Angelic Clash (on hold)

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Angelic Clash (on hold)

#1 Post by mint-and-chocolate » Sun Mar 06, 2011 11:08 am

In the elite Lancet Academy, every student trying to enter undergoes a series of tests, not only focusing in one's intelligence, but also in one's ability to do things that normal people wouldn't do. Also, every applicant that are able to enter are ranked, not only according to their intelligence, but also of their other abilities, such as acting and illustrating. Because of this, it is praised by different institutions for being the training grounds of some successful people in the country.

And Millicent, a girl whose past is unknown (others even say it is non-existent), is one of the lucky ones to be accepted in the academy in the start of a new school year. However, what seems to be a normal life suddenly turns extraordinary as she beats the perpetually top student Lorraine after the first quarter. Quickly after the announcements of the top students, she became a subject of controversy, as she is a new student and Lorraine was the top student of their batch ever since pre-school.

One time, she accidentally discovered a place called the Abyss. Said to be the world of the spirits, everyone there is assigned to a particular task. Since the spirits living there are mostly spirits of mortals, it is nicknamed as the "Form in Abyss". However, not every mortal knows about the Abyss, and innocently send their spirits from the Summit (also known as the world of the mortals) to the Abyss to obtain the peace of the Summit.

After discovering the Abyss, she was then named as one of the cherubim (angels that create and channel positive energy from divinity) and was tasked to channel positive energy to the Horizon, where most wars between the Abyss and the Summit occur. Also, after discovering the Abyss, she met Isaiah, who was serving there then as a white spellcaster (one who casts healing and defense spells). They both thought that one was familiar to each other, but no can remember when and where they met.

Some time after her discovery of the Abyss, Millicent's life is still bombarded with rumors, as she aced again in the second quarter. Things such as her family pays the professors and herself cheating pops up whenever her name is called. But not only that boggles in her mind, as battles in the Horizon begins. But with all of these things, Millicent thinks this is just a little clue to her identity.

A school year of battles and budding love, Angelic Clash is a school-themed fantasy visual novel about balancing school and personal matters, and of the importance of our memories.

CHARACTERS
(Blue-colored name entries = from Alpha Year 4)
(Red-colored name entries = from Beta Year 4)
(Black-colored name entries = from lower years)

Millicent Ann See (Millie)
Age: 16
Form in the Abyss: Cherub
A girl with no memories of the past, she broke the record of Lorraine de Leon being the top student of Lancet Academy. She is a subject of controversy in the academy, as she is a transferee and Lorraine was somehow the "perpetual" top student. She then eventually discovers the Abyss and becomes a cherub. A carefree and kind-hearted person, she is in search of her lost memories.

Isaiah Charles Dominguez (Isaiah) [Note: Yes, I changed his name. :D]
Age: 16
Form in the Abyss: White spellcaster
A boy who is also enrolled in Lancet, he is ranked fifth and he is aware of the Abyss. One time, he met Millie there and suddenly thinks that they have met before. A gentleman, he respects everyone he knows and is in search of the answers in the mystery of a car accident that killed his family a year ago. He currently lives with his cousins. :)

Lawrence Pertierra (Lawrence)
Age: 16 1/2
Isaiah's cousin, he is ranked tenth and a classmate of Millie. After the announcement of the top student in the first quarter, he started to stalk her, trying to uncover her secrets. He is usually ignored by Millie, causing him to be more curious of her identity. A prankster, he is actually nice to people, but he happens to be curious over things.

Jacques Miguel Pertierra (Jacques)
Age: 15
Lawrence's younger brother and Isaiah's cousin, he is ranked eleventh in his batch, junior of one year in Millie's batch. He likes uncovering things out, just like his brother, but is more moderate in terms of fact-finding. He is somehow liked by Millie, after he met her by the way of his older brother. A painter and illustrator, he likes drawing people over objects and just like his cousin, a gentleman.

Marielle Isabella Go (Marielle, Isa)
Age: 16 1/2
Millie's bestfriend, she is ranked fourth and also a classmate of Millie. She is infatuated over Lawrence, and caused this her addiction to anything related to Lawrence. One funny thing about them is that, Millie is stalked by Lawrence, and Lawrence is stalked by Marielle. So, they're almost always together. A great actress, she also likes playing RPGs and is a great pastry baker too.

