[GxB] Our Crossing Paths UPDATE (4/25)

[Twisted-Eva]

Synopsis: Claire Parker(age 20) is a miracle in early 19th century Kirkland. And by miracle, it means that Claire is one of the few women to serve in the Kirkish army under the recent policy that women are allowed to serve in the military. The policy was first adopted by the newfound country, Libertyria, after its success of independence from Kirkland. After Libertyria's adoption of the policy, countries all over the world adopted the policy in favor of "listening" to their female citizens whom demanded equality. At least equality starting with the chance to enter the military, but such change has yet to see success in increasing percentages of female soldiers. Most women end up providing support and "homemaking" skills at bases. Given the opportunity her father presented to her after requesting a favor from the army's field marshal, Claire has served a few years in the army up to the current ranking as a lieutenant. One assignment, however, would end her career permanently regardless of the outcome, good or bad. Given a covert mission that may take years to complete, Claire needs to infiltrate Francisia's army and assassinate the army's top general, effectively crippling chances of dominating Kirkland and all of Eurania. Will this assignment be as easy as she expected?

Characters
Claire Parker: A young woman who discarded her critical years as a gentlewoman for a sabre. Claire has an utmost sense of loyalty to her country, Kirkland. Peppered by the mocking comments of the male soldiers for a long time, Claire can willfully lash out at any man who dares challenge her place in the army or in society. At the same time, however, Claire has a soft disposition, possibly a flaw, to let others have their opinions be spoken while keeping her opinions to herself because of the way her father raised her.

Claire -Project Branch Page- (mini).png

Alan Bernard(age 24): One of the generals who serve in the Francisian army. Overall has a good nature, he is well respected in the army even when he has his strict moments with his division. Absolutely loyal to his country as well as humble with his status as a member of the upper-class and the military. He can be a little bit slow sometimes in picking up signs women give to him. He is unintentionally René's rival.
This is only V.1 of his sprite. I'm currently working on improving the lineart.

Project Branch Alan Bernard.png

Alan Sketch.png

René Fontaine(age 23): Has the high-and-mighty complex of himself despite his position as lieutenant. Considers Alan his rival out of some envy with military rank and skills. Controls his own little army division despite not getting promoted and through the influence of his passive general. Does not like being compared to his fraternal twin brother, Louis.

Drake Fontaine (mini).png

André Fernand(age 23): Slightly clumsy and happy-go-lucky café owner, André will occasionally treat Claire some of his meals for free. He is also the support Claire needs when she feels "stuck-in-a-rut" or when she just feels like talking.

André (mini).png

León Lambert(age 22): The Francisian field marshal's secretary. Inherited the recessive gene of albinism that noticeably affects his hair and skin, León experienced some difficulty getting around the streets because of stares. Therefore, he only thought it was suitable of him to be a secretary and spend much of his day indoors. Although he appears to be unfriendly to the students and some faculty members, León is close friends with Alan.

Leon Default Sprite.png

Taylor Williams (age 22): Military "buddies" with Claire, Taylor has known Claire a few years back since she joined the military. An outgoing young man, Taylor rarely thinks about the consequences of his words when he speaks. He joins her in the short voyage overseas to see her off before going back to Kirkland and hopes that he could see her again.

Taylor Sprite (Default test).png

General Walter (age 53): One of the Kirkish army's prestigious generals as well as Claire's superior. Took Claire in roughly 3 years ago after her father requested that she be able to join the military. A small request to help the low, middle-class father give his daughter a more comfortable life in exchange for the father saving the field marshal. He is the one who assigned Claire to the covert mission.

General Walter Sprite Display.png

Liliana Blanc (age 24): Housekeeper of the residential building where Claire resides. Has a very aloof nature which makes her complimentary to her friend, Kamille Chevalier. The most easygoing of the housekeepers on the grounds, Liliana is well-liked by her employees.

Liliana sketch.png

Kamille Chevalier (age 24): One of the very few women to successfully rise in the ranks to a commanding general, Kamille is someone to be feared. What she may lack in strength to the next man, she compensates with her mobility and effectively making lethal strikes. The eldest daughter of her family, rich in economic and militant backgrounds, Kamille is the head of her family despite her father's preference for a male heir and because of having only sisters. Has a strict demeanor which ticks off René, but oddly enough is good friends with him.

