Uhh, the intro was a little wordy. I sliced it down for you and added some more parallelism and moved the intro into the present tense to work with the first sentence.
I kept everything in passive tense but I changed all "who" into "which"—this is an important distinction. A person is a "who." She obviously does not consider herself an individual yet.
Really great intro, BTW, if I wasn't sold before, I am now.
Edit:
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"I am a series of programs."
"First program: {w=1}I will make a loud noise to alert other models of the same kind as me that there is a problem,{w=.5} which is then investigated and corrected."
"Second program: {w=1}I am programmed to feel affection for models which correct my problems. {w} This is to assure that I stay with models which protect me."
"Third program: {w=1}As time passes, {w=.25}I am programmed to increase in size, and learn problem-solving strategies."
"I am programmed to feel upset whenever I require energy,{w=.5} whenever I am near unknown entities or in an unknown environment...{w=1} and whenever there is an internal error."
"All the models of my kind stay together because we are programmed with a desire to be social. {w}So I possess the quality of wanting to belong to a group."
"We are provided with information to be used for our protection."
"I become able to manufacture other models, {w=.5}and I am programmed to feel affection for models which have the capacity to manufacture other models with me."
"I am programmed to feel affection."
"Pleasure."
"We are programmed to feel immense pleasure during manufacturing to insure that we complete the process."
"Then, I will be programmed to feel affection for the newly created model{w=.25} so that I will protect it and help it to reach the stage when it also manufactures more models,{w=.5} so that our make will continue."
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"I am a series of programs."
"After I was manufactured, I was programmed to feel upset whenever I required energy{w}, whenever I was near unknown entities or in an unknown environment{w}, whenever there was some internal error."
"I was programmed to make a loud noise to alert other models of the same make of the problem{w}, which would be investigated and corrected by them."
"I was programmed to feel affection for the models that correct my problems."
"This was to assure that I stayed with models that would protect me."
"As time passed, I was programmed to increase in size, and learn problem-solving strategies."
"My programming made me recognize the models most similar to myself, and my programming made me feel affection for them.{w} We helped each other and spent time together because we were programmed with a desire to be social."
"This insures that we stayed with a group, and thus were better protected against threats{w} and that we were provided with information, also used for our protection."
"When my capacities to manufacture other models had developed{w}, I was programmed to feel affection for models who have the capacity to manufacture other models with me."
"We are programmed to feel immense pleasure during manufacturing to insure that we complete the process."
"Then, I would be programmed to feel affection for the newly created model{w} so that I will protect it and help it to reach the stage when it also manufactures more models,{w} so that our make will continue."
What does the number with the w mean, by the way? Is that a time delay? (I'm a new to scripting, kind of learning as I go... ^-^;; )
I shall try to see if I can darken the text some...
It is literally Elly's mind in Jude's body. This is why I make a big deal in the artist directions about Elly and Jude's body language-- Elly should still have the body language she has in her own body, but now it's Jude's body.