Vignettes [character-driven,college,GxB]

[arachni42]

Download the demo here
WiP thread is here



Story:
You were a young, freshman woman who decided to attend a speed dating event. You didn't have high expectations, but hey, it was worth trying, right? You met five intelligent guys who were... "memorable." This is the story of how it went.

Concept:
The story is told as five interactive vignette-like encounters. Your choices don't define the protagonist's thoughts/opinions; they define how she says them. "Getting the guys" is not necessarily the goal, although you can if you choose the kind of social interaction that each of them likes. Whether they like you or hate you, my goal has been to make all of the options... "interesting."



The demo is ~8600 words, contains the introduction and meeting of the first guy, Chet. The graphics are not too far off but the clothing is still just blocked in. The writing is complete except for an epilogue, and has not yet been proofread by a second person (so if you notice any errors, typos, etc, let me know). There is no music, but I plan to have music in the full version.

I welcome anyone's thoughts. Especially:
Was it entertaining?
How was the pacing and the number of choices? What about the order of choices?
Is the wording of the choices meaningful?
How are the character sprites?

Thanks in advance!

Download the demo here

[pwisaguacate]

This demo, WIP thread too upon its release of the demo, doesn't have any replies yet! Comon' demos aren't that unappealing, right? (Fine, you guys might be busy with other stuff.)

Looks interesting (both game and real life concept); I will give this a spin when I get back.

[arachni42]

This demo, WIP thread too upon its release of the demo, doesn't have any replies yet! Comon' demos aren't that unappealing, right? (Fine, you guys might be busy with other stuff.)

Looks interesting (both game and real life concept); I will give this a spin when I get back.

Yyyyyeeeaaahhhh, I really gotta get that WiP thread up.... I'll do that now.

Here it is!

Thanks for the reply I look forward to any feedback you have.

[pwisaguacate]

The current demo is a linear conversation with Chet, containing plenty of choices (five possible responses for each of seven points). Each of these choices result in a variation of the conversation and adds a point to a variable. At the end of the speed dating, if you picked that you were interested in Chet, then you are either matched or denied. It is awkward game-wise when you choose "no" because then all your previous choices have no decisive role; you simply don't match up with him.

It worried me a bit to imagine the finished product. Well hey, I suppose we could treat it as a "game pretty much about speed dating"; it's not like we're going to have to sit through two hours (demo's first playthrough takes about five minutes). This game may be an acquired taste thing. I, for one, checked out every choices for the bits of dialogue.

The sprites are decent, and Chet's big smile looks cheesy but in a good lol'd way. The math part was a little long compared to the other parts. It's too early to place final judgement, and I've yet to see what is to become.

[arachni42]

At the end of the speed dating, if you picked that you were interested in Chet, then you are either matched or denied. It is awkward game-wise when you choose "no" because then all your previous choices have no decisive role; you simply don't match up with him.

Based on this and a few other comments I've gotten, I do think that is a troublesome point. I based it on real speed dating, where both parties need to be interested to be a "match," and for the time pressure of NaNoRenO, I took a sort of "I'll fix it in the epilogue approach. However, the player has very little to go on for that choice, including whether or not you will be "choosing" just one guy (you won't; you interact with all, and interest is only for the epilogue). Right now, it's just tacked on. I'll definitely be thinking about a better solution!

It worried me a bit to imagine the finished product.

What about it worried you?

Well hey, I suppose we could treat it as a "game pretty much about speed dating"; it's not like we're going to have to sit through two hours (demo's first playthrough takes about five minutes). This game may be an acquired taste thing. I, for one, checked out every choices for the bits of dialogue.

Well, I won't be surprised if it is like an acquired taste, since I've done absolutely nothing to make it have broad appeal. I consider it a bit experimental. It will be interesting to hear more people's reactions and see what they get out of it (or don't get out of it).

The sprites are decent, and Chet's big smile looks cheesy but in a good lol'd way. The math part was a little long compared to the other parts. It's too early to place final judgement, and I've yet to see what is to become.

Did the math part feel too long because of the shorter length of the other parts, or did it feel like it dragged on?

I have no plans to make the final product fundamentally different from the demo (besides, of course, the characters being very different from each other), however, despite the vignette-like plotlessness and the lack of a choose-one-guy mechanic, I definitely want to make the end feel satisfying.

Thanks for the feedback! It's helped me reflect on some things.

[Obscura]

Despite the demo actually not having a plot, as you've said, I really enjoyed the back and forth between the MC and her speed date. Chet's expressions were really adorable. Some of the gardening stuff was a little longwinded on the one hand, but on the other hand, I'm turned on by expertise so I couldn't decide whether that was good or bad.

One suggestion to provide more of a payoff to the player would be a boy's evaluation of you at the end of the interaction. Like Chet (or the others) could have an assessment of you based on how your interaction went. "She seemed nice, but BOOOOORING; she rambled on too long about so-and-so; who knows what she was like, I was staring at her eyes/hair/butt the whole time" etc.