Kamille Sketch.png

Features
- The player has the ability to shape Claire's personality through her responses from passive, neutral, and aggressive. She can be the pushover who will have a difficulty getting through her mission or she can be hot-blooded at times against many things particularly the status quo for women during the time period.
- Responses can range from being polite to rude.
- Almost 14 endings
+Alan (1 good and bad ending)
+Marc (1 good and bad ending)
+André (1 good and bad ending)
+León (1 good and bad ending)
+Taylor (1 bad ending... seriously, I'm stuck on figuring out what will be "good" about an ending besides killing the general and going back to Taylor)
+ 2 solo endings (good and bad)
+1 harem ending (bad... I don't know what to do with making a "good" ending besides getting all the guys together)
- There will be quizzes from time to time at the academy which Claire must do well in order to raise affection points from any guy or lose face with any of them.
- This entire visual novel is created under the VN engine, Novelty. Unfortunately, that means only a Windows version of the game is playable.
- Should I ever even finish the Novelty version someday, I would like to post a recruitment for a coder who can help me enhance the game by making it Ren'py-compatible. This means that I will have the basic variables and structure of the game, but I just want to enhance it with a customized UI complete with desired CG gallery and adjustable functions for basic parts such as volume (since Novelty Beta doesn't have the ability to adjust in-game). In other words, something along the lines of an expansion pack with all the bells and whistles absent from the Novelty version.

-The coder can do the work for UI enhancement and possible advance variable features, or at least tell me how to do these things all for free. One feature I would like to see is that I want the game to keep track of how diligent the player is in reporting back to headquarters, and that the ending will change based on the player's consistency to his or her duty as a spy.
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List of terms:
1. Eurania is essentially Europe for the purpose of this story. In order to bend the social rules of allowing women into the military, I decided to create a parallel universe where the landmasses have different names, but have the same history as real world history. This game is still labeled as Alternate History or Universe where real world history will be implemented to the fictional countries and their societies.

2. Kirkland is Great Britain. I got the name from "Arthur Kirkland", and unofficial human name given to Hetalia's England.

3. Francisia is France.
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Progress

Story: 20%

Programming: 15% (Switched to Ren'py so it will be possible for the game to be available to everyone)

Sprites: 8% (Working on André)

CGs: 0%

Music: 5% (placeholders at best until I replace them with royalty-free music)

Current Stats:

The game contains 590 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 7,131 words,
for an average of 12.1 words per screen.
The game contains 35 menus.

[azureXtwilight]

I always fond of historical VN, this will be in my watch list for sure! I am looking forward to seeing the character graphics!

[mysterialize]

It's interesting to see an otome game on here with characters outside of high school age. I'm also a bit intrigued about how the setting seems to be setting up for something more realistic and serious than most of the ones I've seen.

However, I couldn't help but be bothered by this: "Inherited a partial, albino genetic trait that only affects his hair and skin, León experienced some difficulty getting around the Parisian streets because of stares.". Albinism doesn't work that way, and while there is such a thing as partial albinism, it usually manifests by either not showing up at all, while still being present in the genes, causing the skin, hair, and eyes to be a lighter shade than usual, but not without pigment, or causing splotches of the skin/hair/eyes to lack pigment. The likelihood of it completely affecting his hair and skin, but not his eyes, seems so unlikely that I'm pretty sure it's impossible.

Fortunately, his position as a secretary does seem like enough to let him be allowed in the military, though his reason for being one would probably be more along the lines of not wanting to get skin cancer.

Sorry for zeroing in on that so specifically. It just kind of got to me, since this game otherwise looks like it has potential.

[Twisted-Eva]

However, I couldn't help but be bothered by this: "Inherited a partial, albino genetic trait that only affects his hair and skin, León experienced some difficulty getting around the Parisian streets because of stares.". Albinism doesn't work that way, and while there is such a thing as partial albinism, it usually manifests by either not showing up at all, while still being present in the genes, causing the skin, hair, and eyes to be a lighter shade than usual, but not without pigment, or causing splotches of the skin/hair/eyes to lack pigment. The likelihood of it completely affecting his hair and skin, but not his eyes, seems so unlikely that I'm pretty sure it's impossible.

Fortunately, his position as a secretary does seem like enough to let him be allowed in the military, though his reason for being one would probably be more along the lines of not wanting to get skin cancer.

Sorry for zeroing in on that so specifically. It just kind of got to me, since this game otherwise looks like it has potential.

