Sour Cherry Twist [GxG][Slice of Life][Cooking][NaNo17]

[slaybelles]

Hey everyone. Long time lurker, first time account maker and poster.
My name is Mia and I'm a game design student. For my senior project I wanted to make something a bit...unconventional. (Visual novels already part of a weird debate on "what makes a game" in a lot of circles.)

Anyway, I wanted to make something personal- a VN about queer adult women, especially women of color, and queer women dealing with mental illness. Sour Cherry Twist has been an idea I've been developing for a few years, and it's gone through changes in that time, and I decided to use NanoRenO to get a jump-start/external motivation to make what I have right now- which, isn't a whole lot. >__o

Full disclosure: in this game, I do intend to include subjects like self-harm, suicide, the co-morbidity of anxiety and depression, as well as themes about racial identity. (I decided a while ago it wouldn't have any sexual assault. I can't stand that.) A lot of the experiences I've drawn on are those of myself and my peers, and not necessarily indicative of everyone's experiences, but I wanted to convey the some of the scenarios experienced by people with anxiety disorders, while still keeping the game within a fun context.

I'm doing all the writing, coding, and art myself, which is a lot of work. >__<; Ideally I might commission someone to make the final game sprites, but we'll see how things go. (Depending on...a lot of factors, I might end up making this into a Kickstarter project. We'll see.) I used NanoRenO as a motivational deadline to get a whole lot of the story written, but ended up only with the first few scenes in what I ultimately released.
Ultimately from this thread, I want to get some feedback from people outside my peer/school groups, to help spread the word about it, and most importantly, to help keep myself on track about my progress.

Anyway, enough about me, here's the skinny about the game proper:

Overview

After vanishing from the public eye as a competitive chef, Juliette Fontaine is getting back into the game as a professional pastry chef by opening her own bakery. While entrepreneurship comes with challenges on its own, Julie is also dealing with becoming familiar with the people and places of St. Dymphna, USA.

When her best friend suggests that Juliette uses the upcoming culinary expo as an opportunity to rebuild her reputation, you'll prepare for the expo and make friends in the neighborhood, meet a colorful cast of characters along the way, and maybe even find romance! But as we all know, not every aspect of life can be sweet.

Sour Cherry Twist is a visual novel about finding romance, overcoming fear, and second chances. Players step into Juliette's life as she gets to know her friends and competitors, and experience moments of drama, suspense, and humor in her day to day life. Manage Julie's anxiety levels in a branching narrative, and help her grow and adapt to the new world she's found herself in. But beware- Much like in real life, making decisions in a certain state of mind can be risky! These choices can build up to Julie getting involved in romance, or lead to her abandoning her shop and hanging up her apron for good.


Characters
(Character art is absolutely expected to change, it's a work in progress)


Juliette, the Main Character
Juliette Fontaine, 26 years old, Owner and Proprietor of La Cherie Patisserie, Anxious Gay Wreck
Our story's protagonist. Up until the incident that brought her back to the states, she had been living and working abroad, mostly as a competitive chef. (She doesn't like to talk about it.) She's easily overwhelmed by social situations, and can't hold her liquor.


Rina
Catarina Torres, 27 years old, Wedding Planner, Your Best Friend
The sister Julie never had. After learning about what happened to Juliette, she's taken it upon herself to take care of her. At the moment she's waiting out the lease on her apartment and expecting a baby in a few months. She's helping you with the opening of your bakery.
Likes: Trashy reality TV shows, wine, doting on people, leopard print furniture, custard pudding.
Dislikes: Being ignored, being bossed around, going to church


Ana
Annabelle Silva, 26 years old, Preschool and kindergarten teacher
After being raised in the Sugar Hill district, Ana decided to come back and teach in the area. She is a teacher at the preschool run in conjunction with a local parish, and afternoon kindergarten at Maple Elementary. That doesn't really make ends meet, though, so she works weekends at a florist.
Likes: Cute things, sweets, literature, most animals
Dislikes: Lying, people mentioning her weight, bra shopping, rodents



Zefrina
Zefrina Delorme, 28 years old, executive chef at Odile
A former rival of Juliette, she's all but convinced that seeing her again is bad news. A skilled cook and even more skilled businesswoman, Zefrina is doesn't have time for people who aren't about action. Unexpectedly charming, once she lets her guard down.
Likes: leather jackets, going to bars, her motorcycle, jogging
Dislikes: people without backbone, wasted food, disorder



Giselle (Zelda, to some people)
Giselle Everhart, 34, library assistant, doctorate student, and columnist
Dresses in an archaic fashion and overly stiff in her social interactions. She's Ana's room mate, and best friend. Quiet and mature, but has a hidden prickly, childish side. Doesn't really care for the nickname "Zelda."
Likes: quiet places, literature, theatre, eating good food
Dislikes: specific food textures, specific fabric textures, loud or aggressive people


