Would this work?

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Inksword
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Would this work?

#1 Post by Inksword »

So, I've been brewing ideas for what I'd like to attempt for my first (real) VN outside the practice idea I've started on. I have an idea I think I'd enjoy writing, but I'm not sure it's really the kind of thing other people would be interested in, so I'd like some opinions on it.

Disclaimer: I am not particularly religious and I'm not aiming to make any big religion good/bad statements with the game. Religion happens to be a heavy feature of the plot and I'm going to try to be thoughtful and balanced without alienating anyone.

The basic idea is this: You're an assassin for the church, and you've been sent to kill a excommunicated priest who has snuck back from his exile and is supposedly back to preaching on the outskirts of the domain. First however, you need to collect some info from him. This means you're drawn into a discussion, and, as long as you don't kill him immediately, you end up spending quite a bit of time with him, and get into discussions that reveal differences in faith, his backstory, more details as to why he was excommunicated and how it all fits in with the grander church and current war.

Essentially it's a story that's mostly just the conversations between these two characters and learning about the fantasy world and the characters. I'm worried that hanging the entire VN on a single character and people liking them is a bad idea. This is a character I've been developing a long time and I really love him, but I'm worried that general audiences not in my head don't want to be trapped focused on only one main character you're interacting with. I've done written rps with him and he's usually well-liked by the other players but I'm still worried. Romance would not be a main focus at all, I'm debating whether it'll even be something that can happen at all (though as it currently stands the character you're focused on would be OOC if he didn't get a little lovesick due to his poor judgement.) If there's a heavily single-character driven VN do most people feel cheated if you can't go "all the way" to a dedicated romantic relationship?

Also despite the disclaimer, I'm worried having a plot that heavily uses (fictional) religion will turn people off immediately.

Current things I'm thinking of putting in:
  • You can choose PC's gender at the start, each one opens a slightly different possible scene: small romance scene with the male, a deeper discussion on the target's backstory as a girl. I'm still debating whether this is a good trade-off.
  • You have several opportunities along the way to either finish your mission (kill your target) or continue forward.
  • Moral ambiguity in decisions, no explicit bad-guys. Good and Bad endings for both saving and killing your target.
  • You have a piety score that increases or decreases with decisions and dialogue depending on whether they match church doctrine. The character you play as repeats their prayers every night; it's a fill-in-the-blank minigame and it becomes more difficult the lower your score (scrambled words, more blanks to fill.) MC can lose their faith (in general or specifically in the church organization) and it will effect interactions and endings.
What are your thoughts?

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saddest-willowby
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Re: Would this work?

#2 Post by saddest-willowby »

I'm a dungeons and dragons nerd and would be interested in the religion and other worldbuildy aspects. And games are make or break for me depending on the characters, and the premise you have is very intriguing. So yes, I would play this! :^)
I don't mind at all that it would be single character driven; if anything, that is usually a formula for a more cohesive and focused narrative. I would also not feel cheated about the lack of romance if I knew from the outset.
It sounds like there's going to be a lot of talking between the assassin and priest about the world/religion/backstory, so one thing to be cautious of is not allowing that to become an info dump. They should be shown naturally through the character interactions and environment rather than told. For that matter, even if it is single character focused, it might help to have supporting characters and plot events to bounce off of.
I don't usually care for mini-games, but the fill-in-the-blanks prayer idea actually sounds interesting and ties in nicely with the story as well. Although if I was a bad player, which I am totally absolutely not, I might try to cheat and write the whole thing down first :P

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Re: Would this work?

#3 Post by Inksword »

saddest-willowby wrote: Sat Jan 20, 2018 1:48 pm I'm a dungeons and dragons nerd and would be interested in the religion and other worldbuildy aspects. And games are make or break for me depending on the characters, and the premise you have is very intriguing. So yes, I would play this! :^)
Yay! As long as at least one person thinks they'd play it I am excited to work on it. I'm glad you like the idea!
saddest-willowby wrote: Sat Jan 20, 2018 1:48 pmI don't mind at all that it would be single character driven; if anything, that is usually a formula for a more cohesive and focused narrative. I would also not feel cheated about the lack of romance if I knew from the outset.
Do you think general audiences would be upset of the character you're talking with professes love or tries to kiss you or whatever, and the character you're playing as rejects them themselves without giving the player a choice in their actions like one would expect? I'm mostly worried about everyone feeling like their agency was taken away in a moment when they would've done the complete opposite if given the chance.
saddest-willowby wrote: Sat Jan 20, 2018 1:48 pmIt sounds like there's going to be a lot of talking between the assassin and priest about the world/religion/backstory, so one thing to be cautious of is not allowing that to become an info dump. They should be shown naturally through the character interactions and environment rather than told. For that matter, even if it is single character focused, it might help to have supporting characters and plot events to bounce off of.
Yeah, I guess I'm hoping to approach it as a sort of "slice-of-life" VN, where you're going about doing things and the world is revealed through actions and reactions. Avoiding info-dump is definitely something I'm going to try to be very aware of while I'm writing.
saddest-willowby wrote: Sat Jan 20, 2018 1:48 pmI don't usually care for mini-games, but the fill-in-the-blanks prayer idea actually sounds interesting and ties in nicely with the story as well. Although if I was a bad player, which I am totally absolutely not, I might try to cheat and write the whole thing down first :P
Haha, that's totally understandable, and I figure it's a valid way for people who'd rather not bother with the minigame to progress without too much trouble if they don't care for the mechanic. So that's a built in plus if you look at it.

