~LUCKY~ (GXB)- OTOME :P UPDATED 14/09/11!! (on hold)

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mcandy
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~LUCKY~ (GXB)- OTOME :P UPDATED 14/09/11!! (on hold)

#1 Post by mcandy » Fri Dec 10, 2010 10:11 pm

ON HOLD
(sry everyone I just realised how busy I am with school and how shit i am at programming so I'll put these projects on hold until i have max free time T_T)
(on the bright side i will b available for sprite art, FOR FREE if you think im good enough tat is XD PM me if u need help in art)

F-F-FUUUUUUUU, I know I said this is on hold but I felt like re-drawing them and uploading XD

Yo all! This is my first GXB game so please don't hurt me >o<
Hope you guys like it :P (sorry for my noob drawings)
aah just saying this isnt a very new and original story but ill try my best to make it original as i can >=)
GXB FTW
!

(NOTICE (12/07/11): I Have taken down some of the characters cause I cudn't stand my ugly drawings. But don't worry they will have the same features just better art quality! :D)


Image
Lucky! (GXB game) - Script & Art by mCandy <3
genre: Otome, Romance, Comedy, Mystery, Slice of life

"FINALLY, I managed to enroll to a proper high school without failing the entrance exam!! I'm so excited about making new friends, gossiping, joining club activities, maybe i'll even find love! Hmmm..I wonder why haven't i seen this school around my neighbour? The information package says its located near my house... Oh well!"

Yuri wasn't the brightest girl, and failed to enter to the local highschools she had enrolled. With a little bit of hope she manged to be accepted into a school which in fact was close to her house all this time! But when she arrives there, she notices the school immediately thinking it was a...(BAM BAM BAAA!)

(Once again I have decided to change my fugly drawings)

*update* -New pic! Yeh i decided to change the uniform color
Protagonist Image
Name: Yuri Ochi
Age: 15
Gender:Female
Likes:Aiding people and karaoke
Dislikes:Unfaithfulness, cliche moments
Fears: Heights and the dark
Dream Goal: Play to find out!
Hihi Everyone! I hope you can deal with me during the game~ I can be a bit slow sometimes >-<" This is a photo of me in my middle school uniform! I hope my new school is fun! :D

Obtainable Guys

Name:Rei Image
Age:15
Gender:Male
Likes:???
Dislikes:???
Fears:???
Dream Goal:???
Whoa~ This guy is pretty cool looking.But he's always following that scary looking guy, they are probably close friends.



Name:Kenta
Age:16
Gender:Male
Likes:???
Dislikes:???
Fears:???
Dream Goal:???
Eeeek! A t-tattoo and so many pericings! O_O. Note to self: Don't get close to him.



Name:Jin
Age:15
Gender:Male
Likes:???
Dislikes:???
Fears:???
Dream Goal:???
Dam this guy is sure loud and hot-headed, I wonder what he fusses about.



Name:Yuya
Age:15
Gender:Male
Likes:???
Dislikes:???
Fears:???
Dream Goal:???
I guess there are loner- I mean "friendless" kids here too, but then again I think he would prefer to be alone...

Name:Hajika
Age:15
Gender:Male
Likes:???
Dislikes:???
Fears:???
Dream Goal:???
Yes! Someone who seems normal and I can actually talk too, he's very friendly too :D...Maybe a bit too much?

Others

Name:Karin
Age:15
Gender:female
Likes:Pink things
Dislikes:Nonsense, Birds
Fears:Failing Uni
Dream Goal:Become a lawyer with a Hot boyfriend
Karin is one of my good friends since yr7! I'm glad we are keeping in touch.


Name:Rose
Age:13
Gender:female
Likes:Supernatural, Witchcarft
Dislikes:Crowded places
Fears:???
Dream Goal:???
A cute girl I found lurking around in school. She's always alone and people seem to ignore her?

Image
Name:Marie
Age:15
Gender:female
Likes:Make-up and sweets
Dislikes:Girls
Fears:Bad hair day
Dream Goal:???
Marie is the first girl I've talked to when I arrived to this new school.But...it wasn't what I expected...


The Features?
-5 guys to pursue
-1 secret guy! (recommending to get him last)
-Complex relationships (not all though)
-A short mystery you will unsolve! (depends which character)
-Many CGs!
-Muzik!
-(hopefully) FUN!

More new drawings and improvements coming!
#GAHAHH My drawings r so ugly =-=


Progress-
Story: 80%!! Yay~
Script 15% . . .
CGs: 5% (I'm sorry)
Sprites: 40% (need to resize them =-=)
Music: 80% (Need background music )
Background: 80% (Got from websites :P)

Staff-
Story: mcandy
Art: mcandy, BG from websites =P
Programming: mcandy
Music: sound effects from webs, the rest mcandy.
#So yeh I'm working by myself which is why its taking ages for me to complete it. Hopefully I can finish it by the end of the year! :D
Help will be gladly accepted >o<
Last edited by mcandy on Tue Sep 13, 2011 10:53 am, edited 50 times in total.