To be honest, I really (and I mean really) wanted to design a guy with white hair and red eyes, but I took out the red eyes since red eyes only appear in photographs. The only two types of albinism as far as I know either target the eyes only or target the eyes, skin, and hair. The image I had in mind was completely white hair, eyes of light shade of blue or gray-ish tint, and skin that's not utterly as white as bedsheets but not a light tan color. I was scrambling all over PubMed.gov to find studies and cases that say that it's possible the hair is completely white, but the skin and eyes are not obviously pale.

Other than that, I probably broke a couple of rules already besides the rules of albinism . It might be difficult keeping the facts straight all the while knowing that the presence of a woman serving in the military might detract from the realism of the early 19th century. I really hope these few discrepancies don't prevent players from playing the final product because I really did do extensive research on finding women who served in the military before the 20th century.

[Aleema]

Damn it real life, stop ruining my bishies.
(Hey if girls can have cow utters for boobs in other dating sims, you can play with the laws of albinism for your game. It's YOUR GAME.)

I really like the maturity of the game set forth, so count me in as a player. I'm also in a historical mood and a French mood, so your setting makes me happy. Throw in some espionage and I'm hooked.

If I need to get a whip to get you moving faster than snail's pace, I will.

[J. Datie]

I'd like to chime in and note that even this completely made up form of albinism is more realistic that 99% of portrayals of albinism. Usually it's white hair, white skin, red eyes, magic powers, and maybe fangs and a taste for human blood. By comparison, this at least sounds plausible.

[mysterialize]

"The image I had in mind was completely white hair, eyes of light shade of blue or gray-ish tint, and skin that's not utterly as white as bedsheets but not a light tan color."

Actually, most people with albinism have blue eyes. So really, if this is the only thing you're worried about, you're set if you just he's albino, and leave it at that.

[Twisted-Eva]

Sorry if I come across as someone who sweat over every single detail. I actually have another account made at another visual novel forum and as soon as I posted my current WIP project, another member already pointed out the most obvious flaws such as why a woman in the military and how she even got there. I already justified how Claire got her position in the visual novel so that's fine. At the time, it already seemed like I couldn't get away with anything because of a realistic time period. I guess bottom line is... If Hakuouki can get away with demons residing in Japan, Shinsengumi running around as carnage-thirsty vampires, and Shinsengumi members who are actually good-looking (even though in reality they probably weren't...) then I can get away with something like this project.
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By the way, thank you to those who responded and have shown interest in this project. Now, I have more motivation to the point that I have updated this post with the character still of Taylor Williams, one of the obtainable guys!

[mysterialize]

I'm sorry, I really didn't intend it as an insult at all. I guess I just tend to be a little picky about these sorts of things.

Anyways, I'll leave you alone, and let you continue with your project.

[selenity136]

This seems pretty interesting. I really like the close-up portraits of the characters. It's not often you'll see a VN with this setting. I'll be keeping an eye on this.

[Lumen_Astrum]

I LOVE European-styled (dunno if this is REALLY Eurpoean, I suck at geography XD) stories!
**adds the game to watch list**

[Aetheria]

Well, this turned into a rather long critique. It's only this long and detailed because I really like the looks of this project, and critique is how I show I care.

Sorry if I come across as someone who sweat over every single detail. I actually have another account made at another visual novel forum and as soon as I posted my current WIP project, another member already pointed out the most obvious flaws such as why a woman in the military and how she even got there. I already justified how Claire got her position in the visual novel so that's fine. At the time, it already seemed like I couldn't get away with anything because of a realistic time period. I guess bottom line is... If Hakuouki can get away with demons residing in Japan, Shinsengumi running around as carnage-thirsty vampires, and Shinsengumi members who are actually good-looking (even though in reality they probably weren't...) then I can get away with something like this project.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
By the way, thank you to those who responded and have shown interest in this project. Now, I have more motivation to the point that I have updated this post with the character still of Taylor Williams, one of the obtainable guys!

Just the fact that the game is set in a historical period most of us know fairly well at least through books and movies makes it a bit harder to get players to accept things that are out of the ordinary for that period. What about just pushing the anachronisms even further and making the setting a more obvious alternate history/fantasy? I've read a couple of fantasy novels set in alternate versions of 19th-century Europe with magic, or dragons, or steampunk elements (Illusion, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, The Grand Ellipse, Magician's Ward, Tooth and Claw, Her Majesty's Dragon... among others), and that makes for a really fun setting to write in. Having fantastic elements in your story makes it more likely that the audience will accept anachronistic stuff.

