather silly of me to assume that your project would have traditional "good ends" in the first place. c: On that note, you could probably label this "dark fantasy" instead of just "fantasy."

In that case, this would be hard for me to answer without knowing more about her in the first place. If she shows up often in the story, I'll most likely be more interested in her background and identity, but if she doesn't show up as much, I'll probably be content to leave her alone. (For example, the character of the toymaker in Locked Heart is meant to be mysterious, so her identity is never revealed and I was never really curious about it in the first place.)

Dang. Which ones did I get wrong?
I may do that; I will make sure to consider it. I checked out the game you linked, and I can agree with you wholeheartedly on that matter. I was also thinking about whether or not to make her route a pursuable route in which the ending is not with the Doll Maker herself. Rather, it is sort of a friendship ending with Amartia Seven as a whole group. As for the ones you got wrong. . .You will see. For now, I will keep it a secret~ Anyways, thank you so very much for your advice and feedback, Zelan! It really helps me.

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Re: Amartia Seven [ gxb ][ fantasy ]

#6 Post by Zelan » Wed Dec 21, 2016 9:30 pm

Emilily wrote:I was also thinking about whether or not to make her route a pursuable route in which the ending is not with the Doll Maker herself. Rather, it is sort of a friendship ending with Amartia Seven as a whole group. As for the ones you got wrong. . .You will see. For now, I will keep it a secret~ Anyways, thank you so very much for your advice and feedback, Zelan! It really helps me.
A friendship end with the whole group would be something that I would love to see, but I also feel that it would be difficult to write due to the jealous nature that so many of the guys have. If you can pull it off, though, I think it would make for a great read.

Ahh, man. cx This is just your strategy to get me to play it, isn't it? Now there's no way I'll be able to resist. <:

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Re: Amartia Seven [ gxb ][ fantasy ]

#7 Post by Neeka » Thu Dec 22, 2016 2:29 am

I love this idea! I myself love more dark fantasy games and am looking forward to where this will end up ^^ I'm fine with multiple 'bad'/dark ends but I do believe at least one 'good' ending would be nice. Though good is such a broad term...I guess I don't expect a fairy tale ending. (Which is nice ^^)

I like the idea of leaving some questions unanswered and up to the player's imagination. If the Doll Maker's identity doesn't have much to do with the endings/overall then I suppose it's okay. Some mystery is good.

I think R-18 is suitable. Even if it doesn't contain R graphics the description can be enough. I myself am not a fan of R-18 of a sexual nature but if it's vital to the story I don't mind it. (Gore is more my speed though)

Hmm...I don't think I have too many questions. I do hope the artwork matches your story, whether more dark or dark in an unsettling way (if that makes sense). I look forward to more updates!

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Re: Amartia Seven [ gxb ][ fantasy ]

#8 Post by Zelan » Thu Dec 22, 2016 5:07 pm

Neeka wrote:I think R-18 is suitable. Even if it doesn't contain R graphics the description can be enough. I myself am not a fan of R-18 of a sexual nature but if it's vital to the story I don't mind it.
I think I didn't explain myself well on this question earlier, but this pretty much sums up my thoughts on R-18 content. If you do have R-18 graphics, a good compromise for those of us who don't like that sort of content much but still want to play the game would be some sort of mature filter like the one used in CUPID. (Now that I think about it, you may want to play this game as research for your game. The actual plots are quite different, but I think CUPID has the exact feel that you're going for with the dark fantasy elements and the story-related mature content. Plus it's just a damn good story. ^_^ I still haven't gotten every ending, actually.)

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Re: Amartia Seven [ gxb ][ fantasy ]

#9 Post by Emilily » Thu Dec 29, 2016 8:44 pm

Neeka wrote:I love this idea! I myself love more dark fantasy games and am looking forward to where this will end up ^^ I'm fine with multiple 'bad'/dark ends but I do believe at least one 'good' ending would be nice. Though good is such a broad term...I guess I don't expect a fairy tale ending. (Which is nice ^^)

I like the idea of leaving some questions unanswered and up to the player's imagination. If the Doll Maker's identity doesn't have much to do with the endings/overall then I suppose it's okay. Some mystery is good.

