Among the Fangirls (text version 1.1 available; recruiting)

[gekiganwing]

After wrapping up version 1.0 of my game, I went to a nice, low-key fan convention. There, I joined a panel about "how to work with your artist/writer," since I'm hoping to recruit an artist to work on "Among the Fangirls." I got the following advice: finish up the story, and then don't change it.

Therefore, I'm going to be thinking about how to improve Yue's story, and check my script for small inconsistencies. (Version 1.0 definitely works -- I made sure of that. I just want to make sure people refer to each other the same way each time.) I'll get that done by Thursday evening and then I'll post it.

[DaFool]

When you're done could you post statistics from lint (wordcount, # menus). This will give better approximation of the total scope of the game for all interested parties.

[gekiganwing]

Since my last post, I've made sure the charas all refer to each other in consistent ways. For instance, I corrected some places where Rika didn't call Yue "sempai." And I re-worked Yue's ending. So that's what's changed in version 1.1.

Unless someone thinks it would be an excellent idea to expand this game, I think I'll keep it small. I'll ask for someone to provide character images and backgrounds, then move on. Perhaps in the future I'll create a project with simulation elements, but it isn't necessary.

Since DaFool asked, here's some data:

Wordcount for version 1.1: 8969.
Screens of dialogue: 662.
Menus: 15.

In other words, slightly shorter than "Project Nattsu."

[monele]

Just a tiny nitpicky sidenote : it's "seNpai" technically. But I say it "sempai" too, so... it's just if you want to be 100% accurate.

[DaFool]

Hmmm... very tempting, I'll give the game several playthroughs this weekend.

This is a complete skeletal game now I guess. You should have snapped up the artists who were advertising not too many days ago, considering that you have a full script. We need more of them to drop by and say hi!

Just a couple of suggestions:
* Since this is a school-based game, you should be able to pick free ready-made Japanese backgrounds. http://www.renpy.org/wiki/community/Resource_Links
* Likewise, you should be able to pick off-the-shelf music.

This doesn't mean to say your game doesn't deserve custom everything if that's what you want, but it seems you indicated that you want to accomplish something short and sweet.

Apart from personality descriptions, if you have a hint of how your characters should look physically (hair color and style, body type, etc.), then please describe. Also, if you have a favorite mangaka style which you would like to emulate for this game, please indicate. This will help artists a lot.

I have a tendency to latch on and work on projects which seem closest to the finish line. If it's a matter of a few sprites and CGs that can be counted with my fingers, I might decide to join. I may be low budget and a non-artist when compared to some of the caliber out here and there, but I do strive to improve.

Rest assured, this project is now VERY HIGH on my radar and to-watch list.

[Jake]

Just a tiny nitpicky sidenote : it's "seNpai" technically. But I say it "sempai" too, so... it's just if you want to be 100% accurate.

I was under the impression that - since the Japanese use funny little squiggles instead of proper sensible indo-european letters - there was no 'techically correct' romanised spelling of Japanese words, it's just there are several schemes which mostly come out with recognisably-similar results. But still, you can have the same name spelled (for example) 'Ando', 'Andoh', or 'Andou' depending on how it's transliterated by who. I'm pretty sure I've seen that word spelled 'senpai' and 'sempai' in officially-licensed-published material, which suggests to me it's another case of variable spelling...

[chronoluminaire]

Just a tiny nitpicky sidenote : it's "seNpai" technically. But I say it "sempai" too, so... it's just if you want to be 100% accurate.

I was under the impression that - since the Japanese use funny little squiggles instead of proper sensible indo-european letters - there was no 'techically correct' romanised spelling of Japanese words, it's just there are several schemes which mostly come out with recognisably-similar results. But still, you can have the same name spelled (for example) 'Ando', 'Andoh', or 'Andou' depending on how it's transliterated by who. I'm pretty sure I've seen that word spelled 'senpai' and 'sempai' in officially-licensed-published material, which suggests to me it's another case of variable spelling...