Barring that, I think it might be a good idea to give more reason for a woman to be accepted as a military officer in the real Napoleonic Wars. At least judging from the summary you posted, the reason's a little thin. It's hard to imagine that even the most well-connected young woman would be able to join the army openly: first, because it's not likely that anyone could be persuaded that a woman belonged in the military (even today, many countries don't allow women to serve in combat roles), and second, because even the most independent-minded women probably wouldn't have thought of joining the army in the first place.

So, it would be more believable if Claire wanted to join the army and was accepted there if she had some sort of amazing skill. Magic would make this easy, of course, but it could also be that she's a brilliant strategist, or a genius inventor, or a prodigy with sword and pistol... etc. Since her position would be such an extraordinary thing in that setting, it would make sense for her to be an equally extraordinary person in some way. Not only that, but it'd explain why she is able to enter a military academy in another country where she's not well-known and well-connected: they would let her in because of her talents. This would also make sense with the description of her personality - someone who's surrounded by nay-sayers and has to do everything right to keep her job wouldn't last very long if she went around berating anyone who challenged her station, unless she had some exceptional ability and accomplishments to back it up.

The other thing I noticed was that Claire's mission is supposed to ensure that England wins the war. You might want to elaborate on this a bit in the course of the story. Why will assassinating the general lead directly to France's army being crippled? Why doesn't the general, like most military commanders, have a second-in-command who can take over from him, or if that guy's incompetent, why wouldn't the ruler replace him posthaste? It might even make sense for Claire to be assigned to assassinate the ruler instead, since that would effectively win the war in one stroke - or for her mission to assassinate the general to be really important, but not expected to end the war.

Finally, would it not sound more consistent to use French names for Alan and Drake? I believe "Alain" is the French form of "Alan", but have no idea about "Drake". (More fantasy elements in the setting would probably make this unnoticeable, too.)

Anyway, although I've spent a lot of time critiquing, I'm quite impressed by your concept, which is unusual for a VN. A historical setting is really a breath of fresh air among all these high school romances, the art looks lovely, and I love the idea of being able to influence the MC's personality in visible ways. I'll be looking forward to hearing more about it! Don't let people's critiques get you down - you don't have to take their advice if it doesn't work for you, and usually they're just trying to help you make the game as good as possible.

[Twisted-Eva]

Barring that, I think it might be a good idea to give more reason for a woman to be accepted as a military officer in the real Napoleonic Wars. At least judging from the summary you posted, the reason's a little thin. It's hard to imagine that even the most well-connected young woman would be able to join the army openly: first, because it's not likely that anyone could be persuaded that a woman belonged in the military (even today, many countries don't allow women to serve in combat roles), and second, because even the most independent-minded women probably wouldn't have thought of joining the army in the first place.

I should have elaborated more on the story, I guess... I did have a reason (even though it might be unbelievable) for Claire to join the army because of a favor. Scratching the surface, Claire's father saved the British field marshal during the 1st Coalition (This is what I have now, I might end up changing the year in the demo) and at the time, the field marshal was kind enough to offer to do a favor for the father. The father then requested that her daughter join in the military because of poor financial and lifestyle reasons. I can't even figure out how well the British army was treated back then. Did they have good pay? Were there room and board at military bases? Who could join the military back then? These kinds of details seem so insignificant that I can't find them on the internet. Should I just put a flashback sequence of Claire in the process of joining the army fairly in the beginning of the game?

So, it would be more believable if Claire wanted to join the army and was accepted there if she had some sort of amazing skill. Magic would make this easy, of course, but it could also be that she's a brilliant strategist, or a genius inventor, or a prodigy with sword and pistol... etc. Since her position would be such an extraordinary thing in that setting, it would make sense for her to be an equally extraordinary person in some way. Not only that, but it'd explain why she is able to enter a military academy in another country where she's not well-known and well-connected: they would let her in because of her talents. This would also make sense with the description of her personality - someone who's surrounded by nay-sayers and has to do everything right to keep her job wouldn't last very long if she went around berating anyone who challenged her station, unless she had some exceptional ability and accomplishments to back it up.