Liminality
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Re: LUCKY (GXB)

#2 Post by Liminality » Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:26 pm

8D I'm new to the forum too, and working on my first VN with my team (including an artist, animator, potentially a music maker, yada yada all of those people and I'm in charge of the entire script and code...), so hooray for first projects!

I like how you draw eyes. Its cute. However, would you like some critique/pointers for creating characters and keeping the plot original even with such a cliche, overused base idea? Its definitely possible~! I'm no expert with VN novels, but I know some things about writing and character design, and also about Japanese culture, so please take my advice and use it however you like.

Firstly, I suggest you look up lists of Japanese surnames. "Tomoko" is generally a girl's first name, and very rarely a surname. This is mostly because the character for "ko" means "child" and is present in common female names, but never male names. Japanese surnames originated often from the location of the family's house. Yamada, using the characters for mountain and rice field, illustrates that the family lives near the rice field by the mountain. Mori, the only (or at least one of the only) surnames which uses only one character and can be a first name as well as a last name, simply means forest.

For scripting/writing, I suggest you write things in a word processor such as Word first, so you can check over your grammar, completeness, and spelling with the click of a button. Please allow me to edit your provided quote for you. I realize that it is the main character speaking, but it really doesn't hurt to let her speak in grammatically correct sentences. Because the majority, if not all, of a Visual Novel is narrative and character conversation, being grammatically correct is imperative for success.

"FINALLY! i managed to enroll to a proper high school without failing!! New friends, gossip, club activities, maybe even love! Hmm.. why haven't i seen this school around my neighbour? Its says its located near my house,... oh well!"

Should be more like

"FINALLY, I managed to enroll in a proper high school without failing [the entrance exam]! [I'm so excited about/ some other sentence modifier to make it a complete statement] new friends, gossip, club activities, and maybe even finding love! Hmmm... I wonder why I haven't seen this school around my neighborhood? [The information packet] says its located near my house.... Oh well!"

Adding phrases to clarify what you're talking about (like I added into the first sentence) is very important when you're leaping right into the life of a main character the player knows nothing about. Japanese high schools have entrance exams to get in, but not every player will understand that unless you specify. The same thing goes for "It" in the last sentence. You need to specify what "it" is-- not for the benefit of Yuri's thoughts, but for the reader.

I hope I'm not imposing my opinions on you. I only intend to help. Post more!
Zuzu of Liminality Project
Game in Progress
Sorayume no Kaze: B x G
See Here: http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... =16&t=8627

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Elemental-Butterfly
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Re: LUCKY (GXB)

#3 Post by Elemental-Butterfly » Sun Dec 12, 2010 12:06 am

The protagonist looks cute.Slice-of-life is a good element. This looks interesting. I hope you finish it soon. Good Luck!

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Re: LUCKY (GXB)

#4 Post by Sakura02 » Mon Dec 13, 2010 10:38 pm

Aww yuri looks soo cute :D Can't wait till you finish

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Re: LUCKY (GXB)

#5 Post by mcandy » Mon Dec 20, 2010 7:33 pm

Liminality wrote:8D I'm new to the forum too, and working on my first VN with my team (including an artist, animator, potentially a music maker, yada yada all of those people and I'm in charge of the entire script and code...), so hooray for first projects!

I like how you draw eyes. Its cute. However, would you like some critique/pointers for creating characters and keeping the plot original even with such a cliche, overused base idea? Its definitely possible~! I'm no expert with VN novels, but I know some things about writing and character design, and also about Japanese culture, so please take my advice and use it however you like.

Firstly, I suggest you look up lists of Japanese surnames. "Tomoko" is generally a girl's first name, and very rarely a surname. This is mostly because the character for "ko" means "child" and is present in common female names, but never male names. Japanese surnames originated often from the location of the family's house. Yamada, using the characters for mountain and rice field, illustrates that the family lives near the rice field by the mountain. Mori, the only (or at least one of the only) surnames which uses only one character and can be a first name as well as a last name, simply means forest.

For scripting/writing, I suggest you write things in a word processor such as Word first, so you can check over your grammar, completeness, and spelling with the click of a button. Please allow me to edit your provided quote for you. I realize that it is the main character speaking, but it really doesn't hurt to let her speak in grammatically correct sentences. Because the majority, if not all, of a Visual Novel is narrative and character conversation, being grammatically correct is imperative for success.

"FINALLY! i managed to enroll to a proper high school without failing!! New friends, gossip, club activities, maybe even love! Hmm.. why haven't i seen this school around my neighbour? Its says its located near my house,... oh well!"

Should be more like

"FINALLY, I managed to enroll in a proper high school without failing [the entrance exam]! [I'm so excited about/ some other sentence modifier to make it a complete statement] new friends, gossip, club activities, and maybe even finding love! Hmmm... I wonder why I haven't seen this school around my neighborhood? [The information packet] says its located near my house.... Oh well!"