Lorraine de Leon (Raine)
Age: 16
Considered as Millie's number one enemy, she is ranked second and is said to be the source of all the rumors about Millie circling around the academy grounds. She is said to have a crush over Isaiah, but she has never confirmed it. A mysterious girl, she is nice to others but is currently said to be having plans to get her position back.

[Note: More characters to be seen in the actual game. But... there's not much information about them.]

Please leave comments and suggestions! (Sadly, I'll be making MAJOR progress in the last week of March.)
Also accepting artists and other people to help. :)

UPDATE
I stated the sections where these people come from. In Lancet, there are five sections per year, Alpha being the highest and Epsilon being the lowest. I'm sorry if I'm not that active, I'm still clearing things up for the end of school. Please bear with me and my abilities.
Last edited by mint-and-chocolate on Sun Jul 10, 2011 10:10 am, edited 5 times in total.
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Re: Wings of an Angel (tentative title)

#2 Post by Lumen_Astrum » Mon Mar 07, 2011 7:28 am

mint-and-chocolate wrote:I'm currently thinking of making a game... Wings of an Angel (please take note that it's a tentative title).
Make some title hat is related to the story itself. Even though only metaphorically.
mint-and-chocolate wrote:It's about a female transferee without a past (that's what others say) who broke the record of the perpetually top student. After that, everything started to change, and she suddenly met a guy with a great familiarity.

Will she uncover her past? Or will she stay innocent of all of what happened?
Uhm.. what does "without a past" means? Kinda like she doesn't remember her past? Then she met the guy that seems familiar? That's a bit too cliche in my opinion XD
mint-and-chocolate wrote:Millicent Ann See
I like the choice of name. Is it just me or it sounded a bit ... military-like? :O I think you should give a cute nickname, like... Mi. Or Mi-mi. XD
mint-and-chocolate wrote:Isaiah Dominguez
Millicent's classmate and is ranked fifth in the whole academy. He suddenly meets Millicent and thinks that he has met her before.
Oh, mhai. Forgotten childhood friends?!
I am seeing Fantasia 2 Requiem of the Abyss in here... except that Valen didn't REALLY remember Cain in the first place XD
mint-and-chocolate wrote:Lorraine de Leon
Millicent's number one enemy. She has been ranked first ever since pre-school and is telling others negative (and unfortunately, untrue) things about Millicent. Is actually a nice girl.
Why am I seeing the Poison Flowers in her? Take Sots, for example. She is ACTUALLY very very very nice, but I think she's FLIRTY. Should add that too XD

Overall, I like the premise, but the very short summary sounds a bit cliche. Maybe add some more details to better draw in people on your work.
Good luck! :D

P.S. Never, ever, ever, ever, ruffle my hair AGAIN or else I'll steal your glasses and I won't return it anymore. >D

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Re: Wings of an Angel (tentative title)

#3 Post by mint-and-chocolate » Mon Mar 07, 2011 7:41 am

My dear Lumen... 'kay, so I'll edit the first post so that you'll get an idea. :D

And yeah, you're right, she can't remember a single memory in her past. Well... Lorraine is somehow from the PF. :D
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Re: Wings of an Angel (tentative title)

#4 Post by Snowflower » Mon Mar 07, 2011 6:23 pm

I can't believe this only has one reply!!!
The storyline you have are really interesting. Although it does contain some familiar subplot, overall I think it's kind of refreshing, going away from the generic school life VNs XD
I'm a sucker for anything supernatural. Anyways, I will now be giving some review according to your first post.


mint-and-chocolate wrote:I'm currently thinking of making a game... Wings of an Angel (please take note that it's a tentative title).
As lumen mention, you should create a name that fits the game the most.
Maybe use Abyss as part of the title since to me, it seems like a reoccurring theme in the game in general. (Angel Abyss, Cherubim Angels, Angelic Chaos**, etc you get my point)