Shana and Ashna
Shana and Ashna Patel, 20 years old, students
Identical twins who go to a nearby college. Both of them are a bit flirtatious, but it's hard to tell if they're joking or not. Shana is the eldest and is a culinary arts major, much to the disdain of their parents. Ashna is a psychology major. There's a lot of differences in their personalities, but it takes time to learn them.
Shana's Likes: the internet, anime, dogs
Ashna's Likes: gossip, being praised, dogs
Dislikes: bugs, the strict limits put on them by their parents, boring people

Updates

I have a page for the game up on itch!
https://slaybelles.itch.io/sct
For ongoing pictures and updates, follow the game's Twitter account here!

4/9/2017: Current release is ver 0.5, containing the first two scenes and literally the bare bones.

Feedback?
Thanks for taking the time to read through this incredibly long opening post. I'm in the middle of putting together version 0.5.1 using a bit of the feedback I've received from friends and peers. Some feedback questions:

1) Which characters appeal to you the most and catch your interest?
2) Any suggestions on how to improve the game's art/GUI?
3) What are your thoughts on making players work around a character's disability for narrative choices?

[slaybelles]

For those inclined to click the itch link, in this post are some of the screencaps from the NanoRenO version I uploaded there.

[Nuxill]

I'm all for more stories featuring characters with disabilities. This seems like it'll be pretty interesting and I wish you the best of luck. I'm wonder though, since it isn't super clear, when you say "prepare yourself for the expo" does that mean there will be gameplay elements or is this going to be a regular visual novel with just choices?

Also if you do go looking for an artist, would you have the characters have more "realistic" features like they are now or would you go for anime? Just curious about that.

[gekiganwing]

1) Which characters appeal to you the most and catch your interest?

I think that I can relate to Giselle. For what it's worth, I practically grew up in libraries and book / video stores. Over the years, I've had some positive experiences watching live theater and trying new types of food.

2) Any suggestions on how to improve the game's art/GUI?

Think about whether you want your drawings to be relatively realistic, exaggerated, or abstract. It might help to look at Scott McCloud's pyramid of comics art. It shows how varied drawings can be, even though the pyramid was originally created around 1992.

3) What are your thoughts on making players work around a character's disability for narrative choices?

It sounds like you want Sour Cherry Twist to be an entertaining story, rather than a dour tale about real world problems. Consider things such as...

* Choices: how to present decisions which will help the reader understand how the protagonist thinks.
* Stats: does the protagonist need to constantly reduce a Stress statistic? Does she need to refine another aspect of her personality, such as courage or socialization?

A lot of the experiences I've drawn on are those of myself and my peers, and not necessarily indicative of everyone's experiences...

Overall, I think it's wise to write personal stories. Make sure the reader understands that it wasn't created by committee, and that it wasn't written by checking off a list of easily marketable concepts.

[Sonomi]

After seeing your tags, I pretty much knew I would love this game before I even tried the demo.

1) Which characters appeal to you the most and catch your interest?

I like everyone. From what I can tell, they are all fairly relatable characters. Everyone sounds authentic, like a real person is speaking. The dialogue didn't sound like narration, and I totally enjoyed reading it for that very reason. Just...good job.

If I have to choose one person, Rina. Her character is simply amazing for going above and beyond for Juliette. She's so present in the story that it actually feels like a legitimate friendship between them. And also Shana.

2) Any suggestions on how to improve the game's art/GUI?

In terms of GUI, I'm afraid I can't give much advice there.

I'm one of those people who instinctively looks for anime art in everything. Haha. Be that as it may, this visual novel already has a nice flair that I've absolutely warmed up to. Personal preference: I like simple colors and flat cel shading...as in one base color, one solid shadow, and maybe a third for highlights.

3) What are your thoughts on making players work around a character's disability for narrative choices?

Were any of those in the demo perchance? I may have overlooked, so I apologize for that. I'm not exactly sure how to answer this question, but I feel your story can only stand to gain from an array of meaningful choices.

[slaybelles]

I'm really pleased to see so many responses here already! I expected this thread to get buried pretty quickly. >__<
Thanks to everyone for your feedback so far. I was going to reply to everyone in one post, but I was afraid that would look a little clunky, so I'll reply individually for now (at least until someone tells me I shouldn't be, lol).

2) Any suggestions on how to improve the game's art/GUI?

Think about whether you want your drawings to be relatively realistic, exaggerated, or abstract. It might help to look at Scott McCloud's pyramid of comics art. It shows how varied drawings can be, even though the pyramid was originally created around 1992.

3) What are your thoughts on making players work around a character's disability for narrative choices?

It sounds like you want Sour Cherry Twist to be an entertaining story, rather than a dour tale about real world problems. Consider things such as...