Adding phrases to clarify what you're talking about (like I added into the first sentence) is very important when you're leaping right into the life of a main character the player knows nothing about. Japanese high schools have entrance exams to get in, but not every player will understand that unless you specify. The same thing goes for "It" in the last sentence. You need to specify what "it" is-- not for the benefit of Yuri's thoughts, but for the reader.

I hope I'm not imposing my opinions on you. I only intend to help. Post more!
Wow~ haha Thank you for editing! Its helping me loads
I guess i shud change some stuff them :P

And @Sakura02 &Elemental-Butterfly - Thank yoou for our support! ill try to finish it as soon as possible

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Re: ~LUCKY~ (GXB)- OTOME :P

#6 Post by ofdawnandtwilight » Tue Dec 21, 2010 12:28 am

WOOHOOOOO i like scary cold hearted guys~
i'll definitely be playing this!
REI AND KENTA AND JIN SOUNDS AWESOME XD
*shot*FTW

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mcandy
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Re: ~LUCKY~ (GXB)- OTOME :P

#7 Post by mcandy » Tue Dec 21, 2010 1:44 am

nero279 wrote:WOOHOOOOO i like scary cold hearted guys~
i'll definitely be playing this!
REI AND KENTA AND JIN SOUNDS AWESOME XD
*shot*FTW
:lol: thank you!!
yes yes i'll try to finish as soon as possible!

more updates soon!
Working On VN Projects!
Check them out!
~Lucky~ (GxB) - Romance, Mystery, Comedy, Slice of life, School
Who is He?!(GxB) - Romance, mystery, comedy, school

MY DEVIANTART PROF!
Click here~!-You can view all of my artworks here :3

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ofdawnandtwilight
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Re: ~LUCKY~ (GXB)- OTOME :P

#8 Post by ofdawnandtwilight » Wed Dec 22, 2010 3:27 am

mcandy wrote:
nero279 wrote:WOOHOOOOO i like scary cold hearted guys~
i'll definitely be playing this!
REI AND KENTA AND JIN SOUNDS AWESOME XD
*shot*FTW
:lol: thank you!!
yes yes i'll try to finish as soon as possible!

more updates soon!
GOOD LUCK~ :mrgreen:

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ofdawnandtwilight
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Re: ~LUCKY~ (GXB)- OTOME :P

#9 Post by ofdawnandtwilight » Sun Dec 26, 2010 12:40 am

nero279 wrote:
mcandy wrote:
nero279 wrote:WOOHOOOOO i like scary cold hearted guys~
i'll definitely be playing this!
REI AND KENTA AND JIN SOUNDS AWESOME XD
*shot*FTW
:lol: thank you!!
yes yes i'll try to finish as soon as possible!

more updates soon!
GOOD LUCK~ :mrgreen:
YIKES
Kenta looks scary XD
I think i like Rei best ;D

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Re: ~LUCKY~ (GXB)- OTOME :P

#10 Post by Liminality » Mon Dec 27, 2010 2:08 pm

I like Jin! <3 I'm glad you're putting up more character art! I like it a little bit more every time I check!
Zuzu of Liminality Project
Game in Progress
Sorayume no Kaze: B x G
See Here: http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... =16&t=8627

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Re: ~LUCKY~ (GXB)- OTOME :P

#11 Post by Bla Bla » Thu Dec 30, 2010 10:30 am

This seems very cool *o* I love high school dating sim!! The main character is very cute!

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Re: ~LUCKY~ (GXB)- OTOME :P

#12 Post by Elenakiara » Fri Jan 07, 2011 8:49 pm

Haha, I like these high school games too! Though my mom is more of the fan... xD I can't wait to read it! :)
Working on a visual novel : Caesar's Fate (GxB) : Follow me on Twitter or visit my Website for updates!
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mcandy
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Re: ~LUCKY~ (GXB)- OTOME :P

#13 Post by mcandy » Thu Jan 20, 2011 11:07 pm

*sniff* Thank you everyone, I'll try my best to finish this :P
Working On VN Projects!
Check them out!
~Lucky~ (GxB) - Romance, Mystery, Comedy, Slice of life, School
Who is He?!(GxB) - Romance, mystery, comedy, school

MY DEVIANTART PROF!
Click here~!-You can view all of my artworks here :3

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Re: ~LUCKY~ (GXB)- OTOME :P

#14 Post by Snowflower » Fri Jan 21, 2011 3:25 am

teehee
i have a feeling Rei will be the boy I will be pursuing first :D
I can't wait until you finish with this. The art is cute and I like where you are going with the story too!
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Re: ~LUCKY~ (GXB)- OTOME :P

#15 Post by YuukiCrossPudding » Fri Jan 21, 2011 6:35 am

Kyaaa!
lol
If this released, I'll try to get Rei first
he look so cool!
good luck!
I'll watch this one out~

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