** my favorite
mint-and-chocolate wrote: It's about a female transferee without a past (that's what others say) who broke the record of the perpetually top student. After that, she discovered the Abyss and her being classified as one of the cherubim, and she suddenly met a guy with a great familiarity. Battles then start between the Abyss and the Summit, not only between mortals and mages, but also of good and bad. But with all of these, this girl thinks of all as just a clue to her identity.
I give every single one of my reviews regarding the "no memory" a cliched storyline so make sure you avoid the generic memory lost, memory gained scenarios. Make sure you have some depth in your plot that actually make the story interesting and moves it forward.


mint-and-chocolate wrote: Millicent Ann See
Age: 13 1/2
Form in Abyss: Cherub
A girl without a past, she broke the record of the perpetually top student Lorraine De Leon and is now a subject of controversy, not only because of being the top student (and being a transferee) but also because of her past, that is said to be non-existent.
Personally, I think the age range in your game is a little too young, (being almost 19... teehee). However, the choice is entirely up to you. I just think maybe 16 would be a better age? I'm assuming you're going down the path of GxB as well. For most girls, 13 is before even their puberty, & the idea of persuing 14 year old boys make me sound like a cougar, I'm sure I won't be the only one feeling this way either.

Moving on.

I like the fact that Millicent (interesting name btw) just comes out of nowhere and defeats Lorraine in the top student spot. Makes me curious to think what she really is. The fact that Lorraine was a to student (& an angel I presume) makes me wonder if Millie (I'm sorry if you are offended by my shorthanding the name) is an angel of even greater importance.

mint-and-chocolate wrote:Isaiah Dominguez
Age: 14
Form in Abyss: ???
Millicent's classmate and is ranked fifth in the whole academy. He suddenly meets Millicent and thinks that he has met her before.
Trivia:He is the only survivor in a car accident that happened a year before the game.
Again with the age. I would convert 14->17 or something
The idea of him thinking he has met MC before is something that's extremely familiar in my mind. I think I read a book (Blue Blood series in US) that talks about the past life, reincarnation, etc. Hopefully, you'd have a more thorough description of the boy so that I can give a better thought review.
mint-and-chocolate wrote:Lawrence Pertierra
Age: 14 1/2
Form in Abyss: ???
Isaiah's cousin, he is ranked tenth in the academy and is Millicent's classmate. He finds Millicent mysterious, and is the cause of him stalking her. But, this has currently caused nothing.
Interesting... bloodline romance perhaps? a feud between the cousins, which I believe is very common in a romance between angels (sibling rivalry, loving distant cousins, etc) I wonder if he's anything special within the whole chaos... hmm.... something to ponder upon.
mint-and-chocolate wrote:Jacques Miguel Pertierra
Age: 13
Form in Abyss: ???
Lawrence's younger brother, he is the academy representative in art contests and has made a good impression to Millicent (after meeting her).
Another family line! yyeeeeee. haha. Well, again with the age. Change to 16/17 if you agree so it's more high school fitting than elementary.
mint-and-chocolate wrote:Marielle Isabella Go
Age: 14
Form in Abyss: ???
Millicent's bestfriend, she is ranked fourth in the academy. She has a crush on Lawrence and she likes peeking on Lawrence's things. Also, she is great in making desserts... and in acting.
Do I see a possible "b****" in the story? I can see a great ugliness coming from her (not her appearance, but personality). Since she's also good at acting, she'd be perfect for framing Millie for the stuff Millie has not done... something terrible.

mint-and-chocolate wrote:Lorraine de Leon
Age: 14
Form in Abyss: ???
Millicent's number one enemy. She has been ranked first ever since pre-school and is telling others negative (and unfortunately, untrue) things about Millicent. Is actually a nice girl.
The misunderstood best friend. I wonder... You can kind of play around her character, depending on what plotline you're taking, to make her a likeable character or the antagonist. very flexible in personality.