* Choices: how to present decisions which will help the reader understand how the protagonist thinks.
* Stats: does the protagonist need to constantly reduce a Stress statistic? Does she need to refine another aspect of her personality, such as courage or socialization?

I've received similar feedback from my classmates about the art so far, a few comments on how it didn't quite "mesh". Thank you for the link! I'll be sure to look at it- I remember back in high school reading a few sections of McCloud's The Art of Comics, and even then I was able to glean a bit from it.

And that's correct. I definitely want people to be entertained, or at least, have a bit of enjoyment out of playing the game. Ultimately, I want it to be a story about hope.

One of the intended aspects of the Stress mechanic was an inherent risk/reward sort of system where player have to decide to make choices that force Juliette out of her comfort zone. The initial commitment might be intimidating, but I want to show that a lot of the worthwhile things that make life more enjoyable- friendship in particular- are intimidating, and even exhausting on first encounter, but with time, those choices can become easier.

The trouble comes in when I'm trying to communicate that in-game.
Initial play tests had people complaining that the pop-up text and meter depicting stress was too distracting, but without the meter and only the text, people were frustrated by not knowing where their stress levels were at. That certainly has it's own merits, though. I'm toying with it at the moment, but for now all I have in-game is the hard-coded moments of "panic" overlay (the flashing gradient) and the audio cue of the heartbeat; these unfortunately, have proven to be not easily recognized or obvious enough what they communicate on their own.
So for now, at least, I'm working on transferring the rest of the scenes and dialogue into ren'py, and then doing a series of play tests trying out some different things.

What I'd really like to do involves a lot of complicated effects that I'm currently not able to achieve with my level of coding knowledge, so I'm making the most with what I know I can implement.

I'm all for more stories featuring characters with disabilities. This seems like it'll be pretty interesting and I wish you the best of luck. I'm wonder though, since it isn't super clear, when you say "prepare yourself for the expo" does that mean there will be gameplay elements or is this going to be a regular visual novel with just choices?

Also if you do go looking for an artist, would you have the characters have more "realistic" features like they are now or would you go for anime? Just curious about that.

Thank you!

I toyed around with the idea of a cooking game mechanic, but ultimately decided to put a pin in it and come back to the idea later in favor of focusing on the narrative for now. So possibly, one day.
I personally like more anime styles (just my preference) but I definitely enjoy visual variety in characters...so anime-ish, maybe? Most people I would probably look at commissioning would at least have anime influences, tbh.

[slaybelles]

After seeing your tags, I pretty much knew I would love this game before I even tried the demo.

1) Which characters appeal to you the most and catch your interest?

I like everyone. From what I can tell, they are all fairly relatable characters. Everyone sounds authentic, like a real person is speaking. The dialogue didn't sound like narration, and I totally enjoyed reading it for that very reason. Just...good job.

If I have to choose one person, Rina. Her character is simply amazing for going above and beyond for Juliette. She's so present in the story that it actually feels like a legitimate friendship between them. And also Shana.

2) Any suggestions on how to improve the game's art/GUI?

In terms of GUI, I'm afraid I can't give much advice there.

I'm one of those people who instinctively looks for anime art in everything. Haha. Be that as it may, this visual novel already has a nice flair that I've absolutely warmed up to. Personal preference: I like simple colors and flat cel shading...as in one base color, one solid shadow, and maybe a third for highlights.

3) What are your thoughts on making players work around a character's disability for narrative choices?

Were any of those in the demo perchance? I may have overlooked, so I apologize for that. I'm not exactly sure how to answer this question, but I feel your story can only stand to gain from an array of meaningful choices.

Thank you so much! >w< I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far.
Rina is the sort of friend who I'd like to be people, one day. I'm not exactly at the level of competence she is, though. :') I'm really looking forward to uploading this next update, because it has some scenes that flesh out their relationship and the circumstances it formed under, as well as scenes with Shana.

As for the disability/narrative question...it wasn't particularly present in the demo, no. >__<; During NaNo I just sort of stuck with using the visual and auditory cues to help convey Julie's state of mind, since, as I mentioned, I'm still refining what /how to convey those moments better.

[slaybelles]

Hello again everyone! I am almost done with ver 0.5.1, which will be going up at the end of this week.
ver 0.5.1 contains:

• Audio cues/music
  Color blocked CGs
  Improved text display
  More story content
  Misc minor fixes in spelling/writing

[slaybelles]

Just uploaded a new build to my itchio page, now with music, sound, and 20% more story content. This was the latest version I play tested this Friday (May 5th) and I got some good feedback, but wanted to extend the questions to here as well.
https://slaybelles.itch.io/sct

[*]What is you most favorite and least favorite part of what you've seen/played so far?
[*]What choices and events seem the most significant to you? (Top three)
[*]Overall impressions
[*]Favorite character?[/b]