I think R-18 is suitable. Even if it doesn't contain R graphics the description can be enough. I myself am not a fan of R-18 of a sexual nature but if it's vital to the story I don't mind it. (Gore is more my speed though)

Hmm...I don't think I have too many questions. I do hope the artwork matches your story, whether more dark or dark in an unsettling way (if that makes sense). I look forward to more updates!
Hello there, Neeka, and thank you so much for taking some of your time to provide feedback, especially in the early stages of development. This is indeed meant to be a dark story; it is not going to be the typical love-at-first-sight type of story either. I myself am more of a fan of darkness, after all! If you get the good end, then it is like Okita Sōji's path in Hakuouki except a very different plot; it is emotional, so I hope you are prepared~

I might have a route—not specifically the Doll Maker's route—where Aria doesn't fall in love with one particular person. Rather, she befriends them all. If that were the case, there would be one more group CG and happy ish friendship and get-to-know-each-other moments and scenarios. Maybe it could be the alleged "true route". After all, it seems like not many are wanting a route for the Doll Maker.

Thanks for your input on mature scenes as well; I will think about what you said. I do need as many feedback as I can on this aspect to choose this kind of thing, as I know that sometimes such a thing isn't very appropriate in regards to the story itself. Anyways, thank you so much for the feedback again! I will try my best to make this project a reality for you to play and enjoy. . .for free!
Zelan wrote:I think I didn't explain myself well on this question earlier, but this pretty much sums up my thoughts on R-18 content. If you do have R-18 graphics, a good compromise for those of us who don't like that sort of content much but still want to play the game would be some sort of mature filter like the one used in CUPID. (Now that I think about it, you may want to play this game as research for your game. The actual plots are quite different, but I think CUPID has the exact feel that you're going for with the dark fantasy elements and the story-related mature content. Plus it's just a damn good story. ^_^ I still haven't gotten every ending, actually.)
I was actually thinking about putting a filter. Many games have a turn-off filter for mature scenes, but if I happen to put in R18 scenes, I would put in an option to actually switch to PG13 or 16+ scenes. I want to pride myself in a variety as well in regards to rating and romance. I will definitely check out CUPID later and learn from the creators there. Thank you so much for your help and feedback, Zelan! ❤️
***
Image
Here is the initial concept of Aria, the main protagonist! This is by far not the official design, especially the clothing and color scheme are very subject to change in the finalized design. However, this is what the art will just about look like in the game. Credits will come soon in the main post; thank you for your patience.

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Re: Amartia Seven [ gxb ][ fantasy ]

#10 Post by Zelan » Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:33 pm

Awww, Aria's cute. c:
Emilily wrote:I might have a route—not specifically the Doll Maker's route—where Aria doesn't fall in love with one particular person. Rather, she befriends them all. If that were the case, there would be one more group CG and happy ish friendship and get-to-know-each-other moments and scenarios. Maybe it could be the alleged "true route". After all, it seems like not many are wanting a route for the Doll Maker.
I like this idea a lot. Generally, it's a good idea to be careful with "true ends," because people don't like being told that the protagonist doesn't actually end up with their favorite love interest. However, with your darker romances and the nature of the dolls' existence, a true end like this makes a whole lot of sense. Plus, I just really like good friendship endings. ^_^

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Re: Amartia Seven [ gxb ][ fantasy ]

#11 Post by Emilily » Wed Jan 11, 2017 11:59 pm

Zelan wrote:Awww, Aria's cute. c:

I like this idea a lot. Generally, it's a good idea to be careful with "true ends," because people don't like being told that the protagonist doesn't actually end up with their favorite love interest. However, with your darker romances and the nature of the dolls' existence, a true end like this makes a whole lot of sense. Plus, I just really like good friendship endings. ^_^
Hi there, Zelan!

I am so sorry for my late reply! Anyways, thank you! The artist is now busy with school, but I definitely agree with you, and am always eager for more from both him and the other artist who joined as the CG artist! I will definitely keep that in mind, so thank you for the advice. I also love friendship endings; I find them to be on the more hilarious side; it is just what we need in such a dark story like this one.

