Taleweaver wrote:Well, having played this, I think I should give you a full review.
Your BG art is really good, definitely of commercial quality. Character art is not quite up to the same level, but close; the difference isn't too jarring. The game, as it is right now, is quite short - I haven't taken a look at the price you're charging for the download version, but I'd be reluctant to pay money - even only five bucks - for something that short. If there is a larger version available, then maybe it's justified.
I cannot complain about your writing style in itself - all very fluid, dialogues sound natural, your characters are appropriately recognizable by their use of language (and your protagonist is quite an interesting character, judging from how she managed to earn a bit of wealth). However, I see a bit of a problem with the way you end and connect scenes - in quite a few places, the switch is just jarring - you wake up, have a short conversation by the door, then a one-liner in the afternoon, and then, all of a sudden, you're in bed again. The plot just doesn't flow well, a few times it seems as though parts of the text are just missing in between.
My biggest gripe with the game, however, is the actual story. I've seen Brazilian telenovelas with less outrageous character backgrounds and secrets - your game, quite literally, doesn't seem to have a single normal person in it (aside from the periodically appearing policewoman who, strangely, also seems to be a part-time psychiatrist). Really, was that intentional? I had the impression you were trying to tell a slice of life story here, but you are making your own story unbelievable by adding way, WAY too many "special" events that might happen ONCE in a normal slice-of-life story but not all the time! The entire setup for your story is unusual enough; why didn't you stick with that one? And if you were trying to go for a thriller, in that case your protagonist isn't NEARLY threatened enough to make that work. It just doesn't feel as though anything could possibly happen to her in that house, and she behaves as though she feels the same.
Sorry for the harsh words - but whatever you were trying to do, it isn't working. For a thriller, the "thriller elements" are not nearly threatening enough. For a slice of life story, it's much too unlikely. You need to decide on what the point of your story is and then focus on that, or it won't work.
Thanks for taking the time to write all of that.
It would be pretty boring if the story was terribly believable. I mean... You have a woman that can't leave her house, so having things constantly happen is a good way to keep it from it being too slow. It already is pretty slow.
Did you play with the sound on? If not, you would have missed a lot of what made the creepy moments. Whenever I make a horror game, people complain that it wasn't scary enough, but then others complain that it's too disturbing.
The game is priced at $2.99, and it's mainly a "support our efforts" price tag since the entire game can be played for free. We also offer other ways to get the premium version for free.
The scene transitions are jarring because the online version doesn't support screen transitions. The downloadable version is much more fluid.
As for a thriller... I never intended for it to be a horror game, but it was difficult to find a genre for it to fit into. The focus is supposed to be psychological and somewhat of a case study on how someone may come to develop an illness such as hers.
I didn't think you were harsh at all. I actually appreciate what you wrote because it gives me a chance to improve for the sequel. Thank you!
Oh, and it seems like everyone has a psychological illness, but that's not the case. The doctor, the police officer, and Aya are actually illness free. The killer is obviously nuts, but only the main character and her boyfriend have problems other than him. It may seem like they all have issues just because the characters are limited. The truth is that when you look at families, you'll often find that most people have someone in their family or close to their family with mental illness, even if only temporary (I am including depression). Also, if you look hard enough, almost any family could be considered dysfunctional in some small way, so the whole idea is that mental illness is much more common than we think.
Because the focus is psychological, I think that abnormal psychology in multiple characters is fitting, but I admit that I had reservations about dropping in too many psychological problems when I was writing.
