The Cheese Factor, main charas...

[Recca Phoenix]

I am currently working on my first renai game, a GxB with an unprecedented (gasp) 3 male characters.
The main character is supposed to be "you", i.e. you enter your name in the beginning and while writing the story I tried not to give "you" a distinct personality, etc. in order to leave this open, because this is what I think a renai game should be like.
Unfortunately, while playing the demo some of my friends said it felt uncomfortable/cheesy to have these "love-type" scenes when the person is "you." I also need advice on what to do to avoid the dreaded CHEESINESS that seems to go along with this type of game.
Also, while the game has mentions of sex, there is no actual like ecchi-type content. I have a feeling that this is even weirder when "you" are the person in the game.
What to do?

[Sed]

Can you maybe post what you have so far? It would help us better understand what kind of problems you are facing. Barring an actual demo, maybe you could post the dialog you thought was cheezy.

Two other things. To some degree is there is an inherent "cheesiness" to games of this genre. I mean, when was the last time you had your pick of lovers from a cast of many? Although, if you are attempting to have a serious game and the dialog comes out funny, then you may have a problem.

Also, I've noticed many of my friends reject visual novels outright. I showed them "Phantom of Inferno" cause I thought it would be more accessible. He played it for 5 minutes before stopping telling me he could not handle it. Have your friends played any visual novels before, translated or otherwise? If yes, then there might be something to their criticism. If not, then I would discount it as simply not liking visual novels.

I find many people do not have the patience to play a visual novel. The reaction is almost, "What?? I have to read? **** this."

[Recca Phoenix]

A major complaint about many of the fan-made games out there is that they have too much visual novel and not enough game (i.e. few choices, little freedom to develop your character.) I personally enjoy games with more choices, even if some of the writing quality has to be sacrificed.
I could post some of the game, but....it is missing background graphics in about 50% of the game, some of the storylines do not end, and the endings haven't been written. My original plan was to get to about an 85% mark and then start going back to troubleshoot problem dialogue. I just sort of want to come to a definite end for each of the 8 endings.
The scale of the game is definitely large for a beginning project, but I really wanted to create a game that fixed some of the things I find unattractive about many of the fan-made games.
Anyway, I will try to make a demo-like thingie and post it ASAP, or else go through all my dialogue again and post the problem spots.

[absinthe]

A major complaint about many of the fan-made games out there is that they have too much visual novel and not enough game (i.e. few choices, little freedom to develop your character.) I personally enjoy games with more choices, even if some of the writing quality has to be sacrificed.

Oh, I don't think 'character' and 'choices' are at all mutually exclusive! It's possible to have lots of choices and lots of character -- it's all in how the choices are presented. I agree, though, I really don't care for 'games' that are one step away from a novel with pictures.

As far as the cheesiness goes, well, I'm wondering if that might be helped with lots of build-up? Give the player the chance to define herself a lot in some early scenes, and then maybe it won't seem so odd when you enter into the romantic stuff?

For example, the player has the option to go to the sports store or to the flower store early on, and make a purchase. Later, when she runs into one of the love interests, he remarks on her purchase and it becomes a way for them to bond. If you're really playing 'you', you'll have made purchases that reflect what you like, so it'll seem natural when the LI expresses interest in it.

Are you using second person, by the way, or the more standard first for POV? Might be worthwhile to try a scene from the opposite POV and see if it makes it feel more natural.

(And I usually lie, by the way, when I'm asked to enter 'my name' -- I always give a fake one and pretend I'm someone else anyway. Is that weird?)

[Recca Phoenix]

The game is currently first-person.

BTW, proper proper grammar - is it really a must? I find that some characters just sound WEIRD saying "Are you okay?" when "You OK?" fits their personality better.

[DaFool]

...but I really wanted to create a game that fixed some of the things I find unattractive about many of the fan-made games.

Care to elaborate so we can learn? At least just in general.

About cheesiness, I try to write something serious, but ends up being silly. I thought, the heck, go with the flow, if you can't beat it, join it. So now I write comedies, and it flows better.

Some writers (*cough* my mom) writes anything and ends up being too serious.

Writing comes from experience. Suffice to say, my life was full of cheese

[absinthe]

The game is currently first-person.