Her ability would have been revealed in the demo if the player chooses to have her start a fight with the French military students at the beginning of the game. But I should probably make it more apparent in the beginning. At the start of the game, General Walter tells Claire that he's confident in her abilities, especially at the sword (or sabre, I can't decide), to carry out her mission.

The other thing I noticed was that Claire's mission is supposed to ensure that England wins the war. You might want to elaborate on this a bit in the course of the story. Why will assassinating the general lead directly to France's army being crippled? Why doesn't the general, like most military commanders, have a second-in-command who can take over from him, or if that guy's incompetent, why wouldn't the ruler replace him posthaste? It might even make sense for Claire to be assigned to assassinate the ruler instead, since that would effectively win the war in one stroke - or for her mission to assassinate the general to be really important, but not expected to end the war.

Originally, I wanted to have Napoleon Bonaparte as the guy Claire can assassinate, but at the same time whoever is the assassination target is one of the obtainable guys to find romance with. And having Claire fall in love with Napoleon just complicates things since Napoleon had a history with women.

Finally, would it not sound more consistent to use French names for Alan and Drake? I believe "Alain" is the French form of "Alan", but have no idea about "Drake". (More fantasy elements in the setting would probably make this unnoticeable, too.)

Yeah... I was feeling hurried for names so I decided to pick up on "Drake" from this one baby name website... unless there's a credible website for baby names... I should change his name as soon as I can.

[Aetheria]

I should have elaborated more on the story, I guess... I did have a reason (even though it might be unbelievable) for Claire to join the army because of a favor. Scratching the surface, Claire's father saved the British field marshal during the 1st Coalition (This is what I have now, I might end up changing the year in the demo) and at the time, the field marshal was kind enough to offer to do a favor for the father. The father then requested that her daughter join in the military because of poor financial and lifestyle reasons. I can't even figure out how well the British army was treated back then. Did they have good pay? Were there room and board at military bases? Who could join the military back then? These kinds of details seem so insignificant that I can't find them on the internet. Should I just put a flashback sequence of Claire in the process of joining the army fairly in the beginning of the game?

Well, I don't know of many comprehensive online resources for military history, and I suspect that this is one of those topics that's a lot easier to research using library books. Wikipedia does have a couple of articles that you've probably already seen on the history of the British Army and the British Army during the Napoleonic Wars.

From the bits and pieces I've read over the years, I would think that joining the army was often a step up for those who did, but wouldn't necessarily be so for a woman. Since at the time the British army recruited many very poor men and criminals, essentially people from the underclass, life for the common soldier would be pretty rough, I imagine. Throughout the history of armies, enlisted men have typically lived in fairly close quarters, not a comfortable environment for a woman to enter. They would also have to march long distances, sleep outdoors, eat and bathe together, and so on.

Assuming, though, that our heroine is an educated girl from a middle- or upper-class family, she would probably join up as an officer instead - and indeed, she holds the rank of lieutenant at the beginning of the game. As an officer, she'd probably get better accommodations, better pay, less drudge-work and more authority. If she were to go on campaign, however, she'd have to command soldiers and dispense orders and discipline, quite a tall order for a woman in those days. Or, she might be given a position doing administrative work, much like Leon.

Also, having a daughter do something as unthinkable as joining the army openly would be pretty much social suicide for her family, like having a family member today be arrested for embezzling a million dollars from a children's charity.

One thing that might work would be for her to be specifically trained as a spy, which would solve the problem of her having to command and fight in the field, and be more socially acceptable because it would likely go on in secret. That still leaves the problem of how she gets into a French military academy, though...

Originally, I wanted to have Napoleon Bonaparte as the guy Claire can assassinate, but at the same time whoever is the assassination target is one of the obtainable guys to find romance with. And having Claire fall in love with Napoleon just complicates things since Napoleon had a history with women.

Yeah, that would be kind of... odd. XD (Plus, assassinating Napoleon would get you into some seriously complicated alternate history.) Why not just change the story so that the outcome of the war doesn't necessarily all depend on her mission?

Yeah... I was feeling hurried for names so I decided to pick up on "Drake" from this one baby name website... unless there's a credible website for baby names... I should change his name as soon as I can.

This name generator, from a Les Miserables fanfiction author, might prove useful.

[DaR]

Uh, I read you might need to find a French name for Drake.
This might help, it's helped me a bunch when I needed names.
http://www.name-meanings.com/french_name_meanings.php