Also, in apology for not being active here, I have some progress update for you all! Any field not listed means that the progress percentage is at 0%. One of the members have been unable to login to Skype, and a lot of them are busy with college and personal life, so to be honest, not way too much progress has been made.
  • Demo draft: 30%
    Editing: 13%
    Concept art: 40%
    Music: 8% to 10%
Remember that the background and GUI artist positions are open, and also the logo artist position is open once again, since I lost contact with the previous logo artist, it seems. . .For more information, you can click on this link here. Thank you, and see you around!

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Re: Amartia Seven [ gxb ][ fantasy ]

#12 Post by Emilily » Mon Jan 16, 2017 9:25 pm

Good news! I ended up finding a logo artist who finished the logo in a matter of hours! So, here is the logo; please do tell us what you think about it. We all hope you enjoy it. Staffing credits will be listed very soon now; the logo artist will be credited then.
Image

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Re: Amartia Seven [ gxb ][ fantasy ]

#13 Post by Limabaen » Tue Jan 17, 2017 9:31 am

i) I'm not super into dark vns, but the plot seems interesting! Creepy doll stories are fascinating to me for some reason, though the integration of the seven deadly sins is a little cliche.

ii) It's fine to leave several story threads up in the air, but I wouldn't want important things to be left unanswered. If you build up an air of mystery around the dollmaker, or make it seem like an important point for example, I would definitely want the question answered for my own curiosity if anything.

iii) tbh most of the guys seem rather rapey and/or abusive... I get the story is meant to be dark and twisted but it's possible to have those traits in a character without the aforementioned qualities :/ Cupid was mentioned earlier, and I think it is a very good dark vn which doesn't really on the love interest being cray-cray towards the protagonist to demonstrate that. Though as someone who has strong feelings about this subject matter it's probably best for me not to judge? This would definitely float someone else's boat. As for the path I would go for first, maybe Hayden because of his quirks. Esp the "sleep with eyes open" thing. I don't know why, but the image I get in my head is somewhat amusing and I think could maybe ease me into a darker game in a slightly lighter way haha.

iv) I'm not old enough to play R-18 games but I'll say one thing. The R-18 otome market is downright saturated with rape and sexual assault scenes, even in "fluffy" games. Plus molestation is never cool dude. Thus I don't think that those scenes would help your vn.

v) Only ones I am confident with are Hayden/sloth and Rui/lust?? I always have a hard time telling gluttony greed and sometimes envy apart in seven sins media.

Additional comment
The logo is gorgeous, but looks a little like "Samartia Seven" instead of "Amartia Seven" :? .

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Re: Amartia Seven [ gxb ][ fantasy ]

#14 Post by Valhalla » Tue Jan 17, 2017 10:47 am

I. How do you feel about the story? Do you like the dark elements placed into the storyline and/or the Doll Maker?
I loooove a dark story. And anything related to the Seven deadly sins is interesting, particularly in seeing how you differentiate from the cliche.

II. Most questions will be answered as you read through the game. However, there will also be some questions left unanswered as well; one of the most prominent is the identity of the Doll Maker. Are you curious to know who she is? I could make a separate route for her to answer that question more in-depth.
It kind of kills me when not all my questions are answered at the end. But I also learn to live with it... Haha

III. Are you biased or leaning towards any character right now? Who would you pursue first and last, and why?
Destin would be my first pick (His route sounds like it's gonna be real gritty) and I think Allen would probably be my last(I think I just tend to be uninterested in flirty characters). But then again, I always think I like one character in the beginning but the one I play last ends up being my favourite. So I guess we'll see...

IV. Do you think the element of R18 is appropriate for this game? It would not be a very fluffy R18 if it did turn out this way (it would be more like molestation kind of R18?), but I am wondering if you think having R18 would enhance the story.
I personally really enjoy dark R18 over normal R18. In a non-wierd way. I guess this just comes back to me being interested in darker themes though. It could lend something to the story, and from the way you've characterised the cast I feel anything less would seem underwhelming.