That's right. Both "senpai" and "sempai" are transliterations of せんぱい. The ん character is normally pronounced "n", so it's normally transliterated as "n", thus "senpai"; but the word is pronounced a lot closer to "sempai", and so in the same way that "わたし は" is transliterated "watashi wa" rather than "watashi ha", "sempai" is often transliterated "sempai" also.

It's a matter of preference - neither is wrong. But personally, I prefer "sempai", as that's closer to the way the Japanese pronounce it.

[monele]

Mmm... Fair enough I guess. I do have a preference for the "simple" transliteration scheme (おう = お+う = o+u = ou) instead of the weird "ô" or "oh", but here writing it correctly does make it farther from the actual pronunciation, so... yeah

[Jake]

instead of the weird "ô" or "oh"

Where I prefer the ones with accent marks, 'cause it shows the pronunciation more clearly! I don't tend to go for pronunciation-based spelling reform because it loses a lot of etymological information and I'd rather have a good guess at what a new unfamiliar word means than how it's pronounced, but in this case we're losing all the etymological information when we transliterate it anyway, since there are many combinations of different squiggles which resolve to the same sound and the same romanisation, so we might as well get as much pronunciation information in there as we can while we're at it!

(Not to mention that without the accents, different combinations of letters get pronounced differently by different regions. In the UK we pronounce 'euro' "you're - oh", in Germany I believe it's more like "oy-roh", to cite an extreme example. The 'ou' ending there looks in English like it ought to be pronounced as a long 'ooh' (as in 'noose'), but as I understand it that's wrong, it's more of a short 'oh' (as in 'nose').)

[monele]

The 'ou' ending there looks in English like it ought to be pronounced as a long 'ooh' (as in 'noose'), but as I understand it that's wrong, it's more of a short 'oh' (as in 'nose').)

Which "ou" are we talking about here? The one in my example? If so, I think it's either "ohooh" or even "ohuh" with no real interruption between the sounds. Well, some accent on the first "oh" so you can distinguish both syllabs. It's not "oooo" but more "o~o".
Another transliteration I don't like is "tatta" for example. Which is actually "ta~ta" with a prolonged 'a' sound for the first syllab. In french, you'd pronounced "tatta" just like "tata" so it holds no real information to me. But assuming I interpret the double T as something special, my reflex would be to say it as "ta-TA", insisting on the T sound for the second syllab.
Not really related, but it reminds me of people writing a scream like this : "ahhhhhhh!", when it's actually the A sound which is long.

(I'm suggesting we take this to another thread if the discussion is to be continued for some time? ^^;...)

[gekiganwing]

Yes, it took me a while to read the feedback, and then find a computer fit for logging in and responding. Thank you all for your patience!

DaFool recommended that I should do the following...

1. Look for temporary background images. I'll get to that ASAP.

2. "...have a hint of how your characters should look physically." That is a good idea. The three girls' personalities are fairly simple: aloof leader, fangirl, and shy troubled girl. I had vague notions of what they should look like... Time to remedy that.

--
Don't worry, I know how romanizations vary. (I've been an anime fanboy for almost ten years already...) So I may change "sempai" to "senpai."

Finally, I will see if I can find message boards for writer seeking artist or vice versa. I know that there are forums of this type for comics, so...

[gekiganwing]

I was satisfied with version 1.1 of Among the Fangirls, but I kept putting off on the most important part -- seeking an artist to provide character images and backgrounds. Well, now that I'm busy with my new project (A Glitch in Her Game), I figured that it was time to stop procrastinating. I've requested art help for both projects on a forum at onlinecomics.net. I'll pay attention to feedback, and once I find someone willing to help, I'll let all of you know.

[Sailor Kitty]

Anno...

I don't draw very good, But I'd like to help out with the character art, if I can. It seems to be a pretty good game, and, well...

If you don't find anybody else, I'll be happy to help.