Should I really put this out there so early?
Posted: Sat Jun 17, 2017 6:12 pm
Alright, so I understand that a very important rule when it comes to story writing is show don't tell. Its already been established in the narrative that this character belongs to a group of people that have powers. These powers have gotten them in a situation that has forced them to leave their former life.
I've added a dialogue option where the protagonist meets another member of the group, asking them what their story is. What was the situation their powers got them into that forced them to leave the town they used to live in.
M is intentionally depicted as someone that tries to come off as dramatic. To a certain extent, he's also very open about his past. Someone on my team recommended I simply put all of his dialogue regarding his past into one text box to further affirm how open he is. It'll be seen as rambling, so breaking the rule seems appropriate considering that's just who he is.
But I'm afraid if I do this, I'll lose the impression that he's trying to be dramatic. I'm tempted to just take the line "Before I knew how to walk, my legs were snapped. Even the most base forms of sustenance were considered a luxury." out of this part of the story. But I'm afraid that it'll make "I exterminated everyone that deemed me unfit to live amongst humans." seem... off.
M is an extremely violent individual, however if I get rid of the former line leaving the latter one it will give the false impression that he is violent without reason. It might make it feel like he just killed a bunch of people just because they didn't like him, not because he was abused.
Does anyone have any other ideas on how I should fix this? Maybe just leave it the way it is? I need input.
I've added a dialogue option where the protagonist meets another member of the group, asking them what their story is. What was the situation their powers got them into that forced them to leave the town they used to live in.
Code: Select all
j "So what’s your story?"
m "I beg your pardon?"
j "What’s your story? Why’d you run to the forest everybody callin’ you a monster?"
m "Hm…"
m "I suppose that is something I could share."
m "I am far from similar to our kindred spirits in that aspect. I was born as the beast I am."
m "From my first breath, I was considered a horrifying creature."
m "Before I knew how to walk, my legs were snapped. Even the most base forms of sustenance were considered a luxury."
m "The humans did not allow me to forget what I was and that my existence was a mistake."
m "So… once I was of age I left."
menu:
"I'm glad you're okay.":
j "I'm, uh..."
"Deep breaths, Jackie. Hindsight and everybody said he's the strongest."
"Probably 'cause he had to go through all that, right?"
j "I'm glad you're okay now."
m "...Yes, I am. I'm absolutely grand."
m "Hm..."
"And that's it?":
j "And that's it?"
m "Hehehe... No, you've caught me."
m "{b}I exterminated everyone that deemed me unfit to live amongst humans.{/b}"
j "What the fuck?!"
m "Is that not appropriate in your eyes?"
m "Perhaps in time you will understand my intentions."
But I'm afraid if I do this, I'll lose the impression that he's trying to be dramatic. I'm tempted to just take the line "Before I knew how to walk, my legs were snapped. Even the most base forms of sustenance were considered a luxury." out of this part of the story. But I'm afraid that it'll make "I exterminated everyone that deemed me unfit to live amongst humans." seem... off.
M is an extremely violent individual, however if I get rid of the former line leaving the latter one it will give the false impression that he is violent without reason. It might make it feel like he just killed a bunch of people just because they didn't like him, not because he was abused.
Does anyone have any other ideas on how I should fix this? Maybe just leave it the way it is? I need input.