BTW, proper proper grammar - is it really a must? I find that some characters just sound WEIRD saying "Are you okay?" when "You OK?" fits their personality better.

I'd go with what sounds best. As long as you're consistent within each character's voice, it's just another technique in your toolbox.

[Recca Phoenix]

DEMO!!!!!!!!!!
I have assembled a demo, unfortunately it is about 80 MB so I can't attach it......

KEEP IN MIND that about 1/2 the backgrounds are missing, as well as Candace's character art and Jason's full-body picture. The endings are not completely written yet.
If you steal anything from this project you will die instantaneously, btw....
I plan to redo Ren's face art....I don't like it.

After much much deliberation I have decided to go with a set main character with a name in the next version...... I was going to maybe do an RPG-style thing where you pick the name but still have a set character but decided not to. If you object to this please tell me. It's just the game feels artificial and I am going to violate my principles and throw in a main character with a face and name (BUT VERY OPEN TO CHOICES!) the next time I have time for a major overhaul

I'm just glad I didn't finish the game before I had a change of heart (phew!) n_n;;;;

[EwanG]

DEMO!!!!!!!!!!
I have assembled a demo, unfortunately it is about 80 MB so I can't attach it......

OK, so where's it posted?

If you steal anything from this project you will die instantaneously, btw....

Not likely that anyone on this board would steal anything from someone else. However, I would point out that once you release something to the public, you pretty much accept that you lose control of it. First off, I doubt your story is THAT original. Not a knock, but how many of us could be sued by a hypothetical Shakespear licensing company for using ideas he first used? In fact, I seem to remember a quote that went "Amateur's copy, Experts steal and make it their own"

Just saying you might sleep easier at night if you aren't going to get too worked up seeing your sprites or a bit of dialogue popping up somewhere else. I'd hate to see someone selling a game with the Senior Year gals in it, but I accept that I may see one or more of them in someone else's game someday since if you can display it on a computer screen, you can copy it.

FWIW,
Ewan

[Recca Phoenix]

No idea where I can put such a huge file.......

[denzil]

No idea where I can put such a huge file.......

http://rapidshare.com/?

[ShiraiJunichi]

What is making the game so large? Are you using uncompressed images? Uncompressed music? What's taking the bulk of the file size? If you can't shrink the game below 80 megs, and you're still not even done, then yes, this is a very big beginning project indeed.

Anyway, you could always use http://www.megaupload.com

[absinthe]

After much much deliberation I have decided to go with a set main character with a name in the next version...... I was going to maybe do an RPG-style thing where you pick the name but still have a set character but decided not to.

Why not? That's one of my favorite little touches; I like to give the player the option to name his character, or specify other little details, if at all possible. It's very easy to use substitutions to reflect the changes, and it helps give the player a sense of ownership in their experience.

Not likely that anyone on this board would steal anything from someone else. However, I would point out that once you release something to the public, you pretty much accept that you lose control of it. First off, I doubt your story is THAT original. Not a knock, but how many of us could be sued by a hypothetical Shakespear licensing company for using ideas he first used?

I, for one, would be in danger of having my wages garnished in perpetuity by the hypothetical Shakespeare licensing company, for multiple and blatant offenses. But I'm pretty sure I could prove he cribbed from earlier sources so I'd be okay.

[monele]

For the sake of having more choices, you can also use http://www.yousendit.com and send the file to yourself (put your own e-mail address) and then distribute the link you receive.

As for the game you're wanting to do... there's definitely one of your desires that reminds me of games such as Planescape Torment and Neverwinter Nights (the "non-asian" RPGs). Basically, you get a character you can mold into what you want (more or less with Planescape) and while the story won't usually go *real* deep into what your character is, it still gives a sense of depth and attachment because you can roleplay the character as what you want it to be. Characterization is also very strong in *other* characters (your companions). So maybe making such a game and removing the fighting could lead to what you want ô_o

[Recca Phoenix]

Yeah monele, I originally had a way of the samurai 2 - type idea (minus the fighting) where the chara is "you" (or you get to pick the name at least) and you get like 3 choices every time you have to do something. This necessitates your character being pretty stoic and silent most of the time though and not really having much of a personality other than what you give them.
So, I am still deliberating....... >_<
I am going to work on background art for the time being, so I can ponder what to do about the main chara......
And I'll get that file up ASAP.