It might be fun to try to get the best or worst evaluations, or at the very least, see how you 'scored' with someone. And then who you're most compatible with in the end.

* and I don't know if you have something like that in mind already or not. It's just my feeling that you've got plenty of entertaining dialogue here, and in the absence of an overarching plot, I'd love if your game had some way of tying everything together and providing some final payoff.

[arachni42]

Despite the demo actually not having a plot, as you've said, I really enjoyed the back and forth between the MC and her speed date.

Thanks for your feedback; I'm glad you liked it!

I am not sure what I am going to do with the endings, but thanks for your thoughts -- I'm pretty sure I want to do more with it than what's there currently. I mean, I always planned to have a much better epilogue than the cop-out in the demo, but I've been entertaining far more ideas about it than I was originally!


Gardening was actually something I learned about last year, so I kind of borrowed that.... Chet and I are both noobs though, really. They say to "write what you know," right?

[Dangertyde]

I must say, in the beginning I was intrigued, but not enthralled by the premise of this game. But, you know, I figured I might as well try it out, right?
Well anyways, I'm glad I did. I was chuckling to myself through the whole conversation with Chet. It's just completely my sense of humor, and something I can kind of see myself saying in that situation. if I wasn't so dang shy
What I like is that their dialogue sort of bounce off each other, showing some chemistry between them despite being pressed for time. I found myself rooting for the two of them, and wondering what crazy thing Chet would say next. By the way, I really like the name Chester. So I'm leaning towards favoritism on this guy already, even without knowing the others.

Since you ask about the sprites, I must say I do like the style and the fact that there are so many expressions. It really adds another element to it, having subtle facial cues rather than drastic over-the-top anime poses. I mean, don't get me wrong, those dramatic poses can be great. Yet in this setting, what you got going is working out perfectly, since it seems natural. However, I do need to talk about his grinning expression. To me it was just, well... A little unsettling. I can't properly explain it, but it might be a tad oversized. That's my opinion, anyways.

Now I know you've expressed some concern over how people view the math portion, too. I'm the type who avoids math like the plague, because I just could not 'get' it. However, what Chet said was strangely close to something my Uncle told me, so I found myself paying attention in spite of myself. I thought for sure he would bring up pinecones and the patterns within that, but ahh, that may have been too much on a first pre-date, eh? Heh.
Sadly my brain just kind of shut down once he started talking about numbers, so I had to sort of skim through that part before I got too confused. Still, it was insightful seeing him talk about something he was so passionate about. It kind of lets you know his view on the world, in a way. So, that's my take on that portion. Even though I don't get it, I can understand it as a whole.

On another note, I was seriously getting a nerdgasm on the discussion of grammar. I'm hardly an English major myself, although I have been known as a grammar nazi from time to time. I'm just a little more attentive when it comes to spelling and sentence structure, is all. I find it refreshing to see the language used in proper way, and not butchered in the way it is all over the internet. Oye.

Ah, which reminds me! If you'd like, I could proofread the script at the source so far, and let you know about any typos or better ways of getting a point across. Right now it's a little too late for me to get into that, and it seems you have a proper grip on proper English thus far. There weren't any glaringly obvious mistakes I found in my first playthrough, anyways.

Well, those are my two cents on what you've got so far! Hopefully I was a little helpful, and not too long-winded, haha. I'm really looking forward to how your project turns out from here.

[arachni42]

Well anyways, I'm glad I did. I was chuckling to myself through the whole conversation with Chet. It's just completely my sense of humor, and something I can kind of see myself saying in that situation. if I wasn't so dang shy

Hehe, I think things a lot more than saying them myself.

Anyway, thanks for checking it out; I appreciate the feedback.

It sounds like the style of the sprites has worked out well. The grinning expression... during the making of it, I discovered that I am not great at making grins, and I got to a point where I couldn't stand looking at it... buuuut then I got it acceptably past that point. I've got no problem revisiting it later. After staring at this project for a month I think it's good for me to have a little time away from it. I'll be able to come back and look at them with fresh eyes.

Well, with you it sounds like my math section was successful, because it is meant to show his enthusiasm and certain point of view. The numbers themselves are incidental.

On another note, I was seriously getting a nerdgasm on the discussion of grammar.

LOL!

I've always been a good writer and pretty knowledgeable of grammar. Between writing this and proofing/editing several of other people's Ren'Py projects, I've run into sooooo many grammatical controversies and cans of worms and things I've had misconceptions about for years!

Ah, which reminds me! If you'd like, I could proofread the script at the source so far, and let you know about any typos or better ways of getting a point across. Right now it's a little too late for me to get into that, and it seems you have a proper grip on proper English thus far. There weren't any glaringly obvious mistakes I found in my first playthrough, anyways.

Go for it -- I believe the source files are in there. No hurry or anything either.

Well, those are my two cents on what you've got so far! Hopefully I was a little helpful, and not too long-winded, haha. I'm really looking forward to how your project turns out from here.

Well, I'm always glad to get feedback from people. Thanks!