I'm sorry if this was a long review, and critical towards the whole age thing. but hopefully your game turns out great too! I'm looking forward to it. If you need any help with the minor script writing, help with story development, or anything san art (I'm not terrible but I'm not an expert), I'm your girl.
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Re: Wings of an Angel (tentative title)

#5 Post by Abeiramar » Mon Mar 07, 2011 7:05 pm

Hello,
I hope you don't mind those dumb questions:

> What's an Abyss? What's a Summit?
> What does "form of Abyss" mean?
> What's their academy like?
> If she's a cherub (a type of angel) are the other characters angels too or are they humans?
> What those ranks mean? Good grades? Their power level?

I patiently await for more information :D ...

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Re: Wings of an Angel (tentative title)

#6 Post by mint-and-chocolate » Tue Mar 08, 2011 7:22 am

Thank you so much for the comments and the questions. I shall edit (again) the information in the first post.

@Sunflower: High school starts usually when you're 13 (that is, in our country) since we don't have junior high (AKA Grades 7 and 8, however some exclusive schools offer Grade 7). So, it's somehow too young when compared to other countries. I'll still think on it. But anyway, thank you so much for the comments! ^^

@Abeiramar: Please look in the first post later. ^^
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Re: Wings of an Angel (tentative title)

#7 Post by Lumen_Astrum » Tue Mar 08, 2011 7:39 am

I have to prove that. I study in the same school as mint-and-chocolate anyway.

People enter highschool on the age bracket of around 12-14 (due to the fact that some schools here have at least grade 7). I turned 13 during my 1st year at highschool.
Since our government here is pretty "partial" at education. (We study at public schools XD)
OHOHOHO~

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Re: Wings of an Angel (tentative title)

#8 Post by mint-and-chocolate » Tue Mar 08, 2011 9:54 am

I have updated the first post. Please feel free to look at it. ^^
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Re: Wings of an Angel (tentative title)

#9 Post by Snowflower » Tue Mar 08, 2011 12:51 pm

I guess that makes a little more sense... kind of.

I guess I'm a little flustered by the fact that 13-14 is my youngest sister's age range (who is in middle school... GYAHHH XD )

&&&& You took my adviceeeee and I'm assuming the game's title is Angelic Clash (which is pretty close to Angelic Chaos)
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Re: Wings of an Angel (tentative title)

#10 Post by mint-and-chocolate » Wed Mar 09, 2011 8:38 am

Yes. Well, I'm gonna rename the topic already.

@Snowflower: That's what happens when your country's basic education requirement is only 10 years. (6 years in grade school and 4 years in high school.)
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Re: Wings of an Angel (tentative title)

#11 Post by Lumen_Astrum » Wed Mar 09, 2011 9:03 am

mint-and-chocolate wrote:Yes. Well, I'm gonna rename the topic already.

@Snowflower: That's what happens when your country's basic education requirement is only 10 years. (6 years in grade school and 4 years in high school.)
Duh. With additional 4 - 10 years (I think) in college.

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Re: Wings of an Angel (tentative title)

#12 Post by mint-and-chocolate » Wed Mar 09, 2011 9:42 am

Lumen_Astrum wrote:
mint-and-chocolate wrote:Yes. Well, I'm gonna rename the topic already.

@Snowflower: That's what happens when your country's basic education requirement is only 10 years. (6 years in grade school and 4 years in high school.)
Duh. With additional 4 - 10 years (I think) in college.
Some courses even offer 2 years. :|
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Re: Angelic Clash (formerly Wings of an Angel)

#13 Post by mint-and-chocolate » Thu Mar 24, 2011 10:02 am

I've been writing the first parts of the story already and have made rough sketches of the characters (but I've only done the girls, since I don't draw boys that much).

I may update the thread next week. (Still busy clearing things up in school. Sorry for all those delays and stuff.)
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Re: Angelic Clash (formerly Wings of an Angel)

#14 Post by mint-and-chocolate » Mon May 09, 2011 7:58 am

Oh my, sorry guys. I haven't visited the forums for a long time. Well, I have some scenes of the story done, but I'm never done with the sprites. =_=

I'll still try my best to update this thread and (finally) be done with the sprites. :D
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Re: Angelic Clash (formerly Wings of an Angel)

#15 Post by Lumen_Astrum » Mon May 09, 2011 8:07 am

You mean gotten your right arm dislocated?

Oh, don't worry bout us. We can wait :D

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