[COMPLETED] PACING + DIALOGUE + DESCRIPTION FEEDBACK ON MURDER MYSTERY VISUAL NOVEL
Posted: Thu Jan 13, 2022 3:16 pm
Hiya! I am participating in a game jam that starts at the end of January. I have the beginning (or act 1) of the VN script done but I require more feedback since it's my second time writing for this medium. I need feedback on the pacing, if the dialogue feels natural, and if the descriptions are okay. Good feedback will also be helpful since I want to know what I did right so I can repeat it again. If you have any questions, please comment and I'll answer to the best of my abilities!
Short description about each of the characters talking:
Liliane Fay is enthusiastic, childish, and optimistic. She's a tad bit naive to others advances and just wants to adventure over the world.
Napoleon Olivier is a professional and kind person who cares for others. He's very polite.
Thibault Brodier (in this act where he only talks to Liliane) acts genuinely happy to see her and a little possessive due to past incidents. He may come off as strange and overly enthusiastic (which is someone I'm working on portraying in his dialogue.)
This is just the rough draft: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EQ4 ... sp=sharing
Thank you for reading!
Short description about each of the characters talking:
Liliane Fay is enthusiastic, childish, and optimistic. She's a tad bit naive to others advances and just wants to adventure over the world.
Napoleon Olivier is a professional and kind person who cares for others. He's very polite.
Thibault Brodier (in this act where he only talks to Liliane) acts genuinely happy to see her and a little possessive due to past incidents. He may come off as strange and overly enthusiastic (which is someone I'm working on portraying in his dialogue.)
This is just the rough draft: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EQ4 ... sp=sharing
Thank you for reading!