V. I intentionally made characters supposedly obvious to which sin they corresponded to. Are you able to tell which sin they bear as well? If not, then I will try to tweak their personality.
I thought about this probably way too much, but
Hayden: Sloth
Julian: Pride
Rui: Lust
Selvin: Envy
Ray: Wrath
Destin: Greed
Allen: Gluttony
The last four I was a little unsure about, but I think I got it right... Maybe... Or I way overthought it ^^;


VI. Any other questions, comments or concerns? If you do, I will be keen on answering them, as long as they do not go into spoilers.
Just that this looks really interesting and I'll be interested to see the finished product!
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Emilily
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Re: Amartia Seven [ gxb ][ fantasy ]

#15 Post by Emilily » Tue Jan 17, 2017 8:45 pm

Limabaen wrote:i) I'm not super into dark vns, but the plot seems interesting! Creepy doll stories are fascinating to me for some reason, though the integration of the seven deadly sins is a little cliche.

ii) It's fine to leave several story threads up in the air, but I wouldn't want important things to be left unanswered. If you build up an air of mystery around the dollmaker, or make it seem like an important point for example, I would definitely want the question answered for my own curiosity if anything.

iii) tbh most of the guys seem rather rapey and/or abusive... I get the story is meant to be dark and twisted but it's possible to have those traits in a character without the aforementioned qualities :/ Cupid was mentioned earlier, and I think it is a very good dark vn which doesn't really on the love interest being cray-cray towards the protagonist to demonstrate that. Though as someone who has strong feelings about this subject matter it's probably best for me not to judge? This would definitely float someone else's boat. As for the path I would go for first, maybe Hayden because of his quirks. Esp the "sleep with eyes open" thing. I don't know why, but the image I get in my head is somewhat amusing and I think could maybe ease me into a darker game in a slightly lighter way haha.

iv) I'm not old enough to play R-18 games but I'll say one thing. The R-18 otome market is downright saturated with rape and sexual assault scenes, even in "fluffy" games. Plus molestation is never cool dude. Thus I don't think that those scenes would help your vn.

v) Only ones I am confident with are Hayden/sloth and Rui/lust?? I always have a hard time telling gluttony greed and sometimes envy apart in seven sins media.

Additional comment
The logo is gorgeous, but looks a little like "Samartia Seven" instead of "Amartia Seven".
Hi there! Thank you for taking time for the feedback. For clarity, I will go right down the list, and answer back to the comments you provided, which really helped, by the way! So, all in all, your time is really appreciated to make this game a better end product for you and other fans.

I. If you are not very into dark stories, I would probably not play this, but it makes me happy to know that the plot of mine seems interesting. I myself am aware of the seven deadly sins being a bit of a cliché element in the visual novel world, but I am also definitely up for the challenge of diversification. Really, the seven deadly sins part really just refers mostly to their personalities more so than anything, but it will have a little more to that as well. It will be a little bit. . .complicated, is maybe the right word? We will try our best to explain it though so that you aren't confused.

II. Thank you for the feedback! Whether the Doll Maker should have a route is very debatable at this moment, and really, it is only something I want to put in there if the fans will like it (of course, I am only referring to the general kind of fans, so it is likely that not everybody will get what they want, unfortunately). I will think carefully about your words though, and utilize that to make a good decision about the incorporation of her route, hopefully.

III. Hm, well, I have to admit that there are extremely dark moments with them. . .especially in their backstories. However, I can tell you that even in the demo, there will be comedic and random moments in there that may bring you a laugh or two. My strong genre isn't comedy, but I put in the effort. Also, I trust my editors (who may also be considered idea bouncers) inspired me as well as I was writing the script. So, do expect a bit of funny and light-hearted moments. If there is a friendship ending, it will not be very dark. Their "good" endings are not dark either. If you receive their "bad" endings though. . .well, that's another story.

IV. Alright, thank you for your feedback on that. I sort of have half and half going around, so I am still thinking about it. If you are not comfortable with the mature scenery, then I can always make a PG13 version of the same scene, though whether it will have a CG will depend on folie in the end. Though, then again, having the incorporation of those kinds of thing still remains very much uncertain as well. You can keep an eye out for the final decision regarding this though.

V. / VI. Yeah, they may be challenging. For Gluttony, I tried to diverse from what someone who bears the sin of 'Gluttony' would normally have (traits). So, that may contribute to the challenging part, haha. In regards to the logo though, I read it as Amartia Seven, but that may be because I know the title very well? I really like the logo though, and I'm glad you do as well! I'm sure that Alice Malice will be really happy to hear that! Our team members really showed a liking to the logo as well.
Valhalla wrote:I. How do you feel about the story? Do you like the dark elements placed into the storyline and/or the Doll Maker?
I loooove a dark story. And anything related to the Seven deadly sins is interesting, particularly in seeing how you differentiate from the cliche.

