Premonition, Critique Welcome
Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2018 1:17 am
I've been hesitating to share my idea, I kept thinking that everyone would say it's stupid. But whatever.
The setting of Premonition takes place in the not so distant future. A computer virus has taken over the world, the robot uprising has happened. Humanity is nearing extinction. The only hope left lies in the last human colony, Zion. Five years has passed since the war started. No one has left the protection of Zion.
The story is told from the point of view of a more recent citizen, an 18-year-old boy named Bryce. He's a very shy and socially inept person, but he's also very intelligent, skilled, and mysterious. In Bryce's new life, he attends Zion University, a school that teaches students of all ages and grades. Bryce passed the entrance exam and is able to learn at a university level. He attends class with four other students, each specialize in key roles in Zion. A mechanic, a programmer, a doctor, and a detective. He doesn't know much about his classmates, other than their names. He's shy and a bit intimidated (Among other things.)
After a few in game days, he returns to his dorm. He notices that one of his classmates' dorm room doors are open. He peeks inside and notices that his classmate is unconcious. He gets closer and realizes that she's not moving, and that she's bleeding from her gut. He instinctively checks her wrist, but it only confirms what he already knows, she's dead. In that moment, Bryce loses all of his senses, then he wakes up in his bed feeling like he was punched in his heart. He goes to class that day, and quickly realizes that he's reliving the previous day. He decides to use this opportunity to redo certain things. Mainly, preventing his classmate's murder. Which he succeeds.
In the second chapter, Bryce begins his internship. University students in Zion are taught for a few hours in the classroom, then they work in the field that they're interested in. Once they graduate, they take the Division Exam which determines which division they'll be assigned to. Each weekday, the player picks which division they'll work in. This expands upon Bryce's Classmates' stories. (Think the confidants in Persona 5.)
Each chapter after that follows a "Case of the week" pattern. He spends a few days going to class, then working at an internship. World building stuff. Then somehow Bryce discovers a body of a classmate or someone else, then he touches their hand and rewinds time, he then relives that day until he prevents their death...usually. Each chapter revolves around a theme related to the game's world. Things like the government, the employment, education, emotional stress, the homicidal robots bent on the destruction of humanity, etc. Each chapter also expands on Bryce's backstory, as well as his development. From a shy awkward person to a...less awkward person. Each chapter also involves at least one of his classmates.
I'm not too sure what the genre could be. There's drama, mystery, thriller, some comedy, some slice of life, action, romance.
So anyway, this's the story I've been working on for almost a year. Let me know what you think of this. Ask questions, I'll try answering them the best I can. Honesty is very welcome. One of my biggest issues when writing this is I'm not sure where I want to begin. I'm like on a road trip with a destination in mind, but I don't know where I begin.
Have a nice day, thank you.
The setting of Premonition takes place in the not so distant future. A computer virus has taken over the world, the robot uprising has happened. Humanity is nearing extinction. The only hope left lies in the last human colony, Zion. Five years has passed since the war started. No one has left the protection of Zion.
The story is told from the point of view of a more recent citizen, an 18-year-old boy named Bryce. He's a very shy and socially inept person, but he's also very intelligent, skilled, and mysterious. In Bryce's new life, he attends Zion University, a school that teaches students of all ages and grades. Bryce passed the entrance exam and is able to learn at a university level. He attends class with four other students, each specialize in key roles in Zion. A mechanic, a programmer, a doctor, and a detective. He doesn't know much about his classmates, other than their names. He's shy and a bit intimidated (Among other things.)
After a few in game days, he returns to his dorm. He notices that one of his classmates' dorm room doors are open. He peeks inside and notices that his classmate is unconcious. He gets closer and realizes that she's not moving, and that she's bleeding from her gut. He instinctively checks her wrist, but it only confirms what he already knows, she's dead. In that moment, Bryce loses all of his senses, then he wakes up in his bed feeling like he was punched in his heart. He goes to class that day, and quickly realizes that he's reliving the previous day. He decides to use this opportunity to redo certain things. Mainly, preventing his classmate's murder. Which he succeeds.
In the second chapter, Bryce begins his internship. University students in Zion are taught for a few hours in the classroom, then they work in the field that they're interested in. Once they graduate, they take the Division Exam which determines which division they'll be assigned to. Each weekday, the player picks which division they'll work in. This expands upon Bryce's Classmates' stories. (Think the confidants in Persona 5.)
Each chapter after that follows a "Case of the week" pattern. He spends a few days going to class, then working at an internship. World building stuff. Then somehow Bryce discovers a body of a classmate or someone else, then he touches their hand and rewinds time, he then relives that day until he prevents their death...usually. Each chapter revolves around a theme related to the game's world. Things like the government, the employment, education, emotional stress, the homicidal robots bent on the destruction of humanity, etc. Each chapter also expands on Bryce's backstory, as well as his development. From a shy awkward person to a...less awkward person. Each chapter also involves at least one of his classmates.
I'm not too sure what the genre could be. There's drama, mystery, thriller, some comedy, some slice of life, action, romance.
So anyway, this's the story I've been working on for almost a year. Let me know what you think of this. Ask questions, I'll try answering them the best I can. Honesty is very welcome. One of my biggest issues when writing this is I'm not sure where I want to begin. I'm like on a road trip with a destination in mind, but I don't know where I begin.
Have a nice day, thank you.