The way I'm imagining it right now it'd be something like this:

The phrase is "I must always do good" (not the real thing.) Arranged easiest (High piety) to hardest (low piety) the minigame might look like this.
"I must always do _______" (one blank)
"I must ______ do ______" (more blanks)
"do _____ I always _______" (scrambled words)
"I msut ayalws od ______" (scrambled letters)
"msut ____ gdoo od I" (scrambled words and letters)

This would be paired with there being more tenants to remember and those would probably be mixed up so that they're not always in the same order. I imagine I might put a difficulty toggle on it for people who'd rather skip it, or who are dyslexic and it interferes with their enjoyment of the game.

Hopefully the goal would be to get the average player repeating the prayers to help them remember them to get into the headspace of the character they play as haha.

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Re: Would this work?

#4 Post by arachni42 »

Inksword wrote: Fri Jan 19, 2018 11:23 pm Essentially it's a story that's mostly just the conversations between these two characters and learning about the fantasy world and the characters. I'm worried that hanging the entire VN on a single character and people liking them is a bad idea. This is a character I've been developing a long time and I really love him, but I'm worried that general audiences not in my head don't want to be trapped focused on only one main character you're interacting with.
Well, personally I like the idea, although I don't think I'm a "general audience."

But with an English VN, you're not dealing with "general audiences" anyway; you're dealing with niche audiences. So you shouldn't worry about having mass appeal, and instead ask yourself about who your story appeals to, and why it appeals to them. People who are into the worldbuilding aspect will probably like it as long as the character gives the reader a compelling view into the world. Focusing on a single character is probably a good thing.

I think for this type of story a lack of romance is fine. In fact, it would be worse to include it just for the sake of including it. It should only be there if it helps explore the characters and world in some way.

Other thoughts:
I don't think your audience will be turned off by the fictional religion.
I think you have the right idea with having both good and bad endings for saving/killing the target. It sounds like each choice is worthwhile to explore.
The piety is an interesting idea, though again, IMO it shouldn't just affect the story, but also serve the story. Maybe it's something you'd want to test out with people playing a demo to get feedback on whether they found it engaging or bothersome.

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Re: Would this work?

#5 Post by Zelan »

I think this is a really, really cool idea. The lack of romance is absolutely fine for me - I like romance just fine, but we have plenty of those already. And I'm really intrigued by the idea of a fictional religion discussed by two characters, it sounds like the scope could be broad or intimate depending on the exact conversation.

The minigame sounds really cool, too, and it actually ties in with the story instead of being a gimmick. I'd really enjoy playing your VN. :D

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Re: Would this work?

#6 Post by Inksword »

Ah! Thank you everyone for the words of encouragement! Just having a few people who are interested definitely makes me want to start working on it and I've started writing it! Thank you!

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Re: Would this work?

#7 Post by saddest-willowby »

Inksword wrote: Sun Jan 21, 2018 5:11 pm Do you think general audiences would be upset of the character you're talking with professes love or tries to kiss you or whatever, and the character you're playing as rejects them themselves without giving the player a choice in their actions like one would expect? I'm mostly worried about everyone feeling like their agency was taken away in a moment when they would've done the complete opposite if given the chance.
Sorry for the late reply!
I think that if the rejection pushes the story in the way you intended it to, or if the player would have done it because of their character, then you should do it. Write for yourself and not the players, and if they're upset, maybe it's actually a good thing.
Speaking as a player, I only assume there will be romance if the game is explicitly tagged so; otherwise, anything goes. If I play, I accept the emotional risks involved.
So happy that this is becoming a thing! I'll be watching this, and best of luck!

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