II. Most questions will be answered as you read through the game. However, there will also be some questions left unanswered as well; one of the most prominent is the identity of the Doll Maker. Are you curious to know who she is? I could make a separate route for her to answer that question more in-depth.
It kind of kills me when not all my questions are answered at the end. But I also learn to live with it... Haha

III. Are you biased or leaning towards any character right now? Who would you pursue first and last, and why?
Destin would be my first pick (His route sounds like it's gonna be real gritty) and I think Allen would probably be my last(I think I just tend to be uninterested in flirty characters). But then again, I always think I like one character in the beginning but the one I play last ends up being my favourite. So I guess we'll see...

IV. Do you think the element of R18 is appropriate for this game? It would not be a very fluffy R18 if it did turn out this way (it would be more like molestation kind of R18?), but I am wondering if you think having R18 would enhance the story.
I personally really enjoy dark R18 over normal R18. In a non-wierd way. I guess this just comes back to me being interested in darker themes though. It could lend something to the story, and from the way you've characterised the cast I feel anything less would seem underwhelming.

V. I intentionally made characters supposedly obvious to which sin they corresponded to. Are you able to tell which sin they bear as well? If not, then I will try to tweak their personality.
I thought about this probably way too much, but
Hayden: Sloth
Julian: Pride
Rui: Lust
Selvin: Envy
Ray: Wrath
Destin: Greed
Allen: Gluttony
The last four I was a little unsure about, but I think I got it right... Maybe... Or I way overthought it ^^;


VI. Any other questions, comments or concerns? If you do, I will be keen on answering them, as long as they do not go into spoilers.
Just that this looks really interesting and I'll be interested to see the finished product!
Hi, Valhalla! Great to see you 💕 Likewise to Limabaen, I will just go straight down the list to reply to you. Thanks for taking the time for replying; your comments do really motivate me to get the script done!

I. You and I should be best buddies; I absolutely love a dark story as well! Deviating from a cliché scenario involving the seven deadly sins will be challenging, but I think it's definitely possible; I hope we meet your expectations on that. Hopefully, my editors can pick out those cliché moments though as well and we would work something out if it's for the fans!

II. Ahaha, I guess this is payback for only making Ronan's and Ivor's route half certain -laughs evilly-. Well, a decision will be made sometime during production about it, so if you're anxious, feel free to come back and check every once in a while to keep an eye out for any announcements regarding that matter!

III. Allen? Flirty? Think again, haha. Destin. . .yes, his route will not be the most brightest route, so if you're looking for something gritty, Destin is definitely the way to go with the game! Anyways, the only flirtatious character around A7 is Rui; Allen is more. . .how do I say it? Maybe it would help to just show you a bit of when Allen does speak and interact directly from the script. That way, I don't have to mull over it for too long (and who doesn't like a little sneak peek?) It's in the spoiler box below, since it's directly from the script, and may (or may not) contain spoilers.
Aria: “You should at least eat something though.”
Allen: “Aria, I’m fine. If I say I don’t want it, I’m dead serious about it. The least you could do is treat me with a little more respect.”

???: “Wow, that was some dissing. I didn’t know a girl could do that.”
...
Do they take me for a damsel in distress?

Aria: “It’s just...It’s just that you get along so well–”
Allen: “Uh, correction. No, we don’t.”
IV. Hm, I do see your point. I will also bring your thought into consideration. Though, still, a final decision is still quite a ways away. I encourage that you do keep an eye out for when the final decision has been made though!

V. Well, you may or may not have overthought it, but you got them all right! Kudos to you. Though there's no reward, it's nice to know that the characters are distinguishable in your eyes.

VI. Thank you! We hope that we don't let your expectations down, and that you will enjoy the final product of the game (which will, unfortunately, take a really long time since we do this in our spare times, not professionally). We look forward to your thoughts in the end product. Once again, thank you for your time for the feedback; it's really appreciated to improve and, most importantly, finish the game so that you can read and enjoy~

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